2011 in review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah! So, I got the idea of going month by month from my friend and her really awesome update blog!!! 


January 2011 - um..... um.......... uuuuuuuuuuuum...... well, I baked the giant cookie of eek that was gum drops in lieu of chocolate chips, and I baked the dough in a brownie pan so it was a cookie cake and I topped it with SPRINKLES and brought it to a Symbio New Years Eve party :)  

Oh, and I watched the Superbowl with my CSU football jersey because I didn't have a Packers jersey. 




February - Um - not much. I think I convinced a friend to join Symbio hehe - oh more accurately, I helped her sort out her thoughts about it in her head and she realized she should join :D Oh, and I got to volunteer with a Rock girl in the nursery at church and that was fun getting to know her and the little people! 

March - NERDFEST 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or more accurately the "Transition and Transformation" conference at CSU focusing on the Opportunities for Postsecondary Success which is a pilot program helping students on the autism spectrum adjust to life in college!!!!!!!!!!!! This  was the conference where I got a book signed by Dr. Temple Grandin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Did I post a blog about this???? Oh, yes, I did!!! :D Ok - well - sort of! 


April - I, on somewhat of a spur of the moment, decided to help with this little career fair at a high school and talk about helping professions. I handed out flyers at a table to kids and also gave out candy :D Oh yes, and I turned 27!!! 27 AAAAAAAAAAAH I'M OLD - almost 30!?!?!  


Oh yeah, and I went to a Summitview women's retreat and that was fun! 

May - Got laid off from Group Home #1. Wanna know the whole story, let me know! Was super-major-extra-bummerfied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( :( :( :( I missed the ladies, I missed my co-workers, I missed my income, and it became really hard to trust God with my future and stuff! Twas no fun :( 


June - MY FRIENDS GO TO JAPAN! That's right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My Summitview peeps!!!! They went to help the people there and spread the Gospel and it was pretty epic! I kinda organized the prayer team to support them, so I was in the Japan Team in a different way. They had epic and epically sad stories from there. 

Note this picture was found with Google Images

July - I started my first pre-OT class! I decided that I want to be an occupational therapist when I grow up :) That was a major life decision. That was followed by major applications to fill out :O  

Oh yes, and I started at Group Home #2!!!!!!! I was super happy about that even though working with male clients - most who were 6 feet tall and above were sorta intimidating. However, I've gotten to know them and for the most part, they're pretty great guys. 


August - I went on a trip to upstate New York with my mom, grandma, and aunt! The upside was I got to see a bunch of family I hadn't seen before and a bunch of places I'd never seen - including Niagara falls! The downside was that sometimes I was more like a staff member for mom, grandma, and my aunt, and that sometimes got difficult. But I still enjoyed myself! 

Oh yeah, and I moved into the apartment upstairs from me :) 


September - er - uh - ABRA'S BRIDAL SHOWER! :) Yup! That was fun helping plan her bridal shower and decorating and dressing up silly and hearing her giggle as she enjoyed herself!!!!!! 


October - ABRA GETS MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Yay! One of my best friends and confidants and the wedding was fun, she was pretty, a lot of eeeking and crying (in a good way) happened!!!!!!!! :) That made me smile and obviously made her smile and a lot of other people had fun too!!!! 

Oh - and - I GOT TO MEET DR. TEMPLE GRANDIN AND SHAKE HER HAND AND STUFF!!!!! It was REALLY COOL! After leaving the room and leaving the building, I could let out all my excitement by eeking and skipping around a nearly deserted CSU campus for 15 MINUTES!!!!!!! 

November - I registered for Anatomy / Physiology since that's a pre-OT requirement. Also wrapped up applications for OT school! 


December - I bought my own Christmas tree!!! Sparkly and pretty and only 5 dollars! 

December 2011 was the month of the 3 Christmases :) There was a D-Team Christmas where we all ate a big dinner together, the Christmas at the group home, and Christmas with my mom in Denver a few days after the real Christmas. :) I had fun! 


Yup! That's been my year! :) 

A for Autism and awesomeness aka Temple Grandin

So this is a continuation of my previous post :)


When I first was told that I might have autism I freaked out really badly. That was understandable since getting a diagnosis of a disability is hard for anyone. But I truly felt like my future was over and that I would never be successful or achieve anything because I like most other people thought of low-functioning autism when I heard the term.

This picture was taken by the Fort Collins Coloradoan when they covered the celebration where the Temple Grandin Scholarship was unveiled. I was actually at the celebration and ACTUALY GOT TO SHAKE DR. GRANDIN'S HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) erm... I digress...

That celebration reminded me of how Dr. Grandin changed the way I thought about autism - about my diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder. I know I've said this a million times on this blog, but it was her story that turned my thinking around from, "AAAH! I'm on the autism spectrum, this means I'll NEVER SUCCEED AT LIFE and I'm somehow lesser." to "Hm... maybe I'll become a famous researcher now that I know I'm way way way more nerdy than the average person." It made me smile a little.

\More importantly, when I think of autism now, I don't think of a child in a corner locked in his or her own world. I think of Dr. Temple Grandin lecturing, or being licked all over her face by cattle, or teaching a class. I think of the way she's honest about her continued need to adapt to sensory issues and how she's continuing to learn about the social world. I think of how far she's come with the right help from teachers, her aunt, and her mother. When I think of autism, I think of her and I think of how I can help my clients engage with the world and adapt just like she has. 

The scary A-Word!

This article here states that infants with low birth weight are at more of an increased risk for autism. The lay-press article is based off of J.A. Pinto-Martin et. al. (2011) Prevalence of Autism Spectrum Disorder in Adolescents Born Weighing <2000 Grams. Pediatrics, 128(5), 882-892. 

It's interesting because I think a lot of people freak out when they read a risk-factor related to autism. It's like the dreaded developmental disorder diagnosis.  Because people often think of kids and adults with the disorder as mute and having severe behavioral issues. They might think about the bad things like uncontrollable temper tantrums that the caregiver can't contain unless he or she figures out the sensory issues or frustration issues behind them. They might think of the things like the child or client not being able to reciprocate affection.

As a caregiver in a group home, I can appreciate how hard it is to deal with the behavioral issues. I have thought many times, "Hm. I wonder what it would be like to get into Client A's head." I can imagine that it would be difficult for someone to raise a child or care for a client long term and have much of that client or child's inner workings of his or her brain be a mystery. I could also understand that the reciprocal affection is not always there. For example, when I say good bye to a certain client, he will sometimes give me a wave, but other times he is off in his own world and will give me a slight glance as I wave to him to leave. On the rare occasion, his wave is paired with a smile. That makes me feel warm inside.

Even if I wasn't on the autism spectrum, I would hope I would have a better outlook when I hear the word autism. I think of when I watched Wizard of Oz with another client for whom tornados and witches are some of his special interests. The big grin he got on his face when I said, "Look, S! It's the tornado! IT'S GETTING THE WITCH!" and he laughed is an image that comes to mind when I hear autism. And the interested look and small smile another client gave me once when I turned on a string of decorative lights in the living room is another good image. Even if I never experienced autism myself, seeing people on the spectrum  enjoying their environments as well as when they struggle in their environment might give me a more balanced picture of autism. If I become an occupational therapist, I hope I can pass that along to others as well.

Feeling Behind no matter What

So today I had a moment of feeling behind in life. I just checked Facebook and found out one of my friends I knew from my time in an internship got married. She's younger than me and she adds to the ranks of other people younger than me getting a ring on it. 
I also hung out with my cousin today who's a teacher and is married with two daughters. Her daughters were really cute. My cousin is 2 years older than me. After we hung out, I went to the CSU campus to work on my Occupationaeltl Therapy school application. 

Suddenly I felt behind. 


Suddenly I felt like I wasn't where I should be in life. I should have a good career going OR I should be married and producing grandchildren for my mom. 

Even though my job at the group home is fulfilling, most people don't see it as a long-term career goal. And I obviously am not married. 


Yet as I entered my coursework into the application, I realized: I accomplished something: A CRAP-LOAD OF SCHOOL!!!!!! But seriously, not everyone gets a chance to go to a university or go to grad school. So those things are accomplishments. And not everyone has the personality needed to work in a group home. 


I thought about it further: What if I had a career? What if I was a program manager instead of a direct support provider at my group home? I could still feel behind if our organization wasn't running our facility like another in the region. I could still feel behind if I didn't have a ring on it. 


OK. Well, what if I had a ring on it and had a kid or so? If I stayed home, I'd feel behind because I wasn't working in the 'real world' even though providing direct care for a child's physical needs and teaching them social skills and helping them accomplish developmentally appropriate tasks is hard hard work. I get a glimpse of it when I work with kids in a classroom and when I see parents out in the field. 


Let's take it 1 step further: Let's say that I had a good career and was a wife and mother. First of all, I'd go insane. Secondly, I could STILL FEEL BEHIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No kidding. I could be like, "This person with the same family structure is moving faster in her career. This person with the same hours as me somehow scheduled in more activities for her kids than my kids have..."


Suddenly a lightbulb came on in my head: We all want to be ahead - to win the big prize of accomplishment.

. 

I think it's just human nature and part of wanting to be a god of sorts.  Yet if I realize that God has a plan for our lives and if we are in Christ, God has our approval because we have Christ's righteousness that He gave to us on the Cross. So we don't have to work for some sort of tangible or intangible trophy. We fall in to the temptation ALL THE TIME. We just have to apply faith and do good in the stuff God calls us to do and tell people about Him. And the cool thing is God helps us with that. 

Then I don't have to bemoan, "Oh, I'm not married. Oh, I don't have an AMAZING career, oh, I'm going back to school while everyone else's lives are moving on.... oh woe is me. :P" I can thank God for where He has taken me, where I am now, and where He would want me in the future :) Then I don't feel behind anymore. I feel right where God wants me :)

Seeing another's path and finding my own

I'm taking a class called Handicapped Individuals in Society  (OT 355) as part of preparing to apply to CSU's Occupational Therapy  program. Sometimes it makes me remember or think about how I've dealt with my disabilities in the past and how I'm doing now. 


According to the reading I read yesterday, people who are in the bargaining mindset (from Kubler-Ross's grief process model) see a glimmer of hope and seek out how their disability can be fixed. 


I realized that was partially to account for my fixation on Dr. Temple Grandin. Soon after my diagnosis of PPD-NOS, I was searching for a future. I was wondering, "Now what?" Conveniently enough, someone had lived life with an autism spectrum disorder and she was just a bus-ride to campus away. 

I became fixated on her life because I needed a path to walk down. My whole sense of who I was and my future was rearranged, and I needed somewhere to go. 


I thought, "If my life could look like hers, I will be ok." "If I do what she does, then I think all this will be worth it." That was why it was the bargaining phase of my thinking. That clamoring to find something to not necessarily fix, but finding something good to balance out the really intense bad feelings of, "Oh my goodness, someone threw a sledgehammer at my development / identity / future plans!!!!!!!!!"

Well,  EXACTLY A YEAR AGO, I actually got to see Dr. Grandin at a lecture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes, she gave that exact lecture, though this picture wasn't taken at Colorado State University. It was pulled from Google Images. Anyhoo... I saw her at the University Center for the Arts at Griffin Concert Hall with one of my best friends Kristina.... IT WAS REALLY AWESOME AND I TOTALLY EEKED AFTERWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Erm - sorry, I got distracted :) So after the lecture, I realized that I can't follow exactly in her footsteps a) because livestock is not my thing (I'd so get trampled, and cows and horses smell funny) and b) more importantly, our ASD affects us in different ways. Dr. Grandin is totally cool with giving a lecture in front of millions of people since that's apparently what she spends half her life doing. She's less comfortable just hanging out talking with people even though she does it during book signings. I don't know how much she'd like working at the group home where I work. I like it :) 

So I realized this: Our paths initially cross wherein we both are on the autism spectrum, and we are both affiliated with CSU, but we're very different. Part of moving into an acceptance frame of mind was when I realized that I could look at her path to see how God used one person's disability and then trust Him for how He would use mine. One way where Dr. Grandin and I are the same, is that I've had the opportunity to help my clients on the spectrum and empathize with them because I've felt similar frustrations as they have.  Where my path will go, I don't know. It might cross Dr. Grandin's path again, or it may go a completely different way, and that's fine :)