Sunday, September 20, 2015

Hey that wasn't so bad

So I just shared my  post: The Vortex of Love with my pastor because his sermon was about Christ's love filling us so we didn't need to demand love from others. If Christ fills us, we can truly selflessly love others. 

A few years ago, I would've walked away from that message in tears. A few years ago, the wounds from being the one to always fill the love wound in another's life were still raw. A few years ago, the physical wounds of self-injury as a result of all that were still dark on my skin rather than faint lines. A few years ago, I was allowing God to fully heal me, which  meant the wounds hurt more as He used His blood as antiseptic and stitched them together.

The feelings of low self-worth, of 'am I good enough' of, 'Why did God put me in that position for so long' are still there. The longer I sit and write this post, the more I don't want to write. But, the thoughts I have and the feelings I have are also, "God, Your praise will ever be on my lips because You redeemed me and You have healed me from this.", "God, You were there through my darkest days." The greater the storm, the louder our song. We sang Matt Redman's song "Loud" as a choir, and as I look at the storm God brought me through of the long years supporting another's self-worth and the pain of feeling like I wasn't doing enough, my praise is loud because God is teaching her that He is enough and God saved me so He can be enough for me for His praise and glory. 

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Jumping into the Pool of Writing - or stepping in

I am taking the plunge and joining the world of professional writers - eeer.... sorta. Ok, I'm slowly wading into the pool of writing, but hey, at least I'm in.

Last week I joined TextBroker and so far made 4 dollars WOO HOO! From reading reviews, I know it's not the most lucrative opportunity, but my end goal is to not be a content writer.

I continue to update this blog and my newer blog and made it a goal to update these at least once a week. I don't always make this goal, but I am working toward it.

My ultimate goal is to become a published author. Stepping into the pool of writing is the beginning of this process.

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

The Letter Challenge

Pen on legal pad
A friend of mine had an idea for me to write a letter to God and then for me to write what God would say back. 

I've actually heard of letter writing as a therapeutic technique, so I thought, "Well, why not?" So here goes: 

Dear God, 

This will not be like the song "Dear God," but yes, I do have that song stuck in my head, but You knew that already. I feel like I have to edit this letter to sound all theological, but You know what I'm going to say anyway. 

Thank You for the Cross. Jesus died in my place so that I can talk to You, have access to Your grace and Your love. That is Love. You are Love. You are Good. You are the Awesome God You are. Oh, and thanks for giving Matt Redman awesome song lyric writing skills. Worship songs are basically singing bits of scripture to music. Think about it. Wait... You know that.... 

So..... sometimes - a lot of time this world hurts. You also know that. You also took the nails and wore the crown of thorns and had your bones pulled apart and .... so yes, You know that the world is painful. 

God, sometimes wounds from my childhood still hurt. Sometimes old traumas still hurt. I get sad when people around me get sick. I get sad when people close to me die. 

And yes, I still worry about the future. That's normal, right? Wait, You said to Your disciples not to worry, so that must mean they WORRY.... oh, right. Normal.... ok. Cool. Yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm a bad Christian because I worry. Sometimes I nag at my sweet Bri-Bri because I worry. I worry about our finances, about my stepson's development and future, and I worry about when to expand our family. I know You have it all in Your hands, but I don't want my sweet Bri-Bri to suffer or my sweet stepson to suffer. I want to right for the future generations, so I don't want to put them at a disadvantage by not preparing for their arrival.  Sometimes I don't see how You will figure it out, but I also know You are genius at figuring stuff out. 

No matter what, Your praise will ever be on my lips. 

And yes, I'm listening to choir songs while writing this. Thank You for music. For song, for Your people singing Your praises. Thank you that we as a group of people growing in faith unify to sing to You. God, I pray for those that have to sing to You in secret under the threat of persecution. Here in America, we can post worship songs to YouTube, but that's not everywhere. God, lift up and strengthen those suffering for Your name. 

To You be the glory forever and ever! 

God's answer: