Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Psalm 1

Hubs and I are both starting our Psalm Journals: reflections on the Psalms and about how King David brought his feelings before the throne room of God. 

I had been looking for a way to journal them, and now here it is! I can update my content and do my quiet time all at once YAY! 


Psalm 1:

Psalm 1 reads more like an instruction list or advice column instead of one pouring out his heart to God. However, when I think about it, emotions are behind one's motivation to give instructions. 

When I instruct Daniel about social skills or when I help him solve a problem on his Wii or while doing his homework, I feel the need to share an important nugget of truth to make Daniel's life better. King David probably felt that sense of responsibility. Especially if he wrote Psalm 1 for his son, he would express love by instructing his son on how to live. True leaders that give the nation advice during an inaugural address or State of the Union feel a responsibility and love of sorts to their citizens; they wish to lead them on a path that will enrich their lives.

David urged his son (if he was writing to Solomon), and his constituents (being a King after all) to follow God. He wanted his son to see that as utmost importance. Therefore, he felt this sense of urgency to tell him to keep God at the center of his life and look to His word for guidance. 

A few weeks ago, I felt a deep longing for Daniel to know God. I was standing near Daniel during worship at Southeast while singing "Jesus Loves Me" by Chris Tomlin. I wanted Daniel to know that Jesus loved him just like Bri-Bri and I were proclaiming that He loved us. I sang, "Jesus, He loves you, He loves you, He is for you." and put my hand on Daniel's heart while giving him a hug. Sweet Bri-Bri did the same :) :) Together we felt this deep longing for Daniel to know this Truth, and I believe David wanted his people and his children to understand the importance of Yahweh being central in their lives. 

How did David bring this to God? Well, he recognizes God as "Lord" the more personal name for God, and he probably prayed for his people and his children to know God and walk with Him. 

In that same way, we can bring our longing for others to know Christ to God as well. We can pray for their salvation and we can listen to God's prompting as He uses us to speak truth into others' lives. 

For sweet Bri-Bri and I, we can lift Daniel up in prayer that he would know God, and we could listen for God's wisdom in how to speak to his young heart that his Creator, his Savior - the ultimate Superhero loves him and laid down His life so that he may live and love God.  

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Good Good Father

Our choir playlists are posted to YouTube and shared with the choir FB page before we sing them on Wednesdays. As I clicked through the new songs, I saw this song now done by Chris Tomlin and I knew I was going to cry. Of course, I first listened to it on the bus, so I couldn’t start bawling then – ok, I could, but that would be weird. Inwardly, I thanked Matt, the guy who set up the playlist for previewing that song, because I grabbed a handful of kleenex for when actually sang that song that during choir practice.

It wasn’t until the next Wednesday when Dave Ramsey knocked me on my butt that I realized that my father wound still ran deep and God was using this song to continue my healing process.

Wait – Dave Ramsey? So… I was at work listening to the podcast and Dave was talking to the mom of an adopted 13 year old who wanted to go on his school trip and he didn’t work enough during the summer to pay for it. His mom was concerned because he was an international adoptee learning about the American monetary system and didn’t get it yet. Dave’s answer was this was a good opportunity to teach that child good money habits.

Hearing Dave’s heart for this kid and saying that if the thirteen year old boy was a Ramsey kid, this was how he’d would talk to him as his father. Out of nowhere, I started tearing up. I made it to the bathroom before closing the stall and crying. I didn’t want to cry really loudly in case my co-workers came in, but I was thinking, “Why did this podcast knock me on my butt and make me cry?” Hearing Dave saying that this kid needed a strong mother and father to show him the way touched my need for that same heart in a dad.

During that second choir practice singing Good Good Father I had my binder in front of my face even more than usual so Krissy didn’t see me bawling my eyes out. At some point, I couldn’t even sing and I felt God saying it was ok for me to cry, so I just cried.

I thought I was done with crying about not having an earthly dad. After all, I accepted Christ during my Freshman year of college back in 2002 and God really started showing me how He was like a dad after my sophomore year when He revealed that a crush I had on my professor was due to my need to find a father replacement.
My grandpa, Pa, had always been a father figure, but during my sophomore year, he started to develop dementia. I was loosing the only father like figure I knew, so I subconsciously looked for a replacement.

During that summer, I prayed to ask God to show me how He was my father. He was the one I could talk to when I couldn’t sleep, and He was the one who gave me a gift of riding on the side of a San Francisco cable car. My mom was afraid I’d fall off, but I felt God saying, “Daddy’s got you. Just enjoy the ride!” I was happy because Daddy put me on the cable car in a place where I could see everything.

He was my rock when Pa passed away and my mom was upset. He helped me get my mom and my aunt through it, even though I took a while longer to grieve because I stuffed my own feelings of sadness down so I could take care of them.

He gently nudged me to trust Him on my first date with Bri-Bri when I cried and sweet Bri-Bri wiped my tears.

When my uncle Steve walked me down the aisle I felt God’s presence at the wedding also and He provided what I needed for all the pieces to come together.

Even today, I watch how my Bri-Bri and Daniel play together and I smile knowing Daniel is lucky to have a dad. Even though he only spends the weekends and school breaks with his dad, he still has one. I guess I didn’t realize that I still had an ache in me until we started singing this song.

I cried during Good Good Father because I felt the pain again from not having a dad combined with the gratefulness of how God was filling that void. Pain and joy collided and it all resulted in my drawing closer to God for Him to wipe my tears and for me to give Him praise.

Sunday, October 04, 2015

Not taking the Cross for Granted

During the Online Campus prayer partner stint, I listened to the segment about communion and I was like, "Yup, we're almost to the message." But I don't want Communion to come commonplace. I don't want The Cross to become commonplace because I would stop praying for my stepson's salvation and I would take God's grace for granted. 

So I stopped and pondered. 

When I survey the Wondrous Cross
On which the prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride

Oh the Wonderful Cross
Oh the Wonderful Cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live.

If I meditate on the truth that God graciously died in my place for my sins so I could be close to Him, if I meditate on the depths of that love and sacrifice, then I would not take the Cross for granted.