Sunday, December 31, 2006

hello blog

Just a reminder to all that this blog STILL EXISTS!!!!!!!!!! I get really busy and don't write as much as I can, but....

Isn't it that way with God? We check back regularly with Him. but we really don't talk to Him in depth. We say we're too busy. yet our flesh and worries pile up, and we know there's the Fountain, but we just don't go. May He remind us to come to Him with confidence due to His grace.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Accurate Cures

Today on the radio, there was this commercial for a neuro-peptide supplement. It seemed correct: Take this protein normally found in your brain to help your brain function better. However, peptides degrade in your stomach (hence why we can eat steak - mmm.... steak...) and therefore, the protein would only serve as a source of amino acids the body could utilize. The cure sounded like a good idea, but it was flawed at the level of ingestion rendering it possibly ineffective.

Before we in the medical community prescribe or recommend anything to patients, we must know what they do, and how they interact with the body. To do this, we must know the fundamentals of how the body works, chemistry, etc. etc. Basically, we must draw from the basics learned in pre-med and medical classes. If we don't have that foundation, we can't assess these new cures.

That is the way we should interpret other doctrines, religions, or philosophies. We must have a firm grounding in the basics of Christian doctrine and of God's Word. We may find a philosophy that on the surface seems compatable, but when it is examined against the fundamentals of Christianity, those basics may reveal a fundamental flaw in the philosophy in question. But how often do we examine other philosophies? Do we understand how to 'dissect' and evaluate new ideas against Scripture? More importantly, do I know enough scripture to analyze the ideas around me so I don't treat myself or another believer or an unbeliebver with an inacurate cure?

Just as physicians can make medication errors because they may miss a fundamental flaw with the medication - for example drug-drug interactions, not considering how the side effect will affect the patient, etc. we as Christians can give advice or follow philosphies we miss fundamental flaws that may alter the way we think of God or His word, or we may find that the philosophy clashes with Christiaity. That forces us to choose one side or another.

Just like every disease has one 'true' treatment regimen that works, God thorugh His Son has sent Himself to redeem and cure all Creation and those that follow Him. Just like there are a million different medication errors and false treatments in medicine, there are many false gods and doctrines apart from God. And just like a good physician has to discern between the right cures and not make errors, the Great Physician can perfectly understand what we need and has provided it in His right time.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

God in a Shattered Mind

I transport patients with a variety of mental statuses. Some are near asleep, some are in a presistant vegitative state, some are groggy, some are grouchy, some are elateed because after the exam I take them to, they get to go home.

I transported a woman who really wasn't all there. She could talk, but her thoughts were extremely tangential, and she often kept asking me where we were going. I would explain to her again what procedure we were going to. We passed the hospital chapel, and her eyes lit up. She sat up straighter in the wheelchair and said, "You know, God doesn't want religion. He just wants people to love Him and His Law." The rest of the way going to the exam, we talked about who God was, she listed off the 10 commandments, and we talked about how much we loved God.

Through this, I saw past this woman's shattered state of cognition into her spirit that God had probably pruned (Jn 15:6) and sanctified over a lifetime. For a Christian, the body does deteriorate, but what remains is the soul wrapped in the glory of God. The grey matter of one's brain looses mass, the neurochemicals may be at a lower concentration, the neural pathways may start to become more disconnected, but the love for God was not present in this woman's mind. It was present in her soul, for she had accepted Him as her Savior, and in keeping His commands and remaining in His love, it was Him that sanctified her - and it was evident that He was her reality when she could make sense out of nothing else.

I look forward to the day where we may meet again in the new Creation, with whole bodies, but more importantly, in that unity with Christ that, by her love that reached beyond the capacity of her mind, she gave me a mere glimpse of.

Oh, God, may I love You so much more, that even when my cognitive abilities fade, my heart for You remains. I can't imagine the type of faith, love, and obediance this woman had toward You. May she be an example of what I hope to be - broken yet completely Yours.

Monday, November 06, 2006

The beauty of staph

Admittedly I thought it was weird: A scrub top print as "Pewter Staph." I am NOT making this up. Go to Smart Scrubs and brows under the clearance items, and ye shall find (and ye shall laugh if you like nerdy pre-med humor!) Yeah. Most definitely weird. Then I thought: Why would anyone make a scrub top design out of an organism that is a pathogen - lethal in some cases?

Bottom line, there is something aesethetic about those bacterial colonies branching out in all different directions. Just as there is something aesthetic about the human body - at the macro and microscopic level. There is beauty even among the most medically vruelent things. Such as the HIV virus: Google a picture of it, and you stare in wonder.

What does this say about God? Does even the deadliest bacteria and virus declare His glory - yes, even His beauty? If so, then something made it change from a beautifully complex entity to a beautifully complex deadly organism. Christians know that 'something' was sin. Was the Fall of Creation.

How much more beautiful will these bacteria and viruses be - assuming they are present in the New Creation? How much more will they reflect the glory of the One who made them if now, they are only a poor reflection of what He originally created them to be?

And that is how we are as well. Broken sinful people, aesthetically beautiful anatomically as Body Worlds II has shown us and still reflecting the fruits of the Spirit though inadaquately? Once washed by Jesus' blood and once comitted to walking in His way, in the New Creation, we will no longer be a reflection of the image of our Creator. We will be with Him and He will be fully reflected through Creation - incluuding us.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Medicine's Water

There is a such thing as Transporter's High. I discovered it unwittingly when we were seriously really busy and I must've done ten transports back-to-back which is actually rare considering there are six of us on day shift. Transporter's High is equivalent to runner's high. The biological mechanism is probably the same: the excercise and the adrenaline rush plus the need to block muscle pain causes the release of endorphins. I got the feeling I could work for two straight shifts. Of course, this feeling didn't last the whole shift, just for maybe like 20 minutes or so.

It also gave me an understanding as to why many doctors and medical students and probably anyone in the medical profession can get sucked into this world of medicine and forget what's 'outside.' Working in a hospital feeds a person. For me, it gives me a reason to get up in the morning. Aside from te paycheck, I get to see patients that have been there a while, help them get better by taking them to procedures, and also, I can be there for a patient when he or she just needs to talk about how their stay at the hospital is going. There are bad days and bad moments too, but the good stuff keeps me going. Hospitals have their own life, their own structure, their own language. Once I began to work inside the one I'm in, I could feel it start to become a part of me and I a part of it. I could get poetic and say something like: The blood that's in it's people is in me and the pains they feel are the pains I feel and the oxygen that's being given to them is the air I breathe - but I'm not that far gone - yet hahahaha!

But what does the hospital give me besides patient interaction and a community? What does it give all medical professionals, but especially doctors and medical students? A higher purpose. Status. Something to watch over, and yes, even someone watching over them (Hospital administrators, regulators, HMO's, etc.) In the hospital, a doctor has nearly the whole staff at her feet: people to run the tests she orders, other doctors to do her sugery she requests, nurses to care for her patients, and even pipsqueak transporters like me that take said patients to their exams and procedures.

A few days ago, I was reading John 4 where Jesus talks about Himself being living water. The medical environment can be the 'water' that sustains people - ok, me if I go to medical school and so on and so forth (God willing), or God Himself can. If I let the medical environment consume me, then I would be satisfied. At least for a while. But if the healthcare system gets so unfunctional, it's more of a hassle for all of us, and if patients aren't improving like I would want them to, then it would be consuming but also draining. If I loose a patient, it would be even harder to deal with. Medicine can let people down. Medicine has let me down before. Therefore,
medicine can't be that life that consumes me. This does not mean that I can't be a doctor. But I have to be something greater. My life has to take on more meaning
beyond the hospital doors.

Enter the Creator of the universe, the Great Physician. Jesus Christ. If it is His Blood that sustains me, His living water that runs through me and fills me primarily, medicine can be an even more joy since I will walk in His steps and emulate His ways - of course all with His help!!! He can fill the gaps that medicine leaves open: The patient that gets worse, He can comfort, the patient that dies He may receive. He is the patience I need to deal with complaining co-workers and patients, snappy nurses, and later on, the patience and humility I must continue to have if He allows me to be a doctor. He is the comfort I need when I am pretty sure a patient I have transported a few times has died, and the comfort I'll need in the future should I have to actually pronounce a patient dead. He is the One whom I give thanks to when I see a patient improve, and the One whom I'll give credit to when a patient may later thank me for helping him or her recover. If medicine is the life physicians and other members of the medical community draw from to sustain themselves, Jesus Christ is that true Water they truly seek.

Monday, September 25, 2006


Ok, update on the pre-med life: I filled out one secondary for Medical College of Wisconsin (brr.... cold winters AAH!) and I SHOULD submit the one to the place in St. Louis, and I'm nearly done with the Creighton Essay and the CU essays. I should submit everything later this week....

I'm moving closer to my dream of going to medical school, but I need to remember to draw closer to God. I've been reading a sister in Christ's bloggings about falling in love with God. Do I desire that as much as this dream? Do I thumb through the Bible soaking up His word and His presence just as much as when I flip through theJournal of the American Medical Association and soak up those articles and dream about where I want to be in 8 years ( KT MD!) I have to say that my quiet times have become routine, but I don't have that awe all the time that I would like to have, and honestly, I don't devote as much brain-space to God's word as I do those secondary essays. My spiritual life is suffering. Right now, the equilibrium side of me is heavily favoring the KT's amitions, flesh, etc. etc. side rather than the KT's submission to God, her Creator, Savior, Father, Lord's plan.

I know the cure is leaning more toward Him. I know the cure is reading His word. I know the cure is pursuing my secondaries, but only in the midst of pursuing Him more.

Prayers for this would be appreciated :)

Monday, September 04, 2006

A day in the life...

Ok, so I have been at this Transportation Tech job for 1 month. That explains the absence from the Blogger. As does the filling out the AAMCAS. As does the looking for grad schools if the med school thing doesn't work.

So, what's been going on in the life of this blogger? We - ell, yeah. I'll just describe it in the day of my life as of now.

5:45 am. I get up to the sound of my alarm on my cell-phone going off. Time to get up and change into the scrubs de jour, pack a lunch, and pick up a container of yogurt for breakfast.

6:10 - 7:00 Waiting for the bus, I have my quiet time. I have a pocket Bible, so I've been reading stuff in the New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs after reading the Days of Praise devotional de jour. Then I watch the sun come up and thank God for it because it's pretty. Sometimes if someone else is at the bus stop, I chill out with them because they're generally really cool. I get on a sequence of bus - Light Rail - another bus. In between stops, I grub on my yogurt. Mmm.... yogurt.

7:05ish I skid into the Transportation office at Denver Health. Most of my co-workers are already there, and I chill with them and we clock in, and the manger talks to us (who by the way is Christian and formerly pre-med which is way cool). Then the day begins.

7:10 - 12 or 1 ish Morning. I move patients, equipment (sometimes) and other things around the hospital. We're kept pretty busy. We get the requests down in the office, and we, the techs get paged. "Get this person in this room to this procedure and he/she can travel by bed/wheelchair." So yeah. Go in, introduce yourself, get yo gloves on and yeah. The patients are in varying states. Some are chatty, some are groggy, some are grumpy, ya get the point. I ask God to help them especially if they're currently in pain / worried about the procedure etc. etc. I also take blood samples to the lab. They're in bags. Some labs need to go to the lab as in now, so they're labled as Stat. I try and pray for the patients in need of the stat labs specially if they're pediatric patients or from the Mom / Baby unit. Sometimes I recognize the name on the test tube and pray for that person.

12 ish - 1 ish A half hour within that time bracket. Hospital grubbin' time! Yeah, the cafeteria gets crowded!!! I'm like, "Dang it's crowded!" (in my mind). Anyway, I used to use this time in less productive ways, but now as I grub, I write my thoughts about how this is helping me with training to be a doctor, write about interesting cases and what questions I have to look up in Medscape later. And if a case(es) was(were) on my mind from the morning, I try and pray about them.

Afternon until 3:30 More of the same as the morning.
3:30 - 4 ish Bus ride home on a sequence of busses and the Light Rail. I just chill. I have a coworker who rides one bus with me, so we get to chat about the day. It's a nice de-briefing especially if I had a lot of questions about a patient or a 'what could I have done better' thing. I spend some time on the bus praying for the people at the hospital and just relaxing.

home I change out of my scrubs de jour into bum around the house wear. That is, after I give Mom an "I'm home!!" kiss (if she's home). Then I chill out and then I fix dinner if Mom wants me to.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Tokens, Shoes and Sisters

I was coming back from a pre-employment appointment at Denver Health when I ran into two women at the bus stop. They had both come from the dental clinic and were discussing their teeth. One asked me if she could exchange a dollar with me for her bus tokens. She explained she wanted to get some lunch and needed some cash. I did the exchange and we got to talking. She had a Bible next to her and she and the other woman started to discuss the discontinuation of pennies and whether we were reverting to a non-cash system. The first woman said that it was a sign of the End Times. She cited the clash in the Middle East as further proof. Later the conversation switched to the second woman's shoes she bought on sale.

From their initial conversation about going to the dentist to get low cost dental care, I realized that they lived each day struggling to get by and here I was, a recent graduate starting her medical career. We came from two different worlds. One woman was enrolled in a vocational school while I was looking toward going to medical school. The other rode the busses at night for a safe place to sleep. Yet we were all united as sisters in Christ. I thought about the sisters that lived in yet other parts of society - Marylin Musgrave, Condolezza Rice, unnamed sisters in Christ who ran companies and were already doctors, pharmicists, scientists, and engineers. Sisters in other parts of the world. This thought broke down any barriers I had to talking with them or any prejudgemental thought I had about them. We were just three sisters chatting about the economy, shoes, bus tokens, and the world at large.

One day, all of my and my sisters in Christ's identities as vocational student, graduate, medical student, doctor, pharmacists, engineer, buisnesswoman, politician, etc. will be stripped away. All of us sisters - those I met at the bus today, as well as sisters from all walks of life in all nations will unite with our Beloved, our Father, our Savior in Heaven. We will have that shared identity, and more importantly, an even stronger bond of unity there, because no class or race or nationality will separate us.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Pajama apologetics

Apologetics is great. Sitting in front of your computer, sitting with your 2 inch binder full of notes in a lecture hall, in an office of a Harvard Educated Profesor. God through apologetics can do wonders in those situations But in your pajamas as your first conversation of the day? That happened to me this morning. It happened like this: My non-Christian family member, after saying good morning promptly started grilling me about where God was during this latest Israel versus the terrorists violence. I took a deep breath, trusted God, rubbed my still sleepy face and started talking. I was thankful that in all the three years I've been Christian, this is only about the second or third time I have done this.

It asks the question ARE YOU READY? AAAAAAAAARE YOU READY??? - Ooooooh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS- <-- ok, sorry, I had to start of at least a little bit of the Spongebob Square Pants song... enough is enough, I know... ANYWAY, are we really ready to defend God at any hour of the day? Early in the morning? In the middle of class? During office hours? On the Plaza on your way to the Ramskeller or Cams Corner for a cold beverage of your choice and some discount price candy?

When we share, do we rely on the fact that God is Truth and put faith in Him and that He will give us answers, or do we rely on our brains? That squishy slippery mass of grey (or pinkish) matter in our skulls that is affected by the Fall of Creation? Do you notice a difference when you do? I do. When I debate from my brain, the pressure is on me and I feel like I'm being attacked, and I back down more easily. But if I debate in faith, I can stand up for my God - my Creator and Savior and Father and Lord, and I feel more at peace because I have the faith and the trust and the EVIDENCE that He is true and faithful :)

So, my dear Christian brothers and sisters, whenever the debate, and wherever the debate, you are ready!!! because God readies you!

Monday, July 17, 2006

The Sustaining "Supercoolness" of God

I had two interviews that I didn't deserve. The reason that I didn't deserve them because one was a re-schedule because I wrote down the wrong time. The other one was for this job I have been hankering after only because I would get ridiculous amount of clinical hours while not being a CNA. Anyway, God gave me the "Great Career Shakedown." as I now call it. That He and He alone is in charge of writing my resume for His glory. End of story. And in every job, I was to learn something about Him and share who He is. Because His kingdom has a bit more of an eternal priority than my job, and my job(s) contribute to His kingdom.

I noticed after I got the phone call for the SECOND interview, I was like, "WHOA!!!" Because I had nearly given up on that. Just this morning, I had somewhat of a resigned peace about it like – ok, if God doesn't want me to get it, I won't get it, and there's nothing I can do about it sigh. Anyway, I was really happy and was like, "YAY GOD!" Then a question came to me: Did I still love God and take joy in Him unconditionally, or did my joy come from my own situation? In a more Liz Ewing way of putting it: Is joy in Him contingent solely on His character or is my joy in Him contingent on my present circumstances? When can I recognize truly being happy about a blessing versus saying, "I hate You.... oh wait, I love You now!"

I think God knows our emotions are not static and permits temporary disappointment, grief with underlying hope, sadness, temporary anger, temporary giddiness / giggle fits /rambunctious wild and crazy feelings , but I think He wants to see if our deeper faith and joy are constants. For me, He tests those with the two things that are on my heart quite a bit: my standing in the world as far as my success – academic and career wise, and how much I depend primarily on others to fill the chronic vacancies in my heart or let God do it. God has been working with me for two years on the latter issue. Incidentally, it has made the first issue somewhat easier because I'm letting God in on my life and into my thoughts about things more readily. However, God is always exposing the issue of my wanting to rely on my wits alone. Being organized (unlike my room) and writing a good resume are good for the job search and being a respectable person and nice and everything are good for finding that 'someone', but those themselves have gotten people somewhere, but God is pleased when I choose to rely on Him primarily for my job placement and matching me up with that 'someone' and rely on those other things as secondary resources. Often I switch those two around, and God really has to do a shake down to get them re-arranged properly.

SO (yes, this is really long), that is the logic behind my original question. Finally, I get to my answer: It is yes. I mean, when I have sent in my hundredth resume, when my checking account only has enough to pay the AAMCAS fees and that's it, when I'm alone and no one is there to talk to, when I'm bored, when I feel like life is successive missed opportunities, I can honestly say that my joy comes from God – though I may be crying or dissapointed, my joy that God has not left me, my joy that I still have enough – more than enough with God, that God – the Creator of the Universe will listen to my problems amid broken genes, broken nations, broken other people, etc, that God – the Creator broke Himself so I could have all this – yes, it still makes me joyful in spite of myself and any situation that threatens to make me deny Him.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Live like the pros - Professionals that is!

Right.... so, I'm in Fedex/Kinkos doing this blog thinger and I had to do some other internet stuff downtown. I'm getting ready for job interviews and stuff which required me to buy a snazzy suit - from Ross that is - no department store prices for me!!!! Anyway, hauling around my laptop and being somewhat dressy going downtown and trying out my mom's new camera made me have the Young Working Professional look without the working and professional part (yet - by God's will, I will have a job, and I am trusting God for THAT job - this job that appears to be a perfect fit - we'll see...) Anyway, it makes me think, that these 'new looks' and new gadgets determine the 'new you.' It's like, if I take on that role, will I start to love the look and gadgets or will God still be my first love? Will I continue to trust in Him as my Provider and Lord or will I rely on my own terms?

I pray, God, if You put me into a role - Your will willing, the role of a Professional Research Assistant, that I remember my role You called me to - as Your child and Your servant to further Your kingdom. May I always praise Your name and trust in You in the midst of this transition. You are God. Amen.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Graduation Day!

GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so anyway, I just got done telling one of my profs good bye. Well, two profs, but one was this one that I outreached to for - uh - a little OVER 1/2 of my college career. Seriously, this professor has been a part of my college life for 4 and 1/2 semesters.... It's like yeah. A whole massive amount of time... So, I said good bye and later I was telling a friend about it and I just almost straight - up started crying because God has done so much through that situation and taught me so much and He has probably impacted this professor's life more than this professor even knows because - yeah, he doesn't even believe that God's there. Anyway, yeah. Probably the 2nd most bitter-sweet moment of this week. The first was after Mom got seriously all my stuff out of my room and drove off and I was headed to the Gifford lab to atrophy - I mean work for 5 hours - and I was thinking, "Oh my gosh, College is really going to be over in about 24 hours." That hit me and I just wanted to cry. Plus, the whole Mom coming up reminded me of having to go back and forth from Denver to Ft. C's when Pa was sick, so yeah. I wanted to cry about that too.

But then last night, Lesley and I went to Coopersmiths, where I drank pink Cream Soda - Coopersmith's Made cream soda. It was gooooooooooooood!!! :) And the Teriaki Burger was goooooooood too! Man, I'm going to have to go for a run on Saturday - at HOME. I'm thinking the park by the Y... Or - well - ok, I'll see. I was going to take the bus to Ft. Logan (I might actually do this) and then drop off some flowers *note to self, get more, or maybe a graduation something at King's) and see Pa (his grave) and tell him I graduated and then I'll attempt to find the bike path and jog around there. Or - well, I'll just have to see. I can't believe I'm going to be HOME tomrrow - like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Today I came to say good bye,
And as I walked, my heart was light
Free from the chains - entangling sin.
But filled with the Father's love within.

I sat outside, in His creation.
Seeking His heart, and not
My own consolation.
I asked, "Test my heart
O God, and see if there is any
offense Within me."

I said, "I seek You first,
With my desire I come. To say
Goodbye, this time here done.
But rid me of those chains
Of desire impure.
Rid me of the tempation
That always lures."

My God replied, Oh my
God my relief
As I climbed the stairs
The air had ceased

To be filled with the thick
Stench of temtation.
That dragged me into my
thoughts' sin prison.

And I looked at you and
I said goodbye.
and I said thank you
but by and by

I'll have released you to
Our Creator above.
I'll know He has sought you
To reveal to you His love.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Wolves in Nice Cozy Soft Squishy Sheep Clothing

Riight... so, this is the the ranting post. Yay. Though disclaimer goes, I did get sucked into this site of which I will now rant about (yay).

So, anyway, there's this unnamed dating site that claims to be Christian. The Great Comission Association of Churches (GCAC)is against the conventional dating where people date to find the One. GCAC believes that God would lead people into Courtship which is dating --> engagement --> marriage and actually has produced an extremely low divorce rate. Even so, if I didn't follow the principles of GCAC on dating, I would have my doubts about this site that I happened upon and was clicking around out of boredom due to having senioritis.

The Case against this website:

First of all, when it gives the criteria for the matches, it lists tons of religions including atheist and agnositic. It's a Christian website, so why are those options? Don't they know about 1 Corinthians where Paul explicitly tells people not to be yoked to nonbelievers? Then why is that even on there??? Second of all, this survey I took asked about some things that I was like, "Whoa!! I can't believe this option on the survey is an option!" Plus I got an e - mail that had yet other surveys on it that you could take that warned about explicit content on them. That was the last straw, and so I decided to write this blog.

Personal Musings and other stuff

I think once God teaches you a lesson, you want others to not learn it the hard way. This dating site may get people to learn things the hard way - the way God didn't intend for them to learn, but He will allow it so that they might learn that one's life is His, and one should entrust things like dating to Him first (no matter if they are using the GCAC model or not, by the way). This site basically let people take dating into their own hands, and their thoughts and sexuality into their own hands too. Basically, it was 'Christian' but not pleasing to Christ.

How much are we like that? Christian but not pleasing to Christ? Am I every day dying to myself to be more pleasing to Christ and not just Christian by label? I admit that at times I am not pleaing to Christ, but I hope that most of the time I am, but God didn't choose us because we were pleasing to Him. It pleased Him to choose us, to sanctify us so He would be pleased to make us holy for His glorification alone.

Monday, May 01, 2006

In the fold of God in Old Town

So, on Saturday night we had the Invisible Children camp out thing in Old Town where we simulated the commute children in Uganda make from their village to a city to evade captors that would make them soldiers against the govt. in their civil war. Anyway, since it was Saturday the party people of Ft. C's were also out. Crystal and Julie from RSS and Whitney - a new Summitview sis and I were chilling out in our sleeping bags right near Zydeco's. It was maybe not the best move, but time would show that God allowed it for a reason. That reason came around 12:00 when a bunch of guys kept giving us a hard time and flirting with us when we were trying to explain to them the predicament of the children in Uganda. Mike and Brad from RSS came over and were basically our body guards. We were able to sleep while they stayed up and guarded us. Mike had to back into and push out of the way some guys that were harrassing Whitney and Crystal and I.

Earlier that evening, Loren, the Joels and Tim had walked around handing out tracts and sharing. Loren gave us RSS / SVCC sisses tracts to pass out to people. Before Mike and Brad came over, I was laying there holding the tract and praying and trusting God for protection. The line from Come Thou Fount about 'The fold of God' came to my mind. I imagined us sisses (Julie, Crystal and Whitney) all asleep in 'the fold of God' under His protection. I lay in my sleeping bag at timed dozing off, all the time clutching to Loren's tract as a tangible reminder of my salvation - protection and security in Christ.

When the guys came over (otherwise known as our RSS Posse) it was like an answer to my prayer. What's interesting is that the guys were there from God, but it was really God through them that was still protecting us. I think it was so cool how that worked out like that. Julie and I were talking about the guys having a strong protection orientation. She said it was strong because God may have given that to the guys at Creation, but also because we really were One in Christ and a family, the guys protected us like how biologcal family members protect each other. That made sense because we were an eternal family.

I'm listening to the song We are One by Switchfoot as I was thinking about this song when I was writing this blog. As I lay down next to my brothers and sisters (from left --> right if someone were at our feet looking down at us, we went like this: Brian, Mike, me, Crystal, Whitney, and Julie), I realized that I would give almost anything in gratitude to our guys because they were willing to get jeered at, and pushed by drunk guys - basically, they were laying down their own safety so us ladies could curl up at their feet and sleep safely. I realized that this was only a small snap of how us sisters will feel when one day, God reveals to us the man whom He picks to give his life for us - to provide for, protect, encourage, and become one with us. How deep will that love be then. Right there on the ground, with two wiggling sleeping bags next to me, I prayed, "God, if I can trust You for brothers to protect me for one night, how much more should I trust you for someone who will lay down his life for me to mimic what You did on the Cross for all of us."

Us sisters owe the guys some mad amounts of pizza or cake or something.... :)
Praise God!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Quest for Creation

The US is doing badly in science according to an early 2006 Time magazine report. Ask a certain CSU professor, and he apparently launches into a 30 minute tirade about the US educational system. Campus musings aside, today in the New York Times, there was this article that explained the need for the US to get a larger particle accelorator to excel in the world of Physics. We are competing against Europe and Japan, and the delay of installing new particle accelorator would require the US scientists to study in either Europe or Japan to get the most advanced equipment available.

As I read this article, I realized something: We (the scientific community - yes, premeds are included) are on a quest for Creation - for absolute dominance of control of Creation, and the glory of discovering its secrets. The country who produces the next Nobel Laurate or the breakthrough treatment for something is hailed to be the top of the science world. We want to attain our own glory through the manipulation of Creation.

Yet, this will fail. Creation, as it moves toward a state of entropy will not yield the results we want it to. Creation will continue to mutate and decay, requiring more and more complext cures whih we will rush to design. The Creation is groaning, not for man to fix it, but for man to come to the knowledge of his Creator, so He can restore His works - both man, matter, and living things - to the way He designed them.

Dear God, I pray that the scientific community would turn around and see their Creator. That they would be on their knees prasing Him, not standing on the lecturn praising themselves. Yes, God, I pray for them, I plead for them. I plead for You to open their eyes so they can see You, so that one day, they may, with tears streaming down their faces say, "There is no one else who made the heavans and the earth - there is no one like our God." (Jer 10).

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Physical and Spiritual Birth

So, today is KT's birthday (woo hoo!) I had an awesome thought from God! It related earthly attachment and the parent - child interactions to spiritual attachment and God - child interactions.

Right.... here goes!

At birth we all have been incubating for 9 months inside the womb being provided with nutrients and other things from the mother's diet. The parent(s) mentally have been gearing up for our births and when we are born, they enter into a relationship with us. We either become securely or insecurely attached - we either feel safe and happy around our parents or we don't. This is influenced by quite a few things some of which are parenting style, circumstances outside of everyone's control, and the quailty of emotional interactions with the parent and child. This sets the stage for our development through the rest of infancy, toddlerhood, and into adulthood.

In a fallen world, so much can go wrong, and the vast amounts of intervention programs and yet - to - be - developed programs show that we have become distanced from each other because of our initial distancing from God.

However, God brought us back. Surprisingly, I think the process of our spiritual rebirth has some strong paralells to our physical birth only better!

Before we were Christian, God was feeding us and nourishing our hearts with curisities about Him, putting people in our lives that would show His presence and maybe give us those few verses from the Bible - thus, our pre - Christian 'milk and nourishment.' He developed our heart - from simple to complex thinking about Him to get it to the point where we could accept Him or not. God chose us before the Creation of the world, so He prepared for us to come into His presence.

Once we are Born Again, God truly does become our Abba (though some of us have to be taught that later), and we really do form an attachment to Him through His spirit and through relating to Him through prayer. I truly believe that though this attachment like so many others can be influenced by our first parental attachments - meaning that if one felt unsafe or unhappy with his or her parents, they may feel unsafe or unhappy with his or her teachers. However, God promises HImself as a solid Rock to attach to and our Anchor for our Souls (Hebrews 12?) Anyway, we have to walk in that faith to trust Him more and more and through this He will truly become our Refuge and Stregnth. This attachment will affect the rest of our walk with God - both here in this life and in the next. This bond is the Attachment that all other earthly attachments are a mere shadow of. This is the Attachment that was first broken, but the one that was redeemed by Jesus Christ.

Thursday, April 20, 2006


1. I had a job interview and won't find out until next week.
2. I haven't had any calls from places in Denver where I applied.
3. If I get the job in Ft. Collins, I need to find a place to live
4. I think my flash drive is in my room with my whole life on it.

What do these four things all have in common? Trust. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation" Isiah 12:2

"I will wait for the LORD, who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob. I will put my trust in him" Isaiah 8:7


Aha! I think I will do my quiet time on Trust today since apparently I need it. I think I was planning on doing my quiet time, but I honestly don't know if I had it since I don't remember. So, this will do. The first thing that came to my mind regarding trust was the Isrealites since I was doing a search in the Old Testament. More specifically, I was thinking about the Golden Calf scene. What happened was this: Moses was taking orders from God for 40 days while the Isrealites were on their own. We could say, "How STUPID they were to build a calf when God was around them and behind them in pillars of smoke and fire and parted the red sea and...." But, I can say, "How STUPID am I, who sees God in every aspect of biology and chemistry and organic chemistry and physics, who has God's Spirit and who has access to God's Word to not trust in Him for these things."

Yes, I can say that now because I am now right with God. But when I am away, my flesh takes over. When I am away in my mind from God, I can freak out. Yes, several HDFS models would say that I have more of a cause to be insecure or have a difficult issue with trust because of my past. I will not deny that. But God is bigger than my past. God who has taken away my sin is bigger. My brain most certainly knows this, but when the rest of me - when I panic, do I really remember that? Maybe. Maybe not. It seriously depends. When my hope is in something else besides God - when my hope is in my memory (trying to remember what I did with my flash drive) or in my interviewer (for the job) or for the leasing office (for the place in Ft. C's if I am to live here) or for the Human Resources department in Denver (for the Denver jobs), my hope obviously isn't in God. When it is in both, it ends up stabilizing out with my flesh AND my spirit having more of an equal equalibrium. With each side gaining strength, and with each side fighting to become dominant, my flesh and spirit will struggle. Apart from God.

God, I seriously have no idea what I did with my flash drive, actually, I'm assuming it's in my purse in the dorms, but I'm not sure. Sounds like a trivial request, but could You please protet it with all my ASSIGNMENTS and RESUMES and stuff for the RESEARCH PAPER on it? Just asking You for this makes me trust You more. And, God, I know I felt peace right after the interview. I know I did, and I know I gave it to You in the bus. But, as these things go, I tend to take it back... so I give it to You yet again. If I end up working there - cool. If not, You had a better plan. That's it. The End of Story. Same with the Denver thing. And God, I know You provided the perfect place for me in the Lory Apartments last summer, I pray I see Your hand again at work with my living situation and I can yet praise You and give You Your glory. God, in a way, I'm thankful that I don't have my assignments or the research paper to distract me, so I can come back fully to You - just like You wanted it to be and just like I need it to be so I can come back to that true Rock - true Secure Person, true Anchor, and thus give You glory. God, You really do give me peace, and I praise your for it. Allelua!!!! :)

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Our Bodies Declare the Glory of God

Today Premedica went to Body Worlds II at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. Part of Psalm 8 was on there: Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet

Here is that psalm in full: (from eSword, accessed 4/9/06)

Psa 8:1 To the choirmaster: according to The Gittith. A Psalm of David. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens.
Psa 8:2 Out of the mouth of babes and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger.
Psa 8:3 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
Psa 8:4 what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?
Psa 8:5 Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.
Psa 8:6 You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet,
Psa 8:7 all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field,
Psa 8:8 the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas.
Psa 8:9 O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

The rest of the quotes in the exhibit had clear humanistic leanings saying that man is superior. There was one that said something about how the body was awesome, and the soul was somewhere in the body... Anyway, if anyone looked at Pslam 8 in full, it glorifies neither the creation or even man who was ordained to rule over creation, but it ends by exalting the Creator Himself because all these things: The bird of the air, things on earth, things in the heavens, and mankind are a reflection of His glory and His attributes. Several times at Body Worlds, I prayed for God's spirit on the people passing through, and that they wouldn't pay much attention to the quotes, but only pay attention to the specimens and that they would seek the Creator that they reflect.

Monday, March 20, 2006

PTSD and Grief

So, for some really random reason, I'm thinking about the summer. Everyone else is too. But, for me, thinking about summer means thinking about last summer. I seriously think that I have some PTSD going on (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) due to that. As well as revisiting grief. So, both things that I've dealt on seperate occasions, I now am going to have to deal with them simultaneously. I would go into the UCC again, but I basically have all the tools I need to deal with grief and PTSD. I think some of methods of dealing with them are the same: Don't surpress what you feel, work thorugh it (or pray though it in my case) and make peace about it (which means, asking for God's hand and trusting that He will heal all of it.) It's not going to come overnight, and I'm sure I'll spiral down and freak out, but at least I know how to 'roll with the punches.'

But it's times like these that make me not enjoy being around in this fallen world. But I can't think that way because it will discourage me, and it's God who numbers my days, not I. So, I must tell myself to keep going, I have to think of things to do and what I do have to look forward to.

Here goes:

D - Team
Finding a job - scary, but hey, it's something to look forward to
More ID conversations with people
Awesome pre - med friends
Awesome friends in general

It's interesting how God knows that when times get tough, I need His stregnth as well as a blessing He hasa planned for me to get through. Over winter break, when He knew things would get really hairy really fast, He gave me the John Morris lecture to look forward to - to keep in the back of my mind so I would get up another day if only to get myself closer to that lecture.

I know sometimes I think God's hand is too short to reach my mind or reach in and help me when I'm hurting, but my life is a testament of that assumption not being true. Thus, I look to Heaven, not so much as an escape from this world, but as a place where I'll be with my Savior, Father, Creator and Lord and where He shows me my life in His light, and my pain bathed in His glory.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Reporting live from the Chemistry Building II

WHen I started this post, I was in here to ask if my professor got that networking letter I had sent him, but he wasn't in his office. So I sat down and worked on my paper some more. That was on Monday. Today is now 3/10/06. I aasked him by e - mail if he got the document and he said he did.

Now, I'm going back in there to tell him about this article about evolution that I did a paper on since we discussed it earlier. I have this fear of going up there still. A part of me still sees him as this intimidating mean prof guy. In a way, that side of me was epxressed as a protecting factor to protect myself against other thoughts that were quite different, but needed to be kept hidden. So, both these lines of thinking have to be erased, replacing them with the thought that here is a lost soul that has been gifted with intellegence and the ability to teach. Here is a soul that God has poured out His blood to save, and is doing everything He can to reach him. This is a soul who, without acknowleging God as being real and being his Savior will be gone from God forever some day.

I was listening to a song on Way FM whose refrain goes, "You can't say that we are alone anyore / we are anything else / we are anything else / 'cause Love is here / 'cause Love is here / with me now." I thought about that a lot and it has been in my head all morning. The song's premise is that beecause Jesus came down as man, the separation or 'veil' between God and mankind has been torn and we can now enter into His Holy place via His Son's blood. I thought about it further and it could also mean that because there is so much evidence for God (Romans 1:20, the Flood etc.), we can't say we are alone because it is evident that He is with us.

That got me thinking: People have to believe that God is really there before they can place their trust in Him as their Savior. In this particular caase, my professor does not believe God is there. Which is why, I think, God is not letting ID be put far from the minds of the scientific community. God is showing His presence whether they like it or not.

Back to this: So why is it hard for me to talk to him about ID? Why is it so hard for me to keep the reality of God in the back of his mind, by bringing it up when God leads me to? Why? Am I afraid? Is it because I do not know truth? Maybe. I need to walk in that truth - that God wants him to know He is real, and He can use a broken person like me to do it.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Humanism makes me spew II (the rant)

So, I did a thing on my other blog that I deleted entitled "Humanism makes me spew." It was about how an article said that the problem to the solution of the void left by fatherlessness could be filled by just loving yourself. Yeah. Right :( Because I tried solving that problem by my own means, but only God could help me. So then we start again... Humanism makes me spew II

I just got done reviewing an article about how 'evolutionary psychology' could explain the need for the belief in the supernatural. Yeah right. All it showed that we are PROGRAMED, yes, I said PROGRAMED because were designed for our God whom we must all answer to....

I swear, humanism makes me spew because it just says that man is everything, and he is NOT. Man needs a savior because guess what guess what!!! We fell during the Fall. Oh, and guess what, the garden of Eden is really real. DID YOU GUYS HEAR ME???? IT'S REALLY REAL!!! And, Guess what, you guys! Your reduction to the supernatural to just this comfy feeling we have dishonors the HOLY GOD that made the UNIVERSE.

By the way, I'm ranting. I will post an update to this later, but right now I really just want to rant. Really badly. So, I'm ranting. I mean, if the supernatural was just a comfort to me, it would've all gone out the window when my two relatives died within 12 mos of each other. I would've given up. I would've gone atheist. But I know that there is solid evidence for God in Creation and in the historacity of the Bible, so to say that this is just a comfy fuzzy story we made up and had 'programmed by chance' in our brain is just CRAP. Just pure crap, and God knows it.

Thus ends my rant, and thus begins my next phase of study time :-/ Yay!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Going SQUIRRELY!!!!!

YES, this is my second post of the day. I was coming out of Braiden after eating delicious grub with Tim and Mike from RSS and I noticed a squirrel who was begging for food. Actually two of them were chasing each other down the side walk (I know, they were sooo cute!) and one stopped like, "Hey! A college student that just got out of Braiden's dining hall! I'll stand up and beg for food - like this - and make those big eyes - like this and raise my paws to make her go 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw.'" Then this guy came along and said, "Yeah, the squirrels are begging again." We talked about how they ate during the summer when there weren't as many students willing to give them a piece of a bagel, pizza, candy bar, etc. when they begged. I remarked that I thought the squirrels got a bit skinnier during the summer. He laughed and I went to class.

Today I was thinking about how the squirrels are starting to rely on us students to give them food. They were created to eat nuts and berries - foods that would give them amino acids and the correct vitamins that they needed. Instead they're living off of pizza crusts, Kit Kat bars, and Gibbs Bagels which are tasty to humans in regular amounts, but in garbage - bag fuls could have adverse affects. What if a whole new generation of squirrels born this spring (because in the spring is when all baby animals are born, right??) was taught by their parents how to beg for food from us college students? They would never learn to eat the berries and nuts they were designed to eat. A whole generation will have deviated from what it was designed to be.

Now, this stuff about the squirrels isn't just me talking about cute squirrels because they're cute - and - cute - but, it's about us and God. God designed us for Himself and to use the world to reflect Him and to desire things that would reflect Him and that He could satisfy. But we get up on our hind legs, bug out our eyes and hold out our hands to the world for stuff - for clothing, gadgets, relationships, fame, etc. I've been guilty of doing this too. But I and others have tasted the 'nuts and berries' the pleasures that only God could provide and have had our needs satisfied by God alone. We still pick the occasional 'crust' from this world off the ground to enjoy, but we know that it is not our primary satisfaction. Further more, I hope and pray that we as future parents or professionals or members of the larger Church family will teach the next generation how to find the berries and nuts - how to find the pleasures of God. Because God has taught us, we will teach them how He has designed them to live.

Aslan's water or Turkish Delight

I was walking around campus when suddenly I had a thought about the Lion Witch and the Wardrobe (LWW) novel series and movie. A thought came to me about how Edmund asked for Turkish Delight from the White Queen of Narnia. He took a bite and continued to eat ravenously. Soon Turkish Delight was all that he could think about. The Queen promised him more if he returned to Narnia with the rest of the Pensive children (Peter, Susan, and Lucy).

In another book in the series called the Dawn Treader, several new characters and the little mighty mouse (Yeah!) Reechicheep sail around beyond Narnia and eventually are called to sail out of the world and as close as Aslan's country as they can get. Once they move beyond the known world, they start to drink the water that appears to come directly from Aslan's country. They find that they only need a small amount for it to satisfy them, and it appears to be part of the reward for seeking Aslan's country. It is also sweet which is not a property of water found anywhere.

There are some real differences between the Turkish Delight offered by the queen and the water from Aslan's country. Turkish Delight is something anyone in Narnia using the right ingredients could make and give to Edmund. In the movie, the queen appeared to conjur it from out of nowhere, but it was still a product of the world they were in. Turkish Delight didn't satisfy Edmund. It only left him for the desire to want more. This desire led to him playing foul with his siblings which made him forsake the brotherly nature that was in him. The queen did not give Edmund the Turkish Delight out of her own goodwill (in the movie, one can find no mercy in her), but as a tool to satisfy her own glory.

In contrast, Aslan's water is something that went beyond Narnia or the world any of the travelers had known. It was always present, but the travellers had to find it. The water itself was not what they were seeking, but it was Aslan. Therefore, the water came as a result of seeking Aslan. It quenched them better than even their own water back home. This water also allowed them to look into His country more, so they were not decieved by it, but their eyes were opened.

In this same way, how often do we eat Turkish Delight instead of seek the sweet water from the country beyond our own? Satan may feed us a small bit of Turkish Delight - enough that we can smell it, but if we own it and take it from him, we only want more. We decieve ourselves, and we seek only that Delight instead of something bettter. But when we drink of the water from the
living God, we are immediately quenched. We are unblinded, and we begin to seek Him - the source of the water instead of just merely the water itself. Being satisfied with something that is beyond this world only comes from seeking the One who is set apart from it, the One who created it, and the only One who can restore it and ourselves.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The depths

I am in the depths of the Library. (In the basement.) I was studying for the MCAT and studying the subject I have to teach everyone else. Just so happens that this subject reminds me of one great weakeness and reminds me of how that was exposed. I'm identifying a whole bunch with certain people associated with my weaknesses. I'm being vauge because I have to be - sorry to any readers.

So, I drew nearer to God. By going to a biochemistry site. Seeing everything else I was studying showing up right there in Creation helped me reconnect. I cried out, "Oh, God, You are my God, Earnestly I seek You!" My heart was satisfied. Yes, amino acids could be produced in a flask, but it was God who spoke the atoms into existence, God who spoke the molecules into life and action. I know because I trust His word and science validates that.

I pull myself out of the depths of the flesh - of thoughts that were threatening to consume me as I studied. But I ran to God and let Him hold me instead.


Praise God :)

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Bearing by prayer, the unequal yoke


Today Mitch at Summitview gave a message on the foundations of marriage. Most of the stuff, I knew. Other stuff I didn't know such as how intense the spiritual battle over it was. That was interesting because I think Mitch is a Revalations guy where John is a Genisis guy. I would've had a Biology / ID lesson with John teaching it :) Anyway, at the end, all the married people had to write on index cards what stuff they had to work on, and us single (The Rock) people were supposed to pray for them. Stephen, Taylor, and I passed back the index cards from our row because we didn't need them. We told the couple behind us to pass them around. That little gesture was cool because we were helping them participate in Mitch's activity by giving them the cards because we didn't need them.

Anyway, we started praying and suddenly, it was laid on my heart to pray for any unequally yoked marriages at Summitview.


No, I have never married or dated a non - believer. Physically. But there are some that I have dated in my mind's eye. When Abba Father said, 'Stop bringing these guys into My presence (Rom 12:1)' Yeah. So, that stopped. But when I had to mentally separate myself from the images and thoughts I had of these guys, the hurt was still there. However, God ended up being 'more than enough' for me :)

Back to the present time

I consider myself lucky. Very lucky. When God got on my case, instead of running away from Him and nursing my own 'soft spots' in my heart for people, I ran to Him in tears because I knew that I was doing something wrong and was sorry. I kicked and screamed and cried as He pried these thoughts and images of these people out of my heart and replaced them with Himself. (Open heart surgery if done by God really hurts. The Sword that pierces bone and marrow really hurts, but it heals nonetheless).

I cannot even begin to imagine the hurt that may be felt by brothers and sisters in Christ who are unequally yoked and who have given their whole heart - yes, even their whole selves to a non - believer. They either came to Christ after that union, or pursued that union against the wisdom and the pleadings of their Savior and Lord. Sure, I can try to imagine it, but to have that be my reality would be unbearable.

Yet, God used that when I prayed this morning. God took that pain and, using His spirit inside of me(Rom 8), interceeded for His children that are suffering within this yoke, interceeding for their comfort and asking for their love to be poured at Jesus' feet so their nonbelieving spouses could see Christ through them.

Oh, God, even now, even after I Googled several testimonies of unequally yoked people, I still could never imagine that I ever longed for it. Yet I can't even imagine that being my reality. So, I pray again for my brothers and sisters at Summitview who have this yoke as their reality. I pray you comfort them and maybe evne lead them to these sites or each other so they can recieve fellowship and not be alone. I pray that Mitch and John and Rob and everyone will welcome them in and not judge them for their yoke. God, I know You work all things out for the good, and for Your glory, and I pray that these people see that, and walk in that truth. Amen.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Completely Ridiculously Awesome - Cool Times!!

You wouldn't think that this title would be for a blog about the Premedica Symposium, but it is :) Anyway, it was about cancer research and all the new stuff. I hosted one of the speakers which meant that I got water and juice for him when he needed it and just chilled out with him before the Symposium started.

The cool part was seeing more about how cell growth is regulated with all the proteins and stuff. I was thinking, "WHOA!!!! That's massively complex," And if a scientist went in and looked at it more, I think he or she would see that it had to be designed because of exactly how each part works out. NO, ID IS NOT A COP OUT BECAUSE WE THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE IT'S COMPLEX MEANS IT'S DESIGNED AND THEREFORE WE WON'T GO AND UNDERSTAND IT!!!! <-- Sorry, that's addressing my professor's rant about it... But anyway there was a speaker who I think was Christian because her son was carrying around a water bottle that read, "God made me" and I was like, "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! That's sooo cute!!!" This speaker is a faculty member in the College of Veterenary Medicine and Biomedical Sciences - the heart of CSU where people flock to and so, to realize that God has at least one worker in a position to reach a whole lot of that college made me really excited :) :)

The third cool part was at first not so cool. I started to get a nasty stomach ache after lecture two. My uncle has been dead from lung cancer for nearly 14 months now, and I think all that was coming back even though my mind didn't really acknowledge it, the rest of me did. I was hoping I wouldn't throw up or anything, but I went to the bathroom in between lectures a few times because I thought 'oh no, this is it.' I was feeling really bad during our refreshment break, but I knew that I had to stay with the speaker I was hosting. So, I thought about how God was sovereign in regulation of cells and everything, and trusted He would be sovereign over my gastrointestinal (GI) tract. I ended up keeping my stomach through the whole thing, and I felt better after I sat out one lecture.

After the symposium, a few of us helped clean up. We had massive amounts of baked food :) I got to get a whole bunch of grub! What's really awesome was that we spent so much time serving during the Symposium, and it just showed that God did reward us richly right then. I even had grub to give away to others :) I also helped one of the pre - med faculty advisors out to her car which she really liked :)

All in all, the Symposium just showed God's faithfulness in everything. Science without God is useless, it solves things, but if it doesn't glory the Creator, it is for nothing. If you erradicate someone's tumor, but if they do not know the Creator that designed their bodies, it is still a loss. But this Symposium glorified the Creator who designed every cell and who provided for the event to happen.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

The Creator Selected Out of His House

"It is written," he said to them, " 'My house will be called a house of prayer,' but you are making it a den of robbers.' " Mat 21:13

God, oh God my CREATOR, what is going on with Your house, oh that a lie would spread - today - yes, today in Your house, there are thieves - that steal Your glory from Creation, Your honor, Your name that we may no longer praise You as Creator - Lord, Lord, please make them stop...

Oh, God thank You, God, Thank You for John Meyer, Your servent who has kept your body of Believers which is Summitview Community Church in awe of You as Creator - worshiping You in Your rightful place, with these worshippers, we truly know every aspect of You, Lord. Thank you for making us this voice that stands out. Thank You so much, Lord.

Ok, right. So, here's the deal: Today was Evolution Sunday in the churches in the US. John told us that and we were all like, "WHAT?????????????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?" Personally, I think John Morris and his buddies are probably all over at ICR turning out articles like CRAZY to get people to wake up and come to their senses.

This SO can't be happening. It is, but it can't be. Not here. Well, in a way, I see why it can happen. Because we have forgot God. That's the only explanation. And also that we have been told in our classrooms and everything that Macroevolution is true. I believed it for a good six months after becoming Christian, and who knows what I would have thought had not God put me into Summitview to be taught by our bio - nerdy pastor why biologically it doesn't make sense.

So, why did we in the US forget the Lord our God? The answer, I think, lies in Deutoronomy 8 where it says specifically, "Do not forget the Lord your God when you are rolling in it." Also, like it says in the first half of Isaiah, we have forsaken Him and built our own idols. John has also spoken about this numerous times, and I see it in our own lives. Why else would I be sucked into wasting homework time browsing on line for an iPod before God and an impending essay deadline knock me to my senses? How could I long for a metal covered circuit board to satisfy me in a way that only God can? Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have, but the longing for it can't consume me. But for so many people, the stuff they want consumes them.

In church, John quoted a guy who did the finnances seminar yesterday and he told everyone to focus on their dreams and goals in order to follow these principles. That just stank of using God to get what you want, and having what you want be a motivation over honoring God by being a steward of His blessings. I was siting behind the glass panels due to feeling feverish, and I was saying, "What? WHAT?!?!?! No way!!! That's just not right!" God cannot God cannot be a means to an end. He will not be misused and mistreated and dishonored like that. He won't allow it - ok, maybe He allows it for a while, but in the end, those that just used him will pay. They will be shamed by Him when they stand before Him.

Are we as a nation like that? Do we just pray to Him for comfort or to get stuff or - I mean, not all of us are like that, but I am referring to the larger culture. Does it encourage using God as a means to an end? If so, then the idea that He is Creator really isn't important, and the truth of it would probably scare a whole bunch of people because they'd realize that "He's real - He's really real!!!' <-- yes, John, you say this a lot so this is in my blog, but I like it :) :)

Anyway, those are my very long thoughts about Evolution Day.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

The Price of Love

So, I was looking up the price of flowers to send for my mom and my grandma because I wanted to send them something. I was like, "HOLY CRAP!!!" because flowers are EXPENSIVE!! How do college boys ever buy for their girlfriends or friends by for their friends or... on Valentines day?

It made me ask the question, 'How much is the price of love?" Well, 29.99 - 259.99 / boquet apparently. But seriiously. How do I tell Mom and Grandma how much I love them? Valentines day serves as a reminder to let them know, of course, but I think it is more. It is living my life exemplifying what they have given me: For my mom, she gave me love and a future and supported me as I developed my talents (school, music, drawing, cross country) and forgave me when I found my not - so - talents such as counted cross stitch, games involving balls, and calculus. For Grandma, she taught me what a life lived for God is even if she does not know Him as her savior. She was my second mom (or fourth mom if you count my biological and foster moms.) We baked bread and cookies together and talked about life as we groomed her dogs or went on long drives.

Therefore, showing them how much I love them would be living out those things they taught me. For example, every time I bake I think of Mom and Grandma and us baking in the kitchen. Everytime I take care of kids, I think of Mom taking care of me.

I am memorizing Hebrews 13:15 "Through Christ therefore, let us offer to Him a sacrifice of praise - fruit of lips that praise His name." In the same way I wanted to give Mom and Grandma only tangible gifts, I think we can just give God tangible gifts like tithes or just being legalistic. But living out what God has done for us and living in relationship with Him is analogous to what I hope to do with my mom and Grandma - show Him that I love Him and displaying the work He has done through me by living it out in my daily life.

PS: I think I will make Mom and Grandma pictures of flowers and send them with a card :)

PSS: I think that though they would like the flowers, they would have wanted me to save my money for other stuff.

PSSS: I think we will all remember the hugs and kisses we gave each other each time we saw each other more than the little gifts we bought here and there.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Reporting LIVE from the Chemistry Building!!

That's right, readers, you read right! The Chemistry building thankx to CSU's awesome wireless internet networking skills! It's funny that my desktop should show some random pictures with none other than the verse Romans 1:20 on there... hmm...

Anyway, I thought it was cool. I'm waiting for a premedica meeting to start in about 1/2 and hour and yeah. So, what should I write now? Well, it's just weird that I'm in a building where I'm all over this whole God is Cool thing, and everyone's like "Huh? What? God?" and sometimes I have a tendancy to feel all alone. Then I'm like, 'I shouldn't feel all alone because God is with me.' But then I'm like, 'But Christians are in the minority.' But then I think about the US demographics and think that can't be logical because the majority of the US attends church. But the nation doesn't show it by its overall fruit. Should we just assume that if people don't do it OUR way (aka the GCM or whatever Church sub - organization I am in) that it is not legit? Just because another culture is different, do we automatically assume that they need Jesus? Do the Christians that go all out feel all alone because they are so few? If so, should we judge that people that are 'complacent' don't know Christ?

Questions questions, well my Premedica meeting is calling! Blood and guts and drugs, oh my!! And to think the Great Physician was the Author of it all, woo hoo!

Monday, February 06, 2006

Loosing an eternal family member

Are you lost or just gone?
Are you wandering or
Do you not know Home?

Which are you?
My brother(1), my friend?

Come back to your Lord
Or find the reality of Him.

God's hand is not to short.
To pull him back
Or to wipe my eyes.

God's power is not too weak
To reveal Himself even if
You don't seek.

God's love is enough
To save you and to
Comfort me.

Though this time is hard
I will still worship and sing
Praises to Thee.

1. brother in this sense refers to being a brother in Christ to me aka. a fellow Believer.

Ok, so, yeah. I am starting the grieving process yet AGAIN. Hopefully this will be short. But I know I'm going to have to grieve this loss. So, I'm crying, but the 'restorative' tasks are kicking in almost immediately along with the 'disorganized' proccesses of grief. (If you don't understand, that's HD332 talk for alternately putting things back together after a loss and being completely whacked out with everything all at the same time. Trust me, they can be concurrent.) Anyway, what I lost is a fellow Christian in the sense that he said that he has stepped away from the faith and doesn't believe it anymore. I really am trusting God because God is the only one that can help at this point. Of course I'm upset, but not completely without hope. If anything, it was the best thing my friend could've told me because I can be praying for specific needs for him.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Blogging about a quote in the computer lab

"The pursuit of truth shall set you free even if you never catch up with it." Clarence Darrow - yes, THE Clarence Darrow from the Scopes trial.

This quote is on the wall in the CAHS computer lab in the Education Building. I have been looking at it for almost 2 semesters (woo hoo!!) and it has always intriuged me. Anyway, I thought about how Darrow pursued the truth about whether teaching evolution or Creation (or ID) was valid in the schools. Though the trial was more of a proto - trial, it did have people asking for the truth.

Now, 50 years later with Behe writing Darwin's Black Box and the ID movement turning heads and coming into mainstream press, once more, people are seeking truth again. The truth about where we came from will set us free because we will know for certain whether there is a God and the answers to all the questions that issue raises. Look no further, folks!! ROMANS 1:20!!! :) :) Anyway, it's interesting that Darrow understood that about the pursuit of truth even though I think that he lived his life as an agnostic.

But I thought of the second part of the quote "... even if you never catch up with it [truth]" We come into the College of Applied Human Sciences and want truth and knowledge. Well, most everyone knows that the human life cycle is divided up into stages, but depending on which developmental theorist you ask, you'll get four or seven. And there are other things: People were made (or have evolved / adapted) to need relationship. Hence there is Bowlby's theory of attachment. There are many other theories, which keep in mind, a theory in the scientific sense is a framework for interpreting data and forming hypothesis and not mere musings, that are out there.

But everything is relative. Spirituality is relative if it is only defined as 'meaning making' of life. One person's spirituality may be O - Chem. Another person's may be Buddhism. Another person's may be pantheism / goddessism / agnosticism. Another person's may be the Methodist creed... Same with relationships. A man in holy matrimony with a woman is the same as a man and a woman who merely live together which is the same as a woman and a woman living as if they were in holy matrimony...

We never catch up with the truth in my department becauase we do not believe it exists. Sure, there are observable truths such as developmental stages or attachment theory or Gottman's research on marriage, but what about Truth? No. Because your truth is not my truth is not the prof down the hall's truth.

God, I pray that those who run after the truth in HDFS and in the College of Applied Human Sciences find Your truth because You promised that if we seek You, we will find You. And You know the plans for us, plans for good, plans that entail us - all of us to eventually praise Your name as Lord, Savior, Creator, Truth and Life Giver. amern.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Power for the Creator's Name

Well, I've never tried to write in this font before, but here goes...

Today I went to the Chemistry building to give my former professor the John Morris lecture series. He wasn't interested but we had a really good talk. He had a comic posted on his door about a guy who visits his doctor and discovers he has a mutated viral infection. Basically, the guys' a creationist, so the doctor doesn't give him medicine because the doctor figures that the guy doesn't believe in the evolution of viruses. So right away, I explained that what the cartoon represented was microevolution and not macroevolution. We got into a modestly long discussion about Intellegent Design and Creationism. He thinks it's just a big cop - out and that ID and Creation researchers said that since things were too complex, they didn't need to be understood because they were designed. I told my prof that ID and Creationists still try to solve problems and not use the excuse, "It's designed" to solve any problem except where it is the most logical reason to do so. Well, I tried saying that anyway, but Prof kinda went on and on... I could tell I was pushing a button, so I didn't want to get him too flared up. But it got me thinking, and probably him thinking too.

The kicker is this: I tried going to his office yesterday. I didn't want to walk, so I just decided to call him. The phone rang once... twice... my stomach started to clench up... three times Will he answer? Oh no... ohno... what if I don't know what to say???..Four times... "Hi you have reached the office of...." Click. I hung up. So much fear from the past attempts to reach him had come up all at once. So I tried again today. I had prayed earlier in the day. I started out from Newsom praying. I asked for God's help, for God to just do it through me. Outside I was fine, but inside, I threatned to be a mess: legs shaking, unable to speak for fear of being sick... But God intervened. I walked in God's power and only in God's power. God is Creator and He will... I repeat, He will speak into my professor's office yes, even though me, probably one of his most timid students. Because when I am weak, God is strong.

Friday, January 27, 2006

The weak to shame the strong

e - mail to the D - Team

It is interesting that those in our D - Team that are broken by chronic physical and / or mental illness, struggls with sin, acute Senioritis, etc. etc. etc. feel God's power the most. Contrast that to some of our professors who's minds are intact (even if they are saturated by 40 years of using diethyl ether or other solvents... sorry... bad O - Chem joke...) yet are shut out from the power of God because of pride coupled with their setting up of many intellectual barriers to seeking God. Will we ever talk to our professors about our struggles? Maybe. Maybe not. But they will be shamed. Their intellect and distinguished professor awards, and nobel prizes etc. will come to nothing if they do not know Christ. But our weaknesses, our struggles, will come to great joy because Christ's power was shown through them.
"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." 1 Cor 1:27

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Speaking out

So, yesterday I spoke out in class about the awesomeness of God in healing one's famiy of origin issues. Eddie spoke out in the People's Republic of Boulder about the one true God. Liz is supposed to speak out in her Western Religious Thought class.

We are not ashamed.
Because we have tasted and seen His glory.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Morris to the Mountains

God, Thank You SO much for John Morris and the extra time that Loren and I got to spend with him driving around Rocky Mtn. National Park! To spend time with someone who has touched Your refining fire is so neat to see! I hope to walk in that same strong faith that You alone can author. I only hope that the lessons and stuff from this day do not fade out from my memory.

Anyway, So after church today, Loren offered to haul John Morris around in Rocky Mountain National Park (RMNP) for a while before he left. Loren was originally going with Janet as well, and he asked me if I would like to come. So I was like, "Ok!" It was actually a hard decision because I really wanted to watch the Broncos attepmt the AFC Championships. But hanging out in the mountains with a hard core Creationist and a new friend won out :)

Janet ended up not being able to come :( So Loren, John, and I hopped into Loren's car and we drove up to RMNP. John really liked going through Big Thompson Canyon and looking at all the rocks. He was trying to figure out what kind they were: igneous or metamoprhic. He finally decided that a lot were metamorphic. Loren and John talked rocks for a while. It was cool when we started talking about other stuff like the biblical basis for homeschooling (fathers teaching sons and daughters stuff about God, their trade which is somewhat applicable). I brought up the possible teaching of pantheism that I saw in a TV show over break and John said that it was good that I was sensitive to picking that up. John really liked going through the park and looking around.

The coolest thing was hearing John's stories about Mt. Ararat. We heard the lightning story (where he and friends were struck by lightning and lived) and a bit about the wolves, but he told us more about the wolves. He said that they would circle him and his friends and they had to throw rocks at them to get them to leave their trail. Once John said that a shepherd came and chased the wolves away. Then he told this way cool story about how two paramedics came on the climb and they were able to treat all these people from surrounding villiages with just the first aid stuff. There was one girl who had gum problems that they had to turn away that John still remembers. Just thinking about how their mission wasn't quite accomplished because they didn't find evidence of the Ark (yet), but they still were able to serve all those people was cool.

Then we talked about the diversity of the human races because the people that lived on the top of Mt. Ararat were darker than those that lived at its base. That was interesting. We talked about how evolution reinforced existing racism, but creationism erased it.

Loren and I got to share our testimonies and ask him for some advice about a few things. It was really neat. Loren and I felt like for a while, we had a Christian parent or as we put it, "A Christian adult to talk to." We got to share our stories and got to hear a Christian adult's perspective on our lives. We also got to see how God used him and all his colleauges. It was just so neat to see a side of him he couldn't show at the lecture, but it was the side of him that was most touched in his walk with God. We saw the John Morris that God sees when God looks at him one day and says, "Well done, good and faithful servant." And in a way, we got to let him see that side of us as well.

Friday, January 20, 2006

John, Jon, and the Glory of God

Alrighty then, so Jon Morris was supposed to supposed to have presented last night on campus. Didn't quite make it so, John Meyer took up the slack. Here is what I wrote in my notebook:

Order. My God is a God of order.

God ordered the delay of John Morris' plane. God allowed for the storm to come to delay him and God ordered John Meyer – gave him words to speak now.

I must place my trust in that. If God can order Creation – if I walk in that, I must walk in the fact that God allowed this lecture to happen. Therefore, I must not despair. Therefore, I must not loose heart because "something is amiss." No, not amiss. My God, my Creator is not random. My God planned this and my God will use this lecture to His glory and has ordered it exactly. Hallelujah to the God whoose ways are higher than my way, whoose thoughts are higher than my thoughts, and whoose plans will always bear much fruit and glory.

I wrote this in leu of John Meyer's announcement that John Morris was late. I was crushed. I had invited my professor yet again. And others had come too. And C – Team had prepared for all this. So I almost started crying. Just bawling. But God got me. God reminded me who He is, why I trusted in Him as Creator, why I praised Him as Creator, and asked me, can I continually walk in that faith that the God of Creation was the God whoose hand is not to short and whoose hand allows and forms every event in this world?

Thursday, January 19, 2006

View from the library

So, first off, I want to praise God for the blessing of WIRELESS INTERNET!! :) :) It is most useful and convienent minus having to haul my notebook computer around everywhere, but hey, it still works. I have this wierd idea to go and post from the Chem building which would require me to find an outlet in the main lobby since my battery apprently doesn't like runnning on its own anymore...

Anyway, it's snowing and it's all wet outside my window on the 3rd floor (like I said, this post is entitled: view from the Library). Everything looks dead and dormant. But I know not for long because it will be spring! Time for leaves on the trees, even MORE campus squirrels running around, and that lovely March blizzard that always scares the crap out of the people that don't want the trees around the Oval destroyed. Basically, it's all desloate and stuff, but Spring is just around the corner.

Isn't it how everything moves - in that cyclical pattern - well, we generally move in a linear pattern of growing in our Faith and recieving the strengthening of that hope and joy that comes from God. But there is backsliding or sadness or dry spells in our faith. It is indeed cyclical in the fact that we move back, but God pulls us forward. Once we feel the hand of God moving us, and the Spirit coming alive, it is like the waning of winter - outside it's still a bit cold and dreary and snowy and devoid of leaves and flowers and such, but there is that hope of spring... renewed by the water of the cistern that won't run dry.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The Darkness of Grief, the Glory of God

So, last night I found out my great aunt died. I helped my other aunt who is developmentally disabled by just listening to her and somewhat playing 'quasi - grief counselor' and chaplan because I started to explain how God could help her. I ended up writing her a note about how God listenes to her, God will help her through her sadness and God would take care of her.

Anyway, I went home and read Psalm 138. I wrote that down in longhand in my journal. David praised God no matter what. Even when he was lowly, he remembered God remembered him. Even when he was downcast, God was there. I wrote this in my journal:

Creator of Life
Author of our faith

Abba Father
Holding the world
in Your hand

The same hand bled
For payment demanded
By your justice

The same hand wipes
Away our tears
our shame

In Your presence we
Lack no good thing

In Your presence
Crying I will sing
In Your presence
I know You are good.

I did a lot of crying. Just remembering everything from the summer and having added this fresh wound. Yet, I knew God was with me. God was there, and yet, through my tears, I was still praising Him. Anyway, I started to understand what the words 'abandoned to Your praise' meant. It meant that nothing else mattered or, that circumstances wouldn't hinder my priase to God. I can still praise God in sadness. Sadness is not absence of praise, only a reflection of a broken heart.

Then, I started crying again. Not because of the grief. But because God has chosen to use me. Grieving, struggling with the same sins me. He allows things to happen to refine me. He refines me as I come to Him for healing, and the refinement brings about the reflection of my faith to the world which brings glory back to God.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Winter Break

So, winter break is a break from all things school! Homework, exams, pop - quizzes, papers, you name it! It's also a break from seeing your friends every day, going to their rooms when bored, freedom you have in college, high - speed internet (in my case), and from life in my little Christian bubble I call D - Team and other Christian friends.

The break from Ft. Collins is challenging me to live for God as if I was still in Ft. Collins. Meaning, consistent quiet times, spiritual conversations, and thoughts that dwell on and honor God must go on. Most times, when I am in Denver, I don't connect with God because I don't have as many opportunities to stay in touch with other Believers and get saturated with Christianity as I do in my Christian bubble.

However, that has changed this break. I have been more consistent with my quiet times, praying, and spiritual conversations. IM - ing Believers and calling them helps too :) I realized that I didn't need my Christian bubble to keep me on the right track. Staying in God's word and delighting in Him whether I'm surrounded by Believers or not is what keeps me in check. I keep consistency, not to keep a clean slate with God, but because it is my constant act of worship - the 'sacrifice of Praise' Paul talks about in Hebrews 13, it is how I connect to the Spring of Living Water because I feel it when it starts to run low, and I have seen it seem to dry up in some Believers and I don't want that to happen to me.

"Through Jesus, let us therefore, continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise -the fruit of lips that confess His name." Heb 13:15