Careviging Hierarchy

I will probably address this more as I go along in the blog, but currently my aunt and my mom have seen a significant increase in the tasks they are required to do for my 92 year old grandmother who is living at home but with 20-30 hours a week of some form of outside help. 

Today Mom was supposed to take my grandmother on a scheduled outing. We realized the keys for granny's car were in our condo where the steps were currently under construction (and thus inaccessable). Mom called Grandma and turns out Grandma didn't know where her car keys went and didn't know for a few days. 

That was a problem because Mom needed the keys to take Grandma to the outing because Grandma's car is a 4 door car and could hold the stuff she needs better than Mom's 2 door car. 

So Mom and I had to brainstorm and find a solution. We found someone else to take Grandma, but it stressed both of us out. Mom was stressed because she felt like it was her fault. I tried not to stress when the solutions I brought up weren't being met with the response I was expecting. 

My mom and my aunt have most of the caregiving responsibility. I have read in the HDFS literature that informal or family caregivers need support. Currently I am experiencing being that support to Mom. 

If I were to outline a caregiving hierarchy, it would look something like this: 

Grandma (client) 

• Supported by Aunt 1 (with driving her to appointments and keeping records of care as well as other administrative tasks. She's seen as "lead staff" 
• Supported by her husband who helps her emotionally and helps her do projects around Grandma's house. 
• Supported emotionally by her two adult children. 
• Supported by: Mom (with driving her to events, managing medications) 
• Supported by me who does small tasks around Grandma's help either by myself or as a helper to Mom. Mom is also supported emotionally by me and I also brainstorm ideas Mom can share with Aunt 1. 
• Supported by Uncle 1 who comes up from Colorado Springs bi-weekly to do yard work and "manly" tasks as well as for other support tasks. 
• Supported by paid house-cleaners that clean floors and the kitchen on a bi-weekly basis. 

I have to remember that without Christ, this caregiving hierarchy will collapse. If I do not support Mom with the love of Christ, she will loose her support and that will affect the rest of this structure. 

Firstly I will have to pray that my family comes to know Christ if they haven't already. If they know Christ, CHRIST is their ultimate support as they help my grandma. Secondly, I just have to remember that God sees all of this and common grace He gives is strength for each day. Grace He gives those of us that are Christian are Christ working through us. We just have to keep letting Him as more needs are added to the caregiving hierarchy. 

Combinations of Intelligence, Pride, and Love

Or otherwise titled: Being Smart versus Being a Smart Ass (especially around my mom) 



Yeah! SO,  I'm at home. Wait! I said that already in this blog :D I'm also learning about the book of James at church. James could also be titled: Evidences of Faith as lived out in a Christian's Life: The Practicals 

One very VERY practical thing I'm learning is that I need to work on not being a smart-ass. Sometimes I am around Mom just because it's my way of saying, "Mom! Get off my back! I've lived on my own before!" My intelligence is something that I can 'hang my hat on' so to speak when I don't have much else: when I don't have a job, when I'm back at Mom's house, etc. I sort of find something tangible to stand on to not feel like a looser, basically. However, intelligence as a source of pride is obviously a bad thing. 

1 Corinthians 8:1 says, "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." James 3 is mainly about watching what you say. 

When interacting with my mom, I can combine intelligence with either pride or love. 

Intelligence + Pride = Katie being a smart ass. 

This is the, "I'm smarter than you / I've lived on my own and you putting a cramp in my independence" mentality. This is just eye-rolling and making semi-snide remarks when she says something that I don't agree with or something. 

Intelligence + love = Katie letting God love through her

This is the, "Hey, Mom, I appreciate your imput..." or "Hey, mom, let me help you patiently with the internet or whatever you need help with.." It's not denying my intelligence or past independence, but it's first and foremost loving. Obviously, this is the best choice, but I can fall into the other one if I just am only thinking of myself first, and not realizing that my home is a mission field - not just a place where I can stay for a year without paying rent. 

God, I pray You will remind me through Your word to value love first more specifically love for You, love for the lost, love for Your people. I pray that this love will infiltrate the other aspects of my life, character, and the way my brain works (intelligence). God, I pray others see You through my life :) I know that I need to humbly ask for Your grace to change me and to discipline me to do that. Amen.