When I can't hold back the tears

I had another turning into a giant teardrop at the Firehouse prayer meeting last Sunday when I brought up the little Summitview girl I know named Esther who has cancer.  Tonight I almost started crying in a restaurant when I remembered eating dinner with the family and I think Esther sat with my friends and I. She was a cutie eating her dinner with hands like a typical 12 month old. She would smile at us and my friends and I replied with an uber girly "Aaaaaw!!!" 


She was also at my friend's bridal shower. She and her twin sister Zinnia were talking about how they ate their cup-cakes "all gone." They were dressed like princesses and looked so ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!! 


I wondered, "Why are you such a giant tear drop?" Several years ago, my uncle had cancer, and I cried about it for obvious reasons. Esther is not my second cousin or related to me in any way. Yet, her mom is in my close circle of friends, and I have taught her sisters in Sunday School. So it makes logical sense that I would be close to her. 


There are times when I can think about Esther's situation completely logically and in a distant clinical way. Yet when her cute little face pops up into my memory, I begin crying. For my ASD brain, that's a little weird and unpredictable, because for me, my emotions have to have a rational basis for me to make sense of them. But I remind myself that tears mean that Esther has worked her way into my heart. More accurately, God has allowed me to care about her more than I think I even realize when I just sit and think about it. 


So what do I do when I become a giant teardrop? I just remind myself that even though it sometimes happens at odd intervals, the tears a reminder that God has allowed me to love little Esther and her family. The tears are also a reminder to go to God who is the comforter of my soul.