Attachment to God

So, I just read in 1 Samuel about Hannah giving Samuel up to the service of the Lord. She weaned him before he was able to go to the Temple. I thought about this and I wondered, from an attachment perspective, how that must've worked.

At about 2-3 is where children learn obedience and have the verbal capacity to carry on conversations. He could also eat most of the food adults eat, so Eli didn't have to worry about formula or anything like that. Caregiving for Eli and the rest of the priests would consist of discipline and teaching him how to read and basically prepare him for his duities. Of course, they probably had times where he sat on their laps & they read to him, but I am guessing that he was a toddler when he went into their care.

So, he might have time to develop an attachment relationship to Hannah. I wonder how that went. He couldn't have been avoidant because he established rapport with the priests & the people. He probably wasn't dependent because there was nothing about hims struggling to adjust or him having anxiety about being away from Hannah. Of course, his first few weeks, even if he was securely attached were probably hard.

How did Hannah help Samuel maintain a secure attachment yet know she was going to give him to Eli? I think she loved him with the love God had for her, and she knew that His love would sustain her even upon giving Samuel up. I believe she also told Samuel about God from a very early age. This is where my HDFS speculation can begin :) When she sang prayers to him, I wonder if God was tugging on his heart. At 7-8 months, if he was crawling around and saw a flower, did he smile - really have a social smile toward his Creator? I bet Hannah taught him words like 'mama & papa' but also Yaweh. When I think about it, he could have learned to say it at around 12 months. This is where I can speculate that she probably prayed and trusted that God would speak to Samuel and he would respond even at a young age.

He then could have had an attachment to God - the anchor of his soul, and this securest of attachments could have seen him through that caregiving transition from Hannah to Eli.

Trend in the Bloggy

There are 28 posts labeled as premed or medically inspired commentary and 14 so far on graduate school / HDFS. Weird. It's interesting that how I've learned about God and viewed God is so much depenedent on my major. This trend isn't a bad thing. In fact, I think it's rather unique because what I've studied is always turned into or has been my passion. So, God has used that to speak to my soul. This gives me comfort and encouragement that God is reaching others in their passions, in their field. He has spoken in every field of academe, and all true knowledge comes from Him :)

Here's to an all encompassing Creator, Savior, Great Physician, and Father !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Resilience of God

So, for the past few weeks in Risk & Resilience, we have been studying what allows a person to overcome hard times. Over and over again, it's been stated that self-esteem, intelligence, competence, talents, appraisal, and alternate caregivers help tremendously. Yet, scars remain. I just read an article that details that. I do get this, and these things: kind relatives & teachers, my own intellect, and talents in music and writing helped me get through less scathed than I would have been. However, I know they are not enough. They weren't enough the two or three times I almost took my life in high school. They weren't enough to give me a purpose beyond academic aspirations, to tell me that I was attractive, to ask the hard questions of "Why me?"

I get so frustrated with these articles because they do not address full liberty from your past. Granted that won't come in this life, but the hope of liberty should be there. "It is for freedom that Christ set us free." Galatians 5:1. Christ gives me hope to live through my days, He is my righteousness, and I can approach God as His daughter. I acknowledge God's sovereign hand in everything, therefore, the hard questions become easier. I can rejoice that there is a stronger Person carrying me, and He comforts me when I do still cry about things. This is true resilience, that goes beyond any journal article, any measure.

I pray somehow, that I can share this with my classmates, and with others in my field.

Modern Heros in the Faith

Cindy Winters, in my mind is one of the modern heroes in faith. She exemplifies 2 Corinthians 1:2-4 really well. And I mean really well. Today on national television, she was open about how her faith in Christ was her anchor - Christ was her anchor, and He is the savior of all men, including the one that killed her husband at their church in Illinois several weeks ago.

I watched her interview on TV and of course, in true Katie fashion, cried. But in a good way :) Because, though this is tremendously hard, I see Christ's glory manifested in this. Mom and I were talking on Friday and a theological discussion came up almost right before we hit I-25 and Prospect road. Our discussion centered on the problem of evil and God's sovereignty. This is yet another case study. Did God plan this shooting? I don't know about plan as if He orchestrated it as we plan our day, or as He planned for Abraham to come out of the desert to the promised land. Did He allow it? Yes. He is sovereign over all things (Colossians 1). Why would a loving God allow one of His children to be killed and leave a wife and children behind? To manifest His glory, and to conform those He called to His likeness (Romans 8:28). How is His glory manifested? Through their faith refined through this process, and for them to proclaim His name and in Christ there is comfort so that others may come to know Him.

Wow. Heidelberg Catechism Q & A style. But, when I realized all of this, I cried. For the sadness that these people will have to face, but yet because I could so clearly see God's hand bringing out His glory through tears.

My own application: So, when hard times come like a stressful day to urgent things like job uncertainty to very hard times such as loosing a dream or loosing someone I love, I can be comforted. God is my anchor, God will reveal His glory, God is my comfort, and He has allowed these things to pass so He can show Himself more to me and to the world.

One day, I will stand with Cindy Winter, Corrie Ten Boom, Elisabeth Elliot, Amy Carmichael, several of my closest sisters, and countless other saints that had to deal with ridiculously hard stuff and we will sing this song (along with many others):

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and Righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus' name

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand

When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil

His hope His covenant His blood
Supports me in the whelming flood
When all around my soul gives way
He then is all my hope & stay

When He shall come with trumpet sound
Oh may I then in Him be found
Dressed in His righteousness alone
Faultless to stand before the throne

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
On Chris the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand

Solid Rock - traditional hymn

PS: After the song, I want to grab Cindy's hands, spin around, and go 'EEEEEEEEEEEEEK' because she and I both know that Christ caused fruit to be borne through her interview. Hehe, she might even 'eeek' too!!!

PSS: I realize that her kids may be AMAZINGLY STRONG in their faith because they have their mother as an example of how to be strong in some very very trying times. They will truly understand what it means to grow up with true security in Christ. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Godward Growth-Spurts

According to current developmental knowledge, when people develop, they go through cognitive, emotional, and social re-organization at each major phase. This results in some set-backs in some areas, but when all of them have moved forward, this new phase is qualitatively and quantitatively different from the previous phase. For example, a child's pre-school years are different from the elementary school years. During the transition to elementary school, the children may temporarily lag or go back a little in some skills - for example, they may not share as well in the afternoons if they are transitioning from half to full-day school because they are getting used to being away from home. But this regression is short lived.

In my spiritual life, I am undergoing a growth-spurt. Some things such as my understanding of God's sovereignty over my career & future life, God's healing of my past, ability and scope of serving, and general doctrinal knowledge are growing. Other things, I've noticed have taken a bit of a regression, but God has made me aware, and I know that through His strength, I can catch up quickly. I notice I'm more emotional during this stage, which is also somewhat of a key element in a developmental stage. This just means more of God's power has to be manifest to control things as I develop, so I will continue to allow God to display His splendor through this transition.

How long is this growth-spurt? I have no idea. There was one in Boulder, and maybe that's when it started. A lot of it was after recovering from a particularly bad 18 months. Yet yesterday, I know that I was healed from that time since I was able to tell my HDFS class how amazingly God has pulled me through. This is signaling that my current spurt is levelling out. I have run a sprint up a mountain to a plateau, and I am now surveying the view and re-grouping.

Praise be to God who brings us higher up & further in during this life, and into His presence where the true Story begins (CS Lewis, Chronicles of Narnia).

Thesis & other stuff

Yup! I defended the Thesis! It was nerve-wracking beforehand. God calmed me down :) The presentation went well & even the Q & A wasn't bad. I found out where I am living in August and that's really great. I still don't know if I should go to El Paso over the summer partially because I know Mom won't like the idea of me there, but that needs prayer. I also signed the membership contract thing at my church. So here starts many a year volunteering at the Children's Ministry and doing other stuff for God :)

All this has 1 thread running through it: Faith. Faith that God would help me not spew during my class before my thesis, faith that God would provide for me on obeying His call for me to be committed to my local church, and a faith step of signing the paper that puts that process into place.

I am listening to Chris Tomlin's "The Noise We Make" At one point, he repeats the lines

You are Holy, Holy
You are Holy, Holy
You are Worthy, Worthy
You are Worthy, Worthy,


I thought about this and I take a step of faith because God is worthy of putting this much faith in Him. He is my Savior, Creator, Father who is sovereign over all and desires all men to come to repentance. He will one day restore the Creation and make it new. Therefore, when I meditate on these things, on this truth, and His faithfulness throughout history, I can know He is a God to be trusted for all of these things plus everything else in my future :)