Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Seeing another's path and finding my own

I'm taking a class called Handicapped Individuals in Society  (OT 355) as part of preparing to apply to CSU's Occupational Therapy  program. Sometimes it makes me remember or think about how I've dealt with my disabilities in the past and how I'm doing now. 


According to the reading I read yesterday, people who are in the bargaining mindset (from Kubler-Ross's grief process model) see a glimmer of hope and seek out how their disability can be fixed. 


I realized that was partially to account for my fixation on Dr. Temple Grandin. Soon after my diagnosis of PPD-NOS, I was searching for a future. I was wondering, "Now what?" Conveniently enough, someone had lived life with an autism spectrum disorder and she was just a bus-ride to campus away. 


I became fixated on her life because I needed a path to walk down. My whole sense of who I was and my future was rearranged, and I needed somewhere to go. 


I thought, "If my life could look like hers, I will be ok." "If I do what she does, then I think all this will be worth it." That was why it was the bargaining phase of my thinking. That clamoring to find something to not necessarily fix, but finding something good to balance out the really intense bad feelings of, "Oh my goodness, someone threw a sledgehammer at my development / identity / future plans!!!!!!!!!"


Well,  EXACTLY A YEAR AGO, I actually got to see Dr. Grandin at a lecture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes, she gave that exact lecture, though this picture wasn't taken at Colorado State University. It was pulled from Google Images. Anyhoo... I saw her at the University Center for the Arts at Griffin Concert Hall with one of my best friends Kristina.... IT WAS REALLY AWESOME AND I TOTALLY EEKED AFTERWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Erm - sorry, I got distracted :) So after the lecture, I realized that I can't follow exactly in her footsteps a) because livestock is not my thing (I'd so get trampled, and cows and horses smell funny) and b) more importantly, our ASD affects us in different ways. Dr. Grandin is totally cool with giving a lecture in front of millions of people since that's apparently what she spends half her life doing. She's less comfortable just hanging out talking with people even though she does it during book signings. I don't know how much she'd like working at the group home where I work. I like it :) 

So I realized this: Our paths initially cross wherein we both are on the autism spectrum, and we are both affiliated with CSU, but we're very different. Part of moving into an acceptance frame of mind was when I realized that I could look at her path to see how God used one person's disability and then trust Him for how He would use mine. One way where Dr. Grandin and I are the same, is that I've had the opportunity to help my clients on the spectrum and empathize with them because I've felt similar frustrations as they have.  Where my path will go, I don't know. It might cross Dr. Grandin's path again, or it may go a completely different way, and that's fine :) 




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3 comments:

  1. Hesting1:15 PM

    I felt quite like you for some time. Well, I could not do the cattle stuff either, but Temple Grandin is also inspiring in other ways. Some genius you cannot reach for.

    At least that's what I thought until I read an article about fear in autistic persons which referred to her work with the Hug Machine not been carefully done. Since that my emotions have cooled down a bit.

    But I would still be eager to see a talk from her live if I could. :) (I suppose I won't have the chance if I do not come to the United States.)

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  2. Katie3:06 PM

    Thanks, Hesting. Where are you from? The research on the Hug Machine was done several decades ago, so the research methods may have been less stringent back then. Interesting though!

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  3. Hesting8:01 AM

    Hi Katie,

    the article I mean is from Susan White and others ('Anxiety in children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorders', Clinical Psychology Review 29, 216–229) and was published in 2009. The authors refer to 'Behavioral and physiological effects of deep pressure on childrenwith autism: A pilot study evaluating the efficacy of Grandin's Hug Machine' (published at the American Journal of Occupational Therapy, Vol. 53, p. 145−152, by Edelson, Edelson, Kerr and Grandin) in the following way: 'Twelve children with AD, half of whom were either
    nonverbal or verbally impaired, were randomly assigned to treatment
    with the Hug Machine or to placebo (provided via a disengaged Hug
    Machine). Compared to the control group, the children in the
    treatment group showed significant declines for the tension and
    hyperactivity-restlessness subscales of the Conners Parent Rating Scale, but only a marginally significant reduction in anxiety. As mean pre-intervention and post-intervention scores were not provided in the report, magnitude of change cannot be estimated. Despite random assignment to condition, the children in the treatment group had significantly higher anxiety and tension scores at pre-test than did the control group. [...]In addition to the small sample size, the results of this pilot study have not been replicated to date.'
    Actually this is the only report about a non-medication treatment at all which Mrs. White refers to ... and that makes me sad.

    I'm living in Germany, with a small amount of money from a little job, and I do not like the intense control at U.S. airports. ;)

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