I feel like a post today

My brain is all sorts of random today! Actually, my brain is really just this --->

Today and every day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D but anyhoo, yeah! 

I read a friend's blog today because she posted a link for it on FB and I read it like, "Yup! Gotta remember to pray for her - and - oooh! send her a pretty card or something cute in the mail to make her smile because a) it's nice to make people smile and b) it's even nicer when you make 'em smile when they're having a rough patch in life. 

I also read my friend's blog and was like, "Holy crap! I so don't write like that!!!!" Sometimes I think I have more of a dude-style blog. A lot of women's blogs just go straight into, "Today I feel so ____ and I was in a situation where I felt ____ and now I feel _____ and this person made me feel _______ and now after writing this I feel______" and there's much more emotion emitting from it. 

But that's not how my brain works, and that's completely ok because I mean - look at the picture in this post: The brain is COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It just is and God made it and He made mine awesomely even though it doesn't work like everyone elses' tee hee hee hee!


Here's how my posts generally go:


1) Here's a summary of a situation I was in.
2) Here's my analysis from an HDFS and/or Biblical point of view
3) Here's why that's significant to my life and what I learned.


My posts usually can be categorized as analytical posts (following the above outline), the just-for-fun random posts (like this one), updates on my life posts, and mostly in 2010, I had quite a few: TEMPLE GRANDIN IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! posts :D :D heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheeeee!!!!!!!!!!! :D 

I think that recognizing that my blog posts look different from my friends' is a valid point. Seeing a concrete example of how my brain thinks differently than theirs is a reminder to help me interact in their world better :) 

Welp cool! That ends said random post! Now for some rice cookings and eatings and then time to study the anatomy of the thorax since I'm taking Gross Anatomy at CSU (Surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  :D 

Carrying a whole stadium or person on your shoulders

This may come as a surprise to some people, but I consider myself a Bronco fan. Surprising to people because I don't really write or talk about sports much. I'm not the kind of fan that knows all the stats and stuff, but I like to go over to people's houses and watch games if they extend the invitation. Bronco merchandise that I own includes a Broncos t-shirt and squishy pillow :) 


Like much of Colorado and other Football fans, I have been intrigued by Tim Tebow. As a Christian, I am encouraged at how he isn't afraid to talk about God during and after the games. I also smile when I hear from his teammates during interviews that Tebow encourages them even during difficult times. The way Tebow demonstrates his faith as he plays for the Broncos encourages me to live out my faith in my own life. 


The Broncos ended their season yesterday loosing spectacularly to the Patriots. What struck me more than the difference in the scores was this: A lot of people put their hope in Tebow to win the game. In some ways it's just like how Mom would sit in front of the TV and yell at Elway whenever the Broncos messed up. And when my aunt and I would watch the Broncos (pom-poms in hand) when I was a kid, we would yell, "C'mon Elway! C'mon, THROW!" when they would be on the line of scrimmage. The quarterbacks always seem to be the center of attention / blame during games. 

Though the Broncos did win 5 games in a row, it seems like the team was still getting used to new players, new coach, and a new quarterback. That became apparent when we lost to the Patriots. Twice. But, apparently our team overall has improved a lot since the beginning of the season! I really do think that Tebow has something to do with it since the quarterbacks rally the team. 


 I think since Tebow is a very outspoken Christian, a lot of people hope that since he has The Big One aka God on his side, they think he's more likely to pull off miracle wins. The expectation about supernatural help on the football field probably adds to the pressure Tebow feels already as a quarterback. 

During the last Broncos-Patriots game, I started to feel sorry for Tebow. Not just because the score was 31-7 at half-time, but because of the weight he had on his shoulders of Broncos fans hoping his connection with God would produce a win. Did he feel like he was carrying Mile High Stadium, or the whole city of Denver on his shoulders? If he did, I have felt that same way. 


Instead of a whole city's hope of a winning touchdown or field goal on my shoulders, I've felt the weight of my mom's hopes and dreams on me. Her self-esteem was determined by my successes or failures. As a child, this was a heavy weight to bear. Just like a Broncos loss brings Tebow heavy criticism from the media, not meeting my mother's expectations brought shame. And just like Tebow is put on a pedestal when the Broncos win, my accomplishments brought me lots of praise, and I was expected to do more. 


This life of being so up and down in other people's eyes was hard for me, and I figure it's got to be difficult for Tebow. However, Tebow has something I didn't have growing up. He has the assurances of God's promises and love being sure. Christ won the battle for Tebow's soul. Christ gives Tebow worth, and dignity. God loves Tebow completely because by faith, Tebow has righteousness through Christ. Therefore, the stings of critical fans or press when he looses a game won't hurt as bad, and he doesn't have to mitigate that shame by winning to regain their love. In Christ alone his hope is found - in his fans or the press  - all others is sinking sand. I pray that he continues to remember that. 

2011 in review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah! So, I got the idea of going month by month from my friend and her really awesome update blog!!! 


January 2011 - um..... um.......... uuuuuuuuuuuum...... well, I baked the giant cookie of eek that was gum drops in lieu of chocolate chips, and I baked the dough in a brownie pan so it was a cookie cake and I topped it with SPRINKLES and brought it to a Symbio New Years Eve party :)  

Oh, and I watched the Superbowl with my CSU football jersey because I didn't have a Packers jersey. 




February - Um - not much. I think I convinced a friend to join Symbio hehe - oh more accurately, I helped her sort out her thoughts about it in her head and she realized she should join :D Oh, and I got to volunteer with a Rock girl in the nursery at church and that was fun getting to know her and the little people! 

March - NERDFEST 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or more accurately the "Transition and Transformation" conference at CSU focusing on the Opportunities for Postsecondary Success which is a pilot program helping students on the autism spectrum adjust to life in college!!!!!!!!!!!! This  was the conference where I got a book signed by Dr. Temple Grandin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Did I post a blog about this???? Oh, yes, I did!!! :D Ok - well - sort of! 


April - I, on somewhat of a spur of the moment, decided to help with this little career fair at a high school and talk about helping professions. I handed out flyers at a table to kids and also gave out candy :D Oh yes, and I turned 27!!! 27 AAAAAAAAAAAH I'M OLD - almost 30!?!?!  


Oh yeah, and I went to a Summitview women's retreat and that was fun! 

May - Got laid off from Group Home #1. Wanna know the whole story, let me know! Was super-major-extra-bummerfied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( :( :( :( I missed the ladies, I missed my co-workers, I missed my income, and it became really hard to trust God with my future and stuff! Twas no fun :( 


June - MY FRIENDS GO TO JAPAN! That's right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My Summitview peeps!!!! They went to help the people there and spread the Gospel and it was pretty epic! I kinda organized the prayer team to support them, so I was in the Japan Team in a different way. They had epic and epically sad stories from there. 

Note this picture was found with Google Images

July - I started my first pre-OT class! I decided that I want to be an occupational therapist when I grow up :) That was a major life decision. That was followed by major applications to fill out :O  

Oh yes, and I started at Group Home #2!!!!!!! I was super happy about that even though working with male clients - most who were 6 feet tall and above were sorta intimidating. However, I've gotten to know them and for the most part, they're pretty great guys. 


August - I went on a trip to upstate New York with my mom, grandma, and aunt! The upside was I got to see a bunch of family I hadn't seen before and a bunch of places I'd never seen - including Niagara falls! The downside was that sometimes I was more like a staff member for mom, grandma, and my aunt, and that sometimes got difficult. But I still enjoyed myself! 

Oh yeah, and I moved into the apartment upstairs from me :) 


September - er - uh - ABRA'S BRIDAL SHOWER! :) Yup! That was fun helping plan her bridal shower and decorating and dressing up silly and hearing her giggle as she enjoyed herself!!!!!! 


October - ABRA GETS MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Yay! One of my best friends and confidants and the wedding was fun, she was pretty, a lot of eeeking and crying (in a good way) happened!!!!!!!! :) That made me smile and obviously made her smile and a lot of other people had fun too!!!! 

Oh - and - I GOT TO MEET DR. TEMPLE GRANDIN AND SHAKE HER HAND AND STUFF!!!!! It was REALLY COOL! After leaving the room and leaving the building, I could let out all my excitement by eeking and skipping around a nearly deserted CSU campus for 15 MINUTES!!!!!!! 

November - I registered for Anatomy / Physiology since that's a pre-OT requirement. Also wrapped up applications for OT school! 


December - I bought my own Christmas tree!!! Sparkly and pretty and only 5 dollars! 

December 2011 was the month of the 3 Christmases :) There was a D-Team Christmas where we all ate a big dinner together, the Christmas at the group home, and Christmas with my mom in Denver a few days after the real Christmas. :) I had fun! 


Yup! That's been my year! :) 

An Outlier in the Single World

At some point recently I stumbled across a ministry called Boundless which is a young adults' ministry run by Focus on the Family. It has articles both for people in the Symbio and Rock demographics.  A lot of the articles are about dating and preparing for marriage. Luckily there are also articles on college and career choices as well. 

When skimming the site, I realized that I'm probably an outlier when it comes to the single world. 

On this graph, I'd probably be in one of the end (light purple arrowed) categories. Boundless and even Symbio are probably geared toward the average and out to 1 standard deviation (within the orange arrows). Average being the average person in their mid 20's - mid 30's. Meaning, probably the average person has 4-5 years of post-secondary education, has had in 3-5 years of Summitview or church ministry involvement, and stands I'd say about a 70% chance of getting married before age 35. 

Going by those statistics, I'd fall within 1 standard deviation. 

But if the statistics were this: Average Symbio female has desired dating or DWAPing for 3-5 years, hopes to marry within 2 years of joining Symbio, and 30% have been in a previous relationship, than I'd be more of an outlier. If the statistics for both male and female were: 90% of the population has frequently prayed for a spouse within the past 6 months, than I'd DEFINITELY be an outlier. 

*Note, these statistics were completely made up without me doing a formal study haha.*

In the Rock I had liked guys and wanted to get married, but that's not my reality now. Over half of articles for single people are about how to deal with life when you really really really want to get married but it hasn't happened yet. I've found one article about a person consciously choosing singleness. It sort of bounced around which was a little difficult, but it was decent. 

I think I've finally settled that for now I've chosen singleness and honestly is really is because I'm on the autism spectrum. It's not because I feel less worthy than my neurotypical peers, but because I honestly don't think I could handle dealing with another person's emotions 24/7. Was seeing Dr. Grandin's path of life right after I got diagnosed a factor? Yup. But it wasn't the only factor. I've been thinking about it a lot. 

So going back to the outlier thing, what am I to do when I realize that ministries like Boundless and to a lesser extent Symbio is geared toward the average population? One thing I remember is God does not treat me as if I'm outside of the statistical norm. He works with everyone individually - those within the average and those on the far sides of the bell curve. And the statistical norm isn't inherently better. It's just what it is. I have to remember that. 

And finally, maybe I can find some other outlying friends, which I actually have. There are other people who are content with being single and aren't planning on getting married any time soon or agonizing over it. We can support each other and see how God wants us to work with and fit in to the rest of our local church family. 

Nerds of Greatness

So today Google had this drawing of Marie Curie on their homepage.
One of my aunts told me about her. I think it was in a conversation about the Nobel Prize.  I had said something about the Nobel prize of medicine. Anyway I read up on Marie Curie.  She didn't become a fixation,  but I still thought she was cool. Other scientists I thought were cool were Stephen Hawking,  Ben Carson ( neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine), and yes Bill Nye the Science Guy. 

Throughout my childhood Helen Keller was still the main famous intellectual I looked up to.
With my current fixation still being Dr. Grandin,  I realized a trend as I looked back: most of my  childhood heroes were not celebrites or athletes. Rather they were nerds of greatness. I guess that makes sense for a girl who slept with science books under her pillow for a while.  


Having nerdy role-models made me feel better about my intense interest in science and medicine related topics. When I got teased at school my list of nerds of greatness made me feel less alone.

Passing on Musical Memories

In an earlier blog post  I wrote about my connection to music as a child. Today I had yet another cool realization. One of my clients really likes Elvis. 

Technically Elvis is one of his special interests. I'd say it's his main special interest.We as staff motivate him by talking about doing stuff like Elvis. This client named the group home van Elvis. A while back he got a DVD box set of about 10 DVDs on Elvis' life and footage of live concerts and recording sessions. We watched those all day today. 

An older co-worker told me that Elvis covered a lot of old songs because I recognized some of the songs from the radio when I was a kid and Mom would listen to oldies. He covered Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge over Troubled Water and "Sweet Caroline." He was basically a cover-artist who knew how to shake it. 

Those songs brought back memories of listening to old records on Mom's old record player and later on tapes. I remember Mom actually would sing "Sweet Caroline" to me. I guess I really liked it when I first heard it. She may have even sang "Bridge over Troubled Water" to me. Those two songs may have been really soothing. 

As I was cleaning up the breakfast dishes in the kitchen today I found myself singing those songs as they had been played on the Elvis documentary. Suddenly I realized my client was singing along as much as he could. He was on the stairs trying to dance like Elvis while singing. He had a really big grin on his face. 

Suddenly I realized that God was giving me an opportunity to re live my childhood memory of singing the oldies with my mom. It was a neat feeling - I guess what some would call touching - that here I was a grown up in a caregiver role singing these same songs that I enjoyed as a child to another person for his benefit. I think it's cool how God can use stuff like music - sometimes the exact songs I enjoyed to pass on those good memories on. 

A for Autism and awesomeness aka Temple Grandin

So this is a continuation of my previous post :)


When I first was told that I might have autism I freaked out really badly. That was understandable since getting a diagnosis of a disability is hard for anyone. But I truly felt like my future was over and that I would never be successful or achieve anything because I like most other people thought of low-functioning autism when I heard the term.

This picture was taken by the Fort Collins Coloradoan when they covered the celebration where the Temple Grandin Scholarship was unveiled. I was actually at the celebration and ACTUALY GOT TO SHAKE DR. GRANDIN'S HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) erm... I digress...

That celebration reminded me of how Dr. Grandin changed the way I thought about autism - about my diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder. I know I've said this a million times on this blog, but it was her story that turned my thinking around from, "AAAH! I'm on the autism spectrum, this means I'll NEVER SUCCEED AT LIFE and I'm somehow lesser." to "Hm... maybe I'll become a famous researcher now that I know I'm way way way more nerdy than the average person." It made me smile a little.

\More importantly, when I think of autism now, I don't think of a child in a corner locked in his or her own world. I think of Dr. Temple Grandin lecturing, or being licked all over her face by cattle, or teaching a class. I think of the way she's honest about her continued need to adapt to sensory issues and how she's continuing to learn about the social world. I think of how far she's come with the right help from teachers, her aunt, and her mother. When I think of autism, I think of her and I think of how I can help my clients engage with the world and adapt just like she has.