The God Above Kidney Stones and Bombings

Today Mom woke me up groaning about being in pain and other symptoms. She didn't know what to do, so I called Denver Health nurse-line so we could have advice on her symptoms. The nurse recommended that Mom go to urgent care. I called my aunt and when I did not get a hold of her, I called our neighbor Nancy who would be able to take Mom to urgent care. Finally, I called my Boaz to ask him to pray for us. That was all before 8 am this morning. 

Mom's urgent care appointment went better than I thought. I think since Nancy was there, I was able to stay calmer. I did keep asking the receptionist how long Mom would have to wait since she was in a lot of pain. A nurse came out right as Mom was filling out her paperwork. Nancy and I went to breakfast after Mom went back to the exam area. 

Her appointment lasted a few hours with Nancy and I dropping by to check on her and then spending some time at Starbucks getting stuff done on our computers. Turns out Mom has a kidney stone :( It could have been a lot worse. 

I was happy Mom was able to go home and drink plenty of fluids. However, I was tired and still 'emotionally drained' and feeling sad from having to be so worried about her earlier. As I was on the bus, Mom called and told me what she heard on the news: 

There was a bombing during the Boston Marathon where at least 20 people were hurt. 

Winner from a past year

Huh? 

Wait - what? 

I got to campus and a student was looking at the news on his tablet. He showed me and I read the article. I read up on it on my computer and then did some work. 

I felt the same sadness I felt during the Aurora shooting and during the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. 

Why was this area chosen as the crime scene? 
How horrible is it that an athlete finishes a race only to be injured by a bomb. 
What does this mean for national security? 
This could have been in Colorado where I have friends who run in these type of events. 

I listened to some Chris Tomlin "See the Morning" CD as I did some school work. Then I realized: The answer to both these things is Christ. 

God is sovereign and was Mom and my comfort when Mom had her kidney stone. God was kind to us to have my neighbor able to drive so Mom didn't have to call an ambulance. 

So where was God's kindness in the bombing in Boston today? Well, many of the other bombs did not go off. A medical tent (for the runners to ice sore muscles and sprained ankles) was close by so  the medics were able to treat the injured quickly. Police and firefighters were probably near by just as policy for a large crowd event, so they were able to help. I think Boston has more than one medical school so the injured could be transported to hospitals reasonably close by. 

But what if Mom had to have emergency surgery? What if all the bombs went off and killed 2000 people instead of 2? Where would God's kindness be? 

His kindness is that while we were still sinners He died for us. He took the wrongs of the world - from the grumbling about the slow passenger getting on the bus to bombing innocent people - onto Himself on the Cross. He took disease and death - from the common cold to cancer and ALS - onto the Cross too. 

He defeated sin, anger, war, terrorism, death, and disease when He rose from the dead. That is His kindness. That is why I can have peace in God through the small situations and the big. That is why when I cry over the small situations and the major  current events, I can receive comfort from God. He has felt this pain and then He has overcome. 

A Crisis Observed: Yay!

OH CRAP! I can't believe I didn't write about this beforehand!!!!!!!!!!! 

So on Friday I visited my aunt in the hospital. She was doing much better and her face lit up when I saw her. She showed me her hospital issue socks and those leg wraps that keep the blood circulating when the patient is stuck in bed all day. The socks were yello and the leg wraps were green. So of course I joked that she was either wearing CSU colors or Packers colors. I also brought her an ESPN magazine about football since she's a HUGE Broncos fan :) She liked that. 

It was a huge relief to see her on the mend and happy. She obviously wanted to be home, but she knew she had to rest up in the hospital. Her mom brought her a stuffed monkey named Ricky. We joked about how she had to keep monkey Ricky away from her mom's dog also named Ricky because the dog would chew the thing to pieces. She was a bit tired, but otherwise she was her normal self. :) Yay! :) 

She has today and possibly tomorrow in the hospital and then she goes home :) We're all thankful that this little bump in the road in her life was small :) 

A Crisis Observed: It's a short one!

Good news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) MY AUNT DOES NOT HAVE CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Yay! :) I'm so happy :D She's going to be in the hospital until probably Sunday, but she is recovering as expected. 

This crisis is a short one, but still significant. My friends noticed that I wasn't really as perky and cheerful in our paralegal classes. I went home and just chilled out. I think a lot of the worrying I did and stuff oh yes, and lack of sleep wore me out. 

But yeah. It's still a bummer that one of my favorite aunts is sick, but the fact that she should recover shortly is definitely a major plus! :) 

A Crisis Observed: The First Morning

Whoa, hey, last night was like "Angry Birds" except it was
Angry Blogger... wow. 

So last night, I listened to music, wrote in my journal and then listened to John Piper's message "The supremacy of Joy in a Postmodern World." That was really awesome because it grounded me that joy flows out of the relationship between the Father and the Son and then we are able to share in it because we are justified through the Cross. That was nice because joy is NOT in my circumstance (yes, Katie, you should've learned that by now, but apparently...) and also for this situation will not be primarily in: an amazingly good recovery for my aunt after surgery, the tumor being benign, or even if my unsaved family members come to know Christ through this. These would be secondary sources of joy, but the primary source is God. 

Knowing that still didn't stop the 'blahs' from hitting me when I woke up today. I lay in bed just wanting to snuggle in my blankets and stare at the wall until I had to go to class. But I reminded myself of Truth and reminded myself that God will give me strength to get through the day :) 

Knowing my joy comes primarily from God allowed me to enjoy some little smiles this morning. When I got dressed for a little morning walk, I got into my CSU Rams sweatpants and hoodie. I thought, "Oh man, I'm Ramed up today! Woo! :)" and seeing the grass along the bike path near my little house just a little bit greener thanks to the rain yesterday made me smile. Watching some ducks in the creek also made me smile :)  And during my quiet time, the way 1 Chronicles 19 was HILARIOUS. "So the Arameans were not willing to help the Ammonites anymore. v.19." Um... YEAH... if you ally with a country that God through King David will beat down, you will not have a good time. Anyway, I laughed a bit.

When I came back, I wasn't that hungry (I know that's a sign of stress for me), but I ate cereal and then made an easy lunch. Joy means I can go through the day doing my thing and not lay around stressing out. Joy means looking for little smiles in the day even though I don't know how my aunt's surgery will go later on today.

I know today I might think about my aunt when I'm in class and stuff, but I also know I can just shout out a prayer (silently) to God and then go back to thinking about torts or something. 

Cussing out the Proper Spiritual Authorities

Note: I usually don't post my raw thoughts, but I just had to let this one go because honestly, there is no cleaning up certain situations. Pain hurts and pain sucks, but even when I am pissed beyond acceptable language, I can still honestly see God, and that's why I'm sharing these thoughts with the blogsphere.

I AM SUPER F-ING PISSED RIGHT NOW! Like SERIOUSLY???? Ok, my aunt who has down syndrome and who has been at times like a big sister, at times like a younger close cousin to me, at times like my favorite client, just went to the doctor and was told she had a 6 inch mass in her abdomen. 
LIKE SERIOUSLY??? Who the hell thought, "Oh, let's give a lady with down syndrome a tumor RIGHT when she's about to move in with one of her best friends into a new apartment and when she's trying to help her mom who has osteoarthritis??" And also, WHAT THE F!! My family lost an uncle to cancer. and whoever it is, if you remember THAT WAS HER F-ING BROTHER WHO DIED FROM CANCER and SHE BETTER NOT BE NEXT!!!!!  F THIS CANCER AND F THIS SICKNESS AND F ALL THIS PAIN AND SOMEONE'S GONNA BURN IN HELL FOR A LONG F ING TIME FOR ALL THIS!!

Like, my anger is truly real, and I was totally cussing out - well someone - in my head. Like, I don't cuss much (even though some of my paralegal friends drop s and f bombs on a regular basis) but anger was my first reaction. 

Unfortunately, I first started cussing out God like, "Ok, I know You have a plan for this buddy, but WHAT THE F!?!?!" Honestly, this can be a valid mistake for people. Because when I found out that my uncle was sick in 2005, my grandpa had a stroke in 2006, and tonight that my aunt has a tumor, I wanted to find some supernatural power and kick it in the nuts and make it hurt for somehow being sovereign over all this earth and letting these things happen. Because IT HURTS. It's just a natural reaction to want to make someone pay for suffering. Even that thought: that people understand there's a true good and a true bad means that SOMEONE created these standards, therefore, there is SOMETHING out there. Of course, the God of the Bible has proved Himself through Creation and through the Word and through Christ. He's proven that yes. There is a good. God is good. He is good. And Satan rebelled bringing evil into the world. That is why there is suffering. Satan is the ultimate cause of all this pain: Everything from Cain killing Abel, Eve getting deceived, Adam not manning up and standing up for her, and all the divorce and child abuse and war and genocide and starvation and class warfare and selfishness and persecution of God's people and sickness and disabilities and cancer and - ALL THIS F ING PAIN IS CAUSED BY SATAN!  Nope not God. If we don't understand the Christian worldview and we believe God is a mix of good and bad instead of the perfect just and loving God that redeems His people from a fallen world, we WILL shake our fist at Him for suffering, because we just want a supernatural being to PAY for ALL THE SUFFERING EVER, especially when it touches us personally. 

Did I cuss Satan out in my head? Oh, yes I did. Yeah, I sure did. And I was thinking, "AND I AM SO F -ING GLAD, SATAN YOU ARE TRULY HONESTLY GONNA BURN AND ROT IN HELL FOR A LONG LONG LONG LONG TIME AND YOU WILL GET YOU ASS HANDED TO YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY BECAUSE YOU CAUSED SO MUCH PAIN AND SO MANY TEARS AND SO MUCH - AAAGH! YOU WILL F - ING BURN!!!!"

Then I realized, "God, I truly do thank You that we don't have to go around like, 'pain is really nothing la la la,' and brush it under the rug and put on so-called rose colored glasses, but we can fess up like, 'GOD THIS F ING SUCKS AND THIS IS ALL F ING SATAN'S FAULT!' because God is sick of this sht too. That's why He's going to judge the world. 

Then I was humbled thinking, "Oh crap. Obviously I've sinned too. Yeah, I deserve to burn, and apart from Christ, I'm just as screwed as the rest of the world." Then I was like, "Grace is seriously epic." Like that sentence doesn't even capture the epicness of God because God rescueing even 1 person from this crappy pisshole of a world that is just as defiled and covered in filth is mind blowing and He is rescuing THOUSANDS of people EVERY DAY and He is not going to stop until He gets people from EVERY SINGLE NATION IN THIS PAIN-FILLED WORLD. THAT is the reason no human being can EVER fathom that, and that is what the Apostle Paul writes over and over in his letters. 

If there was not a good sovereign God who has through Christ defeated Satan and defeated sin and death and sickness (including cancer and tumors), there would seriously be no hope at all. This is the light in this onslaught of pain and anger and crap, and this is the light and hope I hold onto so I can trust God and be real with Him and connect with Him through all this.