Kids make me smile

Today was my second cousin's first birthday :) She and her sister were SO CUTE :)

Her older sister is three and she helped her open presents. I of course played with the kids. The cutest greatest moments where when the little one discovered what all her new little toys could do. The look of joy / surprise on her face was pure awesome :)

Hanging around them made me think about how I'd like kids someday Not while I'm in paralegal school, not right after, but you know - someday :) A bonus will be that they will be at least 1/2 tan! WOO HOO!

It's funny. I went from: "I want kids to prove my HDFS competency in spite of a complicated past" to "I'LL NEVER HAVE KIDS BECAUSE I'M ON THE AUTISM SPECRUM!!!" to "Hm. I think I want kids. I just know I'll relate to them in a completely different way, and that's ok." to "Kids would be nice. In a few years."

Even though I am not married or engaged or otherwise in a relationship, it is nice to think about this whole idea of having kids. It's called being prepared. Not just learning the child development knowledge, but think about why I want kids. If a child was merely a tool to fill a void in my heart, that kid can't fill it. I've been a kid in that position, and I do not want to put a child in that position. It's the neatest thing to watch a child develop, but I realize that having responsibility for that child's development is an enormous responsibility. I understand why it takes a community (the parents and their social support system) to raise children because with so much responsibility, social support gives parents emotional and practical support.

It's also nice to ponder questions such as: would I truly be ok with leaving a career to raise a child or children, how could I realistically balance work and family responsibilities, how would I take a family on the bus, would I be comfortable homeschooling if that's what Prince Charming would want? The nice thing is that I would have the help of Prince Charming (husband) in these decisions, so I wouldn't do it alone.

Sometimes I think a lot of people that do not have children (me included on some days) can have fears that would lead them to not want children. Sometimes the idea of giving up a career I may be passionate balancing that career with family responsibilities would seem very difficult, sometimes I would say, 'What if Prince Charming kicked the bucket and left me alone and I would have to do it myself, sometimes I would say, there can be so much that can happen in a family that can be bad for a child, the risk seems really high. I think sometimes in the human services professions, many people can become jaded and say, "Families are messed up, parents are generally ignorant and human services professionals must do the best they can with the limited funds the government has." I've heard that sentiment several times going through school :P Sometimes I think that even after all this time, my attachment history and my current limitations would make it hard to raise a child.

Getting bogged down in these risks would be a reason why I would willingly remain childless. However, to counter those voices, I have to remember the good things: helping a child achieve developmental milestones, the smiles and giggles when a child discovers something new, being able to love a child, raising someone to be a productive member of society, and being able to share God with a child are reasons why, if it is God's will, getting married and having a child would be worth it. Because ultimately, kids do make me smile, and more importantly, the act of raising a child to know God and be the person He made them to be makes God smile.