My Example

Since I've realized that I have this new challenge of an ASD and how it plays out in the way I live, I have had to reconfigure and rework my life - the way I see my past, present, and future. How exactly does this recently discovered (or diagnosed) piece of my identity into my life overall and how do I live knowing that it influences what I do without it controlling me and how I think of my identity overall? How much influence does this have on my decision making about my career and other aspects of my future? How do I tell others? Why does God have me in this position? How does this affect my continued healing from my past? 

To answer these questions, I've longed for a role-model, an example. Someone who's been there that I can ask these questions to. I wish I could spend a day or several days just talking to a specific person about this who's been there and see where she's been in life, not just what she has written down, but to really understand what her life has been like. I wish she could be there to walk down at least the first part of this 'new path' with me so if I needed anything - an encouraging word, an 'I understand, I've been there, here's how to handle it' piece of advice. 

However, this person has limitations. Any person I would pick to be my role-model would have limitations. There's no possible way to learn all the research around ASD. And every person with ASD has it affect him or her differently. Therefore, there could be things she struggles with that I don't and vice versa. This person can't always be there 24/7 and even if there was a decent friendship there, friendships aren't always perfect. 

Then who is my example? Who do I really really want to be with me down my path of life as I go with this new challenge? Who do I really want to be there when things get rough or when I achieve something that I didn't think was possible? Who do I really want there when I get in a funk and completely loose it? I know the answer. His name is Jesus. We as believers are called to imitate His life, follow His example, and thus be an example to those around us. Christ gave of Himself at The Cross. Christ has felt abandoned. Christ has felt rejected by the world. Christ is my Creator. He ordained my days before they were ever written. He knew exactly what I would face as I went through life. He knows every single piece of research, every discovery about the brain & human development that we will ever discover, and He knows all the secret nuggets of nerdy awesomeness that we will never ever be able in our limited human knowledge & technology (in a fallen world) to discover because He is Creator. 

God, Savor, Creator,

I need You as I walk down this path. I know I don't physically see You, but I see Your hand in Creation, in Your Word, in the lives of other people, even those that I want to be my role-models that I don't know if they know You yet. When I am sad, when I am frustrated, when You allow me to have victory, may I come to You with all of it. You are there when I can't sleep. You are there when I have a melt-down and seem all alone. You have seen my life- all my life, every happy moment, every painful moment, You've heard every encouraging word that's been said to me and every time someone has snapped at me out of frustration or anger because she couldn't understand what was wrong with me or how to fix it. You know my path. You have ordained my days. You are my example in humility, service, love, and compassion. You give me empathy beyond what I have ever been able to feel. You offer unconditional forgiveness because You died for all my sins on the Cross. You sustain the relationship when I withdraw into my own world and want to shut You out. You see those moments anyway and are there with compassion and no condemnation when I come to You. You take away my shame. 

Come Thou fount of every blessing

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace

Streams of mercy never ceasing

Call for songs of loudest praise

Teach me some melodious sonnet

Sung by flaming tounges above

Praise this mount I'm fixed upon it

Mount of Thy redeeming love! 

Here's my life and Here am I to lead. Amen :)