Monday, March 20, 2006

PTSD and Grief

So, for some really random reason, I'm thinking about the summer. Everyone else is too. But, for me, thinking about summer means thinking about last summer. I seriously think that I have some PTSD going on (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) due to that. As well as revisiting grief. So, both things that I've dealt on seperate occasions, I now am going to have to deal with them simultaneously. I would go into the UCC again, but I basically have all the tools I need to deal with grief and PTSD. I think some of methods of dealing with them are the same: Don't surpress what you feel, work thorugh it (or pray though it in my case) and make peace about it (which means, asking for God's hand and trusting that He will heal all of it.) It's not going to come overnight, and I'm sure I'll spiral down and freak out, but at least I know how to 'roll with the punches.'

But it's times like these that make me not enjoy being around in this fallen world. But I can't think that way because it will discourage me, and it's God who numbers my days, not I. So, I must tell myself to keep going, I have to think of things to do and what I do have to look forward to.

Here goes:

D - Team
Finding a job - scary, but hey, it's something to look forward to
More ID conversations with people
Awesome pre - med friends
Awesome friends in general

It's interesting how God knows that when times get tough, I need His stregnth as well as a blessing He hasa planned for me to get through. Over winter break, when He knew things would get really hairy really fast, He gave me the John Morris lecture to look forward to - to keep in the back of my mind so I would get up another day if only to get myself closer to that lecture.

I know sometimes I think God's hand is too short to reach my mind or reach in and help me when I'm hurting, but my life is a testament of that assumption not being true. Thus, I look to Heaven, not so much as an escape from this world, but as a place where I'll be with my Savior, Father, Creator and Lord and where He shows me my life in His light, and my pain bathed in His glory.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Reporting live from the Chemistry Building II

WHen I started this post, I was in here to ask if my professor got that networking letter I had sent him, but he wasn't in his office. So I sat down and worked on my paper some more. That was on Monday. Today is now 3/10/06. I aasked him by e - mail if he got the document and he said he did.

Now, I'm going back in there to tell him about this article about evolution that I did a paper on since we discussed it earlier. I have this fear of going up there still. A part of me still sees him as this intimidating mean prof guy. In a way, that side of me was epxressed as a protecting factor to protect myself against other thoughts that were quite different, but needed to be kept hidden. So, both these lines of thinking have to be erased, replacing them with the thought that here is a lost soul that has been gifted with intellegence and the ability to teach. Here is a soul that God has poured out His blood to save, and is doing everything He can to reach him. This is a soul who, without acknowleging God as being real and being his Savior will be gone from God forever some day.

I was listening to a song on Way FM whose refrain goes, "You can't say that we are alone anyore / we are anything else / we are anything else / 'cause Love is here / 'cause Love is here / with me now." I thought about that a lot and it has been in my head all morning. The song's premise is that beecause Jesus came down as man, the separation or 'veil' between God and mankind has been torn and we can now enter into His Holy place via His Son's blood. I thought about it further and it could also mean that because there is so much evidence for God (Romans 1:20, the Flood etc.), we can't say we are alone because it is evident that He is with us.

That got me thinking: People have to believe that God is really there before they can place their trust in Him as their Savior. In this particular caase, my professor does not believe God is there. Which is why, I think, God is not letting ID be put far from the minds of the scientific community. God is showing His presence whether they like it or not.

Back to this: So why is it hard for me to talk to him about ID? Why is it so hard for me to keep the reality of God in the back of his mind, by bringing it up when God leads me to? Why? Am I afraid? Is it because I do not know truth? Maybe. I need to walk in that truth - that God wants him to know He is real, and He can use a broken person like me to do it.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Humanism makes me spew II (the rant)

So, I did a thing on my other blog that I deleted entitled "Humanism makes me spew." It was about how an article said that the problem to the solution of the void left by fatherlessness could be filled by just loving yourself. Yeah. Right :( Because I tried solving that problem by my own means, but only God could help me. So then we start again... Humanism makes me spew II

I just got done reviewing an article about how 'evolutionary psychology' could explain the need for the belief in the supernatural. Yeah right. All it showed that we are PROGRAMED, yes, I said PROGRAMED because were designed for our God whom we must all answer to....

I swear, humanism makes me spew because it just says that man is everything, and he is NOT. Man needs a savior because guess what guess what!!! We fell during the Fall. Oh, and guess what, the garden of Eden is really real. DID YOU GUYS HEAR ME???? IT'S REALLY REAL!!! And, Guess what, you guys! Your reduction to the supernatural to just this comfy feeling we have dishonors the HOLY GOD that made the UNIVERSE.

By the way, I'm ranting. I will post an update to this later, but right now I really just want to rant. Really badly. So, I'm ranting. I mean, if the supernatural was just a comfort to me, it would've all gone out the window when my two relatives died within 12 mos of each other. I would've given up. I would've gone atheist. But I know that there is solid evidence for God in Creation and in the historacity of the Bible, so to say that this is just a comfy fuzzy story we made up and had 'programmed by chance' in our brain is just CRAP. Just pure crap, and God knows it.

Thus ends my rant, and thus begins my next phase of study time :-/ Yay!