tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-138543672024-03-07T06:58:35.393-07:00Spiritual Equilibrium<b>From Webster (2001): <u>equilibrium:</u> a state of balance between opposing forces or actions that is either static or dynamic </b> In the spiritual realms, there are opposing forces: the Spirit and the flesh. We are always in equilibrium between the two forces until that day when God makes all things new, and the flesh will be gone forever, leaving only the Spirit to glorify Him forever. AmenKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.comBlogger336125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-42350945218071191692017-08-26T17:14:00.001-06:002017-08-26T17:14:25.333-06:00Not to Us: 15 Years Later<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUjCeQErzaudb2ouiFW-hqz56Fl-MOFfPHO8TKOkLz7NrO5DaVf5sl9mOrLaJ190f-2HZCqe0qdoGE39OKQ1v6aalnqGgFJY4BkTfeeNV8Y2FV3oRV5C9rERiegDE0b1noBc4P/s1600/IMG_8359.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; font-size: x-large; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9OP9ndvSSWSS1XFG8-c5OXZkcklPoHId7_cj9q5GigJdl-rijPoKOd13M4Ln5Mra0DRZrYIO4F84dTNnGqX_fNsgJVY_dL8NWM_1NII1ATl8z1WhpRQn1zxnSbXlf6qjPo7q9/s1600/IMG_8304.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9OP9ndvSSWSS1XFG8-c5OXZkcklPoHId7_cj9q5GigJdl-rijPoKOd13M4Ln5Mra0DRZrYIO4F84dTNnGqX_fNsgJVY_dL8NWM_1NII1ATl8z1WhpRQn1zxnSbXlf6qjPo7q9/s320/IMG_8304.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me in the kitchen from the other day</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This morning, I was holding 11 month old baby Matthew and dancing around the living room to keep him occupied before breakfast. Bri-Bri had "Not to Us" playing on the CD player in the living room. (Yes, he still listens to CD's but that's another post.) <br /><br /></span><div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUjCeQErzaudb2ouiFW-hqz56Fl-MOFfPHO8TKOkLz7NrO5DaVf5sl9mOrLaJ190f-2HZCqe0qdoGE39OKQ1v6aalnqGgFJY4BkTfeeNV8Y2FV3oRV5C9rERiegDE0b1noBc4P/s1600/IMG_8359.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; font-size: x-large; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUjCeQErzaudb2ouiFW-hqz56Fl-MOFfPHO8TKOkLz7NrO5DaVf5sl9mOrLaJ190f-2HZCqe0qdoGE39OKQ1v6aalnqGgFJY4BkTfeeNV8Y2FV3oRV5C9rERiegDE0b1noBc4P/s320/IMG_8359.jpg" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">Me being me, tears came to my eyes because the Not to Us album was produced in 2002, and I became Christian in late September or early October, 2002. This album is a soundtrack to the first lessons that laid the foundation of my faith. <br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The lesson I come back to, and that all others encompass was learning that God was enough. In my dorm room in Newsom Hall at Colorado State University, I had dreams of being a doctor, dreams of meeting a cute Christian college guy, and dreams that knowledge I gained would heal the the trauma in my past. <br /><br />Over those years, God made me see that His will was to be my ultimate ambition. His love would satisfy me beyond any person's ability to give, and His redemptive power would heal the wounds of my past. <br /><br />Those lessons were not easily learned, and I would struggle throughout the years to put God first. I learned how to do well in school without making my academic success become an idol. I sort of learned how to get along with the college dudes without chasing - oh wait, I had a new crush every year. Never mind! Ok, yes, I totally had eyes for different guys in my college youth group (and guys outside my group sometimes), But every time I was friend-zoned by a guy, I learned to ask God to fill the void of love and of status (hey, this girl was smart and attractive and a strong enough Christian to have a guy) that I wanted said earthly guy to fill. Every time one of my friends got asked out by her crush, or just out by some random guy in the college group she barely knew, I learned what it meant to truly be happy for her and not let envy get in the way of our friendship because I knew we were both sisters in Christ. <br /><br />God is still working on the healing the trauma bit. He led me to a university which had a good student-counseling program, and yes, I was in the counselor's office every single year at CSU. This includes grad school. Every time I learned something about child development that made me realize I learned some skill late, or that made me realize that I struggled in some area because of some event or absence of care during my childhood, my wounds of childhood would open up again. I had tried to cover those by doing well in school and being a 'normal kid,' but I realized I had been through a lot. My friends would remind me that God saved me and my story was His story that He was working for good. <br /><br />As I volunteered at church with the single mom's ministry and as I mentored a little girl adopted from China, I began to see how my past was informing how I helped others and telling my story helped them realize they weren't alone. I began to see God's redemptive work, and I still do. <br /><br />Of course, these lessons continued after I left college. I learned to trust God as my provider in the Great Recession when I just couldn't get a job in my field, but I was still able to land some jobs that paid rent. I was a bit more content in my singleness and sometimes even shared what God taught me about Him being enough as I sat with younger girls as they pined after guys they liked. Though sometimes was just said, "God is sovereign and ultimately good, but singleness still sucks sometimes. Let's just eat through this pint of ice cream." God continued working with me through my past trauma as well. <br /><br />Back to the present: <br /><br />This morning, I was holding Matthew and swaying with him to "Enough." Today, I'm a paralegal, wife, step-mom, and mom. Are all my dreams from my college life fulfilled? Partially. I'm not a doctor, but I have a satisfying career. I married a sweet (dorky) cute Christian guy, and I hope I am a decent step-mom and mentor to his 7th grade son. And baby Matthew is right on track developmentally, according to his pediatrician. Life is going well. <br /><br />Yet, I still need God to re-teach me the lessons of contentment and "Enough" just as much as I did in college. I sometimes wish we had a house instead of renting an apartment. I wish I had not just a good job, but a flexible job so I could spend time with my baby during the week. As my stepson enters his teenage years, and as Matthew continues to grow, I will need to trust God with their lives. <br /><br />Throughout these fifteen years, and for the rest of my life, I will continue to learn that blessings and accomplishments in my life are not to us, and that in blessing or trial, God is enough.</span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-79625927227824172872017-07-07T17:41:00.003-06:002017-07-07T17:41:21.352-06:00Friends and Allies<span style="font-size: large;">I was challenged by a friend's Facebook post to write a blog post about friendship. Cool. I just used the word "post" twice in one sentence. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, we had a family friend come out to visit last week. We had fun seeing a concert and she got to see tons of Matthew. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">One thing we have in common other than friendship with my husband is that we both have physical disabilities. Throughout the course of our time together, we became allies of sorts. If needed, I'd advocate for her, especially at the concert venue, when both hubs and I made sure she had what she needed. When it was time to clear out our row, I told the staff to please be patient with her and that she needed to go at her own pace to pack up to leave. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We also had a bit of a heart to heart about how it's challenging getting around in an environment built for people with a normal range of mobility and vision. I hope we mutually encouraged each other and served as allies. We have friends without diabilities, but they don't experience unique daily struggles that come with physical limitations. It's nice to connect with someone who gets it, even if it's in a different way, and when we advocate for each other, we become each other's allies. </span><br />
<br />Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-64273828369156152412017-05-14T22:26:00.001-06:002017-05-14T22:26:14.534-06:00The Mommy Blog Post<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
This little man takes up my "free time" when I get home from work and on weekends. His cute little picture begins my "mommy blog post." His big brother will get a post to himself soon :) but right now, little Mr. Matthew takes up most of my time. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here he is eating a cracker while I eat my food (and then put some dishes in to soak.)</td></tr>
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<img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg32sf-W9leouN3DieYvogsCm7MGIyOuYY3_quEJ4ptVw-QoPTnrf2TkV-lWn6bE0d__VMKJ1Zq32Vda4z9MxNGbPjWWYH7D8AlQTlRaH1g7qEBh-04WI42gNY-cSiIICd_p19l/s320/IMG_7347.JPG" width="240" /> At one point, my goal was to write a blog post every week. Well, that didn't happen for two reasons. The first is that I thought my life didn't have any noteworthy (or should I say blogworthy) events to write about. </div>
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These last eight months, I got up during the night to feed my little guy, got myself ready for work and little man ready to go to Grandma's house for the day, went to work during the day, came home, fed little guy and did chores, then went to bed before getting up during the night to tend to little guy. In between all this, I spent time catching up with hub's day, keeping up on social media (mostly during my morning and evening commutes), and doing other random stuff such as writing in the baby book and doing errands. Hubs and I run errands together if he's home, or if I am able, I take the bus and light rail with my little guy if we're only getting a few things from the store. </div>
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The second reason I didn't blog much is because I didn't have time, and still don't really have time to blog. Right now, I have dishes soaking in the sink, bottles soaking in the second bathroom sink, and the baby clothes / towels / burp cloths / bibs / items baby has spat up on laundry basket is full. </div>
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Yet, when I take a step back from all that, I realize my life now is an answered prayer to all the prayers my college student and young college grad self prayed during the lonely nights in the dorms and various apartments. </div>
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I wanted a husband, but I thought I was too messed up, not loving God enough, and not being obedient enough to earn the blessing of a Christian man pursuing a relationship with me. </div>
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I thought having or adopting kids would be a neat experience, but again, I needed a husband to do that and I also didn't know if I was healed enough from my past to take on the emotional responsibility of raising kids. Sure, I worked with kids in a volunteer capacity at my church, but raising them is so different. </div>
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Yet, God did His thing and here I am as a stepmom to a 12 year old boy and a mom to an 8 month old. I'm also a "working parent." At some point, I did want to be a stay at home mom, but I was raised to believe that being a mom who worked outside the home was just fine, and actually couldn't be avoided. I still like my job and my paycheck is necessary at this point. Maybe my house isn't as tidy as the homes of my friends and family members who don't work outside the home, but I've co see that we all love our kids equally. </div>
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I also realize that God really does give each of us more energy than we thought we had on our own. Sometimes I'm tired from work and want to snooze, but God gives me the energy to play with and crawl after my baby. Most mornings, I walk into work tired, but Praise Jesus for the law firm's coffee machine! God gives me the brain power to be coherent, especially that first hour at my desk. </div>
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When I take a step back from the day in and day out of my life, I am reminded that so many others want my life. I still have friends who are waiting for husbands and married friends who are waiting to conceive or adopt children. Realizing that my life is a gift is a reminder to pray for my friends who are waiting for these things. Prayer is not just "Oh, I hope someday they get these things and be happy." but prayer is asking God, on my friend's behalf, for His power to come into her life to either help her draw close to Him while she waits and, if it's His will, to provide my friend the blessing she's asked for in His timing and for His purposes. </div>
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Thinking about my life in that more complete perspective reminds me that my husband and I dedicated Matthew at church in February and promised to raise him to know Christ so that one day, by God's grace, he would accept Jesus as his savior and live out the Great Commission: Love God, Love People for Christ. Even at the crawling, bottles, burping, and diapers stage of Matthew's life, I can pray for him and the act of loving him will make him familiar with love so he will more fully understand God's true love. </div>
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All these things make the seemingly mundane tasks of chores, caring for a baby, and other tasks of being a working mom significant and yes, even blog post worthy. </div>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-33113982723809492902017-04-09T21:31:00.001-06:002017-04-09T21:31:11.853-06:00Truth. Love. TruthSo if you, dear reader, have read through the very first part of my blog, you'll find that some of my posts really lash out against "the culture", more specifically academia. I haven't written much about those sorts of things mainly because I've been away from academia so long, but also because my views have changed. <br />
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What? <br />
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I still believe that The Bible is the true Word of God, Jesus died on the cross to redeem us and forgive us for our sins, that He shall return one day and make the world perfect, that Jesus is the representation of true Love, and that God is Creator. <br />
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I also have been wrestling with the realization that I probably made some pretty big mistakes when I went about convincing people of the above truths. <br />
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My initial Christian training went along the lines of what most would call fundamentalist Christianity, and our pastor talked a lot about how society has gotten gender and the family all wrong. This was rather pertinent as I was in the middle of getting my degree(s) in Human Development and Family Studies. Indeed, I saw that when a spouse put power ahead of loving and serving his family, the family unit was more at risk for domestic violence, divorce, marital conflict, etc. I say 'his' because most of the time, perpetrators of domestic abuse are men. I used the word 'spouse' in the above example because God intended for a man and a woman to marry and commit to each other to form the foundation of their family. <br />
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I still believe all that. <br />
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I also believed that when I talked to a person who identified as LGBT, I was to act friendly toward them, but my real intention was to get them to trust me enough so I could give them the low down on why God does not intend for them to live an LGBT lifestyle. I believed that a man was to provide for the family financially, and the woman was ideally a homemaker. I saw many families that made it work at my church in Fort Collins and thought, "Well, hey, they're happy, and they can homeschool their children, so cool." If I met a person who believed in old earth Evolution, I would watch for ways to get into that God is Creator conversation. If I met anyone who had a viewpoint other than mine, I was taught to be civil, but my ultimate goal was to convince them of the Christian viewpoint because if they knew Truth, they would know the Gospel and would eventually accept Christ. <br />
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I probably annoyed a lot of people. Looking back, I wonder if some people saw me as that nice sweet fundamentalist Christian HDFS girl from college. More seriously, I wonder how much my actions drove them toward or away from Christ. <br />
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After graduating from college, I had my own faith crisis of finding a human services job during a recession and without the ability to get a drivers' license. One would be surprised at how many entry level human services jobs require a driver's license. Makes sense if one is to visit families or child care sites etc. Someone should've told me that earlier, but that's a whole other blog post. <br />
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Anyway, my focus became less about sharing my faith on campus and more about working enough hours at a job I didn't like so I could pay rent, pay my student loans, and eat some food. I still clung to faith but it was hard. <br />
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Along the way, I found that a lot of people needed love first. As I have gotten further along in life and at the ripe age of 32 (!!), I found that a hug rather than a short apologetics lesson is what hurting people need. Not just being nice so you can share truth, but actual loving them. Social skills training for this nearly Aspie Christian also helped too. <br />
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When I met my sweet husband, I was right up against the old debate of family again. Do I write him off because he did family wrong, or do I give him a chance and let him tell his story first? I listened to God and He instructed me to do the latter. <br />
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With my stepson, I do my best to show him love so he can trust me as a parental figure. Only after I did that, did we have some small conversations about God, church, etc. Are there times where I slip up and get impatient with him if he's giving his dad attitude about going to church? Yup But there are also times when I have rubbed his back for some sensory input during the message or gently asked him to not prod his dad during the sermon. We have prayed about his homework and we have prayed for sweet hubs when sweet hubs goes to sing with the Sunday school classes leaving my stepson and I to attend service together. <br />
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My blog post title is Truth. Love. Truth. I'm grateful for the apologetics lessons I learned in college and how deeply we studied the Bible. I learned so much about God and wouldn't trade that for anything. Learning to balance sharing Truth in love has been the hardest part of my development as a Christian. My instinct is to just tell people the right answer if I believe they are wrong, and that's exactly what I did. However, I slowly learned that people need God's love. I've learned to lend a listening ear first before just spouting out Truth. But when the person is receptive and God says it's the right time, I will tell them Truth: Jesus loves them. If we get into a discussion about other issues, fine, but they need to know that the truth is out there and that truth is Jesus came to bring them perfect Love. Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-54951361353273537482017-03-26T19:06:00.000-06:002017-03-26T19:06:06.575-06:00The Worthiness in Success<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"></span>Alright, I mentioned Hermione Granger twice in my last blog post, so I feel like I have to expand <br />
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The Harry Potter series came out when I was in 7rh grade, so I joined my friends in reading along. <br />
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I could relate to Hermione Granger because she began the series finding her worth in her scholastic abilities. Her first interaction with Harry and Ron involves her demonstration of magic (in the movie verse, she fixes Harry's glasses.) <br />
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However, she realizes that her eagerness to demonstrate her knowledge in class becomes a liability because she's teased for it. Of course, that leads to the infamous scene where she's hiding in the bathroom crying for being teased during a troll attack.<br />
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We see more of her character develop as her friendship with the boys develops. She isn't just a student aiming to be the top of the class. She is now part of a friend group (The Golden Trio in the Harry Potter fandom) and values what they value especially when it comes to their role in vanquishing Lord Voldemort. <br />
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How does Hermione's character arc mimic mine, and why is it relevant to my spiritual growth? <br />
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For most of my childhood and teenage years, I had several major things working against my self-esteem: I felt like my health problems, vision limitations, and early setbacks around my adoption were weighing on my mom and because I couldn't solve them, I felt responsible for her sadness around these issues. I was also bad in gym and the less than chivalrous boys would tease me for that. The only tangible evidence that I could achieve what normal kids achieved was scholastic performance. If I got straight A's (or close to it), maybe that would make up for the limitations due to my severe nearsightedness and nystagmus. If I made the honor roll and brought home a ribbon, trophy, or certificate that said "Top of the class," I would maybe make my mom proud enough to make her forget the sadness that the rest of my development caused her. <br />
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Like Hermione's character, my narrative turned around when I met some friends in high school that were by my side no matter what. I started to develop more self-esteem. In college, this trend continued when I met some girls in my dorm that were part of a college group at a local church. They didn't care that I couldn't drive or that I needed help if they wanted to explore the campus at night. They helped me get around and they didn't care that I was a premed nerd and would geek out about class even on the weekends. <br />
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They introduced me to Jesus in a more personal way. I always believed I had to be a better person and try harder to get closer to God, but God extends His grace and love freely to us because Jesus sacrificed His life on the cross for us. <br />
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This was a love I didn't have to work for. <br />
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Now that I didn't have to work to earn God's love, anything I did for others in His name was out of sincere love and wanting to do good and not just to earn His favor. I did stuff like service projects and mission trips in college not for myself, but to truly help others. <br />
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Do I sometimes feel like I need to earn God's love still? Sometimes. More, I feel like I need to earn God's blessing if I want something, but just like Ron and Harry stood by Hermione's side no matter what, I'm learning that God is with me no matter what and what I do for Him or not doesn't make Him bless me any more or less because He loves His children equally. Christ's sacrifice was enough for all of us. <br />
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If I want go grow as a Christian in character or work on memorizing a verse of the Bible or something like that, worth in my success in this area should not be my motivator. Because God loved me and sent His son for me to bridge the gap between man and God, I no longer have to have to succeed in any task to attain love. <br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-46361954534510113652017-02-27T22:17:00.001-07:002017-02-27T22:17:02.870-07:00The Question that made me go "huh."<span style="font-size: large;">Last Friday, the boys, hubs, and I were at the Kids' Night of Worship (NOW) at Southeast. We thought Daniel would enjoy it since it was geared more toward kids. Matthew enjoyed looking at all the lights in the room, the kids and stage crew dancing, and the music. Daniel did more watching than participating, but that's his style. I've learned that Daniel does participate by observation even if he isn't actively involved. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, the youth pastor asked the kids if they could fill in the blank. "The one thing God wants us to do is ________." Daniel looked at me and I asked him if he knew it. He shrugged, but my mind filled in the blank with "Obey and know the Truth." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The pastor followed up by saying, "The one thing God wants us to do is <b>believe.</b>" </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">What? Daniel was still thinking about the answer, but my answer wasn't what the pastor had said. Granted, the sermon was geared toward kids ages 5 - 14, but still, he had to boil theology down to the very basics, and God wanting us to <b>believe</b> is a very basic piece of theology. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br />"Jesus answered, 'The work of God is this: to believe in the one He has sent." John 6:29 (NIV)</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Well, there ya go. But that makes sense. We believe in God and then we worship in spirit and in Truth because Christ is the way, the Truth and the Light. We also obey because we believe and are connected to Christ who transforms us (John 15:5, Romans 12:1-2). </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">So, if belief is the core component of theology, why did I automatically think of "truth" and "obey" as the things God wants the most from us? Or, the Hermione Granger part of my brain asks, "Why did I get the question only partially right, or at the very worst, wrong?" </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">And why does it matter? It matters because of the little guy that was my arms and the <strike>little guy</strike> young middle schooler standing next to me that evening. As Matthew's mom and as Daniel's stepmom, I have an influence on their faith and they look to me for spiritual guidance (Ok, Daniel does. Matthew just likes snuggles in church for now). If I want to guide them down the right path, I have to have a solid foundation myself. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Why is it easier to say God wants us to obey and know Truth than it is to say that God wants us to believe? Well, there are rewards for obedience and the Hermione Granger in us enjoys the recognition that comes with knowing something well. Obedience can be measured: I was patient the last three times I waited in line. My co-worker jabbered my ear off <u>again</u> and I didn't snap at her. Knowledge is measurable: I memorized half a chapter today. Belief is less measurable. You either believe that Christ died for our salvation and rose from the dead to give us new life, or you don't. Belief can be demonstrated in outward signs such as baptism, character growth, and good works, but it is definitely harder to grasp. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I think from a developmental standpoint, it's easier to explain to kids that God wants us to be kind, so share your toys, God made the world in six days and on the seventh He rested. These are easier for kids with less abstract thought to digest. I think that's why we start with these. Those aren't wrong, but I could see why a kid would see "obey" and "know Truth" as foundational if they were introduced to those ideas first and then salvation by grace as a gift of God's love as an added bit of truth. I think I was raised in a church that leaned a bit more toward obedience and knowledge as a means to come to God and His grace was less emphasized. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">As a parent, I must remind both boys that Jesus loves them and always start there. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Daniel has accepted the basic premise of salvation and chose to be baptized a few weeks ago as a symbol that he accepted Christ's death on the cross for his sins and has been brought to new life in His resurrection. Daniel will understand this truth and all its implications as he develops greater abstract thought, learns more about his faith, <i>and connects with God in deeper ways.</i> I want to facilitate this connection as much as I want to give him little nuggets of theology to learn, and again, that starts with reminding Daniel that Jesus loves him. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Little Matthew's church experience is purely sensory: the lights from the stage, the music, hearing different people talk, but I whisper to him that Jesus loves him. My hope is that some of his early memories, among those of a warm loving home, are those of his parents telling him that God loves him and that will plant the seeds for him to seek out and accept God's love as he gets older. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Lord, help me to grow deeper in knowing Your love and Your grace so that I may grow closer to You. Please use me to draw the boys closer to You as that is my prayer for their lives. </i></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
</blockquote>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-38406918007899851962017-02-19T12:44:00.000-07:002017-02-19T12:44:02.243-07:00Spiritual Equlibrium: The RebootRebooting is so this century! DC Comics are rebooting Justice League (from way back in the day) Star Wars is doing episodes 7 - 9, and Star Trek just completed its trilogy for its reboot. <br />
<br />
Oh, and I'm turning into a geek being married to Bri-Bri and helping him raise Daniel who is also a geek in training thanks to his dad. <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilSBrERXXR3PSw-H23qKWQf6SzDUlUaXObATCN3iSA_mNgXOOecpgaNl36_3BMU9KQ06CAE_cVGc-VWE4Xo-zbGFFegAevrQ5iHSKfuwIZX6quQXSOMHWqKwdYQDDSALh_Lyjp/s1600/Justice+League.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilSBrERXXR3PSw-H23qKWQf6SzDUlUaXObATCN3iSA_mNgXOOecpgaNl36_3BMU9KQ06CAE_cVGc-VWE4Xo-zbGFFegAevrQ5iHSKfuwIZX6quQXSOMHWqKwdYQDDSALh_Lyjp/s320/Justice+League.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Justice League: With a Polynesian Guy!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4YxdkF9Usf6gsf7zH1_oAO_aGlNFqUaIWRRnfF0o5MY0EijEC-j_Rg_-rMf44wwszWiAcrm_7Dpt6z5ntzBoeVTYuWCgab8j_18tl5JOayNOy0AAHeRxueVDakD9Eyidcy7Qv/s1600/Rey+and+bb8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4YxdkF9Usf6gsf7zH1_oAO_aGlNFqUaIWRRnfF0o5MY0EijEC-j_Rg_-rMf44wwszWiAcrm_7Dpt6z5ntzBoeVTYuWCgab8j_18tl5JOayNOy0AAHeRxueVDakD9Eyidcy7Qv/s1600/Rey+and+bb8.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Star Wars: The Force is strong with strong women!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitXoubzvb97v9GKgJRtzpdwuxsI3oE07MULa3lEIctlSmEfTQEpb-84FwC0FJmhowzsx46yAQTFXTzNR20NnrHzXPQciBxcsgeK9FsA63lwFB-nuPYsaZZBdx2S2uCk3GhVAPd/s1600/star+trek+new+cast.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitXoubzvb97v9GKgJRtzpdwuxsI3oE07MULa3lEIctlSmEfTQEpb-84FwC0FJmhowzsx46yAQTFXTzNR20NnrHzXPQciBxcsgeK9FsA63lwFB-nuPYsaZZBdx2S2uCk3GhVAPd/s1600/star+trek+new+cast.jpg" /></a></div>
</td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div>
Star Trek: The New Cast, but Leonard Nimoy cameos here and there</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Anyway, I decided to get back into blogging. I took a hiatus because I was tired, nauseous and pregnant. Then I took another hiatus because I was getting accustomed to life with a newborn. <br />
<br />
So, why the reboot? Well, why did any of the above franchises reboot? Um.... Revenue! <br />
<br />
I'm not looking to monetize the blog right away, but I am getting back into the habit of writing to at some point publish a book of some kind. There is no spoiler alert for that one because I honestly have no idea about the particulars. <br />
<br />
Anyway, the other reason the franchises rebooted was because someone on staff thought they could take the existing universe (DC, Star Wars, or Star Trek) and do some new creative things with it. <br />
<br />
I am also taking this existing blog and doing some creative things with it such as: <br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><u>Parenting dimension:</u> I'm not switching it over to it being a parenting narrative blog, but my parenting experiences will most definitely be incorporated.</li>
<li><u>Spiritual Lessons Learned</u>: Most of the posts were drafted and published during my time in my college youth group. Though I continue to learn and grow in my faith, I have seen ways that those lessons have continued to serve as a guide to how I go about my faith journey as a paralegal, wife, mom, and stepmom. </li>
<li><u>More thoughts on Adoption</u>: I did start a dedicated blog on that, but then life happened. I want to incorporate more of how my identity as an adoptee influences how I view my parenting, how I view my son and stepson's development, and even how I view some current events. Obviously, posts on here will incorporate a Christian point of view, whereas I don't think my posts on my other blog have done so in an overt way. </li>
</ul>
<div>
So, yeah. I'm aiming for a blog post a week. Sometimes there will may be more, sometimes life with a baby, stepson, and husband will completely take over and I might not post. But, my goal is to be as consistent as possible. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
May the reboot be with me! </div>
<div>
Blog long and prosper! </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And yes, the geek tie-ins will certainly continue! </div>
<div>
(Pictures on this blog post were pulled from Google Images.)</div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-10649723009659262022016-12-18T16:28:00.002-07:002016-12-18T16:28:50.678-07:00Three Months Raising a Baby<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img alt="" border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvh9HqTYmDkC5_wGMtYbWVsNE4IJfu_CSYAXr2FvzRrxKHjBClQtWt2Ngz-s9W97iVZY0XM8l3AshcP-oLGLPoSeCNrdclVIDy_AEDIj_imJsAD2kai0qME1TyIOZ7UvJHesBU/s320/IMG_5457.JPG" title="" width="320" /> </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Well on September 7, 2016, Matthew was born! Since then, he keeps me busy with his feedings, diaper changes, and play or snuggle time. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
My maternity leave was four weeks long, but I have been able to work at home two days a week for these past two months, so I am very grateful to my employer for that! I'm also thankful for my baby slings that my friends gave me for a baby shower because little Matthew can snuggle against me while I sit at my laptop and work. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Everyone asks me how I like being a mom. Well, I've been a stepmom for two years and I like that, but I think being a full time mom to Matthew is nice too. I will be glad when I can sleep through the night because he has outgrown the need for midnight snacks, I like holding him and recently I've been treated to his little smiles after meals or when I talk to him. Do I enjoy that? Oh yes, I do! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Daniel is a really good big brother! He pushes Matthew in his stroller when all my guys and I go on outings and he keeps Matthew company in the back seat of the car. I make sure to chat with Daniel specifically about his life and that's easy when Matthew is dozing in my arms. I can just sit on the couch or in the living room and chat with my stepson. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Is life perfect with Matthew? Nope. Sometimes he fusses when we put him in his bassinet because he'd rather be held, and sometimes he spits up or wets or soils an outfit that I just put him in. Thankfully, he has not had bouts of colic or anything where he cries for hours. He just fusses when he's hungry or when Bri-Bri or I must put him down to sleep or to attend to something. </div>
<br />
Anyway, that's my update! Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-19570803183159251402016-07-09T20:26:00.001-06:002016-07-09T20:26:28.243-06:006 months of growing a human! <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Well, I've been away from the blogsphere for a while, but for a
good excuse! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt; text-align: center;">In February, I found out that I was pregnant. I was home from work
due to an epic snowstorm and I thought, "Well, I've been feeling a bit off
lately, I wonder if there's something up with me." So, I took a pregnancy
test and lo and behold, it came back positive. </span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Bri-Bri was sweet and understanding when I told him even when I
was scared. He reminded me that God was in control. He also was excited
and asked me if I felt excited. Honestly, my first response was that my mom
would worry about us being unprepared for parenthood. Good friends reminded me that no one is really prepared and that made me feel a little better :) </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8-iFfAgp31x01ISeaDMI-lUNq_ZU3SsBUMoKNn_GOFsM82WercSl3SKyyfe7wClyFDysgN2wzSIZ9y4AdI8wKuFfW4U5NBhMGweoicqOB98EaUMcAA1Pr_p7yYtZAz9XEDsrL/s1600/IMG_4813.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left;"><img alt="Small baby bump" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8-iFfAgp31x01ISeaDMI-lUNq_ZU3SsBUMoKNn_GOFsM82WercSl3SKyyfe7wClyFDysgN2wzSIZ9y4AdI8wKuFfW4U5NBhMGweoicqOB98EaUMcAA1Pr_p7yYtZAz9XEDsrL/s320/IMG_4813.JPG" title="16 weeks along! " width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bri-Bri made me smile even on rough days!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">The First Trimester</span></b><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Growing a human and
riding the light rail don’t always play well together, as in I got motion
sickness the first few times I rode the light rail after eating a normal
breakfast. After I began eating more of my breakfast at work, I wasn’t
disembarking the train and running to the nearest trash can. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">Thanks to being </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">nauseous</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">, I didn't eat much, so I slept a lot. Bri-Bri was sweet and would come in an check on me as I burrowed under the covers. Even before I got my visible bump, he was already telling me how strong I was with growing a baby and how proud he was of me taking care of the baby by eating healthy (when I could) and taking my prenatal vitamins. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">The
first trimester was also the time I worried a lot. I told my mom that she would
be a grandma and she was a bit worried about how we’d manage with a baby and
with Daniel and living in a 2 bedroom place with no 3 bedroom house or
apartment lined up in the near future. Bri-Bri assured me that we would begin looking for a place and if not, he was already brainstorming on where we could fit a little crib in our room. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">So,
basically, I was </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">nauseous</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">, tired, and worried during a lot of my first trimester.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">However,
I still had happy moments. Seeing lil’ baby on the eight week ultrasound was
pretty cool! It looked like a little lump, so for about four weeks, it had the
nick-name “baby lump” or “lumpy.” Bri-Bri could see where its little heart was
beating because he saw a flashing dot on our little lump that the nurse pointed
out was a little heart. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Second Trimester</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">The
nausea went away woo hoo!!! More importantly, we got to see baby at the 12 week
ultrasound! It was moving around a bit and I thought I saw it opening and
closing its little hands. It moved in response to Bri-Bri speaking and that was
super cute! At 16 weeks, we heard the little heart beat! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Also
at 16 weeks, I started to get a “bitty baby bump” which Bri-Bri quickly
nick-named the baby “bip.” He would talk to it when he would kiss my stomach
and that was really sweet! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">At
about 20 weeks, I occasionally felt little flutters and thumps happening beneath
my belly-button. Baby was moving and from then on, I have felt more frequent
thumps or wiggles or little movements in there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">At
the 24 week ultrasound, we found out our little baby boy was healthy! The first
thing I said to Bri-Bri when the tech told us that we were having a boy was,
“You’re teaching him to go potty, dear.” Daniel’s face was priceless when we
told him because he was grinning and it was way too cute! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Entering the Third Trimester <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Most
notably, our little guy is on the move a lot more. Even as I type this
blog post, I feel him bumping against the edge of my computer which is gently resting on my
(shrinking) lap and his little home. Yesterday we got to hear his heartbeat
again. The obstetrician said both he and I were healthy! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I am
also hungry a lot more. Case in point, I’m snacking on some wheat bread and
peanut butter before dear Hubby warms up some Marie Calendar lasagna. Little
guy needs fuel for his last in utero growth spurt!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-YKER_TQNqMbWoEi9gn37NlIq3OrhWHI4W5pt4jinGEBg83M9GwKG7MGdaLxUxmKB_0AudQjLf7EX-S43zssqN6uKskKyLixig367Ga-3_GSiDy0Ak8yxmyVs7ekqMw5tcEyw/s1600/IMG_5012.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-YKER_TQNqMbWoEi9gn37NlIq3OrhWHI4W5pt4jinGEBg83M9GwKG7MGdaLxUxmKB_0AudQjLf7EX-S43zssqN6uKskKyLixig367Ga-3_GSiDy0Ak8yxmyVs7ekqMw5tcEyw/s320/IMG_5012.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bri-Bri, Baby boy bump, and I!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Obviously, our hope is that he comes to faith in Christ and accepts Christ for his salvation. My hope is that he can come to us and other trusted adults with questions as he gets older and figures out what it means to have a belief system and code of ethics etc. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I hope that he understands the power of resilience. As much as Bri-Bri and I would like to, we can't shield him from the hardships in this world. We hope that he wouldn't have any major catastrophes in childhood or in any stage of life that would impact his development later on, but we can't protect him from everything. Bri-Bri and I can share how our hardships tested our faith in God and gave us an opportunity to see Him work even in the hard times. We can also share how God has used us to help others who were going through similar hard times. We can show him that struggles in life can lead to someone being more empathetic. Of course, if he needs to vent about his situation or just needs a hug, we're there too! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">We both hope he sees Daniel as a good big brother and role model as Daniel will be 12 a few months after the baby is born. I also hope that I can maintain my connection with Daniel as his stepmom and reassure him that I don't love him any less even though I didn't carry him in me. During one conversation, I told Daniel that I carried him in my heart in a way once Bri-Bri and I were engaged because I knew he would become my stepson. That "carried in my heart" phrase was borrowed from a sappy adoption related pin on Pinterest, but hey, it's cool! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Of course, as middle class American parents, we want our little guy to get a good education, make wise decisions about college (don't get into crazy student loan debt, choose a course of study that will make you happy <i>and</i> make you an income), and become financially independent. He doesn't have to be making six-figures, but we'd like him to be able to pay his bills, save for retirement, and provide for a family as a primary or equal breadwinner. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Speaking of family, we'd be overjoyed to be at his wedding where he has found the love of his life, but we hope we can convince him to wait on God's timing and to find a spouse that truly loves him for who he is and I know Bri-Bri would want to teach him how to be a good spouse too. If he wanted to date someone who already had kids, I'd have input on how to love the kids of the person you love and how to trust God to grow your heart for their little family. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Trusting God with this little guy's life and being a parent is going to be challenging, but God will give us grace, and all my parent friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents, inlaws, and my mom would all say it is worth it! </span></span></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-75857967546482983062016-01-22T07:22:00.000-07:002016-01-22T07:22:08.446-07:002015: The year of blogger slackdom2015 was the year of blogger slackdom! 2015 was also the year of continued transition into married life. Now, some bloggers would post a ton about life transitions, but I guess I was so much in the thick of it that I hadn't had much time.<br />
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Last year, I also pondered the idea of monetizing the blog and making a bit of a second job out of maintaining this blog and my other blog: <a href="http://achancetobeloved.com/" target="_blank">A Chance to be Loved. </a><br />
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So what were my barriers?<br />
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<ul>
<li>Time - between cleaning Dork Manor, bookkeeping for The Bank of Dorks (the joint account), hanging out with my lil' man when he was here, hanging out with sweet Bri-Bri, keeping up with my friends so they didn't feel like Katie was sucked into Planet Married-Land with no contact with earth, and stuff like that, I just didn't have time</li>
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<li>Solution: Time to bust out that Google Calendar! Oh, and my pink planner and actually make time for this! </li>
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<li>Tentativeness: Do I really want to get more serious about blogging? Am I sure it will work? What if it doesn't work? </li>
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<li>Solution: I just have to trust God if that is how He is leading me and I should probably talk to some Christian ladies I know who are bloggers so I can ask them for practical tips as well as how they trust God with this talent they have. </li>
<li>Also, listen to the Problogger podcast that I have on subscription. Actually do recommended exercises. No time? See point above. </li>
</ul>
<li>I don't like delving into my past. Just when I saw that telling people about my past has been helpful to them, I realize that it's hard. I forgot how hard it was when I wasn't looking at it on a more regular basis. Yep, that's why my other blog came to a halt. </li>
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<li>Solution: See point above and also discuss with sweet hubby and he can be my support. Other solutions include widening the support network. </li>
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So yeah, that's my plan for 2016 to be the year of less blogger slackdom! We shall see how it goes, but making this first blog post of the year is a start! </div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-66026333525518442242015-10-28T21:50:00.001-06:002015-10-28T21:50:42.241-06:00Psalm 1<span style="font-size: large;">Hubs and I are both starting our Psalm Journals: reflections on the Psalms and about how King David brought his feelings before the throne room of God. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I had been looking for a way to journal them, and now here it is! I can update my content and do my quiet time all at once YAY! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Ahem..</span><br />
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<u style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Psalm 1:</u><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Psalm 1 reads more like an instruction list or advice column instead of one pouring out his heart to God. However, when I think about it, emotions are behind one's motivation to give instructions. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When I instruct Daniel about social skills or when I help him solve a problem on his Wii or while doing his homework, I feel the need to share an important nugget of truth to make Daniel's life better. King David probably felt that sense of responsibility. Especially if he wrote Psalm 1 for his son, he would express love by instructing his son on how to live. True leaders that give the nation advice during an inaugural address or State of the Union feel a responsibility and love of sorts to their citizens; they wish to lead them on a path that will enrich their lives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">David urged his son (if he was writing to Solomon), and his constituents (being a King after all) to follow God. He wanted his son to see that as utmost importance. Therefore, he felt this sense of urgency to tell him to keep God at the center of his life and look to His word for guidance. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A few weeks ago, I felt a deep longing for Daniel to know God. I was standing near Daniel during worship at Southeast while singing "Jesus Loves Me" by Chris Tomlin. I wanted Daniel to know that Jesus loved him just like Bri-Bri and I were proclaiming that He loved us. I sang, "Jesus, He loves you, He loves you, He is for you." and put my hand on Daniel's heart while giving him a hug. Sweet Bri-Bri did the same :) :) Together we felt this deep longing for Daniel to know this Truth, and I believe David wanted his people and his children to understand the importance of Yahweh being central in their lives. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">How did David bring this to God? Well, he recognizes God as "Lord" the more personal name for God, and he probably prayed for his people and his children to know God and walk with Him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In that same way, we can bring our longing for others to know Christ to God as well. We can pray for their salvation and we can listen to God's prompting as He uses us to speak truth into others' lives. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For sweet Bri-Bri and I, we can lift Daniel up in prayer that he would know God, and we could listen for God's wisdom in how to speak to his young heart that his Creator, his Savior - the ultimate Superhero loves him and laid down His life so that he may live and love God. </span><br />
<br />Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-75423540577668925912015-10-11T22:18:00.000-06:002015-10-11T22:18:05.660-06:00Good Good Father<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Our choir playlists are posted to YouTube and shared with
the choir FB page before we sing them on Wednesdays. As I clicked through the
new songs, I saw this song now done by </span><a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CB8QyCkwAGoVChMIj7ThrYi8yAIVy9KACh02MAYH&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DCqybaIesbuA&usg=AFQjCNENn0ClbdyO09xU87FlNMhbDCmmQA&sig2=bvH_H5iJwZ1F3h004ty55A" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;" target="_blank">Chris Tomlin </a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">and I knew I was going to
cry. Of course, I first listened to it on the bus, so I couldn’t start bawling then
– ok, I could, but that would be weird. Inwardly, I thanked Matt, the guy who
set up the playlist for previewing that song, because I grabbed a handful of
kleenex for when actually sang that song that during choir practice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It wasn’t until the next Wednesday when Dave Ramsey knocked
me on my butt that I realized that my father wound still ran deep and God was
using this song to continue my healing process. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Wait – Dave Ramsey? So… I was at work listening to the
podcast and Dave was talking to the mom of an adopted 13 year old who wanted to
go on his school trip and he didn’t work enough during the summer to pay for
it. His mom was concerned because he was an international adoptee learning
about the American monetary system and didn’t get it yet. Dave’s answer was this
was a good opportunity to teach that child good money habits. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Hearing Dave’s heart for this kid and saying that if the
thirteen year old boy was a Ramsey kid, this was how he’d would talk to him as
his father. Out of nowhere, I started tearing up. I made it to the bathroom
before closing the stall and crying. I didn’t want to cry really loudly in case
my co-workers came in, but I was thinking, “Why did this podcast knock me on my
butt and make me cry?” Hearing Dave saying that this kid needed a strong mother
and father to show him the way touched my need for that same heart in a dad. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">During that second choir practice singing Good Good Father I
had my binder in front of my face even more than usual so Krissy didn’t see me
bawling my eyes out. At some point, I couldn’t even sing and I felt God saying
it was ok for me to cry, so I just cried. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I thought I was done with crying about not having an earthly
dad. After all, I accepted Christ during my Freshman year of college back in
2002 and God really started showing me how He was like a dad after my sophomore
year when He revealed that a crush I had on my professor was due to my need to
find a father replacement. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">My grandpa, Pa, had always been a father figure, but during
my sophomore year, he started to develop dementia. I was loosing the only
father like figure I knew, so I subconsciously looked for a replacement. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">During that summer, I prayed to ask God to show me how He
was my father. He was the one I could talk to when I couldn’t sleep, and He was
the one who gave me a gift of riding on the side of a San Francisco cable car.
My mom was afraid I’d fall off, but I felt God saying, “Daddy’s got you. Just
enjoy the ride!” I was happy because Daddy put me on the cable car in a place
where I could see everything. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">He was my rock when Pa passed away and my mom was upset. He
helped me get my mom and my aunt through it, even though I took a while longer
to grieve because I stuffed my own feelings of sadness down so I could take
care of them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">He gently nudged me to trust Him on my first date with
Bri-Bri when I cried and sweet Bri-Bri wiped my tears. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">When my uncle Steve walked me down the aisle I felt God’s
presence at the wedding also and He provided what I needed for all the pieces
to come together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Even today, I watch how my Bri-Bri and Daniel play together
and I smile knowing Daniel is lucky to have a dad. Even though he only spends
the weekends and school breaks with his dad, he still has one. I guess I didn’t
realize that I still had an ache in me until we started singing this song. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I cried during Good Good Father because I felt the pain
again from not having a dad combined with the gratefulness of how God was
filling that void. Pain and joy collided and it all resulted in my drawing
closer to God for Him to wipe my tears and for me to give Him praise. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-1899743197417373392015-10-04T10:03:00.003-06:002015-10-04T10:03:26.519-06:00Not taking the Cross for GrantedDuring the Online Campus prayer partner stint, I listened to the segment about communion and I was like, "Yup, we're almost to the message." But I don't want Communion to come commonplace. I don't want The Cross to become commonplace because I would stop praying for my stepson's salvation and I would take God's grace for granted. <div>
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So I stopped and pondered. </div>
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<i>When I survey the Wondrous Cross</i></div>
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<i>On which the prince of Glory died</i></div>
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<i>My richest gain I count but loss</i></div>
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<i>And pour contempt on all my pride</i></div>
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<i>Oh the Wonderful Cross</i></div>
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<i>Oh the Wonderful Cross</i></div>
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<i>Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live.</i></div>
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If I meditate on the truth that God graciously died in my place for my sins so I could be close to Him, if I meditate on the depths of that love and sacrifice, then I would not take the Cross for granted. </div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-45026622274489833792015-09-20T15:42:00.000-06:002015-09-20T15:42:31.950-06:00Hey that wasn't so bad<span style="font-size: large;">So I just shared my post: <a href="http://spiritualequilibrium.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-vortex-of-love.html" target="_blank">The Vortex of Love</a> with my pastor because his sermon was about Christ's love filling us so we didn't need to demand love from others. If Christ fills us, we can truly selflessly love others. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A few years ago, I would've walked away from that message in tears. A few years ago, the wounds from being the one to always fill the love wound in another's life were still raw. A few years ago, the physical wounds of self-injury as a result of all that were still dark on my skin rather than faint lines. A few years ago, I was allowing God to fully heal me, which meant the wounds hurt more as He used His blood as antiseptic and stitched them together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The feelings of low self-worth, of 'am I good enough' of, 'Why did God put me in that position for so long' are still there. The longer I sit and write this post, the more I don't want to write. But, the thoughts I have and the feelings I have are also, "God, Your praise will ever be on my lips because You redeemed me and You have healed me from this.", "God, You were there through my darkest days." <i style="font-weight: bold;">The greater the storm, the louder our song. </i>We sang Matt Redman's song "Loud" as a choir, and as I look at the storm God brought me through of the long years supporting another's self-worth and the pain of feeling like I wasn't doing enough, my praise is loud because God is teaching her that He is enough and God saved me so He can be enough for me for His praise and glory. </span><br />
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<br />Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-89068782953555983272015-09-19T13:54:00.001-06:002015-09-19T13:54:19.918-06:00Jumping into the Pool of Writing - or stepping inI am taking the plunge and joining the world of professional writers - eeer.... sorta. Ok, I'm slowly wading into the pool of writing, but hey, at least I'm in.<br />
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Last week I joined TextBroker and so far made 4 dollars WOO HOO! From reading reviews, I know it's not the most lucrative opportunity, but my end goal is to not be a content writer.<br />
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I continue to update this blog and my<a href="http://achancetobeloved.com/" target="_blank"> newer blog </a>and made it a goal to update these at least once a week. I don't always make this goal, but I am working toward it.<br />
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My ultimate goal is to become a published author. Stepping into the pool of writing is the beginning of this process.Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-47855078259832384762015-09-09T21:26:00.002-06:002015-09-09T21:26:56.387-06:00The Letter Challenge<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">A friend of mine had an idea for me to write a letter to God and then for me to write what God would say back. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've actually heard of letter writing as a therapeutic technique, so I thought, "Well, why not?" So here goes: </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Dear God, </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This will not be like the song "Dear God," but yes, I do have that song stuck in my head, but You knew that already. I feel like I have to edit this letter to sound all theological, but You know what I'm going to say anyway. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Thank You for the Cross. Jesus died in my place so that I can talk to You, have access to Your grace and Your love. That is Love. You are Love. You are Good. You are the Awesome God You are. Oh, and thanks for giving Matt Redman awesome song lyric writing skills. Worship songs are basically singing bits of scripture to music. Think about it. Wait... You know that.... </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So..... sometimes - a lot of time this world hurts. You also know that. You also took the nails and wore the crown of thorns and had your bones pulled apart and .... so yes, You know that the world is painful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">God, sometimes wounds from my childhood still hurt. Sometimes old traumas still hurt. I get sad when people around me get sick. I get sad when people close to me die. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And yes, I still worry about the future. That's normal, right? Wait, You said to Your disciples not to worry, so that must mean they WORRY.... oh, right. Normal.... ok. Cool. Yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm a bad Christian because I worry. Sometimes I nag at my sweet Bri-Bri because I worry. I worry about our finances, about my stepson's development and future, and I worry about when to expand our family. I know You have it all in Your hands, but I don't want my sweet Bri-Bri to suffer or my sweet stepson to suffer. I want to right for the future generations, so I don't want to put them at a disadvantage by not preparing for their arrival. Sometimes I don't see how You will figure it out, but I also know You are genius at figuring stuff out. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">No matter what, Your praise will ever be on my lips. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And yes, I'm listening to choir songs while writing this. Thank You for music. For song, for Your people singing Your praises. Thank you that we as a group of people growing in faith unify to sing to You. God, I pray for those that have to sing to You in secret under the threat of persecution. Here in America, we can post worship songs to YouTube, but that's not everywhere. God, lift up and strengthen those suffering for Your name. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">To You be the glory forever and ever! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">God's answer: </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-31852869228790299752015-08-22T10:58:00.003-06:002015-08-22T10:58:37.594-06:00First Anniversary Weekend<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sweet Bri-Bri and I juat married!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Last weekend, my Bri-Bri and I took our Anniversary trip to Della Terra in Estes Park. Bri-Bri surprised me with the location, actually, as I didn't know where we were going. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We stayed in an ocean themed room, which wa</span><span style="font-size: large;">s sweet since I am from a tropical island heee heee!!!!! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">After enjoying a delicious breakfast, we spent our Saturday morning and afternoon hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park. We hiked toward Flat Top Mountain and my sweet Bri-Bri steered me clear of horse doo (yes, that was on the trail), and helped me nagivate especially rocky places. Sometimes he would even lift me over some rocks. We almost made it to the treeline, but the clouds were rolling in and we didn't want to get stuck in a thunder storm. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfV0ua0OSOJCVjORBVYloQKHf05bzeJafEIn8ATLsI6jZo372TQUvKPpysDCWmtlB6pDpzX_MJvcWFMtZtHxVb_Gg-_2VXSrP7hf9K9lxlH2Mq98k9BhL-BuWosuVN9qnbRdqO/s1600/11866474_10208011706277322_7530416667241725580_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfV0ua0OSOJCVjORBVYloQKHf05bzeJafEIn8ATLsI6jZo372TQUvKPpysDCWmtlB6pDpzX_MJvcWFMtZtHxVb_Gg-_2VXSrP7hf9K9lxlH2Mq98k9BhL-BuWosuVN9qnbRdqO/s320/11866474_10208011706277322_7530416667241725580_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">We relaxed in the afternoon and had dinner at Mama Rose's, an Italian place in Estes Park. I called for reservations earlier, and turns out that was good because the people that didn't have reservations had a 20 minute wait.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">One thing I learned in marriage is that sometimes one spouse just has to take initiative and go with her idea. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Aaanyway, my Bri-Bri looked so mansome in his shirt and tie! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The morning of our anniversary, we woke up and cuddled while looking through our photo album that our wonderful photographer Julie put together. We reminisced and kissed before enjoying another excellent Della Terra breakfast. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I put on my dress again and we went into Rocky Mountain National park with the plan of driving up Trail Ridge Road and then briefly getting out and looking around at the Visitors Center. Hence why I wore my dress and not clothes suited for hiking. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My Bri-Bri planned for a short stop at the Alluvial Fan where a flood washed out some boulders a few decades ago. Our short stop turned into an hour visit to the area when my Bri-Bri decided to show off his spryness and climb around the rocks. For an hour. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We did go up to Trail Ridge Road and get a few pictures before going back to Denver where my next surprise awaited: </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Kenny Loggins concert at Hudson Gardens! </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggzJ3_dDVkbnuvPy8Y89XjSUFan9dPgA7G59yeoUMs4AcuMrucu8v84SqGHrkiwfMV6vVYdVH6fA9vBvk1Sy8x8IdEDH1QcU5AczhAhg74l6tbCqsfmyeegNSbdBPSwFsJouB-/s1600/11898750_10208018790494423_6103518458488846256_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggzJ3_dDVkbnuvPy8Y89XjSUFan9dPgA7G59yeoUMs4AcuMrucu8v84SqGHrkiwfMV6vVYdVH6fA9vBvk1Sy8x8IdEDH1QcU5AczhAhg74l6tbCqsfmyeegNSbdBPSwFsJouB-/s320/11898750_10208018790494423_6103518458488846256_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">That's right! Bri-Bri, with the help of his helpmate, used Google Maps to get us from Boulder to Hudson Gardens in the quickest way possible so he could walk with me among the flowers before the concert! There's something sweet about walking around a flower garden in my dress while holding the hand of my sweet spouse!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We both ate some Filippino food beforehand from a Filippino food cart and enjoyed the outdoor concert :) </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It was a sweet anniversary weekend and a sweet start to our second year of marriage :) </span>Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-23110935878056981602015-07-13T22:25:00.001-06:002015-07-13T22:25:02.408-06:00Before the Throne<p dir="ltr">Tonight I fixed dinner for my stepson and I while my Bri-Bri was in class. This wasn't my first time getting a meal together for Daniel and I because I have spent the day or evening with him while Bri-Bri did his internship last fall. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Anyway, as I sat down with my dinner, Daniel held out his hands for us to pray. I prayed for our dinner and thanked God for the day and added a little prayer request for my mom since she was recovering from a minor illnesss. </p>
<p dir="ltr">As we ate, we talked about random things. Afer Daniel ate, he played on his Wii.  I watched him while doing dishes and I thought more about his gesture for us to pray together. Being the observant 10 year old  he is, he probably notices that I like it when my Bri-Bri prays for us and we hold hands. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Maybe Daniel wanted us to pray because that was the normal thing we all did before dinner. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Maybe he wanted to because he knew that I enjoyed praying and holding his and Bri-Bri's hand. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Maybe he wanted to connect with God. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Of course, his reasons could be a mix of all three.  Even if he sees prayer as routine or as something that makes his stepmom smile, he still willingly joins Bri-Bri and/or I as we approach God in prayer. </p>
<p dir="ltr">The song "Before the Throne of God Above" came to my head, specifically the version from Shane and Shanes "Pages".  As I thought about it, I smiled. Daniel, like his namesake, comes before the throne room of God. Even though he tells us that sometimes he doesn't think God is real and that is why he finds church a bit boring, he sees that we value praying. And I believe that God is tugging on his soul even if he is unaware of it. As one doesn't simply walk into Mordor, one cannot simply walk into the throne room of God and not be afffected. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Daniel's gesture tonight of wanting me to pray for our meal encouraged me to continue praying that God would reveal Himself more and more to Daniel. I pray that each time Daniel approaches God in prayer - from simple mealtimme prayers to prayers about his family to his own wondering about God - that God becoomes more real. I pray that Daniel sees God as the Magnificent Savior and Creator on His Throne, and that he knows he can approach that throne with grace and mercy because that King sympathizes with us and gives us grace in our weaknesses. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I pray that Daniel will one day approach the throne of God and declare that Christ is his Savior. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Before the throne of God above<br>
I hae a strong and perfect plea<br>
A great high priest who's name is love <br>
Who ever lives and pleads for me</p>
<p dir="ltr">My name is graven on his hands<br>
My name is written on his heart<br>
I know that while in heaven He stands<br>
No tongue can bid me thence depart </p>
<p dir="ltr">Hallelujah Halleujah <br>
Praise the One <br>
Risen Son of God </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdY4PxotK2pVNc1VEo5-Ei_QrXkArwKumWE0NtO4huN14KJvgF-xwykvtrkYXucL6_hdn_TqwJn_OILXH-af4tXQBl258s-nEdhcHEr-Kk6WSYcWzEt8NngOBzorHkQbwpsizc/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdY4PxotK2pVNc1VEo5-Ei_QrXkArwKumWE0NtO4huN14KJvgF-xwykvtrkYXucL6_hdn_TqwJn_OILXH-af4tXQBl258s-nEdhcHEr-Kk6WSYcWzEt8NngOBzorHkQbwpsizc/s640/images.jpg"> </a> </div>Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-9163347864208458482015-07-11T20:51:00.000-06:002015-07-11T20:51:36.984-06:00A different version of the trust fall<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Daniel looks up to his dad and loves being with him. Watching their interactions, I can definitely tell that he has a secure attachment relationship with his dad. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Today we went swimming in the apartment complex pool. Daniel and Dad swam around in the deep end and one of them had the idea that they should touch the bottom. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">At first Daniel was hesitant, but Bri-Bri promised that he would keep hold of Daniel and he was confident Daniel could touch his feet to the bottom of the pool in 5'6" of water. My Bri-Bri and Daniel tested how long they could hold their breaths and Daniel went under in spurts - his feet almost touching, his feet getting closer, one foot on the floor, and then finally, both feet touching the bottom of the pool. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Every time Daniel surfaced, my Bri-Bri was right there, and for the first few times, Bri-Bri had his arms around him. He only let go when he heard, "Um, Dad, I think I want to try it by myself." </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As I watched them, I realized they were doing a variation of a trust fall. Daniel took the risk of touching the bottom of the deep end and achieved it with his dad's support. During this, I'm sure his trust in his dad grew stronger even if he doesn't know it yet. This exercise was physical proof that his dad is there for him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As I watched them and cheered Daniel on for his accomplishment, I prayed that he would always be able to turn to his dad for his trusted support and advice. If something in his life makes him doubt that steadfast support, we can point to this example of Dad being his anchor and guide in the deep end of the pool to remind him that Dad will always be there. </span>Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-42848246124140334612015-07-05T15:59:00.000-06:002015-07-05T15:59:10.828-06:00American Identity<span style="font-size: large;">Previous 4th of July posts have focused on why I am grateful I live in the United States. This one is a bit more introspective exploring my identity as an American, or more specifically, an American who was adopted from the Philippines. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My mom made my dress I wore to my citizenship ceremony at the Federal courthouse in Denver. The citizenship certificate has my picture on it with me holding an American flag. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My grandpa, or "Pa", instilled love of country in me at a very early age. I remember watching him hang the flag by the door of his and Grandma's house every 4th of July, Memorial Day, or Labor Day that I was with my grandparents. We went to the Memorial Day Parade in downtown Denver where we watched Grandma march with the W.A.C. or Women's Army Corps. In elementary school, I thought I had the coolest grandma because, "She was old, but she could march all the way through the Memorial Day parade!" Pa also reminded me to stand and clap for the veterans who were disabled when their unit marched by. He reminded me that my freedom was not free. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">As I grew older and began to watch the news with my mom, I would ask her questions about world events and we would discuss them at dinner. When I discussed the news with Pa, he would remind me not to take our democracy for granted as many citizens of other countries didn't have the basic rights given to us through the Bill of Rights. He and my mom also encouraged me to understand the structure of government so I was able to make informed decisions when I became of voting age. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Mom was the one who got me hooked on football, America's pastime. Well, she and Flora turned me into a die-hard Denver Broncos fan, and my mom was so happy when we could discuss Elway's brilliance and fumbles. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My mom also taught me how to like American pie. Especially when it's served a la mode with the vanilla ice-cream melting on top of the hot apples - mmmm.... </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Considering all these things, I was an all-American girl. As I became a teen, I realized I was an all-American girl in completely Asian skin. Did that bother me? Sometimes. I would tell my mom that I didn't feel as American as my friends because I wasn't born here and I wasn't Caucasian. I was Asian-American, and therefore, not completely American. She told me that I shouldn't tell myself that because I was an American citizen. If I wanted proof, she would show my my citizenship documents. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">As I learned more about history, I embraced the idea that America was a land of immigrants. I could relate to the story of coming here to find a better life. Maybe I wasn't American in a sense that I was born on U.S. soil to parents who lived here for generations, but I was American in that I came here for a better life. Like many immigrants, I respect and appreciate the culture from my home country, but I also embrace this culture and this country. I don't feel a pull between the two because they are both a part of me. I'm an American from the Philippines who is grateful for her new life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>And I'm proud to be an American</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>For at least I know I'm free</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>And I won't forget the men who died</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Who gave that right to me</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>And I'll gladly stand up next to you</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>And defend her still today</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>God Bless the U.S.A.</i></span></div>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-80186581163647011072015-06-28T17:45:00.003-06:002015-06-28T17:56:08.130-06:00When Heaven and Earth Collide<span style="font-size: large;">I really like the song "Heaven and Earth" by Hillsong United / Hillsong Worship. As always, they sing Truth so poetically and they rock! If we ever sing this song in choir, I'll be happy squealing to my choir friends later heee heeee! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The song is talking about Christ coming to earth, and isn't that the crux of everything else related to our faith? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was listening to this song while working on my other blog (Yes, Katie started <a href="http://achancetobeloved.com/" target="_blank">ANOTHER blog</a>) and I was writing a 'tell your life's story' post and I realized that when my circumstances took a shift, God's sovereignty met my life. Heaven and Earth collided. God is always with us and always working out His plans, but sometimes He does something that seems weird or something and you look back later and say, "Wait... WHAT??? What just happened???" </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">For instance, a malnourished infant with bad eyesight and exposure to Hepatitis B (and who may have survived measles and meningitis at this point) was transferred from a government orphanage to a nonprofit orphanage. She was in <i>a particular one</i> run by <i>a particular agency</i> that created her file as a child available for adoption. Heaven met earth because a woman would walk into said adoption agency, look at that particular file, take a leap of faith, and ultimately bring this little girl home to be her daughter. In that child's life, Heaven and Earth collided during that transfer between orphanages. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We hear about Heaven and Earth colliding when people say these things in stories: </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"And somehow at <i>just the right time</i> ..." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"I just <i>got this feeling.... something told me to..."</i></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"I sat by this person who <i>just happened to be..."</i> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"If I hadn't gone through.... I wouldn't have...." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"Going through .... helped me to..." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">So why does God throw in these wild turns in people's lives? To keep the universe interesting? So everything works out in the end? That can be true, but there is a greater reason beyond things working out in our lives. Sometimes Heaven and Earth collide, but that meeting don't necessarily bring material good or success. Sometimes people just get through the struggle of life and they somehow know that they have the strength to make it through hard times. Sometimes people go through hard things and they are desperate for hope, so they seek it out. In that, Jesus reaches to them through His work and through His people. Heaven and Earth collide to show people Christ and point people to Him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Heaven and Earth collide</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Savior for everyone has come</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Bringing the dead to life</span></i></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">All for the glory of Your Name</span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">By His stripes are healed</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">By His death we can live</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">In Jesus' Name</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">In Jesus Name</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">All oppression shall cease</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Every captive released</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">In Jesus' name</span></i></div>
<div>
<i><span style="font-size: large;">In Jesus' name</span></i></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-6360875309247400262015-06-18T22:21:00.000-06:002015-06-18T22:21:18.172-06:00Go for it!There are times where God just gives you a kick to do something. He gave David the guts to defeat Goliath. He gave Moses a really big push to lead his people from Egypt. Wake up calls can ceom from anywhere with God. Paul received a blinding (haha) welcome on the road to Damascus.<br />
<br />
I always thought these pushes from God were events that happened to other people. Then God started pushing me. At first, I thought, "Seriously, God, You want WHAT?"<br />
<br />
Now the pieces are coming together slowly.<br />
<br />
God wants me to share my story with others on a more public forum. It may come in the form of speaking, writing, blogging, etc. God wants me to share my adoption story, the struggles I had in childhood, and the challenges I face due to a disability and unique developmental history.<br />
<br />
You can read about some of that in my other posts scattered throughout this blog. Seriously, I don't know if there is one post that sums up my life story. I'm sure I'll find it if I take the time to go through my blog, but I'm about to head to bed.<br />
<br />
But anyway, this one blog per week thing is part of going for it. This is part of making writing a part of my life so I can use writing to share my story with others.<br />
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God is the author of my life and I am merely beginning the adventure of retelling His story.Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-82321122895918897362015-06-07T13:33:00.001-06:002015-06-07T13:36:33.698-06:00Colorado State of Body Image<div class="Publishwithline">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjV7mkaar6QQ1Iq4PB0rK_5ES6VuyjXy9EsYBi9S_wC3v3BlOzgN8w793W0uDmnXM-XnosOmFoZPAYmdRj4e4eu1keoITNBf3ZOh4CK0H5-93qd3Zn2pUZuy5P_B_EWrusxs6N/s1600/Screenshot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjV7mkaar6QQ1Iq4PB0rK_5ES6VuyjXy9EsYBi9S_wC3v3BlOzgN8w793W0uDmnXM-XnosOmFoZPAYmdRj4e4eu1keoITNBf3ZOh4CK0H5-93qd3Zn2pUZuy5P_B_EWrusxs6N/s320/Screenshot.jpg" width="239" /></span></a><span style="font-size: large;">Sometime this summer I’m going to start the diet in the book
“State of Slim.” Several co-workers did the diet and one was kind enough to
purchase the book for me since I showed interest in the book (and hopefully
getting my Bri-Bri on board).</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">One thing this makes me think of is my body image issues. I
blogged about that <a href="http://spiritualequilibrium.blogspot.com/2012/09/foundation-of-beauty.html?m=0">earlier</a>,
but it’s been a while. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Even though I’m married and I have a husband that loves my
body the way it is because he loves the soul inside, I still get hung up on my
body image sometimes. For example, my mom tells me I have to stay a good weight
to have a healthy pregnancy (when the time comes), and sometimes if I’m hanging
out with my mom and I’m wearing a more form fitting top, she asks me if I’m
putting on weight. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then all those
thoughts of “I’m not skinny enough, I’m too fat in my mom’s eyes, I’m not ideal
enough.” Come into my head. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I’m incorporating more jogging/walking and weight lifting
into my life because I just sit at a desk all day. Also, with the amount of
sweets my co-workers, clients, and I bring into the kitchen, exercise is
necessary so we all don’t become blobs haha! I’m also drinking slim fast shakes
for meals sometimes, especially if I indulge in a really fatty meal with my
mother in law or if we go to the store and I get a yummy treat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Even though I still have my negative body image thoughts, I
am making these changes more for my overall health. I do have hypertension and my
mom and I wonder if it’s hereditary since I haven’t been eating really bad food
for most of my life. I also have been doing some research on preemie/very low
birth weight babies and long term outcomes. The studies seem to say that our
bodies are more vulnerable to disease etc. in adulthood since we didn’t get so
great of a start earlier in life. Therefore, I see these lifestyle changes more
in a preventative light. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I know the body image thing will be a battle when I do this
diet so changing my thinking to say it is a preventative program helps. My
husband telling me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">now </i>that I am
beautiful helps keep those negative thoughts away, and knowing I am made by a loving
Creator is the ultimate way of silencing any negativity around the unique way
that I am made. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-43744412979181726502015-05-30T11:22:00.000-06:002015-06-06T11:24:31.323-06:009 Months a Stepmom<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS0rovzRzhddzpTuMkfWmn15IbSk7F0uIjDWOoOXQSsYr1WwHMoKveC05mKEiu5uou7iAM_4IzWY8mrD6W8LEllqAxsxB5nYWETiL6c8fx2oJL1NPZV8_0LrwQk6-yNKjx5TZT/s1600/IMG_3144.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Little batman, little batcave" border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS0rovzRzhddzpTuMkfWmn15IbSk7F0uIjDWOoOXQSsYr1WwHMoKveC05mKEiu5uou7iAM_4IzWY8mrD6W8LEllqAxsxB5nYWETiL6c8fx2oJL1NPZV8_0LrwQk6-yNKjx5TZT/s320/IMG_3144.JPG" title="" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Little Batman in a little bat-cave</td></tr>
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As of May 16, I've been a stepmom for 9 months. Wow! I met Daniel when he was 8 when he was out in Colorado for spring break. Brian and I went to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo with him. When he wanted to ride the ski-lifts up the mountain and when we were on them, he leaned out far to look and I instinctively put my arm in front of him. </div>
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Now he's a big 10 year old eating off the grown-up menu. This May, Bri-Bri got him some Lego Movie sheets because he was getting too old for his Cars sheets. When he sprawled out on his bed to test his sheets and rest his head on the Emit side of his pillow, I noticed he's 2/3 of the length of the bed. His shoes are almost as large as mine - almost. He's still smaller and shorter than me and has to use a booster seat in the car. </div>
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Seeing myself as a valid part of the parenting team took a few months. I found myself conforming to the idea that I wasn't Daniel's 'real' parent because he didn't share my DNA or I didn't have a court order of adoption with his name on it. Yet I reminded myself that step-parent has the word <i>parent </i>in it. Therefore, I could think of myself as a parent even though Daniel docent call me mom. I'm OK that he doesn't call me mom. He has a real mom in Fountain, Colorado and he also calls his step-father by his first name. </div>
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The support I receive as a new stepmom has been immensely helpful. Beth at work has been a really great resource. She has a six-year old step-daughter.I talked to her a lot those first few months after marriage and the months before. Oddly enough, drafting estate plan summaries helped validate my position as a step mom. Clients who have their stepchildren serve as fiduciaries meant that they trusted those children in that role. Clients who left their stepchildren a share of their trust or estate meant that they wished to provide for the children beyond their lives. </div>
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The coolest validation came from my mom when she mentioned my wedding in her Christmas card. She said something about how she has a sweet son-in-law and step-grandson. Did I cry in a good way? Oh, yes, I did. Of course, Mom still gets questions from me that start out: "So when I was a kid did you ever..." One day she told me that she thought I was good stepparent to Daniel. Again, I cried in a good way. </div>
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I'd be lying if I didn't say there were challenges in being a stepparent. One of the hardest things is watching him long for more dad time and wondering why the judge allowed his mother to take him to Pittsburgh for so long. I also struggle with not holding a grudge against Daniel's mother when she frustrates my Bri-Bri. When I hear about others reacting to his ADD/ potential Asperger moments, I get upset because his needs are not getting met when others don't react to him in an understanding way. Daniel's past hasn't been easy and I want him to have a better smoother development than I had. As a step-mom, I do what I can to give him the love and support he needs when he is with Bri-Bri and I. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAk28YOse6ioCWDz66yzklGfxdJV1Jg69o0CaVLRh0-XI3Ki1XbOMZ6GPF3MZnAE5w6LVHymlemUlWs80mG1o1LRcRPIoxyts-V0wylWCsdEz6y51hdMW8psZ_voEUxBYomLgf/s1600/IMG_3206.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAk28YOse6ioCWDz66yzklGfxdJV1Jg69o0CaVLRh0-XI3Ki1XbOMZ6GPF3MZnAE5w6LVHymlemUlWs80mG1o1LRcRPIoxyts-V0wylWCsdEz6y51hdMW8psZ_voEUxBYomLgf/s320/IMG_3206.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Letting Bri-Bri take charge of the parenting wasn't hard for me. He's a good dad and he connects with Daniel well. I enjoy being the supportive adult who reinforces what Bri-Bri says. I have had to get used to allowing Daniel to be more vocal about his disappointment or about his frustration that I was allowed to be when I was growing up. I want to teach Daniel things that will help him, so the important thing is sharing that with my Bri-Bri so we can approach these things as a parenting team. </div>
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The best part of being a step-mom is having the opportunity to love a really sweet unique little guy. I'm thankful that I get to be an influence in his life and I pray for guidance in this role. Most of all, I pray God will use me in his life so he comes to know his Savior. Being part of Daniel's life and seeing him smile and grow is a blessing indeed :) </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_tE_fl4t_WskQhW68wlArc2oRSqPP9eTu_v7hZCo2Ig-z6hlnUjbAJWHp4D2Ebta5GcaJIP-Z3jVLYshwgDNt06M92Q9m0dmHt1DM4Xs-6hKl5gkeIeGtiye7Uyk34d_8e7ts/s1600/IMG_3207.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_tE_fl4t_WskQhW68wlArc2oRSqPP9eTu_v7hZCo2Ig-z6hlnUjbAJWHp4D2Ebta5GcaJIP-Z3jVLYshwgDNt06M92Q9m0dmHt1DM4Xs-6hKl5gkeIeGtiye7Uyk34d_8e7ts/s320/IMG_3207.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Daniel and I in front of a Lego US Capitol</td></tr>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13854367.post-32768747955289007942015-03-28T15:01:00.001-06:002015-03-28T15:02:32.322-06:00Welcoming my love home sweet home<p dir="ltr">There's something sweet about seeing my love off to work and welcoming him when he comes home :) My Bri-Bri has a part time job at a parenting supervision site where he observes parents who are spending time with their children in the contet of supervised visitation. He got this job after his internship with the same agency and I am proud of him!! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Anyway, I am waiting for him to come home so he can have someone to hug and tell about his day. There's just something sweet and 'homey' about that, and there's something sweet in wishing him a good shift as I kiss him before he walks out the door :) </p>
<p dir="ltr">This sweetness goes both ways :) I feel happy when my sweet hubby kisses me in the mornings at the light rail station and wishes me a good day, and feel happy when I come home from a day at work and get to hold his hands and kiss his lips when I get into the car to go home from the light rail station. </p>
<p dir="ltr">As we go on in our marriage, I hope we don't take these little gestures for granted because having each other before and after we go and work a day at the office or a morning at the parenting place is a sweet ending to a work day and the begining of us reconnecting for the rest of the day. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Aaaaww! :) </p>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613172384561002277noreply@blogger.com0