I was listening to Chris Tomlin's "Glory in the Highest" Christmas CD. Worship songs sound more epic (to me) when they are live. This CD is recorded live, and thus sounds EPIC!!!!!!!!!!!! One of my favorite things is when Chris or whoever the singer is goes a capella and it's just him and the crowd singing to their Creator!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) Yes that kinda makes me eek a little bit :)
While I was listening to this CD I found myself praying for Dr. Grandin. Suddenly I remembered when I went and saw her lecture with a dear sister in Christ who was willing to be nerdy with me :) :D :D When she came onstage after the Poudre Library staff made their introductory speech, clapping and cheering erupted through the packed-out auditorium in the UCA. People were cheering (I eeked) and shouting her name. People cheered and clapped for her at the very very end after the Q & A as she left to go to the book-signing table. This is sorta her life: lecture as a professor where it's more normal, research, and then lecture at special functions like that where other nerds sort of give her the rock-star treatment. There's a reason I have dubbed her as Super-Nerd (with the Superman theme-song playing in my head after I say/think that).
I wanted to be like that. Waaaaaaaaaay back in my premed days, I wanted to be a doctor and at some point open an International Adoption clinic and go around speaking about attachment and adoption as well as medical issues adoptees face. I wanted to tell the world my own story to show that I've overcome so that other kids wouldn't have to suffer as badly as I did. In my head, I did sort-of want to be a rock star super-nerd. Yet as I achieved each academic milestone: getting into CSU, graduating 17th in my class out of 320, doing well in my first round of college classes, etc. I felt that something was missing. Until I really started to let Christ into my life, I felt like even though I was achieving stuff, I was always striving to prove myself. I was always wondering if I was good enough. I was always wondering if each accomplishment would somehow redeem my past.
I don't know if Dr. Grandin still feels the need to strive. If she still wonders if her life is worth it, even when she's standing on stage in a packed-out lecture hall with everyone cheering for her. If she doesn't have Christ, she really is incomplete standing up there.
In contrast, one of the places where I felt complete was surrounded by my Summitview people singing and worshiping God. Travis would wrap up a song and we would cheer, but we're not celebrating Travis because he is cheering for someone else: the Maker of music, the Giver of life, the reason for all of our joy (Thanks Steele Crosswhite). I didn't have to strive or achieve to prove myself. In Christ, I found my worth. He imputed worth onto me on the Cross. Who cares if I didn't have the most glamorous job or if I didn't make it into medical school. I had Christ and that will resonate into eternity.
In my head, I pictured Dr. Grandin among a crowd singing and worshiping God. Maybe even at a Chris Tomlin concert - or maybe at Summitview - where she's just singing with everyone else in the background being led by a worship leader. Out of the limelight. Off-stage. Maybe among a group of people that have never heard her lectures or read her books. But yet, I picture her complete because she found her Creator and Savior. With those contrasting images in my head, I pray that one day, this image will one day - by God's grace and power alone - become reality!
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