I had two interviews that I didn't deserve. The reason that I didn't deserve them because one was a re-schedule because I wrote down the wrong time. The other one was for this job I have been hankering after only because I would get ridiculous amount of clinical hours while not being a CNA. Anyway, God gave me the "Great Career Shakedown." as I now call it. That He and He alone is in charge of writing my resume for His glory. End of story. And in every job, I was to learn something about Him and share who He is. Because His kingdom has a bit more of an eternal priority than my job, and my job(s) contribute to His kingdom.
I noticed after I got the phone call for the SECOND interview, I was like, "WHOA!!!" Because I had nearly given up on that. Just this morning, I had somewhat of a resigned peace about it like – ok, if God doesn't want me to get it, I won't get it, and there's nothing I can do about it sigh. Anyway, I was really happy and was like, "YAY GOD!" Then a question came to me: Did I still love God and take joy in Him unconditionally, or did my joy come from my own situation? In a more Liz Ewing way of putting it: Is joy in Him contingent solely on His character or is my joy in Him contingent on my present circumstances? When can I recognize truly being happy about a blessing versus saying, "I hate You.... oh wait, I love You now!"
I think God knows our emotions are not static and permits temporary disappointment, grief with underlying hope, sadness, temporary anger, temporary giddiness / giggle fits /rambunctious wild and crazy feelings , but I think He wants to see if our deeper faith and joy are constants. For me, He tests those with the two things that are on my heart quite a bit: my standing in the world as far as my success – academic and career wise, and how much I depend primarily on others to fill the chronic vacancies in my heart or let God do it. God has been working with me for two years on the latter issue. Incidentally, it has made the first issue somewhat easier because I'm letting God in on my life and into my thoughts about things more readily. However, God is always exposing the issue of my wanting to rely on my wits alone. Being organized (unlike my room) and writing a good resume are good for the job search and being a respectable person and nice and everything are good for finding that 'someone', but those themselves have gotten people somewhere, but God is pleased when I choose to rely on Him primarily for my job placement and matching me up with that 'someone' and rely on those other things as secondary resources. Often I switch those two around, and God really has to do a shake down to get them re-arranged properly.
SO (yes, this is really long), that is the logic behind my original question. Finally, I get to my answer: It is yes. I mean, when I have sent in my hundredth resume, when my checking account only has enough to pay the AAMCAS fees and that's it, when I'm alone and no one is there to talk to, when I'm bored, when I feel like life is successive missed opportunities, I can honestly say that my joy comes from God – though I may be crying or dissapointed, my joy that God has not left me, my joy that I still have enough – more than enough with God, that God – the Creator of the Universe will listen to my problems amid broken genes, broken nations, broken other people, etc, that God – the Creator broke Himself so I could have all this – yes, it still makes me joyful in spite of myself and any situation that threatens to make me deny Him.
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