Wednesday, October 28, 2015
I had been looking for a way to journal them, and now here it is! I can update my content and do my quiet time all at once YAY!
Psalm 1 reads more like an instruction list or advice column instead of one pouring out his heart to God. However, when I think about it, emotions are behind one's motivation to give instructions.
When I instruct Daniel about social skills or when I help him solve a problem on his Wii or while doing his homework, I feel the need to share an important nugget of truth to make Daniel's life better. King David probably felt that sense of responsibility. Especially if he wrote Psalm 1 for his son, he would express love by instructing his son on how to live. True leaders that give the nation advice during an inaugural address or State of the Union feel a responsibility and love of sorts to their citizens; they wish to lead them on a path that will enrich their lives.
David urged his son (if he was writing to Solomon), and his constituents (being a King after all) to follow God. He wanted his son to see that as utmost importance. Therefore, he felt this sense of urgency to tell him to keep God at the center of his life and look to His word for guidance.
A few weeks ago, I felt a deep longing for Daniel to know God. I was standing near Daniel during worship at Southeast while singing "Jesus Loves Me" by Chris Tomlin. I wanted Daniel to know that Jesus loved him just like Bri-Bri and I were proclaiming that He loved us. I sang, "Jesus, He loves you, He loves you, He is for you." and put my hand on Daniel's heart while giving him a hug. Sweet Bri-Bri did the same :) :) Together we felt this deep longing for Daniel to know this Truth, and I believe David wanted his people and his children to understand the importance of Yahweh being central in their lives.
How did David bring this to God? Well, he recognizes God as "Lord" the more personal name for God, and he probably prayed for his people and his children to know God and walk with Him.
In that same way, we can bring our longing for others to know Christ to God as well. We can pray for their salvation and we can listen to God's prompting as He uses us to speak truth into others' lives.
For sweet Bri-Bri and I, we can lift Daniel up in prayer that he would know God, and we could listen for God's wisdom in how to speak to his young heart that his Creator, his Savior - the ultimate Superhero loves him and laid down His life so that he may live and love God.
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Sunday, October 04, 2015
Sunday, September 20, 2015
A few years ago, I would've walked away from that message in tears. A few years ago, the wounds from being the one to always fill the love wound in another's life were still raw. A few years ago, the physical wounds of self-injury as a result of all that were still dark on my skin rather than faint lines. A few years ago, I was allowing God to fully heal me, which meant the wounds hurt more as He used His blood as antiseptic and stitched them together.
The feelings of low self-worth, of 'am I good enough' of, 'Why did God put me in that position for so long' are still there. The longer I sit and write this post, the more I don't want to write. But, the thoughts I have and the feelings I have are also, "God, Your praise will ever be on my lips because You redeemed me and You have healed me from this.", "God, You were there through my darkest days." The greater the storm, the louder our song. We sang Matt Redman's song "Loud" as a choir, and as I look at the storm God brought me through of the long years supporting another's self-worth and the pain of feeling like I wasn't doing enough, my praise is loud because God is teaching her that He is enough and God saved me so He can be enough for me for His praise and glory.
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Last week I joined TextBroker and so far made 4 dollars WOO HOO! From reading reviews, I know it's not the most lucrative opportunity, but my end goal is to not be a content writer.
I continue to update this blog and my newer blog and made it a goal to update these at least once a week. I don't always make this goal, but I am working toward it.
My ultimate goal is to become a published author. Stepping into the pool of writing is the beginning of this process.
Wednesday, September 09, 2015
I've actually heard of letter writing as a therapeutic technique, so I thought, "Well, why not?" So here goes:
This will not be like the song "Dear God," but yes, I do have that song stuck in my head, but You knew that already. I feel like I have to edit this letter to sound all theological, but You know what I'm going to say anyway.
Thank You for the Cross. Jesus died in my place so that I can talk to You, have access to Your grace and Your love. That is Love. You are Love. You are Good. You are the Awesome God You are. Oh, and thanks for giving Matt Redman awesome song lyric writing skills. Worship songs are basically singing bits of scripture to music. Think about it. Wait... You know that....
So..... sometimes - a lot of time this world hurts. You also know that. You also took the nails and wore the crown of thorns and had your bones pulled apart and .... so yes, You know that the world is painful.
God, sometimes wounds from my childhood still hurt. Sometimes old traumas still hurt. I get sad when people around me get sick. I get sad when people close to me die.
And yes, I still worry about the future. That's normal, right? Wait, You said to Your disciples not to worry, so that must mean they WORRY.... oh, right. Normal.... ok. Cool. Yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm a bad Christian because I worry. Sometimes I nag at my sweet Bri-Bri because I worry. I worry about our finances, about my stepson's development and future, and I worry about when to expand our family. I know You have it all in Your hands, but I don't want my sweet Bri-Bri to suffer or my sweet stepson to suffer. I want to right for the future generations, so I don't want to put them at a disadvantage by not preparing for their arrival. Sometimes I don't see how You will figure it out, but I also know You are genius at figuring stuff out.
No matter what, Your praise will ever be on my lips.
And yes, I'm listening to choir songs while writing this. Thank You for music. For song, for Your people singing Your praises. Thank you that we as a group of people growing in faith unify to sing to You. God, I pray for those that have to sing to You in secret under the threat of persecution. Here in America, we can post worship songs to YouTube, but that's not everywhere. God, lift up and strengthen those suffering for Your name.
To You be the glory forever and ever!
Saturday, August 22, 2015
|Sweet Bri-Bri and I juat married!|
We stayed in an ocean themed room, which was sweet since I am from a tropical island heee heee!!!!!
After enjoying a delicious breakfast, we spent our Saturday morning and afternoon hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park. We hiked toward Flat Top Mountain and my sweet Bri-Bri steered me clear of horse doo (yes, that was on the trail), and helped me nagivate especially rocky places. Sometimes he would even lift me over some rocks. We almost made it to the treeline, but the clouds were rolling in and we didn't want to get stuck in a thunder storm.
We relaxed in the afternoon and had dinner at Mama Rose's, an Italian place in Estes Park. I called for reservations earlier, and turns out that was good because the people that didn't have reservations had a 20 minute wait.
One thing I learned in marriage is that sometimes one spouse just has to take initiative and go with her idea.
Aaanyway, my Bri-Bri looked so mansome in his shirt and tie!
The morning of our anniversary, we woke up and cuddled while looking through our photo album that our wonderful photographer Julie put together. We reminisced and kissed before enjoying another excellent Della Terra breakfast.
I put on my dress again and we went into Rocky Mountain National park with the plan of driving up Trail Ridge Road and then briefly getting out and looking around at the Visitors Center. Hence why I wore my dress and not clothes suited for hiking.
My Bri-Bri planned for a short stop at the Alluvial Fan where a flood washed out some boulders a few decades ago. Our short stop turned into an hour visit to the area when my Bri-Bri decided to show off his spryness and climb around the rocks. For an hour.
We did go up to Trail Ridge Road and get a few pictures before going back to Denver where my next surprise awaited:
Kenny Loggins concert at Hudson Gardens!
That's right! Bri-Bri, with the help of his helpmate, used Google Maps to get us from Boulder to Hudson Gardens in the quickest way possible so he could walk with me among the flowers before the concert! There's something sweet about walking around a flower garden in my dress while holding the hand of my sweet spouse!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!
We both ate some Filippino food beforehand from a Filippino food cart and enjoyed the outdoor concert :)
It was a sweet anniversary weekend and a sweet start to our second year of marriage :)
Monday, July 13, 2015
Tonight I fixed dinner for my stepson and I while my Bri-Bri was in class. This wasn't my first time getting a meal together for Daniel and I because I have spent the day or evening with him while Bri-Bri did his internship last fall.
Anyway, as I sat down with my dinner, Daniel held out his hands for us to pray. I prayed for our dinner and thanked God for the day and added a little prayer request for my mom since she was recovering from a minor illnesss.
As we ate, we talked about random things. Afer Daniel ate, he played on his Wii. I watched him while doing dishes and I thought more about his gesture for us to pray together. Being the observant 10 year old he is, he probably notices that I like it when my Bri-Bri prays for us and we hold hands.
Maybe Daniel wanted us to pray because that was the normal thing we all did before dinner.
Maybe he wanted to because he knew that I enjoyed praying and holding his and Bri-Bri's hand.
Maybe he wanted to connect with God.
Of course, his reasons could be a mix of all three. Even if he sees prayer as routine or as something that makes his stepmom smile, he still willingly joins Bri-Bri and/or I as we approach God in prayer.
The song "Before the Throne of God Above" came to my head, specifically the version from Shane and Shanes "Pages". As I thought about it, I smiled. Daniel, like his namesake, comes before the throne room of God. Even though he tells us that sometimes he doesn't think God is real and that is why he finds church a bit boring, he sees that we value praying. And I believe that God is tugging on his soul even if he is unaware of it. As one doesn't simply walk into Mordor, one cannot simply walk into the throne room of God and not be afffected.
Daniel's gesture tonight of wanting me to pray for our meal encouraged me to continue praying that God would reveal Himself more and more to Daniel. I pray that each time Daniel approaches God in prayer - from simple mealtimme prayers to prayers about his family to his own wondering about God - that God becoomes more real. I pray that Daniel sees God as the Magnificent Savior and Creator on His Throne, and that he knows he can approach that throne with grace and mercy because that King sympathizes with us and gives us grace in our weaknesses.
I pray that Daniel will one day approach the throne of God and declare that Christ is his Savior.
Before the throne of God above
I hae a strong and perfect plea
A great high priest who's name is love
Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on his hands
My name is written on his heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
Praise the One
Risen Son of God
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Today we went swimming in the apartment complex pool. Daniel and Dad swam around in the deep end and one of them had the idea that they should touch the bottom.
At first Daniel was hesitant, but Bri-Bri promised that he would keep hold of Daniel and he was confident Daniel could touch his feet to the bottom of the pool in 5'6" of water. My Bri-Bri and Daniel tested how long they could hold their breaths and Daniel went under in spurts - his feet almost touching, his feet getting closer, one foot on the floor, and then finally, both feet touching the bottom of the pool.
Every time Daniel surfaced, my Bri-Bri was right there, and for the first few times, Bri-Bri had his arms around him. He only let go when he heard, "Um, Dad, I think I want to try it by myself."
As I watched them, I realized they were doing a variation of a trust fall. Daniel took the risk of touching the bottom of the deep end and achieved it with his dad's support. During this, I'm sure his trust in his dad grew stronger even if he doesn't know it yet. This exercise was physical proof that his dad is there for him.
As I watched them and cheered Daniel on for his accomplishment, I prayed that he would always be able to turn to his dad for his trusted support and advice. If something in his life makes him doubt that steadfast support, we can point to this example of Dad being his anchor and guide in the deep end of the pool to remind him that Dad will always be there.
Sunday, July 05, 2015
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Thursday, June 18, 2015
I always thought these pushes from God were events that happened to other people. Then God started pushing me. At first, I thought, "Seriously, God, You want WHAT?"
Now the pieces are coming together slowly.
God wants me to share my story with others on a more public forum. It may come in the form of speaking, writing, blogging, etc. God wants me to share my adoption story, the struggles I had in childhood, and the challenges I face due to a disability and unique developmental history.
You can read about some of that in my other posts scattered throughout this blog. Seriously, I don't know if there is one post that sums up my life story. I'm sure I'll find it if I take the time to go through my blog, but I'm about to head to bed.
But anyway, this one blog per week thing is part of going for it. This is part of making writing a part of my life so I can use writing to share my story with others.
God is the author of my life and I am merely beginning the adventure of retelling His story.
Sunday, June 07, 2015
Saturday, May 30, 2015
|Little Batman in a little bat-cave|
|Daniel and I in front of a Lego US Capitol|
Saturday, March 28, 2015
There's something sweet about seeing my love off to work and welcoming him when he comes home :) My Bri-Bri has a part time job at a parenting supervision site where he observes parents who are spending time with their children in the contet of supervised visitation. He got this job after his internship with the same agency and I am proud of him!!
Anyway, I am waiting for him to come home so he can have someone to hug and tell about his day. There's just something sweet and 'homey' about that, and there's something sweet in wishing him a good shift as I kiss him before he walks out the door :)
This sweetness goes both ways :) I feel happy when my sweet hubby kisses me in the mornings at the light rail station and wishes me a good day, and feel happy when I come home from a day at work and get to hold his hands and kiss his lips when I get into the car to go home from the light rail station.
As we go on in our marriage, I hope we don't take these little gestures for granted because having each other before and after we go and work a day at the office or a morning at the parenting place is a sweet ending to a work day and the begining of us reconnecting for the rest of the day.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
We are studying Ephesians at Southeast Christian Church. Today we'd cover the second part of Ephesians including the bits about husbands and wives. At Summitview, we talked about this in the form of compliementary roles. Thus, I got very used to the same message preached whenever Ephesians 5 was taught.
Southeast's teaching wasn't radically different, but the pastor emphasized the verse on submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. He discussed employee / employer relationships, spousal relationships, dating relationships, friendships, and parenting as it relates to Ephesians 5:21.
I have heard this before, but what struck me today was that I was to submit not just to be a good Christian or to be a more biblical wife, but out of reverence for Christ. Whether it was doing housework while my sweet hubby works on his homework for his Human Services degree, or whether it's bookkeeping for our joint account as a role we mutually agreed I would do, I am doing it not just for 'good wife' awards, but because I want to love my sweet hubby the way Christ loves me. Same with helping my stepson. I want to be a good stepparent to him, not to show off my HDFS skills or to get praises for being his at-Dad's-house-interventionist, but because I love him and I want to love him like Christ loves him. For both my guys, I ask God what He wants me to do to love them so that they both grow in their faiths toward Him more. Submission and roles in a marriage and family are not 'who can do a role better' competitions. Today's message reminded me these roles and whys of submission are because God loved us and gave Himself for us, so we may imitate Him to show His light to the world.
Saturday, March 07, 2015
|My guys ready to save the day on Halloween!|
I paused as I read the bit about adultery and thought about how teenage boys can be enticed by seeing bad things on the internet and even hypersexualized TV and movies. Daniel is a sweet stepson, kind to his cousins who are girls, and likes making his baby sister at his mom's house giggle. I prayed Daniel would keep that kindness and respect for women as he gets older and not see them only as objects. My sweet Bri-Bri is teaching him how to be a good man, and that is something I am very thankful that Daniel has in his life.
When reading the bit where Solomon instructs his son to love the wife of his youth, I prayed that Daniel would find a wife that would love him for who he is and be his helpmate.
Proverbs isn't a list of wise things to note. Proverbs is a letter from a father to a son. Solomon loved his son and wanted the best for him, so he wrote Proverbs to instruct him. I love Daniel and want him to know God and follow Him. That is why I prayed the words of Proverbs 5 over him today.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
|THUMBS UP FOR CAFFEINE! Note my sweet Husband's shiny|
dome above my shoulder!
Speaking of adventures as a helpmate and life partner to my sweet hubby, two posts on men and women's roles got me thinking about how they manifest in my new marriage. The first one is here and the second one is here. The emphasis on my perspective are the words: new marriage. We are still working life out, but I thank my friend for his thoughts so that I can ponder what I learned and how it can apply to my life.
At any rate, listening to these songs again brought back memories of the pain, but they also made me aware of how much God grew my faith in that time. Listening to these songs was bittersweet because the pain twinged in my heart even as my heart praised God for giving me the sustaining grace to get through each day and showing me what it means to have joy that surpasses dark circumstances.