Not to Us: 15 Years Later

Me in the kitchen from the other day

This morning, I was holding 11 month old baby Matthew and dancing around the living room to keep him occupied before breakfast. Bri-Bri had "Not to Us" playing on the CD player in the living room. (Yes, he still listens to CD's but that's another post.)

Me being me, tears came to my eyes because the Not to Us album was produced in 2002, and I became Christian in late September or early October, 2002. This album is a soundtrack to the first lessons that laid the foundation of my faith.

The lesson I come back to, and that all others encompass was learning that God was enough. In my dorm room in Newsom Hall at Colorado State University, I had dreams of being a doctor, dreams of meeting a cute Christian college guy, and dreams that knowledge I gained would heal the the trauma in my past.

Over those years, God made me see that His will was to be my ultimate ambition. His love would satisfy me beyond any person's ability to give, and His redemptive power would heal the wounds of my past.

Those lessons were not easily learned, and I would struggle throughout the years to put God first. I learned how to do well in school without making my academic success become an idol. I sort of learned how to get along with the college dudes without chasing - oh wait, I had a new crush every year. Never mind! Ok, yes, I totally had eyes for different guys in my college youth group (and guys outside my group sometimes), But every time I was friend-zoned by a guy, I learned to ask God to fill the void of love and of status (hey, this girl was smart and attractive and a strong enough Christian to have a guy) that I wanted said earthly guy to fill. Every time one of my friends got asked out by her crush, or just out by some random guy in the college group she barely knew, I learned what it meant to truly be happy for her and not let envy get in the way of our friendship because I knew we were both sisters in Christ.

God is still working on the healing the trauma bit. He led me to a university which had a good student-counseling program, and yes, I was in the counselor's office every single year at CSU. This includes grad school. Every time I learned something about child development that made me realize I learned some skill late, or that made me realize that I struggled in some area because of some event or absence of care during my childhood, my wounds of childhood would open up again. I had tried to cover those by doing well in school and being a 'normal kid,' but I realized I had been through a lot. My friends would remind me that God saved me and my story was His story that He was working for good.

As I volunteered at church with the single mom's ministry and as I mentored a little girl adopted from China, I began to see how my past was informing how I helped others and telling my story helped them realize they weren't alone. I began to see God's redemptive work, and I still do.

Of course, these lessons continued after I left college. I learned to trust God as my provider in the Great Recession when I just couldn't get a job in my field, but I was still able to land some jobs that paid rent. I was a bit more content in my singleness and sometimes even shared what God taught me about Him being enough as I sat with younger girls as they pined after guys they liked. Though sometimes was just said, "God is sovereign and ultimately good, but singleness still sucks sometimes. Let's just eat through this pint of ice cream." God continued working with me through my past trauma as well.

Back to the present:

This morning, I was holding Matthew and swaying with him to "Enough." Today, I'm a paralegal, wife, step-mom, and mom. Are all my dreams from my college life fulfilled? Partially. I'm not a doctor, but I have a satisfying career. I married a sweet (dorky) cute Christian guy, and I hope I am a decent step-mom and mentor to his 7th grade son. And baby Matthew is right on track developmentally, according to his pediatrician. Life is going well.

Yet, I still need God to re-teach me the lessons of contentment and "Enough" just as much as I did in college. I sometimes wish we had a house instead of renting an apartment. I wish I had not just a good job, but a flexible job so I could spend time with my baby during the week. As my stepson enters his teenage years, and as Matthew continues to grow, I will need to trust God with their lives.

Throughout these fifteen years, and for the rest of my life, I will continue to learn that blessings and accomplishments in my life are not to us, and that in blessing or trial, God is enough.

The Mommy Blog Post

This little man takes up my "free time" when I get home from work and on weekends. His cute little picture begins my "mommy blog post." His big brother will get a post to himself soon :) but right now, little Mr. Matthew takes up most of my time.

Here he is eating a cracker while I eat my food (and then put some dishes in to soak.)

 At one point, my goal was to write a blog post every week. Well, that didn't happen for two reasons. The first is that I thought my life didn't have any noteworthy (or should I say blogworthy) events to write about.

These last eight months, I got up during the night to feed my little guy, got myself ready for work and little man ready to go to Grandma's house for the day, went to work during the day, came home, fed little guy and did chores, then went to bed before getting up during the night to tend to little guy. In between all this, I spent time catching up with hub's day, keeping up on social media (mostly during my morning and evening commutes), and doing other random stuff such as writing in the baby book and doing errands. Hubs and I run errands together if he's home, or if I am able, I take the bus and light rail with my little guy if we're only getting a few things from the store.

The second reason I didn't blog much is because I didn't have time, and still don't really have time to blog. Right now, I  have dishes soaking in the sink, bottles soaking in the second bathroom sink, and the baby clothes / towels / burp cloths / bibs / items baby has spat up on laundry basket is full.

Yet, when I take a step back from all that, I realize my life now is an answered prayer to all the prayers my college student and young college grad self prayed during the lonely nights in the dorms and various apartments.

I wanted a husband, but I thought I was too messed up, not loving God enough, and not being obedient enough to earn the blessing of a Christian man pursuing a relationship with me.

I thought having or adopting kids would be a neat experience, but again, I needed a husband to do that and I also didn't know if I was healed enough from my past to take on the emotional responsibility of raising kids. Sure, I worked with kids in a volunteer capacity at my church, but raising them is so different.

Yet, God did His thing and here I am as a stepmom to a 12 year old boy and a mom to an 8 month old. I'm also a "working parent." At some point, I did want to be a stay at home mom, but I was raised to believe that being a mom who worked outside the home was just fine, and actually couldn't be avoided. I still like my job and my paycheck is necessary at this point. Maybe my house isn't as tidy as the homes of my friends and family members who don't work outside the home, but I've co see that we all love our kids equally.

I also realize that God really does give each of us more energy than we thought we had on our own. Sometimes I'm tired from work and want to snooze, but God gives me the energy to play with and crawl after my baby. Most mornings, I walk into work tired, but Praise Jesus for the law firm's coffee machine! God gives me the brain power to be coherent, especially that first hour at my desk.

When I take a step back from the day in and day out of my life, I am reminded that so many others want my life. I still have friends who are waiting for husbands and married friends who are waiting to conceive or adopt children. Realizing that my life is a gift is a reminder to pray for my friends who are waiting for these things. Prayer is not just "Oh, I hope someday they get these things and be happy." but prayer is asking God, on my friend's behalf, for His power to come into her life to either help her draw close to Him while she waits and, if it's His will, to provide my friend the blessing she's asked for in His timing and for His purposes.

Thinking about my life in that more complete perspective reminds me that my husband and I dedicated Matthew at church in February and promised to raise him to know Christ so that one day, by God's grace, he would accept Jesus as his savior and live out the Great Commission: Love God, Love People for Christ. Even at the crawling, bottles, burping, and diapers stage of Matthew's life, I can pray for him and the act of loving him will make him familiar with love so he will more fully understand God's true love.

All these things make the seemingly mundane tasks of chores, caring for a baby, and other tasks of being a working mom significant and yes, even blog post worthy.

Truth. Love. Truth

So if you, dear reader, have read through the very first part of my blog, you'll find that some of my posts really lash out against "the culture", more specifically academia. I haven't written much about those sorts of things mainly because I've been away from academia so long, but also because my views have changed.

What?

I still believe that The Bible is the true Word of God, Jesus died on the cross to redeem us and forgive us for our sins, that He shall return one day and make the world perfect, that Jesus is the representation of true Love, and that God is Creator.

I also have been wrestling with the realization that I probably made some pretty big mistakes when I went about convincing people of the above truths.

My initial Christian training went along the lines of what most would call fundamentalist Christianity, and our pastor talked a lot about how society has gotten gender and the family all wrong. This was rather pertinent as I was in the middle of getting my degree(s) in Human Development and Family Studies. Indeed, I saw that when a spouse put power ahead of loving and serving his family, the family unit was more at risk for domestic violence, divorce, marital conflict, etc. I say 'his' because most of the time, perpetrators of domestic abuse are men. I used the word 'spouse' in the above example because God intended for a man and a woman to marry and commit to each other to form the foundation of their family.

I still believe all that.

I also believed that when I talked to a person who identified as LGBT, I was to act friendly toward them, but my real intention was to get them to trust me enough so I could give them the low down on why God does not intend for them to live an LGBT lifestyle. I believed that a man was to provide for the family financially, and the woman was ideally a homemaker. I saw many families that made it work at my church in Fort Collins and thought, "Well, hey, they're happy, and they can homeschool their children, so cool." If I met a person who believed in old earth Evolution, I would watch for ways to get into that God is Creator conversation. If I met anyone who had a viewpoint other than mine, I was taught to be civil, but my ultimate goal was to convince them of the Christian viewpoint because if they knew Truth, they would know the Gospel and would eventually accept Christ.

I probably annoyed a lot of people. Looking back, I wonder if some people saw me as that nice sweet fundamentalist Christian HDFS girl from college. More seriously, I wonder how much my actions drove them toward or away from Christ.

After graduating from college, I had my own faith crisis of finding a human services job during a recession and without the ability to get a drivers' license. One would be surprised at how many entry level human services jobs require a driver's license. Makes sense if one is to visit families or child care sites etc. Someone should've told me that earlier, but that's a whole other blog post.

Anyway, my focus became less about sharing my faith on campus and more about working enough hours at a job I didn't like so I could pay rent, pay my student loans, and eat some food. I still clung to faith but it was hard.

Along the way, I found that a lot of people needed love first. As I have gotten further along in life and at the ripe age of 32 (!!), I found that a hug rather than a short apologetics lesson is what hurting people need. Not just being nice so you can share truth, but actual loving them. Social skills training for this nearly Aspie Christian also helped too.

When I met my sweet husband, I was right up against the old debate of family again. Do I write him off because he did family wrong, or do I give him a chance and let him tell his story first? I listened to God and He instructed me to do the latter.

With my stepson, I do my best to show him love so he can trust me as a parental figure. Only after I did that, did we have some small conversations about God, church, etc. Are there times where I slip up and get impatient with him if he's giving his dad attitude about going to church? Yup But there are also times when I have rubbed his back for some sensory input during the message or gently asked him to not prod his dad during the sermon. We have prayed about his homework and we have prayed for sweet hubs when sweet hubs goes to sing with the Sunday school classes leaving my stepson and I to attend service together.

My blog post title is Truth. Love. Truth. I'm grateful for the apologetics lessons I learned in college and how deeply we studied the Bible. I learned so much about God and wouldn't trade that for anything. Learning to balance sharing Truth in love has been the hardest part of my development as a Christian. My instinct is to just tell people the right answer if I believe they are wrong, and that's exactly what I did. However, I slowly learned that people need God's love. I've learned to lend a listening ear first before just spouting out Truth. But when the person is receptive and God says it's the right time, I will tell them Truth: Jesus loves them. If we get into a discussion about other issues, fine, but they need to know that the truth is out there and that truth is Jesus came to bring them perfect Love.

When Heaven and Earth Collide

I really like the song "Heaven and Earth" by Hillsong United / Hillsong Worship. As always, they sing Truth so poetically and they rock! If we ever sing this song in choir, I'll be happy squealing to my choir friends later heee heeee! 

The song is talking about Christ coming to earth, and isn't that the crux of everything else related to our faith? 

I was listening to this song while working on my other blog (Yes, Katie started ANOTHER blog) and I was writing a 'tell your life's story' post and I realized that when my circumstances took a shift, God's sovereignty met my life. Heaven and Earth collided. God is always with us and always working out His plans, but sometimes He does something that seems weird or something and you look back later and say, "Wait... WHAT??? What just happened???" 

For instance, a malnourished infant with bad eyesight and exposure to Hepatitis B (and who may have survived measles and meningitis at this point) was transferred from a government orphanage to a nonprofit orphanage. She was in a particular one run by a particular agency that created her file as a child available for adoption. Heaven met earth because a woman  would walk into said adoption agency, look at that particular file, take a leap of faith, and ultimately bring this little girl home to be her daughter. In that child's life, Heaven and Earth collided during that transfer between orphanages. 

We hear about Heaven and Earth colliding when people say these things in stories: 

"And somehow at just the right time ..." 

"I just got this feeling.... something told me to..."

"I sat by this person who just happened to be..." 

"If I hadn't gone through.... I wouldn't have...." 

"Going through .... helped me to..." 

So why does God throw in these wild turns in people's lives? To keep the universe interesting? So everything works out in the end? That can be true, but there is a greater reason beyond things working out in our lives. Sometimes Heaven and Earth collide, but that meeting don't necessarily bring material good or success. Sometimes people just get through the struggle of life and they somehow know that they have the strength to make it through hard times. Sometimes people go through hard things and they are desperate for hope, so they seek it out. In that, Jesus reaches to them through His work and through His people. Heaven and Earth collide to show people Christ and point people to Him. 

Heaven and Earth collide

Savior for everyone has come

Bringing the dead to life

All for the glory of Your Name

By His stripes are healed

By His death we can live

In Jesus' Name

In Jesus Name

All oppression shall cease

Every captive released

In Jesus' name

In Jesus' name

Colorado State of Body Image

Sometime this summer I’m going to start the diet in the book “State of Slim.” Several co-workers did the diet and one was kind enough to purchase the book for me since I showed interest in the book (and hopefully getting my Bri-Bri on board).

One thing this makes me think of is my body image issues. I blogged about that earlier, but it’s been a while.

Even though I’m married and I have a husband that loves my body the way it is because he loves the soul inside, I still get hung up on my body image sometimes. For example, my mom tells me I have to stay a good weight to have a healthy pregnancy (when the time comes), and sometimes if I’m hanging out with my mom and I’m wearing a more form fitting top, she asks me if I’m putting on weight.  Then all those thoughts of “I’m not skinny enough, I’m too fat in my mom’s eyes, I’m not ideal enough.” Come into my head.

I’m incorporating more jogging/walking and weight lifting into my life because I just sit at a desk all day. Also, with the amount of sweets my co-workers, clients, and I bring into the kitchen, exercise is necessary so we all don’t become blobs haha! I’m also drinking slim fast shakes for meals sometimes, especially if I indulge in a really fatty meal with my mother in law or if we go to the store and I get a yummy treat.

Even though I still have my negative body image thoughts, I am making these changes more for my overall health. I do have hypertension and my mom and I wonder if it’s hereditary since I haven’t been eating really bad food for most of my life. I also have been doing some research on preemie/very low birth weight babies and long term outcomes. The studies seem to say that our bodies are more vulnerable to disease etc. in adulthood since we didn’t get so great of a start earlier in life. Therefore, I see these lifestyle changes more in a preventative light.

I know the body image thing will be a battle when I do this diet so changing my thinking to say it is a preventative program helps. My husband telling me now that I am beautiful helps keep those negative thoughts away, and knowing I am made by a loving Creator is the ultimate way of silencing any negativity around the unique way that I am made.

The Songs From the Summer of Ouch

Long time NO BLOG!!! Right???

Anyway, yesterday and today my huaband and I were listening to Jeremy Camp's "Stay" and "Carried Me" CD's in the car. 

Those were my "go to" CD's when my uncle was really sick one summer and I was trying to get over a hard core crush on a non-believer. Yeah long story. Summer of 2004 was the Summer of Ouch. My uncle was sick with terminal cancer and I was supporting my mom's grieving process and dealing with my own process. Also, God was addressing an area in my life where I was not trusting Him. You can probably see my posts related to this event within this blog. 

At any rate, listening to these songs again brought back memories of the pain, but they also made me aware of how much God grew my faith in that time. Listening to these songs was bittersweet because the pain twinged in my heart even as my heart praised God for giving me the sustaining grace to get through each day and showing me what it means to have joy that surpasses dark circumstances. 

God received glory in this moment as He does in every moment, but especially where His strength is displayed in our weakness and His joy shines through our sorrow. God healed me more because He once again revealed that He does not waste pain. 

God's Not Dead: My Review

I joined two friends of mine from Hope Crossing to see the movie "God's Not Dead" where a prelaw college freshman takes up his philosophy professor's challenge to prove God and disprove atheism. Another friend posted this link from Creation Ministries International which critiques the movie based on how well a literal interpretation of Genesis was utilized. Their review also evaluted how realistically other characters who represented different groups in the cultural debates are often portrayed. 

I agreed with the CMI article, and I am still glad I saw the movie. 

To set some background, I am Summitview trained in apologetics and in college, I learned various ways to logically explain my faith and common questions often presented to Christians from others of varying worldviews. Apologetics can be taught in an us versus them fashion, especially if the media and other facets of society tend to demean Christianity. I definitely felt that academia was not on the Christians' side, so I resonated with the kid going up against his professor. 

Also setting some background, I know what it was like to be a person seeking answers. Though I didn't take an anti-God stance, I was looking for someone to explain things like the problem of evil and assurance of salvation in a logical way. Before I became Christian, I had mocked Christians and I thought that praying for an illness to go away was foolish because we had medicine for that. In short, I have been on both sides. 

Now, to address CMI's arguments: 

1. Josh's arguments were insufficient to convince a critically thinking audience such as a true college professor and a philosophy class. He did not follow a literal interpretation of Genesis. Though he quoted much of the narrative, he allowed for evolution to be true. He also tied evil to free will rather than to sin. 

I agree with these criticisms. I think if he had to argue more than the basic first cause argument, the movie would've ended up being more of a giant lecture with plot thrown in. That would be fine for Bible nerds like my Summitview friends and myself (given the right mood), but maybe not for a broader audience. I also think this movie was meant to give Christians a starting point to begin arguing their faith and they would be free to do their research. However, again, if a Christian isn't in an apologetics heavy church like Summitview or a good church where scripture is examined deeply, than just using these arguments against a better trained debator would be quite a challenge. The article addresses this and emphasized that students who watch this shouldn't feel like they can rely soley on Josh's arguments against their own professors. For non-Christians, this movie can give them partial answers, but again, they would need to do more research. From my own experience, I often revisited the same questions as a seeker and needed to dig deeper. Luckily, I had Christian friends who understood my need for understand and explained things rather than friends who saw my questions as attacks on their faith. 

2. Other characters and even other Christians in the film were portrayed inaccurately and in a unhelpful stereotypical way. Amy, a journalist critical of Christians is hostile with her interviewing technique where most journalists would at least be civil when interviewing a subject. Journalists usually save their arguing and spats with fellow newsanchors on CNN or FOX. She only softens up when she is desperate for answers to her own life situation.

Ayisha is a Muslim student, but the directors did not get her traditional outfit right. They also portray her family in a way that would cause non-Muslims to be critical of that people group. CMI said that this would be detrimental for Christians reaching Muslims for the Gospel. I agree. Though they show how hard life can be for a Muslim individual who openly switches faiths, they neglected to stress that not everyone's situation is like hers. 

Professor Radisson is your hard-line atheist and his home is probably not typical of a Humanities / Liberal Arts professor's home. Those guys don't make that much. Anyway, he is almost too aggressive with Josh, and if he was at CSU, Josh could bring his behavior in and outside the classroom toward him to the Dean of the College of Liberal Arts and the Office of Conflict and Dispute Resolution. 

Finally, on the non-Christians' side, an unnamed business man is the stereotypical profit-driven cold CEO. All the ladies in the movie theater want to kick him in the balls for the way he treats his girlfriend in her time of need, but again, one can make a stretch that a successful business professional will have a cold money-hungry attitude without Jesus. That is not true. There are many corporate officers who may not be believers, but are kind to their staff and use company funds to donate to charity etc. 

On the Christians' side, Pastor Dave and his missionary friend interact with nearly everyone in the movie. Pastor Dave appears to be a young pastor who is burnt out and wishes he could be "in the trenches" like his missionary friend who works in a foreign country. The missionary encourages Pastor Dave in his faith and is constantly amazed at the conveinences in America. The CMI article criticizes their portrayal as Christians who have shallow faith. Again, I agree with this, and yet I see how they serve to bring the story together rather than detract from the central plotline of Josh's debate with his professor. 

What I would say to other Christians who want to see the movie: 

This is a movie to inspire you to share your faith and to make you remember that even people we would label as 'enemies of our faith' because they outwardly are hostile to Christians may also have very real struggles. If you want to begin defending your faith like Josh, read your Bible, read good apologetics books, and always have faith that God will supply you the answers and remind your heart to have compassion for those asking you these questions. 

What I would say to non-Christians who want to see the movie:

No, not every Christian sees you as a 'Professor Raddison', especially if you are in academia. People such as C.S. Lewis and Lee Strobel have written books about Christianity that present you questions in a very logical format. Many scientists and professors are Christian, though they may not be outspoken due to the climate in academia. You can have your faith and your intellect. Use this movie as a starting point to find answers. 

No movie will be a perfect witness because each Christian is not a perfect witness. We are imperfect. We sin. We backslide. Sometimes quite badly. But Jesus is the perfect example of God coming to earth to redeem mankind. Jesus conquered sin, death, and hell. In Christ and in all that He is, He is the perfect answer.  I believe the producers' hearts were to point people to Christ. After seeing this movie, I will pray for everyone who sees it that they find Christ alive and our Redeemer.

His Bow in the sky

Today Mom and I were coming out of Rosemary's Cafe - a local establishment near our house - when we saw this beautiful summer rainbow in the sky :) Incidentally, it is near my old church which is in the right of the picture: Notre Dame Church. 

Today's beautiful rainbow

The sight brought a smile and internal eeks and squeaks to my mind because God was telling me that everything would be ok. That His promises were true. That He would provide. I know this because He has assured me two other times with providing His bow in the sky. 

In the summer of 2009, I was in El Paso, TX. Fresh out of grad school, I was looking for a temporary job there while I was there on a mission trip. It was my first out-of-state mission trip, and I knew God wanted me there. Yet clinging to that truth and His biblical truths were hard as the job wasn't coming and others weren't sure I made the right economic choice to go. 

A rainbow in very-warm El Paso after the torrential rain in the desert. 

Upon returning from El Paso, I moved to Fort Collins because that was where I believed God was calling me. I moved in with wonderful girls into an apartment complex dubbed "The Quad." Again, God reminded me of His steadfast promises and His provision - even though the recession was flooding the nation and my job prospects with despair. God reminded me that He was there.  He gave me a rainbow seven days after I moved in. 

Here it is :) 

A rainbow as seen from my apartment in The Quad :)

Now as I am faced with finding a paralegal job as my internship is winding down, God is so kind to me to remind me of His promises - His provision! God provided a rainbow today to remind me that He is with me in the calm, with me in the storm, and reminds me that just like He will never flood the earth, He will never allow my mind and emotions to flood with worry if I hold fast to Him and His promises. His bow in the sky reminds me to look to Him! 

Stewardship Lesson in an Unlikely Place

Printer from Google Images

I was reminded of stewardship in a very unusual way yesterday. At my internship, the Metro Volunteer Lawyers' copier was getting fixed by the copier surgeon. My poor supervisor wanted to take a bat to the thing like the guys in Office Space, but that would make its problems much worse!! 

After reading the Intern Notebook, I realized I could use the CLS copier in the Volunteer room. We do that as a last resort because the CLS volunteers and employees get first priority for that one. 

So there went little me into the volunteer room with a giant stack of court documents to the CLS copier. As I v-e-r-y carefully fed them into the copier, I said, "Oh, please be nice, copier, you're not mine!" meaning, CLS would be mad if I broke their copier. 

Suddenly I realized I was sort of a steward of their copier. I'm a steward of MVL's stuff too because I'm a volunteer, but I felt an extra sense of 'I need to be careful because I don't normally have rights to this machine while I'm with MVL.' 

As I copied the court documents, God and I got into a discussion about stewardship. Do I treat what He gives me as carefully as I treated the CLS copier, or do I just assume He will fix something if I break it, or do I think, "No, that's mine." I took a Dave Ramsey class with Boaz and of course I thought about my finances. When I become a paralegal, will I just treat them like God will keep giving me more, or will I be careful with them like I am learning to be careful with my student loan refund? Will I think, "Oh, I can fix it because it's mine, or will I be careful because it's God's?" More importantly, will I continue to be grateful to God for what He has given me? Just as I was grateful CLS had allowed in their rules that MVL staff and volunteers could use their copier when ours was down, I have to be grateful for what God gives me because it's a gift, yet it is ultimately His. 

Little lessons can come from very strange places :) 

And yes, in case readers were wondering, I was able to copy all the court documents yesterday :D :D 

Mentor

I just got home from a day at the zoo with Boaz and his son Bobby*. Boaz has Bobby for Spring Break before he goes back to Pennsylvania. Boaz sees Bobby over the summers and school breaks. This is the same boy who may get tested for Asperger Syndrome later. 

*Name changed for purposes of this blog.

As I was preparing to meet Bobby, I did some research on how people come into the role of step-parent. This might become a reality in my life if/when Boaz and I get married. I asked God what He would want for me as a step-parent of a kid with Asperger Syndrome. I knew from my HDFS classes that I wold come alongside Boaz and continue to allow him be the primary parent as far as rule-setting and such. 

One thought that kept coming to me was one word: Mentor 

Image from Google Images

I could be a mentor to Bobby as a) someone who loves Boaz and wants to support him in his parenting and b) as a significant adult in Bobby's life who also happens to have an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I know somewhat about where Bobby is coming from. Of course, I need to know him as a person first, and that will come over time. But even today, I would notice that he really liked this gravel pit with large pebbles. I said, "That feels really cool on your hands, huh?" Because I knew it was a sensory thing. I also asked him, "You can't stop thinking about those chair-lifts, can you?" Because he had a pretty strong one-track mind about that until Boaz took him and I on the chair-lifts over the zoo. 

Bobby let me hold his hand to get off of the chair-lift and let me help him with his ice-cream. He asked Boaz if I was going to be around tomorrow, and Boaz explained that I would be celebrating Easter with my family and they would celebrate with theirs. 

Tonight, I was hit with the reality that God had been preparing my heart to be this eight year old boy's mentor for a long time. I was a nanny to some kids for two summers a while back and I've learned how to bond with kids that were not biologically or legally mine. Finally, I've had a longing to be an example to others on the Autism Spectrum ever since I got my diagnosis and went to two of Temple Grandin's lectures. 

God works in mysterious but awesome ways. I continue to pray that as I grow closer to Boaz and Bobby, that God would continue preparing my heart for the most important mentoring job I will probably have: Helping the man I love parent and show Christ to his son, and show this boy that God allows us to triumph over challenges He has allowed in our lives. 

Where your treasure is...

Woot for getting a lot of homework done today!!!! Well... studying for a test, reading for another class, and writing / editing two short assignments. 

In a way, I'm glad I have a lot assignments to keep my brain busy. 

Otherwise, I'd be sitting around waiting for Boaz to call. He's en route to Colorado from Pennsylvania. For some reason, I can have this fear that 'oh no, something happened!' that is a carryover from growing up with a worry-wort. 

Anyway,  yeah. Suddenly the verse hit me: "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21. In context, the verse is about storing up economic wealth. But I realized that Boaz's out of town-ness made me think about how I trust God with him. 

Do I trust that this relationship is from God and that God is taking care of Boaz in the same way He is taking care of me? 

Or do I worry that God would let both of us down by not caring for Boaz and dissapointing us? 

Furthermore, if Boaz' plane got hit by a stray meteor, would I be crushed because I had placed Boaz  in the position of being my everything in place of God? Or would I trust God and be sad, but know God has life go on (and thank God that I wasn't married so I wouldn't have to worry about dealing with Boaz' probate matters along with my own life). 

But it's interesting to think about. Are there times I just wish his plane would get into DIA and I could see a text or hear him on my phone? Yup! Totally! Not just because, "Ooooh, BOAZ I NEED YOU!!" but because I really am interested in how his trip went. And I also do hope he gets a good rest before he goes to work tomorrow :) 

And I am thankful for this trip because for him, he was able to see his son and God used it to give me a reality check to see if Boaz was where my treasure was, or if I am still putting Christ as my first treasure of my heart :) 

How God used the music of Chris Tomlin then and now

On the last post I mentioned that Boaz and I have "Our CD" instead of merely "our song." (insert the Taylor Swift song stuck into certain readers' heads and commence evil laughter!) 

I giggled to myself realizing that our CD was a Chris Tomlin CD because Chris and I go waaaay back. Like to 2002! (Some readers won't think that's way far back because they were on Noah's ark - but I digress...) 

The songs Forever, Not to Us, Wonderful Maker, Famous One, Enough, Holy is the Lord, and Take My Life were the soundtrack to my first few years of being Christian. The Rock - erm - rocked out to these songs and God spoke foundational Truths of His eternity, His sufficiency, His salvation, His holiness, His awesomeness as Creator etc. through these songs. Some friends that remember me from way the heck back in the day know that I would eek out and geek out about these songs :D 

Other notable songs include: Indescribable, How Great is Our God, Uncreated One, Amazing Grace (My chains are free), Over Me (on 
See the Morning - special edition), and OUR GOD!!!! :D :D :D I really like more, but God really really really (times a lot) taught me about Himself and used these songs to remind me of who He is when I was having hard times. I turned into one giant (5 foot tall) tear-drop when I would listen to these songs sometimes, especially if I was just allowing God to pick through all the pain in my heart and heal it. Oh man. I would cry. A lot. But in a good way. 

So, in a way, Chris Tomlin is sort of God and my artist because I would listen to his stuff to connect with God when I was feeling sad or needed to be reminded of Truth. These songs and CDs would supplement the reading of God's Word :) I already had quite a few of "our songs" with God before He brought Boaz into my life, so I suppose it's only fitting that Boaz and I have a Chris Tomlin CD as 'our CD' so we can worship the God who has used this artist's music to teach us stuff individually and who has brought us together for His purposes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Sing praise!
Sing praise! 

Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever! 

LUDICROUS SPEED! GO!

Boaz and I were having another 2 hour long conversation today after church and he said that we went from 0 - boyfriend in two dates and I laughed. 

That's not entirely accurate though. We became close over messaging through the online dating site. One reason I think we bonded there was that both of us knew the other was straight up about our faith.  On my online profile (that apparently he looked at quite frequently before pondering messaging me :) I was straight up that I wanted a strong Christian and I considered myself growing toward a strong Christian status. His profile indicated a similar sentiment - YAY! - 

Anyway, I honestly think one reason this whole relationship sort of happened at ludicrous speed was because of one word: Genuineness. 

Both of us just wanted to share who we were as the people God had made. That was really cool because I think we didn't as Boaz puts it, "Wear masks and need time to see through our walls." I was able to share what I was thinking aka "My heart" and he was able to share his heart right away. 

So was that a bad idea? I mean, we just met!! Well, it wasn't like we were sharing the deepest parts of ourselves initially. We just geeked out about school and such and I was able to tell him about my career shift and he was able to tell me about work and his degree program as well. It was a progression to discussing our church families and our faith which led into discussions of what God had taught us throughout our lives. 

Both of us say that we began falling for each other during the discussions of our faith journeys. I really liked that he was a solid Christian who wanted to be a good Godly dad to his son and a good Godly husband to whoever he would marry, and I think he liked that I was open and growing in my faith too. So knowing that we both liked each other made it easier to open up even more :) 

So yeah! That explains why to some people, this happened at... ludicrous speed! But with God driving this relationship, He sets the speed at just right for His purposes! :) YAY! :) I just have to keep praying for Boaz to listen to His instructions and lead accordingly :) 

Q and A About this Boaz Guy

What??????!!!!!!!???!! Katie met a Christian guy and is going out with him???? Yup. The Facebook (TwitFace) rumors are true, folks!

So what follows is a Q and A!!

Where did you meet this Boaz guy?

Sometimes we tell people we met online. Other times we tell people Light Rail. It all depends if the listener would get freaked out by the idea of dating on the Internets.

What's he like?

Like Boaz of course!!! No, he's a dork for sure. Totally not afraid to act goofy, but he's genuine about his faith and his life and his relationship with God. Oh, he's not bad looking either. Tall white guy - no like really really tall. Um - God snagged little me a 6 footer. How old is said fly white guy? Um... About 10 + years older.

What stuff does he do?

Well his main passion is singing in choir in his church and helping out with children's choir and children's ministry - SSSSSSQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!!!! He has a nice singing voice :):):):):):):) Eeeeek! Oh and he pays the bills by working at a mortgage company.

So how long exactly have you known each other?

Three weeks. One thing is that we both were straight up with each other about our faith and life. Like we didn't play the "impress the other person" game. We have said, "This is who God made me and what He has taught me and what He is teaching me." And apparently we both dug what we saw!! Heeee heeeee!!!

Does he know you're on the autism spectrum?

Yup. He digs and understands thar part of me too!! And I know he's a giant dork. It's great!!!!

What sort of accountability do you both have?

Glad you asked, Summitview peeps!!! I have my Christian friends at Hope Crossing, current and former Summirviewers! On his side he has his choir / Bible study group at his church.

First date?

Starbucks and noodles and co.

Second Date:

Mimi's Cafe!

Do you guys have 'your song' yet???

Um no - maybe? Possibly it's Gangham Style. We did walk Gangham Style across a Light Rail bridge on the first date. Yes, Boaz started it!!!!

Oh, but we have our CD!!!! Burning Lights CD!!! IT WAS SO AWESOME to genuinely worship TOGETHER with that CD and - AAAAAAGH HOW COOL IS THAT?????????????? Worshiping our Creator on the second date!!!!!!

Anything else?

Um no. Oh wait yes! He scored mega awesome Ye Olde Blogger's Mom points by waiting with me at Mimi's Cafe for Access A Ride!! Like Mom thought that was awesome!! And shows his Godly manly character that I had told her about.

How can your Christian friends be praying for you two??

Also glad you asked! That we'd learn how to support each other in school and work. Oh yes, he's going to school to be a counselor. :) um, also just that we'd continue keeping God first, that God would use our (eeek) story to tell others about Himself and ultimately share His Gospel, that I would learn how to support Boaz and Boaz would learn more how to lead like Christ leads the church. He's doing a good job with that by the way I'd you were wondering!!!

Thanks for reading :)