Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The fight to see competence

Yet another post from the road... ahem or Light Rail line :D

Yay textbooks! 
Today we played a trivia game in Property Law and yesterday I took a quiz in Intro to Law. I got many of the answers right in the trivia game and got a 97 on my exam :) 

These accomplishments are the ammunition in my fight to see my competence in my transition to being a future-paralegal. 

At times I do not feel competent. When I'm reminded to study or when my mom worries, "Are you sure you think you did well on that test?" I worry that maybe she doesn't think I'm competent. 

I know it's sort of black and white thinking because of my ASD, but it's true. I know that Mom cares about my studies and just wants me to do well, but I feel like I am not doing something right if she worries. 

Yet, if I continue to do well, no matter how much my mom or anyone else worries about my progress, tangible grades, and being able to answer my questions are proof beyond a reasonable doubt that I am achieving competence in my paralegal classes. And for that competence, I thank God :) 

Divorce is SCARY!

I'm working on my handout for Intro to Law where a group of us are doing an overview presentation on Family Law. Since many clients of family lawyers deal with divorce, we are focusing on the divorce process. 

I just want to say that right here right now!!! 

Um..... Katie, you're not even married yet. 

Yes, I know but I'm reminded of how I can get really scared when I think about marriage!!!!!!!! 

Of course, it would be nice to be married, but there's the possibility of it ending prematurely. What if hubby dies on me or what if he cheats on me, or what if he up and leaves me? That would fall in the realm of NOT COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Divorce is also scary because there's a whole mess of issues to deal with such as visitation, allocation of parental responsibility (custody), division of assets, division of property and then usually the woman (with joint or full custody) has to re-enter the workforce or somehow find a way to be promoted if she is working full time because now she's the sole earner of the household with children. Sure, she has child support and/or alimony, but still. 

Now that is why I want to hold onto my job and am reluctant to just up and quit if I have kids. Because of my fear of the 'what if I can't get employed again and I really really need to??' That's also why I wouldn't mind being single. I wouldn't have to worry about the 'what if he dies or leaves me and I'm all alone and what do I do now??' 

That's not to say there are NO what-ifs in the single world. There are. What if I get laid off, what if my roommate walks out on our lease, what if the bus wraps itself around a tree and nearly crushes little me - who will take care of me then? 

But I think the greater fear is that I don't want to entrust myself to someone else only to get hurt. I can argue that dividing up assets and custody would be no fun and that's why divorce scares me, but the above reason is the real reason why it scares me. A lot of it comes from being raised to never really trust men, but some of it comes from knowing both Christian and non-Christian couples that have divorced, so I know it can happen to anyone. 

Here's the question though: if I entrust myself FIRSTLY to God, then, He's the main that that has my back. Even if I get married, He's the main one I can trust with assets, property, children, etc. So if hubby croaks  or otherwise leaves, yes it would be difficult - very difficult, but if my trust is in God, I can be afflicted but not crushed, preplexed, but not driven to despair, struck down but not destroyed, because my hope and joy is in the life of Christ (2 cor 4). 

In this, though I don't like reading about divorce, that fear doesn't have to paralyze me 

Monday, June 25, 2012

Hurting for a Little Person

Yesterday at church, I turned into a GIANT TEARDROP when I was talking to this girl Emily who's a nurse at University of Colorado Hospital. I asked her if the pediatric oncology program was comparable to the adult oncology in terms of their research. When she asked why I said, "Well because.... [insert me as a giant tear drop] this little girl at Summitview needs to go to Children's to be treated for cancer. [more of me being a giant tear drop]" Thankfully Emily said that the pediatric cancer program is very rigorous in their research and the whole oncology program is very good and works together well. That gave me hope for this little lady.  

Yeah. I read on my friend's blog post about it. That made me very very very VERY (did I say very) sad because I've been a Sunday school teacher for this little girl's older sisters, and my friends know the family very well. I've been to their house several times, and this little girl has been at my friends' weddings, bridal showers, and other events. I've had moments this week and last week when I would cry :( :( :( Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that something like this would happen to the family my friends and I (and all of Summitview) absolutely adores. 


Yet what is super-encouraging about all this is how this little girl's mother is dealing with it. Even though her daughter has recently been diagnosed with cancer, 

She continually points to the sovereignty, goodness, and sustaining grace of their Creator Savior, and God. 

This is a gift. This little girl will see her mother's faith as they endure her sickness. I believe this little girl will pray with her mother when she is ill and her mother will remind her of the promises of her Savior through it all. 

This is an incredible gift at such a young age. For a little person to be made aware of the reality of who her God is during a health-crisis will continue to affect her development profoundly as she grows. 

Even though I'm a giant tear drop because I wish this little girl didn't have to endure a major medical crisis - cancer - and all that comes along with it, I realize how incredibly blessed she is to have a family that will love her and continually point her to Christ during this time. 

Thursday, June 21, 2012

I'm bored, I'll post something!

I'm sorta bored. Time for a post! 

I've been in paralegal school for THREE WEEKS! My midterm for Intro to Law is on Monday of next week. I get along well with my group I'm working with to do a presentation on Family Law. We finished an overview of the US Government (always nice to review), and the US Court System. 

Property law is going better than I expected it to go since I have no previous background in real estate.
We looked at a survey map in property law and that was interesting. Going back and forth from the legal description to the actual drawing was a bit challenging, but I made it :D I also got a 99% and a 91% on my two homework assignments in there! YAY! :D 

Aside from my nerd-tastic adventures, I just bum around the house. I help Mom with household chores, and the other day I spent the morning helping my grandma with stuff around her house. It's nice to help out :) I also have been giving my mom lessons on how to use the interwebs. She basically goes to Google and then types what she wants from there. 

I interviewed at Office Team and have been applying for assignments, but so far nothing yet. Though I have gotten calls from the recruiters there asking for more information or about my schedule or something :D YAY! 

I'd like a job for the summer, but if not, oh well. I'll just keep trying :D 

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Gratefulness for my Summitview Fathers

I grew up in a church tradition where the clergy-members were referred to as "Father So-and-So" It was just tradition, and I didn't think much of it. They were our spiritual leaders, but I always felt distant from them, perhaps because I felt distant from God due to my lack of understanding of the Gospel. 

Me outside of the Summitview building in 2011

As I "grew up" re-born through Christ in Newsom Hall (Room 264), I had another set of spiritual leaders. Aaron Ritter my first D-Team leader, Pastor Meyer and Pastor Thatcher were my first followed by Brandon Pullen, Mitch Majeski, and Eddie Smith, Nathan Hrouda, Chris Reynolds, John Larsen, and Russ and Dave Cole / Eric Kaan in Symbio. 

These guys taught me through their example and their leadership what it meant to be a display of Biblical masculinity. Their example helped me understand its' compliment: Biblical Femininity. I felt safe to flourish as a Believer and be my crazy little self around these Summitview men. 

More importantly, some of them became my 'Summitview Fathers' I consider John Meyer as my Summitview father because - well - his kids are my age, and also he was a very important figure in helping me learn about Creationism and he fueled my passion for it. Last year when I was deciding whether or not to pursue Occupational Therapy, he was willing to sit down and chat with me about it because I needed a parent-like figure who had a Christian worldview to help me figure out what I wanted to do with my life. 

My other leaders mentioned in the above paragraphs have helped me deal with my past and just deal with life as a young adult. They've seen me break down in tears as well as bounce around eeking. I am grateful for their friendship, guidance, and example. 

It was when I was at Summitview that I realized how deep my "father wound" was. Looking back at my time at Summitview, I see that God continues to fill it with Himself and He has used these "Summitview Fathers" as part of the process. 

Monday, June 11, 2012

So far from home

Much of yesterday and today, I have been following the coverage of the High Park fire near Fort Collins. It is hard to be far away from my friends who are wondering if they have to evacuate their apartments or houses. It is hard to look at the news and say, "Hey, I know where that is!" when they show a picture near Horsetooth Reservoir. I wish I could give my friends hugs in person when we talk about our worries about the fire. 

Yet I am relieved. I am relieved that I no longer live in Fort Collins near Overland Trail because Mom would be worrying me half to death about the fire (let's be honest).  I am relieved because I know God is in control. The news attributes the fire to "mother nature" and the reporters write or say, "Hopefully nature will change the course of the fire." God is the Creator of fire. He is the Creator of the mountains. He is absolutely sovereign over this world even though it is broken. He is the provider of all the people of Larimer County. He is the comforter in the midst of loss and uncertainty. 

Because I know these things, I can feel sad that I am not with my friends yet feel confident that they can rest in a sovereign Creator through this whole situation. 

Friday, June 08, 2012

First week!

Thus ends my first week of paralegal school!  Classes are Monday through Thursday :) Friday is freeeeeeeee!!!!!! Anyway, I'm taking intro to law and property law. Intro is taught by an experienced paralegal and Property is taught by a practicing lawyer!!!!!  That's cool because I have two different perspectives. 
Also, I met some cool people! A surprising amount of people are career changers. I met a lady who has her M.A. in education and is switching to paralegal school. Another girl is an HDFS graduate like me!!!!!!!!!!! :):):)

My classes are challenging in a good way.  I am learning abou such things like types of ownership in property law.  It comes down to looking at a scenario and classifying it into a category.  That's similar to looking at a child's development and classifying him or her in a specific developmental stage. So skills like that are transferable. That's a good thing indeed!
Sometimes Mom wonders if I am really capable of doing paralegal work and learning the material because it's still a significant career change for me and she worries a lot. If she perseverates on that,  I could begin to worry.  However, yesterday I completed an in class assignment successfully even while helping another classmate.  That tangible evidence that I can master and apply the material offsets my internal concerns fueled by Mom's worry. As she sees how I go through my studies,  I hope her worry is less as well :)

Sunset near the Littleton light rail station :)

Monday, June 04, 2012

Snake Games in The Seam

Appalachian Mountains from Google Images
 Yesterday at the Denver Firehouse, Rich showed us a video (linked in the blog previous to this) about a church in West Virginia where the congregation handles snakes among other things as proof that they know Jesus. 

I giggled in my head while thinking, "Wow! That's District 12's area called The Seam!" because that's what the region is called in The Hunger Games and I'm a fan of those books hehehe! 

Anyway, at first I thought, "Haaa haaaa haaaa - oh, the crazy Seam people!!" but then I thought, "Whoa - hey, that's not too compassionate :P" 

Was I thinking I was so intellectually awesome because I read the ESV and I have a Bachelor's degree and these people probably only had a high-school degree at the most and so that's why they still took those verses in Mark 16 literally and didn't think critically about it? Or was I thinking: I hope that these people understand that they are saved by grace through faith and not of any performance of some death-defying miracle involving snakes or poison? 

I had to admit that my first reaction was, I'm so much more intellectually awesome than they are! Whoops! But the miraculous thing is that God changed the way my brain worked. Figuratively, I had been drinking the poison of pride in my intellect / knowledge for as long as I could remember when I became Chrisitian. The fact that God reminded me to have compassion on that congregation in West Virginia instead of intellectually sticking my little nose up at them is miraculous and a sign of true transformation by my Savior :) 

When I realized that God had to change my way of thinking to see this group of people rightly, I began praying for them: God, I pray the people in that congregation in West Virginia truly understand the Gospel - not so that their church will stop being a circus and source of ridicule of Christians by to non-Christians - but so they can truly know Christ and eternal life! I pray that they are transformed by the Gospel and their sign of Christ isn't holding a snake, but showing compassion by holding a neighbor's hand in need and holding out the Gospel to their little region of Appalachia. Amen

A New Church Family!!!

Hi blogsphere! Greetings from Denver! (yeah, where else would I be??) 

Anyway, I was cleaning my room yesterday and so I wasn't able to post a blog. Oh - why was I cleaning my room? Because there is SO MUCH CRAP in my room from my childhood that Mom and I are finally getting rid of! In my family, pack-rat tendencies are definitely a modeled rather than genetic trait, because I realized just how much of a pack-rat I am/was. Yeah. 

I might write another blog on that sometime....

The highlight of my day yesterday was NOT cleaning out 4 trash-bags of stuff out of my little room, but it was GOING TO THE DENVER FIREHOUSE CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay! It's in an old warehouse (I'll post pics sometime), and the front area is a nice little coffee-shop type place. The table was piled high with DOUGHNUTS for breakfast!!!!!! Before Katie got her doughnut on, she got her prayer on. Prayer was 9:45 - 10:45ish. I showed up around 10:30. I didn't know - well - I only recognized like 2 people in the room, but the fact we were all praying to the same God was cool :) The fact that even though I didn't know who some of the people were that we were praying for, but I could still agree in prayer was cool! :) And I realized that this is what unity feels like in the body of Christ :) I felt comfortable as a newbie praying with all the Firehouse people because Christ unites us :) :) :) :) 

Then I got my doughnut on!!! Mmmmmmmmmm! DOUGHNUTS!!!!!! That was fun! Talked to a girl Sarah whom I haven't talked to for a while :) Then met some college kids. 

Then worship!!! YAY! We sang songs that we sang at Summitview so that was fun! I met a lady and her son and that was fun because he was an infant and soooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!!!!!!!!!!! :) 

The sermon was cool! We wrapped up Mark 16! Rich threw down some apologetic awesomeness where he said, "Ok, the footnotes say SOME manuscripts don't include Mark 16:9-20, but those verses are validated elsewhere in the Bible, and just because some people use some of the verses wrongly doesn't invalidate the verses so TAKE THAT FOOT-NOTE WRITERS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! " That was cool to know, and somewhat eye-opening that some Bible publishers would mess with readers' heads in the footnotes by writing stuff that would question the validity of Scripture. Yeah. 

Then we watched a video from The Seam - aka... West Virginia about the people who took the verse about picking up snakes and not being harmed quite quite literally and how picking up a snake and not dying does not a Christian make. That was weird, but I think it was cool how Rich said that Paul actually did this - not willingly, but he got bit on the island of Patmos but was fine, not to be like, "Hey guys! Check this out!" but "Ok - God - help me - I have to get to Rome at some point and - uh - yeah." and God healed him and other people got saved from seeing the miracle. 

Rich ended with talking about taking the Gospel to others around us, and that was a really nice reminder :) He talked about how we serve by spreading the Gospel, and the way we serve and meet people's physical needs can reflect the Gospel. This is a good reminder when I help Mom at home - not to do it grudgingly, but out of love for her and wanting to show Christ to her :D 

After church, I got a giant hug from another girl named Gretchen who used to go to Summitview and that made me smile :) :) :) :) :) 

I'm looking forward to going back to the Firehouse and being a part of their community :) :) 

Saturday, June 02, 2012

My first day in Denver

 It's my FIRST DAY IN Denver! I moved my stuff out around 7:45 with the help of two girls - Fran & Kim from The Quad :) Mom and I stopped at Johnson's Corner and we ate a cinnamon roll :) I liked it a lot. :) 

We got home and then I took a nap!!! :) 

View out the Light Rail window :)
THEN I went to hang out with my friend Alex and we took the LIGHT RAIL :) :) :)  That's right! My first day in Denver, and I was out and about on the bus :) :) :) Katie missed RTD 

But Katie misses her Fort Collins peeps too :( I cried a little bit in the car - just a little few tears, but not a whole lot like sobbing because I was in the car and Mom would be worried if I suddenly started crying :( 

But I let myself feel sad when I was laying in my bed and I was hugging my squishy CSU pillow. The thing I could be tempted to do is this: Just throw myself into life in Denver: paralegal school, looking for a part-time job, being involved in the Firehouse church, and helping Mom with randomness and not thinking about Fort Collins much or letting myself feel the feelings that come with saying good bye to friends. I could tell myself: I'm involved, I am doing well, so I have said good bye to Fort Collins :) But, I know that saying goodbye takes time, and I have to let myself feel sad because that's a natural part of the grieving process. Letting God into my being sad about leaving my Fort Collins friends and being excited to see what He is going to do in Denver is the obviously most adaptive response :) 

I'm excited to go to my first paralegal class on Monday. I'm taking 2 classes: Introduction to Law and Property Law. Mom asked me today if I will be ok taking 2 classes over the summer since I've never done it before. I told her that I've taken classes, being a TA, AND worked on my thesis, so I've done multiple things all at once. Sometimes she worries a lot, but I just remember, "She does because she loves me :)" I just have to show her that I know that God has it in the bag and I have the skills to do this, and she could stop worrying as much :) 

Welp! There you have it! My first day in Denver!!!! :) 

I'M GOING TO THE FIREHOUSE CHURCH TOMORROW YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D