I Sort of Feel like Super-Nerd...sort of!

This seems like an odd title for a post about a career fair,  but it's true. I felt like Super-Nerd...aka Dr. Grandin.  Here's why: I shared my experiences (so far) about my career and what I did and wished I did so that these graduating seniors would be able to do what they wanted in the helping professions. Just telling them to go for it made me smile because that's more encouragement for them. There was a guy who wanted to be a gym teacher and was sort of unsure.  But when he heard that UNC had a program and he could get experience at sports camps and that kind of thing,  he got a bit more perked up.
Just being able to use my experience to encourage others makes it worth it. Even though I am not at a master's level of employment yet,  I shouldn't take what I have for granted. 
Talking about the easy typical stuff will make it easier to talk about the difficult stuff for others' benefit if that's what God wants me to do.
I also realized that I don't have to wait to be at Super-Nerd's level of fame to make a difference.  God wants all of little me and what I'm doing now.

God is Greater than what He went through

Recently due to some instances at work, I have felt a bit blamed and stepped-on for things. I can take it unfairly or I can say, "God is sovereign and I should forgive my people and obviously be upfront and honest when need be." Additionally, I've told God that I really really don't want to do what He seems to be calling me to do and just settle for something less to please people in the here and now.

Today is Good Friday, and like many of my Christian friends, I've read passages dealing with the crucifixion. Jesus was stepped on (probably literally) and the high officials - both priests & those in the Roman government used His case to appease the people and to maintain or gain political popularity. "If we let this guy go, our popularity ratings will be shot in the polls next week." would be what they would say if they were politicians today. So, He's been there as the guy-powerful-people-push-under-the-bus very very unfairly.

He also had a moment where He could've walked away. He could've chosen something different. He even said to His Father, "Lord, take this cup if You are willing, but not my will but Yours be done." He's been there when He had to do something painful but eternally worth it. He had to let his disciples down - for a little bit because they were all thinking, "What the -!!?!? Oh, this isn't good - aw, man, now what!?!"  for the rest of that day and that Saturday.

It's nice to have a God who sympathizes with us in those moments of being walked on and in doing what the Father wants even when we really really don't want to. It's nice to have a God who has felt extreme pain, defeat, loneliness, shame, etc. that was felt on the Cross.

Yet Our God is greater!!!!! I imagine He rose and looked around at the suffering / death / evil, and was like, "What up NOW!?! You want a piece of Me!?!" Ok, maybe not like that, but He is greater than all the pain and sufferering He took on which was all the pain and suffering of this world.

This is why Good Friday is sobering but is still good. Sobering because we remember what Christ went through, and good because we know He sympathizes and He has and will ultimately overcome it all!!!

Our God is greater
Our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is healer
Awesome in power
Our God
Our God

:)

Nerdy Geeky Brains!!!!

So both my grad school friend,  former advisor,  and I have no idea what's going on for our meeting in an hour!!!  I blame our specialized and under-connected nerdy geeky brains!!! According to different studies and images of Temple Grandin's brain,  there are less connections between parts of the brain in autism and some specialty areas get very developed. 


My former advisor and my friend are definitely NOT on the autism spectrum, but if nerdy / geeky normal people have some traits that are still within normal limits,  that means their brains might have some mix of over and under connectivity that allows the geeky nerdy traits to happen. This includes being able to code interactions, but forgetting about meetings and such ;)  There's a reason for the "absent-minded professor" jokes :) 


Dr. Grandin and I have more extreme versions and variations of that. This is why we're on the autism spectrum.  But it's nice to know even certain normal brains resemble ours!!!!  Maybe that's why nerdy geeky people keep coming back to or staying in academia!!  Similar brains think alike!!!!! :D

Motivation in 1 Peter 1

As a disciple, Peter had a mix of motives.  He did stuff truly to please Jesus,  but he found his faith and motives wavering.  He walked on water toward Christ,  but the fear of the waves overtook his faith.  He proclaimed Christ was the Messiah but disowned him later.  He also cut off a soldier's ear.
Yet after the ressurection, he knew beyond a doubt that Christ was Lord, Saviour,  and Victor.  So his motives for enduring trials and being holy were Christ. He encourages his people to have Christ as their motives as well. 
That's how I am also.  As I learn more and more of who Christ is, my motives become more Christ centered.  Are they perfect?  No. But the pattern is there and that is a sign of growth and a growing relationship with my Creator and Savior. May He always remind me more of who He is! Amen :)

And off the ivory pedestal she goes!

Wednesday and Thursday were Katie's Nerdfest days haha! I went to the Transition and Transformation symposium at CSU that was on students with ASD and their needs in a university setting. It was definitely very interesting! 


What I regret was that I saw Dr. Temple Grandin 3 times and never once did I have the nerve to even say hi :( It wasn't as much "Aw, bummer, I didn't get to tell her she did a great job." as much it was "Oh bummer, this whole having her on a pedestal in my mind has affected me much much more than I had ever imagined." I'm sure my friends would say, "Yes, Katie. SURPRISE! We knew that... for a long long long long (long) time." Well... SURPRISE!!!!!!! You guys were right (if you are reading this). 


God used that morning to show me that this whole putting her on a pedestal thing was becoming maladaptive. I realize that a lot of people would get shy around celeberties or highly regarded people in their field or in a prominent position (like politics). The reason it was maladaptive for me is because it hindered otherwise normal interactions that should've happened that God could've used. 


Well, after a day or so of examining it, I have come to realize this: I believed for so long that her life existed on a completely different level and reality than the average spectrumite (me included) experienced that there was no possible way that we could really sincerely connect other than on a distant way where she was on a stage behind a lecturn against the backdrop of a power-point presentation. 


Yes, she should definitely be respected for her expertise in her field and her contributions to autism research :) But I would be mistaken if her renowned professor /author / researcher was her sole identity and experience in life. In reality, she wakes up every morning and gets breakfast and decides what to wear (though her closet contents are definitely DEFINITELY unique) and then thinks about her workday or travel assignment or whatever she has to do that day. She's probably had awkward moments with her co-workers like all of us spectrumites have and when she's bored, she looks at stuff in her special interest. On Wednesday she said that she looked at how the nuclear power plant issue in Japan could've been solved when she couldn't sleep. When I'm bored, sometimes I read or go for a walk, but sometimes I do stuff in my own special interests just like she does :) Work can probably get overwhelming, especially at book signings for her, probably. Work can get overwhemling for me, especially when multiple clients struggle with their behaviors simultaneously. 


Each day for both of us has its challenges and successes, and each day, we are given grace to function and interact with the NT (neurotypical) world that sees things differently than us. 


So what's the conclusion? She's not on an ivory pedestal telling us spectrumites what to do from this whole other dimension of functioning.  To use an analogy close to her world, she's like an equine trail guide who's on the similar type of horse we are. We can go up to her and ask questions and she can ride back to others in the line and help them along. Yes she has experience and training to serve as our guide, but we must remember that  she's riding along with us also. 


With this newfound and much more realistic picture, I hope that one day if we meet again, we can interact as fellow people on the journey and through that, God can reveal that He is available to guide all of us :)

If I owned a website...

So, just for fun, I thought I'd do a Google search to see if eek.com existed. Well, it does.... sort of :D EEEEEEEEK - Anyway.... if I really did have a webpage that was made up of things that made me eek, I would have to incorporate: God as Creator, Flowers, cute fluffy animals, cute little people, soft things, HDFS related things, God and how He fits into HDFS research, Temple Grandin, ice-cream, candy, random sparkly things, fun /exciting announcements in friends' lives, um... Summitview stuff, and probably other randomness.


It's funny just to see how many things make me eek aka get me excited :) I'm glad that even though parts of my life might be hard, God allows me to feel joy in seemingly random stuff :)

An eternal perspective on the earthquake in Japan

Our Summitview pastor Mitch has done a really great job of posting summary, Biblical response, and resources for us to help the people of Japan in his blog. He is a much better writer than I as well :) 


Anyway, once again, God taught me things that I at first thought were random but then realized were actually connected. I realize I'm a pattern thinker - not necessarily a visual pattern thinker the way Dr. Grandin sometimes implies when she shows a complicated Oragami folding pattern when she talks about pattern thinking. I get more conceptual maps - anyway... when I think about the earthquake in Japan on a personal or global level, I must have an eternal perspective. 


For two days I wondered how one of my HDFS friends who was from Japan was doing. We worked on a end of semester project together. Unlike two other girls I know from Japan, she had not posted anything on her Facebook page about the earthquake. Also, people had written on her wall and she had not responded. I started to get worried. I didn't want to think about the worst happening, but I knew I had to at some point. It was easier for me to imagine her doing double-overtime at a hospital as a child-life specialist or being stuck at home with no internet or TV than it was to imagine her stuck under rubble or stuck out at sea or something worse. I wrote her an email and asked friends if they had heard from her. 


This afternoon, I finally had to settle with the reality that she might have been gone. That hurt. A lot. I felt a crushing feeling in my heart and in my head. I had memories in my head of us working on that paper together and sitting in class together. I also had memories of her graduation. I had to contend with how I would cope if she was indeed gone forever. The first thing that came to my head was the complicated grief literature. There are different issues and more of a chance of unresolved or complicated grief that come with family or friends who cope with a missing person. I was trying to remember where I put my grief / loss textbook so I could look that information up. Then I felt God prodding around in my intellectual corner of my brain. "Katie, you need more than that textbook." I knew God wanted me to come to Him with my feelings and with my fears of, "God, how will I handle it if my friend was lost in the earthquake?" Tears came to my eyes. I could call Summitview and see if one of the pastors is around. But first God wanted to hear it from me. God, I know You have been good to my friend - bringing her to the US and letting her get her degree here. I know You have given her every chance to know You. You are glorified in her life no matter what, and I know You will help me deal with things if she's not here. God, I need Your help to deal with any grief issues. 


As I had that settled in my head and wondered what was going to happen, I got an email from our mutual friend: SHE'S OK! SHE WORKS IN THE SOUTH PART OF THE COUNTRY! She just doesn't have electricity with the craziness that's going on. I was most DEFINITELY  RELIEVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) I could've asked God why He couldn't have allowed me to know that SOONER, but I think He wanted me to go through that whole process of trusting Him and believing He is good even while preparing for potentially bad news. He wanted me to keep an eternal perspective - an eternal hope for me to hold onto in case I had a physically real loss. 


Later tonight, my roommate shared that her friend had posted Luke 21:10 - 11 with a note that the World Trade Center / Pentagon attacks were on September 11, the Haiti earthquake was on January 11, and this latest earthquake in Japan was March 11. Odd and definitely getting into the realm of it being less probable that it was random, but I'm guessing there's still some wiggle room for randomness. Yet even here I go imagining plugging data into SPSS and somehow generating a printout that shows, "Well, it's ALMOST p>.05 that this came out that way, but you know, you can't reject the null hypothesis of randomness completely." I'd like that, though. I'd like somehow a nice little statistical table showing whether these things truly are 'chance' or whether God is deliberately creating a pattern or not. 


Well, why do I get unsettled when I ponder if God IS setting all this up and when I think about "What if the end times ARE coming soon?" Part of it is a carry-over from my childhood where I was terrified of God coming back because I wasn't ready for heaven because I didn't know Jesus. Another part of it is that it shatters my notion of life as I know it. There's a comfort in a waking up and going to work / church / activities and even a comfort in dealing with 'normal' daily hassles. It's just part of life. Yes, the end - the FINAL end of the world would mean no more sickness/disease/death/suffering/hardship and mean an eternal party with Jesus, but unfortunately we have to go through super hard probably unpredictable stuff here first. 


Ok so... what if the earthquake in Japan is a sign that God is up to something? How should I pray? Well, first of all, I should pray for the nations so that more people know Jesus :) He's invited TONS of people from EVERY NATION to His eternal party so, might as well tell people :) Second of all, I should pray that believers' faith is strengthened. This is something I've been praying for people in Japan - that they have an understanding of God as their secure anchor even though the earth literally gave way. Wow, that will be an intense testimony from those people!!!! Second of all, I should pray that myself and others maintain the eternal perspective of  'possible pending doom aka end of the world chaos' that God is good, He is in control, and He has our best as Believers and He has given others who don't know Him yet every opportunity to come to know Him. This eternal perspective can be my anchor through potentially huge nation/societal shifts just like it would've been my anchor had I found out bad news about my friend. 


Having God as an anchor to all of our souls can get us through physical earthquakes, potential personal losses, and larger upheavals in life. It is definitely a relief and I have seen it slowly replace fear I have had with a sure hope. I pray that many people in Japan and around the world come to this same hope in Christ as well!