The Darkness of Grief, the Glory of God

So, last night I found out my great aunt died. I helped my other aunt who is developmentally disabled by just listening to her and somewhat playing 'quasi - grief counselor' and chaplan because I started to explain how God could help her. I ended up writing her a note about how God listenes to her, God will help her through her sadness and God would take care of her.

Anyway, I went home and read Psalm 138. I wrote that down in longhand in my journal. David praised God no matter what. Even when he was lowly, he remembered God remembered him. Even when he was downcast, God was there. I wrote this in my journal:

Creator of Life
Author of our faith

Abba Father
Holding the world
in Your hand

The same hand bled
For payment demanded
By your justice

The same hand wipes
Away our tears
our shame

In Your presence we
Lack no good thing

In Your presence
Crying I will sing
In Your presence
I know You are good.

I did a lot of crying. Just remembering everything from the summer and having added this fresh wound. Yet, I knew God was with me. God was there, and yet, through my tears, I was still praising Him. Anyway, I started to understand what the words 'abandoned to Your praise' meant. It meant that nothing else mattered or, that circumstances wouldn't hinder my priase to God. I can still praise God in sadness. Sadness is not absence of praise, only a reflection of a broken heart.

Then, I started crying again. Not because of the grief. But because God has chosen to use me. Grieving, struggling with the same sins me. He allows things to happen to refine me. He refines me as I come to Him for healing, and the refinement brings about the reflection of my faith to the world which brings glory back to God.