God's Not Dead: My Review

I joined two friends of mine from Hope Crossing to see the movie "God's Not Dead" where a prelaw college freshman takes up his philosophy professor's challenge to prove God and disprove atheism. Another friend posted this link from Creation Ministries International which critiques the movie based on how well a literal interpretation of Genesis was utilized. Their review also evaluted how realistically other characters who represented different groups in the cultural debates are often portrayed. 

I agreed with the CMI article, and I am still glad I saw the movie. 

To set some background, I am Summitview trained in apologetics and in college, I learned various ways to logically explain my faith and common questions often presented to Christians from others of varying worldviews. Apologetics can be taught in an us versus them fashion, especially if the media and other facets of society tend to demean Christianity. I definitely felt that academia was not on the Christians' side, so I resonated with the kid going up against his professor. 

Also setting some background, I know what it was like to be a person seeking answers. Though I didn't take an anti-God stance, I was looking for someone to explain things like the problem of evil and assurance of salvation in a logical way. Before I became Christian, I had mocked Christians and I thought that praying for an illness to go away was foolish because we had medicine for that. In short, I have been on both sides. 

Now, to address CMI's arguments: 

1. Josh's arguments were insufficient to convince a critically thinking audience such as a true college professor and a philosophy class. He did not follow a literal interpretation of Genesis. Though he quoted much of the narrative, he allowed for evolution to be true. He also tied evil to free will rather than to sin. 

I agree with these criticisms. I think if he had to argue more than the basic first cause argument, the movie would've ended up being more of a giant lecture with plot thrown in. That would be fine for Bible nerds like my Summitview friends and myself (given the right mood), but maybe not for a broader audience. I also think this movie was meant to give Christians a starting point to begin arguing their faith and they would be free to do their research. However, again, if a Christian isn't in an apologetics heavy church like Summitview or a good church where scripture is examined deeply, than just using these arguments against a better trained debator would be quite a challenge. The article addresses this and emphasized that students who watch this shouldn't feel like they can rely soley on Josh's arguments against their own professors. For non-Christians, this movie can give them partial answers, but again, they would need to do more research. From my own experience, I often revisited the same questions as a seeker and needed to dig deeper. Luckily, I had Christian friends who understood my need for understand and explained things rather than friends who saw my questions as attacks on their faith. 

2. Other characters and even other Christians in the film were portrayed inaccurately and in a unhelpful stereotypical way. Amy, a journalist critical of Christians is hostile with her interviewing technique where most journalists would at least be civil when interviewing a subject. Journalists usually save their arguing and spats with fellow newsanchors on CNN or FOX. She only softens up when she is desperate for answers to her own life situation.

Ayisha is a Muslim student, but the directors did not get her traditional outfit right. They also portray her family in a way that would cause non-Muslims to be critical of that people group. CMI said that this would be detrimental for Christians reaching Muslims for the Gospel. I agree. Though they show how hard life can be for a Muslim individual who openly switches faiths, they neglected to stress that not everyone's situation is like hers. 

Professor Radisson is your hard-line atheist and his home is probably not typical of a Humanities / Liberal Arts professor's home. Those guys don't make that much. Anyway, he is almost too aggressive with Josh, and if he was at CSU, Josh could bring his behavior in and outside the classroom toward him to the Dean of the College of Liberal Arts and the Office of Conflict and Dispute Resolution. 

Finally, on the non-Christians' side, an unnamed business man is the stereotypical profit-driven cold CEO. All the ladies in the movie theater want to kick him in the balls for the way he treats his girlfriend in her time of need, but again, one can make a stretch that a successful business professional will have a cold money-hungry attitude without Jesus. That is not true. There are many corporate officers who may not be believers, but are kind to their staff and use company funds to donate to charity etc. 

On the Christians' side, Pastor Dave and his missionary friend interact with nearly everyone in the movie. Pastor Dave appears to be a young pastor who is burnt out and wishes he could be "in the trenches" like his missionary friend who works in a foreign country. The missionary encourages Pastor Dave in his faith and is constantly amazed at the conveinences in America. The CMI article criticizes their portrayal as Christians who have shallow faith. Again, I agree with this, and yet I see how they serve to bring the story together rather than detract from the central plotline of Josh's debate with his professor. 

What I would say to other Christians who want to see the movie: 

This is a movie to inspire you to share your faith and to make you remember that even people we would label as 'enemies of our faith' because they outwardly are hostile to Christians may also have very real struggles. If you want to begin defending your faith like Josh, read your Bible, read good apologetics books, and always have faith that God will supply you the answers and remind your heart to have compassion for those asking you these questions. 

What I would say to non-Christians who want to see the movie:

No, not every Christian sees you as a 'Professor Raddison', especially if you are in academia. People such as C.S. Lewis and Lee Strobel have written books about Christianity that present you questions in a very logical format. Many scientists and professors are Christian, though they may not be outspoken due to the climate in academia. You can have your faith and your intellect. Use this movie as a starting point to find answers. 

No movie will be a perfect witness because each Christian is not a perfect witness. We are imperfect. We sin. We backslide. Sometimes quite badly. But Jesus is the perfect example of God coming to earth to redeem mankind. Jesus conquered sin, death, and hell. In Christ and in all that He is, He is the perfect answer.  I believe the producers' hearts were to point people to Christ. After seeing this movie, I will pray for everyone who sees it that they find Christ alive and our Redeemer.

A flood in my old home

I am still in somewhat of a surreal shock. 

My own state is partially underwater. Though I had a pretty sunny day in Southwest Denver, I know that east of Boaz's side of Parker, there is still flooding. 

And there is flooding in Fort Collins. My old home. 

It hits home when Mom and I hear the news and I start talking about, "Oh yeah, that path is north of Old Town..." and my memories of Fort Collins come back. 

Of walking around Old Town
Of walking down the Spring Creek Trail
Hiking up Horsetooth
Hanging out at Rolland Moore Park
Being a CSU Ram 

I think a lot about the guys' group home where I worked. It is by Overland and Vine. I think they should be ok, but I know two guys had rooms in the basement, so everyone might be on the first and second floor for a bit. 

For some of my friends in the law firm it's still happening "over there." The streets they take to work aren't washed out. Their houses aren't flooded (though one friend had some water in her basement, but she got a dry-vac). I can think it's "over there" because mom's house isn't flooded, and my bus routes work. 

But my heart tells me that it is where my former church family is. My friends' postings on Facebook remind me that my friends are affected or very close to affected areas. 

I am reminded that the flood is in my old home. 

And my old home is in my prayers. 

Obligatory Paralegal Nerd Supreme Court Post!!!

Supreme Court Building, Washington DC Google Images

Hello, Blogsphere! I had to do a post on the Supreme Court decision of United States v. Windsor. This is the DOMA case. I've been reading this case because the  dispute arose due to the estate tax that we're learning about in Probate and Estate Planning class. 

Before I get into what I want to say, I'll quickly lay out my philosophical foundation for thinking about the Supreme Court decision: 

1. I believe there is a God and He manifested Himself as Jesus Christ. He proved that He was the Savior for the world by dying on the cross and rising again. The consequences of his Resurrection: the growth of the Christian church amid heavy persecution, the radical cultural shift in the Roman empire once the culture accepted Christianity, and billions of individuals' personal testimonies validate its reality. 

2. I believe God has provided evidence about Himself and guidelines for how the world works through the Bible comprising the Old and New Testament. 

3. I believe God offers salvation to everyone. No sin is too great for Him to forgive. He forgave murderers and those considered treasonous to their own culture (Jewish tax-collectors). He forgave several people in sexual sin (The woman at the well and the woman who wiped his feet with her hair). People are saved upon accepting Christ as Savior and trusting in Him to forgive sins, save them from ultimate judgement, and transform their lives here on earth. 

4. With this foundation, I believe God has spoken clearly in the Old and New Testament about human sexuality prohibiting deviations from hetero-sexual relations within the context of marriage. Even so, God does not exclude these deviations from the saving grace of Christ. Meaning, God is willing and able to forgive people that have transgressed in this area. 

Alrighty! Disclaimers are out of the way :D They were not meant to be the crux of this post, but I needed to lay them out before I went on with this post. 

So how did I react to the Supreme Court decision? My thoughts verbatim were: "Let the Continuing Legal Education begin!" I thought about my time at Metro Volunteer Lawyers and at Colorado Legal Services and wondered how would this ruling affect my clients. So far, I have come up with: those who were same-sex married in other states would now be considered married under any federal laws that would apply to them. For example, social-security benefits, the estate-tax, and other federal laws would apply now. 

How do I feel about that? Honestly, even though I do not think that sort of relationship is Biblical or God's design, I am grateful that I live in a country where the highest court sees giving rights to a group society considers marginalized as a priority. This is looking at it purely from a paralegal student's standpoint as one who is entering a position where I examine the law and apply the law as a major part of my future job. 

Thinking about this as a future paralegal, I didn't think about this ruling as being brought about by fringe activists, nor did I think about it firstly as eroding the fabric of society so to speak. I thought in terms of: How would this affect a real client I might see? How would this affect a client who walked through the doors of Colorado Legal Services and had a legal matter involving a same-sex partner and the federal laws? 

As a fledgling paralegal, I feel like I have an obligation to help my supervising attorney explain the law to people if he wants to hold a training or something even if I don't agree with the law. Because I am in a position where I can help an attorney educate the public about the law, the Supreme Court's stance on DOMA isn't a scary "hands-away! That thing is evil and unclean!!" to me. I realize that it's just case-law like any other appellate court decision, and I should reference it if it's going to help my attorney's clients. It's my duty as a paralegal. Knowing that makes this whole thing less "scary." 

Does that mean I have changed my fundamental positions listed above? No. After getting to know several people in these type of relationships, I don't think of the ruling as "Them (the increasingly secular American society) versus Us (Christians who believe the Bible as the Word of God as applicable to every day life including sexuality)." I think of it as a ruling coming down after interpretation of the law and applying it to the current society. 

Does it say something about the current society? Yes. I believe it confirms that our society is embracing secular postmodernism. What does this mean for my life? Well, this means that I need to understand exactly what I believe because the culture conforms less and less to a Christian worldview. Therefore, I need to be able to explain myself clearer when asked about my beliefs. More importantly, this also indicates that as a Christian, I must be more purposeful. I can't blend into society because society's rules are straying from the rules and norms of the Bible. To truly demonstrate what Christianity is so others can know Christ, I need to somehow live in such a way where I am different. I don't want to live in an "I'm right, they're wrong" mentality. That would push people away from the Gospel. But I am convicted that I need to live and treat people in a way that makes people ask, "Why does she do or believe that?" and I have ask God for the courage to explain about Christ when they ask. 

Looking into the future, I know this will affect how Boaz and I raise our kids (assuming Boaz and I get married :D and have kids :D :D :D :D :D ) because the children may not absorb many facets of the Christian worldview from the culture. In fact, they may be taught an entirely different worldview outside of the home and the church. Does that mean Boaz and I should prepare to raise children in Christian isolation? No. Because they will need to know how the world works and understand others' worldview so they will be able to present the Gospel coherently to their peers. That is the main point of teaching children a Christian worldview: To lead them to Christ so they come to a saving knowledge of Him and then share the good news with those around them so that others may be saved. 

So, this is a very long analysis of the Supreme Court decision from all different angles. These things will be things I ponder for quite a while, and I will be praying about how God wants me to respond to this decision and change in the culture. Because I want the way I respond to point to Him. 

Blood for a terrorism defendant

Today the news reported more about the Boston Marathon terrorism suspect who was injured in the standoff with police. The news reported that he was in the hospital and had sustained heavy blood loss. My first thought was, "Oh man, how would I like it if I donated blood and then it went to that guy??" Especially, if I was one of the people that donated blood in hopes it would help some of the injured in the bomb blast? The implication of my thought was this: A terrorism suspect is less worthy of a blood transfusion than one of the injured from the attack. 

An anchor on Fox News was also surprised that the suspect was read his Miranda Rights. My paralegal student side thought, "Yes, but that's a routine procedure in criminal law." Procedural Due-Proccess. He has a right to due process of law under the sixth-amendment of our Constitution. 

Then God brought my mind back to the idea that he received someone else's donated blood. This blood donor gave at a facility like Bonfil's Blood Center or the hospital in-house blood donation center. The donor would never have knowledge about what patient received the blood. It could have gone to a mother in the delivery unit, a cancer patient, a car-accident victim, or the criminal defendant who is currently being treated. Society sees each of these people a different way, and that affects how 'worthy' they are of fair treatment. 

How dare a defendant suspected of terrorism get read his Miranda rights! How dare the doctors keep him comfortable unless all they are doing it for is to ensure he is healthy enough for interrogation! 

Yet, God reminded me of this fact: Christ is the blood donor for all of us.  He gave His blood on the Cross to atone for my sins of lying, selfishness, blasphemy of God, etc. He gave His blood on the cross for the embezzlers, the DUI offenders, those convicted of misdemeanors  the drivers who flip off the RTD bus drivers, and the terrorists. He gave His blood for all. For both the victims of the Boston bombing and the perpetrators. Only in Christ's blood are we all washed clean of sin. 

Humbled. 

And Mind. Blown. 

The God Above Kidney Stones and Bombings

Today Mom woke me up groaning about being in pain and other symptoms. She didn't know what to do, so I called Denver Health nurse-line so we could have advice on her symptoms. The nurse recommended that Mom go to urgent care. I called my aunt and when I did not get a hold of her, I called our neighbor Nancy who would be able to take Mom to urgent care. Finally, I called my Boaz to ask him to pray for us. That was all before 8 am this morning. 

Mom's urgent care appointment went better than I thought. I think since Nancy was there, I was able to stay calmer. I did keep asking the receptionist how long Mom would have to wait since she was in a lot of pain. A nurse came out right as Mom was filling out her paperwork. Nancy and I went to breakfast after Mom went back to the exam area. 

Her appointment lasted a few hours with Nancy and I dropping by to check on her and then spending some time at Starbucks getting stuff done on our computers. Turns out Mom has a kidney stone :( It could have been a lot worse. 

I was happy Mom was able to go home and drink plenty of fluids. However, I was tired and still 'emotionally drained' and feeling sad from having to be so worried about her earlier. As I was on the bus, Mom called and told me what she heard on the news: 

There was a bombing during the Boston Marathon where at least 20 people were hurt. 

Winner from a past year

Huh? 

Wait - what? 

I got to campus and a student was looking at the news on his tablet. He showed me and I read the article. I read up on it on my computer and then did some work. 

I felt the same sadness I felt during the Aurora shooting and during the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. 

Why was this area chosen as the crime scene? 
How horrible is it that an athlete finishes a race only to be injured by a bomb. 
What does this mean for national security? 
This could have been in Colorado where I have friends who run in these type of events. 

I listened to some Chris Tomlin "See the Morning" CD as I did some school work. Then I realized: The answer to both these things is Christ. 

God is sovereign and was Mom and my comfort when Mom had her kidney stone. God was kind to us to have my neighbor able to drive so Mom didn't have to call an ambulance. 

So where was God's kindness in the bombing in Boston today? Well, many of the other bombs did not go off. A medical tent (for the runners to ice sore muscles and sprained ankles) was close by so  the medics were able to treat the injured quickly. Police and firefighters were probably near by just as policy for a large crowd event, so they were able to help. I think Boston has more than one medical school so the injured could be transported to hospitals reasonably close by. 

But what if Mom had to have emergency surgery? What if all the bombs went off and killed 2000 people instead of 2? Where would God's kindness be? 

His kindness is that while we were still sinners He died for us. He took the wrongs of the world - from the grumbling about the slow passenger getting on the bus to bombing innocent people - onto Himself on the Cross. He took disease and death - from the common cold to cancer and ALS - onto the Cross too. 

He defeated sin, anger, war, terrorism, death, and disease when He rose from the dead. That is His kindness. That is why I can have peace in God through the small situations and the big. That is why when I cry over the small situations and the major  current events, I can receive comfort from God. He has felt this pain and then He has overcome. 

A compilation of thoughts and feelings about today's events

I can't think of a clever title to this post, but it's a direct excerpt from my journal. I only share this because maybe someone can be helped inseeing how I still rely on my faith to help me think about the mass shooting today.
Mom and I went into a nearby movie theater to watch The Hobbit and watched two and a half hours of hilarious dwarves, pretty elves, short hobbits, a crazy Gollum, and really ugly giants and orcs battle it out in Middle Earth. 

We walked out of the movie theater and I checked Facebook in the car to tell my peeps that the movie was FREAKING AWESOME!! People were posting about some tragedy and one of my HDFS friends had her political commentary on it. I was thinking, “What the heck did I miss?” Then I checked Google News and I said in a very Sheldon Cooper-ish voice, “Oh, Lord!”

Battling it out in Middle Earth with some smelly orcs wouldn’t be as bad as realizing some crazy guy shot up a classroom where 20 kids died. Like school aged kids. Like just coming out of early childhood and discovering the joys of middle childhood kids.

Like kids I worked with when I was hping out my first year of AWANA and kids I have been a nanny for and kids I saw swarming the Summitview building.

I’m rocking to some Skillet because it’s sorta like how I feel right now like how headbangers at Marylin Manson or heavy metal concerts headbang like, “F-THE WORLD!!!!” Except, I could be headbanging like, “THIS WORLD SUCKS AND NEEDS JESUS!”

I told Mom and she agrees that we both feel waves of numbness mixed with waves of sadness and waves of anger.

I don’t understand in a personal way why some of my friends posted stuff like “I will hold my son tighter tonight.” because in one sense, they are in Colorado and this happened in Connecticut. A good friend explained to me that these parents sympathise with parents who have lost kids in this shooting, and this has made my friends grateful that their children are still alive. She also said that they are comforted in a way by their kids’ presence.

Even though I initially told her that I didn’t get it, I sort of do. I have thought about helping the school-aged kids in AWANA with their game time and later getting their awards at the AWANA shop, and I haven’t thought about them for a long time. I’ve thought about the two kids I was a nanny for over two summers, and I haven’t thought about them for a while. They are in 2nd and 3rd grade now. In a way, I guess I’m ‘holding my kids tighter.’ I’m thinking about them more, and I am grateful that the kids I have helped are safe. I have prayed that nothing bad happens to them.

At Chipotle after I read about this event, I saw a little baby. I think it was a boy. It was in a lime green shirt and in a high-chair facing away from me. He was a brown haired squirmy little guy, and one thought I had was that I wondered what sort of world he would grow up in. Would things like this be the norm that he would hear on the news? I hope not, but if the world is going to be more depraved before Christ comes back, I am afraid he will view it as somewhat normal.

As I was making dinner, I thought about if I ever met Prince Charming and had kids. If they said, “Mom, I heard about a mass shooting in [insert city] in [a school / mall / who knows where].” would I just say, “Oh. Yeah, that’s been happening for a while, kids.” I wouldn’t brush it off and say, “Yeah yeah. Ok, dinner’s at six. Do your homework, guys.” Depending on their developmental levels and how it was affecting them, I would talk it over with them. But it was a sobering thought to realize that I’d say, “Ok, as a kid, I had to learn how to deal with it like this…”

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s just a really weird thought to think about. That events like this could become somewhat the norm. Like how high speed chases on the news are talked about but they’ve sort of lost their, “brand new news story no one has ever experienced ever!!” appeal.

Aaand, my HDFS Nerd side wants to have a go at something, so here we go:

How to explain a mass shooting to your child at various developmental stages:

0 - 2 years: keep the routine normal, try not to tune in too much to the news so that you keep yourself emotionally responsive to the child’s needs.
2-4 years old: Explain that an emergency is happening in another city and they need this TV time and that is why [insert kid’s show] is not on. Put in DVD’s or stream a movie to device. Heck, the cute kids’ movie will be better than the news. If the child asks, explain that someone made a really bad choice and hurt a lot of people, but the police in that area are making it safe for everyone else. Maybe use toys to explain (toy cops, firetruck etc.) “Now the cop is blocking the school so the kids will be safe now.” “Now the ambulance is getting the hurt people out.” Tell the child that Jesus will help the people there feel better and we should pray for them. Jesus can help us feel less scared too. 

5-7: Same thing just slightly more advanced. Explain basics of criminal justice system (thank you, paralegal nerd side) if child asks what will happen to suspect if suspect is alive). Explain basics of public safety system (911 / police / fire) and how they would respond in child’s area of residence. Explain that Jesus is still in control and we should pray. Explain how Jesus making us new helps us not make bad decisions like that. If it is a bullying related incident, emphasize child can help other children in the school environment who are ostercized.

8-12 Let the child come to you with what he / she understands. Listen. Ask open ended questions and then explain what he/she does not understand about the situation (disaster planning, criminal system questions, emotional questions, theological questions). Be available to talk if he/she needs. Answer ‘The Problem of Evil’ question as concretely as possible. Using cultural analogies LOTR, Narnia, whatever child is interested in to help illustrate how yes, the real world is full of villians, but Jesus is the true hero. Discuss how child can share this stuff with friends. Discuss concrete ways to help the community to do some good and spread some Jesus.

12+ Let adolescent come to you, listen. Answer questions as needed. Let him/her know if he/she needs additional support, you are there. Continue to help adolescents develop a Biblical response to stuff like this and nurture empathy and being real with how God helps us cope with this.
TAAA DAAAAAAAAAA! I sorta think that’s awesome that I have a template - it’s not foolproof, but I have a TEMPLATE of how to explain to a kid about mass shootings / mass casualty events and I don’t have to listen to the news to see “Now how do you explain to this to your child?” because I HAVE a birth - adolescence quick guide!!!!!! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO! Prince Charming (if he’s out there) better be impressed :D
But seriously, it’s nice to have. I would’ve liked some support even at age 14 when I learned about the Columbine shooting. It didn’t help that Mom and I actually went to the park near the school while news crews and the national guard and police were surrounding the place. Whoops. I think that made the whole emotional processing of the event worse. I had to ask God the hard questions on my own and rely on Him alone for emotional support. It was bad at times, but I guess now I’m grateful I had the experiences. Maybe after living through these experiences, my future generation will have more security in God through these types events won’t have to feel so alone. 

Bad guys should be Orcs

Bad guys should be like the orcs in The Hobbit! Slimy ugly and obviously very mean looking! That way we'd know to eliminate them from our surroundings as to keep ourselves safe. 

I mean, if a 3000 pound Orc came stomping down the street and entered a school zone, the CIA, FBI, SWAT team, and the hobbits and Gandalf would be there to take him DOWN! 

But bad guys do NOT magically morph into orcs so we can be like, "GAAAAAAANNNNNNNDAAAAAALLLLFFF HEEEEEELP!" They sometimes aren't obvious that they are the bad guys. So they can do stuff like sneak into schools or malls or movie theaters and kill a lot of people and that's bad. Really really bad. 

There's a reason why bad guys don't just morph into orcs. Because we all have 'bad guy' in us. I mean, if I snap at my mom and my skin turned green like the wicked witch of the West,  she would know, "Uh oh... grumpy snarly Katie is here!" Same if she snapped at me, she'd uh - get warts all over her face, so I would know it's 'evil mom.'

Left unchecked, us two might just become orcs because our evil natures would take over completely. However, God has saved us so the old sinful orc-ish nature is gone and even though we battle it, truly on the inside we're good :) We're not ugly warty evil witches, but at our core, we're princesses :D (Guys that are saved, inside, you're not orcs / stormtroopers / evil character. Inside you guys are like Super/Spider/Ironman / Jedi / Gandalfs / Aragorns). 

Aaaanyway, that's something I've been thinking of. We can say that the person who did this shooting is like a really REALLY evil bad ugly orc that GANDALF MUST KILL IMMEDIATELY, but we all are to some extent orcs. Nothing could save this guy but Christ, and Christ would transform him, and nothing can save us except Christ. The orc-ness disappears as Christ transforms us. 

That is the hope of the world, and Christ is the only way the bad guys are going to get eradicated. 

Middle East Issues, End Times, and Reminders

"You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come.  Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be faminesand earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains." Matthew 24:6-8 NIV1984

In case you all in the blogsphere didn't know, the Israel-Palestine conflict is heating up with the Israeli's countering missles fired into Tel-Aviv in the last few days. An analysis here explains it all. Whenever I hear about issues between Israel and Palestine, I am tempted to either think two things: Oh, it's just another skirmish we hear about on CNN or I think: 

It's the end of the world as we know it!!!!!!!!!!! 

(R.E.M. Video from YouTube)

And I don't necessarily feel fine. 

When I wonder if the end of the world is coming, I think about how that might mess up my own plans: my career path, my dream of maybe meeting prince-charming and living in a castle (house somewhere) and otherwise just living an ordinary American life suddenly seem less predictable. 

If I think the end of the world is coming, I often wonder if I will wake up and see this:  

"AVENGE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Ahem... anyway, I must ask myself this question: So what do I think is truly real and the most important? Do I think my (potential) paralegal career is important? Do I think my Mom and my family is important? What about my dreams for the future? In every day life, I think these are the most important thing. But when I hear about world events that might change things, I am forced to draw back and see the bigger picture. 

God's story, His-story is the most important thing and all these smaller variables are a small part of it. Being an to Christ example to my Mom, doing my paralegal program stuff, and doing whatever else God has planned in my life are a sub-plot within the main plot of God's plan for the whole world. If my little sub-plot falls right before the end-times or still 100 years before the end times, I don't know. What I do know is that each generation is called to be obedient and faithful to God. That is what I see as I read 2 Chronicles. Each king had the choice to be obedient and faithful to God. Yes, the history of Judah was affected as these were heads of state, but individually every leader had to chose God each day. 

In my own small world, I am reminded to chose God each day and influence my little circle for Him. In the larger scheme of things, I should not neglect to pray for the rest of the world - for our leaders and for the nations. Prayer and material support for missions work is always needed no matter what part of history we are in. 

The reminder that God, as the sovereign ruler of this universe, could allow events that change the geopolitical landscape of the world in an instant reminds me to focus on what is truly important which is to love God and love the world for Him. 

One of America's Worst Days looking back

 

 

NYC skyline at night - Google Images

Today is the 11th anniversary of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. I was walking down the hallway at John F. Kennedy High School in Denver, CO when I heard kids talking about how a plane hit the World Trade Center in New York City. I thought it was a small commuter plane and I wondered why it went off course. I told my friends, "Well, you know, a commuter plane is small, so it might not damage the building, but why would it fly so close to the skyline?" They just told me to look in one of the classrooms that had a TV on to the news. I looked and saw dark black smoke billowing out of one of the towers. 

First Period AP American History started and we sat there and watched the news. We learned that two planes hit the towers, another hit the Pentagon, then another plane went down in Pennsylvania en route to somewhere in Washington, DC. We realized this was an attack. Just as first hour ended, the towers of the World Trade Center collapsed. I saw just billowing smoke mixed with the ash of the buildings collapse into the streets. I was worried that so many other people were now hurt by the debris that had spread into the street. 

That started several months of what I'm pretty sure was secondary PTSD. That was no fun. The newsreels kept on playing in my head when I went to sleep and I couldn't get the images out of my head. I would have nightmares about it. I may have also developed a fixation around the World Trade Center as a way of processing all of it on my own. Because I did have to process all of that on my own. Sometimes I'd get scared to go to Downtown Denver because I would be fearful of an attack there. This lasted the rest of the school year. Before my honors Chemistry class, I liked to get there early and crawl into a little space under the lab counters because it was a nice safe space in case something happened. My country wasn't safe, my home wasn't safe when the news was on because they would show newsclips of the attacks which would start flashbacks, and sleeping sometimes wasn't safe because I would dream about it. 

 What did I learn from it? Well, first, that I took for granted this country. As someone adopted from a third world country, I knew living in this country was a gift. I thought living here provided some immunity from the "horrible current events 'over there'"
 I also learned how to handle a situation completely differently than Mom and find my own way to deal with it. Mom responded with anger and hate toward Al Queda. By God's grace, I responded with asking God to help me with my sadness and fear. I turned to God instead of just hating what happened. 

I learned that with God's help, and with adequate emotional support, things I saw on the news that made me sad didn't have the power to make me spiral into fear. When I came to CSU, I visited the Counseling Center around the anniversary of the attacks and they gave me tools to help me deal with it and then helped me learn how to deal with my emotions better. I think this event is the last one that I have unhealthily interanlized, that is: had it hit me so hard it was like I was there, even though I wasn't actually there. I learned how to have a healthy emotional distance between myself and what I saw on the news. To empathize without letting the dark world crush me. 

If I had told myself on September 12, 2001 that on September 11, 2012 I would cheerfully tell my mom who I love very much to have a great vacation as she left on an airplane knowing that day was the anniversary of the attacks, I would say, "How will I be able to do that without being sad and having flashbacks and stuff?" My present day self would say: It will be a long road, but by God's grace, I promise you, He will get you there." The way God can help me heal from handling a very intense national crisis with limited emotional resources has taught me this: God's healing power is amazing and stronger than anything the world tries to destroy.

My take on the Aurora shootings

Today I woke up to a live news broadcast of James Holmes, the suspect in the Aurora shooting, attending his first court hearing. 

My paralegal side sorta nerded out and I was making mental notes to myself like: Ok, the defense is sitting on this side, the prosecution is sitting on this side, Oh hey! There's the court reporter! Hahaha! I was also thinking about how there were so many different pleading, orders, and motions each side could file. One was to extend the 72 hour deadline for presenting formal charges to Holmes. I was thinking, "Oh man... This is going to be one thick file for this guy already!" 

It would be much easier to be a paralegal for the DA than for the public defender for this case.  It would be a good feeling to collect evidence to put him away for injuring and killing so many people. It would be harder to interview him as a defense and still think of him as innocent. Yet that's what we all need to realize. He has already in some senses been tried in the court of public opinion and been found guilty. 

We want justice so badly for the people injured and killed in the shooting. His arrest made him the scapegoat of our anger. Of course, if he is found guilty, he will be punished by the state. But we want to see it now. We want his trial to be on the next business day and we want the judge to read (triumphantly): The jury finds this man GUILTY of ALL CHARGES! We want to say, "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS NOW!!" 

It is harder to pray for the guy. It is harder to see him as innocent until proven guilty. It is easier just to be mad. We should be mad though. Mad that this world is broken. But instead of trying someone in the court of public opinion, I have to remember to remember that God has tried the world and found it guilty of sin. Our sins deserve the death penalty. We can't post bail. We can't ask for a retrial or appeal. We need Jesus to pay that death penalty for us. Those of us that walk free solely on the blood of Christ should be grateful. We can still be mad and sad that the world is broken. But we use the anger we feel to say, "God, please come back soon! Please make this world new."

Joy in a dark day

This is an excerpt from a Google Document that I created around 12:30pm. 


I woke up at 5:18. Mom woke me up telling me about a shooting at a movie theater. I lay back down because I didn’t want to get up right away. I guess I was in shock. Or dazed. I wanted to believe it was a dream, but I heard the news commentator on TV and I knew it wasn’t a dream. So I got up. And watched the news. For a while. Then I went back to bed. I rationally knew it wasn’t a dream, yet I knew that I wanted it to be.

I could forget about it going to my renal ultrasound. But the lady behind me and Mom started talking about the Columbine shooting. I wanted to put my hands over my ears, but I had to check in. I wasn’t really interested much in the magazine I was looking at. I guess thinking about the scan and then the news.


Inside the quiet room, I could have time to pray. I heard the whooshing of my own blood in my arteries. The reality that for 14 people, their hearts were stopped, for others, they lost blood, it brought it home to me. I want to cry. I might cry even though I’m meeting with Abra. She’ll understand. I think we will have fun. I’m grateful for her being there and coming to Denver today. I won’t have to stay at home and watch the news. And it will be less bad.

I don’t like thinking about all the other bad stuff I’ve hard about. This brings those back. But God has healed me from that. With that knowledge, I sincerely pray for those in Aurora affected by the trauma both at risk for primary and secondary PTSD. I know God can heal them even though it takes a lot of pain and crying and revisiting the event over and over. He can heal them because I know He has healed me.

Later on today I indeed met with my friend Abra for lunch and an afternoon of hanging out.

Yay for Abra and I :)

We walked around shops and a park filled with flowers and did lots of giggling and hugging while we caught up on life. We played some games in the library to keep cool and even got to hug a giant caterpillar! 


 I liked that part of the day. Even then, there were times when the sadness of the movie theater shooting entered my head. Yet with my friend giggling next to me and reminiscing about fun times we had when we were both part of Summitview kept me in a good mood. 


The sadness hit me again when I went with my mom to dinner. As I sat down with my salad, I realized that tonight, 12 people would not be sitting down to eat as we were. I wanted to cry, but we were in a restaurant. 


Whenever I'd get sad throughout the day, I would pray for the people more directly affected by the shooting. Currently I'm listening to some Stephen Curtis Chapman. The music is relaxing, and the Truth of a God who is merciful and in control is comforting. 


I realized that God was teaching a lesson to have me experience giggles as well as sadness all in one day. 
God is the giver of Joy. He gives friends, He smiles when we smile. His love is shown when His people fellowship (and act silly). He Himself as Christ has also been wounded by this broken world. God will redeem the broken world. And God holds us when we cry when the world makes us hurt. I experienced both joy and sadness today. In both, I saw and acknowledged God. 

Proud to be an American

Fireworks in DC - Thanks, Google Images :)

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE! 

I'm proud to be a citizen of the United States :) Here are 50 reasons why I'm thankful that I live here! Note, these statements above may have political implications, but they are not intended to persuade readers toward any sort of political ideology. These statements are only meant to express my gratitude as to why I am proud to be American :) 

1. The government allows international adoptions :) This is why I'm here in the first place (THANKS, MOM!) 

2. We have freedom of speech. I'm able to post such things as this blog :) 

3. We can VOTE 

4. There are 3 branches of government that as of now still do a decent job with checks and balances :) 

5. The only political unrest during an election year are the commentators on CNN yelling at each other and people writing scathing blogs about candidates they don't like. 

6. There really isn't any sectarian violence (ethnic violence) as of 2012. 

7. We're slowly working through the history of ethnic violence (in the 1960's and in the 1800's) of the past and trying to reconcile things. 

8. We have mega-churches and Christian radio stations without fear of persecution. 

9. As Christians, we have enough resources to send to other nations to help get the Gospel out. 

10. Ordinary citizens can write to Congress (even if you only do get a form letter back). 

11. Ordinary citizens can have access to the docket at the Supreme Court and actually attend a session. 

12. Government buildings are accessible to the public. 

13. There is still some transparency in our government 

14. Universities allow international student ministry :) 

15. The colors red, white, and blue are nice together :) 

16. We're NOT the nation of PANEM (yet) 

17. Our nation encompasses the tundra of Alaska, the majestic Rocky Mountains of Colorado, the forests of New England, the Redwoods of California, and the TROPICAL ISLANDS OF HAWAII :) So much scenic stuff without even leaving the country :) 

18. I do enjoy watching American Football. 

19. There are still opportunities for upward mobility within society. 

20. Proceedings involving governmental officials charged with contempt or involved in impeachment hearings are somewhat public (CNN and CSPAN) so we know that there is... um... still some accountability to the taxpayers there. 

21. Colorado is awesome! 

22. Oh yes - thanks to Land Grant institutions like Colorado State University, higher education is still accessible (for now) for mostly everyone. 

23. The American Dream still inspires people - though we shouldn't put ALL our hope there. 

24. There is still a National Day of Prayer. 

25. Christian student groups at the high school and college level are still permitted in the public school and public university systems. 

26. The Bible is not banned here. 

27. Historical documents detailing the Founding Fathers' worldviews are still accessible in museums and the national archives. 

28. The state has not turned the military on the regular citizens. 

29. Oh yes, WE HAVE THE BILL OF RIGHTS built into our Constitution!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

30. Our constitution is actually a really short document, easy to follow, easy to study :D 

31. We also have the Americans with Disabilities Act which is yet another step in ending discrimination against people with disabilities and making society more accessible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO! 

32. I can get scholarships because I'm Asian :D 

33. The Founding Fathers came from a Christian worldview and the premise of most of our laws still reflect that. 

34. Even so, citizens are not FORCED to become Christian by the government :) 

35. Gas prices are cheaper here than in Europe. 

36. Women have rights such as: right to vote, right to own land / a home, right to work, no-fault divorce, right to an education, and one nearly NEARLY ran for PRESIDENT! 

37. A person of ethnic minority status can own land / a home. 

38. A person of ethnic minority status was elected president. 

39. And if the country thinks he hasn't fixed the economy fast enough, we can elect someone else. :D

40. We can have events like Occupy Wall Street where people's voices are heard, and yet that doesn't throw us into a full-scale revolution. 

41. International students still come in droves to our universities. 

42. It is relatively easy to become a citizen if you were born somewhere else. 

43. An ordinary person can eventually get his/her case heard in the Supreme Court and the outcome can set the precedent for the rest of the laws of the land. 

44. The Star-Spangled banner is a pretty song :)

45. There is still a middle class.

46. People still have resources to give to a TON of secular and Christian organizations that help others around the world. 

47. The spirit of entrepreneurship allows for inventions that have helped a lot of people. 

48. Washington DC is a cool place to visit and potentially live :D 

49. Though our healthcare system is far from perfect, my mom as a single parent was still able to pay for the glasses I needed and the occupational therapy I needed to catch up to my peers when I first came over at age 2. 

50. It's home :) "Land of the free and the home of the brave :D" 

Happy Fourth of July! 

So far from home

Much of yesterday and today, I have been following the coverage of the High Park fire near Fort Collins. It is hard to be far away from my friends who are wondering if they have to evacuate their apartments or houses. It is hard to look at the news and say, "Hey, I know where that is!" when they show a picture near Horsetooth Reservoir. I wish I could give my friends hugs in person when we talk about our worries about the fire. 

Yet I am relieved. I am relieved that I no longer live in Fort Collins near Overland Trail because Mom would be worrying me half to death about the fire (let's be honest).  I am relieved because I know God is in control. The news attributes the fire to "mother nature" and the reporters write or say, "Hopefully nature will change the course of the fire." God is the Creator of fire. He is the Creator of the mountains. He is absolutely sovereign over this world even though it is broken. He is the provider of all the people of Larimer County. He is the comforter in the midst of loss and uncertainty. 

Because I know these things, I can feel sad that I am not with my friends yet feel confident that they can rest in a sovereign Creator through this whole situation. 

This is a real child

This is a picture of Caylee Anthony - as posted by Fox News. Today I read news articles on the verdict of her mother Casey Anthony's trial. She was found not-guilty for this child's murder.

The thing that hurts more than the fact that someone could have gotten away with her murder is the media frenzy and public eye frenzy regarding her murder.

This is a real child. If she came into my world, she would probably be in the 2.5 year old room at Summitview, maybe a bit clingy to her mother or grandmother as they pinned the plastic visitor nametag on her back. If she liked reading, she might calm down in my lap or a helper's lap if we offered to read her a book. She probably drank milk in that sippy cup in her picture, and maybe was to the age where she could try and drink out of 'grown-up' cups. She probably threw tantrums in Target or the grocery store, but she also probably was proud of pictures she could draw with big crayons.

In a news report I read, people flocked to the court-room to watch and people even traveled from out of state to listen to the trial live. It makes me feel sad, and sometimes it even makes me feel angry if I think too much about people forgetting that behind the evidence, behind the anticipation of wondering whether Casey Anthony was guilty, there is a child. There was a child.

Little Caylee will never learn to write her name. She may have learned the alphabet and count, but she will never learn to read or do basic math. She will never grow up to fit in a grown-up chair or drink from a grown-up cup  consistently. She may have dreamed about being a princess and dressed up as one, but she will never go to prom or a school dance. She will always be 2, but she will never grow up and develop to achieve the dreams her grandparents or even her mother may have had for her. She's gone and someone may have murdered her and now gotten away with it. I don't know how many people will remember this in all the hype and that makes me sad.

An eternal perspective on the earthquake in Japan

Our Summitview pastor Mitch has done a really great job of posting summary, Biblical response, and resources for us to help the people of Japan in his blog. He is a much better writer than I as well :) 


Anyway, once again, God taught me things that I at first thought were random but then realized were actually connected. I realize I'm a pattern thinker - not necessarily a visual pattern thinker the way Dr. Grandin sometimes implies when she shows a complicated Oragami folding pattern when she talks about pattern thinking. I get more conceptual maps - anyway... when I think about the earthquake in Japan on a personal or global level, I must have an eternal perspective. 


For two days I wondered how one of my HDFS friends who was from Japan was doing. We worked on a end of semester project together. Unlike two other girls I know from Japan, she had not posted anything on her Facebook page about the earthquake. Also, people had written on her wall and she had not responded. I started to get worried. I didn't want to think about the worst happening, but I knew I had to at some point. It was easier for me to imagine her doing double-overtime at a hospital as a child-life specialist or being stuck at home with no internet or TV than it was to imagine her stuck under rubble or stuck out at sea or something worse. I wrote her an email and asked friends if they had heard from her. 


This afternoon, I finally had to settle with the reality that she might have been gone. That hurt. A lot. I felt a crushing feeling in my heart and in my head. I had memories in my head of us working on that paper together and sitting in class together. I also had memories of her graduation. I had to contend with how I would cope if she was indeed gone forever. The first thing that came to my head was the complicated grief literature. There are different issues and more of a chance of unresolved or complicated grief that come with family or friends who cope with a missing person. I was trying to remember where I put my grief / loss textbook so I could look that information up. Then I felt God prodding around in my intellectual corner of my brain. "Katie, you need more than that textbook." I knew God wanted me to come to Him with my feelings and with my fears of, "God, how will I handle it if my friend was lost in the earthquake?" Tears came to my eyes. I could call Summitview and see if one of the pastors is around. But first God wanted to hear it from me. God, I know You have been good to my friend - bringing her to the US and letting her get her degree here. I know You have given her every chance to know You. You are glorified in her life no matter what, and I know You will help me deal with things if she's not here. God, I need Your help to deal with any grief issues. 


As I had that settled in my head and wondered what was going to happen, I got an email from our mutual friend: SHE'S OK! SHE WORKS IN THE SOUTH PART OF THE COUNTRY! She just doesn't have electricity with the craziness that's going on. I was most DEFINITELY  RELIEVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) I could've asked God why He couldn't have allowed me to know that SOONER, but I think He wanted me to go through that whole process of trusting Him and believing He is good even while preparing for potentially bad news. He wanted me to keep an eternal perspective - an eternal hope for me to hold onto in case I had a physically real loss. 


Later tonight, my roommate shared that her friend had posted Luke 21:10 - 11 with a note that the World Trade Center / Pentagon attacks were on September 11, the Haiti earthquake was on January 11, and this latest earthquake in Japan was March 11. Odd and definitely getting into the realm of it being less probable that it was random, but I'm guessing there's still some wiggle room for randomness. Yet even here I go imagining plugging data into SPSS and somehow generating a printout that shows, "Well, it's ALMOST p>.05 that this came out that way, but you know, you can't reject the null hypothesis of randomness completely." I'd like that, though. I'd like somehow a nice little statistical table showing whether these things truly are 'chance' or whether God is deliberately creating a pattern or not. 


Well, why do I get unsettled when I ponder if God IS setting all this up and when I think about "What if the end times ARE coming soon?" Part of it is a carry-over from my childhood where I was terrified of God coming back because I wasn't ready for heaven because I didn't know Jesus. Another part of it is that it shatters my notion of life as I know it. There's a comfort in a waking up and going to work / church / activities and even a comfort in dealing with 'normal' daily hassles. It's just part of life. Yes, the end - the FINAL end of the world would mean no more sickness/disease/death/suffering/hardship and mean an eternal party with Jesus, but unfortunately we have to go through super hard probably unpredictable stuff here first. 


Ok so... what if the earthquake in Japan is a sign that God is up to something? How should I pray? Well, first of all, I should pray for the nations so that more people know Jesus :) He's invited TONS of people from EVERY NATION to His eternal party so, might as well tell people :) Second of all, I should pray that believers' faith is strengthened. This is something I've been praying for people in Japan - that they have an understanding of God as their secure anchor even though the earth literally gave way. Wow, that will be an intense testimony from those people!!!! Second of all, I should pray that myself and others maintain the eternal perspective of  'possible pending doom aka end of the world chaos' that God is good, He is in control, and He has our best as Believers and He has given others who don't know Him yet every opportunity to come to know Him. This eternal perspective can be my anchor through potentially huge nation/societal shifts just like it would've been my anchor had I found out bad news about my friend. 


Having God as an anchor to all of our souls can get us through physical earthquakes, potential personal losses, and larger upheavals in life. It is definitely a relief and I have seen it slowly replace fear I have had with a sure hope. I pray that many people in Japan and around the world come to this same hope in Christ as well! 

God is DA MAN! Habbakuk 3

I did another 'not-so-random open the Bible to this point and have a quiet time.' today. I appreciate Habbakuk's prayer in chapter 3, especially 3b-4: "his glory covered the heavens and his praise filled the earth. his splendor was like the sunrise; rays flashed from His hand where His power was hidden." I LOVE FINDING CREATION VERSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :)

He begins like most psalmists stating that the Lord's fame and power are known first in what He has done and in Creation. :) What is also cool is verses 6-10 could be references to the Flood. "The ancient mountains crumbled and the age-old hills collapsed" Tetonic activity might have leveled older mountain ranges and made new ones. "You split the earth with rivers, the mountains saw You and writhed torrents of water swept by; the deep roared and lifted the waves on high" Ok, that is definitelya reference to the Flood, and taking the previous verses in context what that, it is interesting that Habbakuk points to the Flood as evidence of God's power and judgement because he is writing this to warn the Israelites of the impending captivity.

Verses 11 - 16 could talk about the end-times. "You crushed the leader of the land of wickedness, you stripped him from head to foot." That could refer to the time Nebuchadnezzar was owned by God and made to EAT GRASS or could refer to God's ultimate defeat of Satan, of whom God says will get his FACE CRUSHED. The threshing of the nations indicates end times because God would separate His people from the ones that didn't call upon Him for salvation.

Then we get to verses 17-19 which people quote all the time. "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights." Knowing that God is powerful enough to create the whole Earth and flood it; Knowing God will crush Satan and the nations and save His people is security enough for Habbakuk. Though every main source of revenue in his country is ruined, he doesn't panic because God is on his side and is in control of all of it.

Do I believe that? Haha... sometimes. I get the theological significance, but the times when I'm not offered a job and feel powerless and feel like I'm abandoned, I tend to say some not-so-nice things to God and come very close to slamming the door in His face and give up. These are the times when I realize that I have a 1/10th of mustard-seed faith in this area. It's there. I know it's there, but I still get shaken when stuff doesn't work out.

What do I need to do? Realize God has me where He has me both in circumstance and geographical location for His reasons. If I need to leave Fort Collins and go elsewhere, He will work in it. Even if I leave with the attitude of, "Whatever. I'm done trying to fight to stay in Fort Collins. I'm outta here. I'm using my degree in a career-type job and that's my life." God is still sovereign. I might have to eat grass at some point (figuratively speaking) if I held onto that attitude long enough. Or If I leave trusting God has finished the work He has me here in Fort Collins to do and trust He has something for me closer to Mom / Grandma / and my other relatives, I can believe God is sovereign and that His plan will work out. Keeping in mind that God is powerful over His creation ( me included), and all governmental, corporate, economic powers helps me understand that He is ultimately in control and can be trusted with any economic /political /other factors affect my circumstances. Thus, I can say with more and more confidence (as I learn this in a deeper way), "Though the currency devalues, though employment rates do not rise, though economic power shifts from my nation, and the people are overwhelmed with taxes, though our debt to other nations increases, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength and my ultimate worth and value; He makes me feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to continue climbing on the heights." Altered version of Habbakuk 3:17-19.

Modern Heros in the Faith

Cindy Winters, in my mind is one of the modern heroes in faith. She exemplifies 2 Corinthians 1:2-4 really well. And I mean really well. Today on national television, she was open about how her faith in Christ was her anchor - Christ was her anchor, and He is the savior of all men, including the one that killed her husband at their church in Illinois several weeks ago.

I watched her interview on TV and of course, in true Katie fashion, cried. But in a good way :) Because, though this is tremendously hard, I see Christ's glory manifested in this. Mom and I were talking on Friday and a theological discussion came up almost right before we hit I-25 and Prospect road. Our discussion centered on the problem of evil and God's sovereignty. This is yet another case study. Did God plan this shooting? I don't know about plan as if He orchestrated it as we plan our day, or as He planned for Abraham to come out of the desert to the promised land. Did He allow it? Yes. He is sovereign over all things (Colossians 1). Why would a loving God allow one of His children to be killed and leave a wife and children behind? To manifest His glory, and to conform those He called to His likeness (Romans 8:28). How is His glory manifested? Through their faith refined through this process, and for them to proclaim His name and in Christ there is comfort so that others may come to know Him.

Wow. Heidelberg Catechism Q & A style. But, when I realized all of this, I cried. For the sadness that these people will have to face, but yet because I could so clearly see God's hand bringing out His glory through tears.

My own application: So, when hard times come like a stressful day to urgent things like job uncertainty to very hard times such as loosing a dream or loosing someone I love, I can be comforted. God is my anchor, God will reveal His glory, God is my comfort, and He has allowed these things to pass so He can show Himself more to me and to the world.

One day, I will stand with Cindy Winter, Corrie Ten Boom, Elisabeth Elliot, Amy Carmichael, several of my closest sisters, and countless other saints that had to deal with ridiculously hard stuff and we will sing this song (along with many others):

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and Righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus' name

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand

When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil

His hope His covenant His blood
Supports me in the whelming flood
When all around my soul gives way
He then is all my hope & stay

When He shall come with trumpet sound
Oh may I then in Him be found
Dressed in His righteousness alone
Faultless to stand before the throne

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
On Chris the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand

Solid Rock - traditional hymn

PS: After the song, I want to grab Cindy's hands, spin around, and go 'EEEEEEEEEEEEEK' because she and I both know that Christ caused fruit to be borne through her interview. Hehe, she might even 'eeek' too!!!

PSS: I realize that her kids may be AMAZINGLY STRONG in their faith because they have their mother as an example of how to be strong in some very very trying times. They will truly understand what it means to grow up with true security in Christ. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!