The Mommy Blog Post

This little man takes up my "free time" when I get home from work and on weekends. His cute little picture begins my "mommy blog post." His big brother will get a post to himself soon :) but right now, little Mr. Matthew takes up most of my time.

Here he is eating a cracker while I eat my food (and then put some dishes in to soak.)

 At one point, my goal was to write a blog post every week. Well, that didn't happen for two reasons. The first is that I thought my life didn't have any noteworthy (or should I say blogworthy) events to write about.

These last eight months, I got up during the night to feed my little guy, got myself ready for work and little man ready to go to Grandma's house for the day, went to work during the day, came home, fed little guy and did chores, then went to bed before getting up during the night to tend to little guy. In between all this, I spent time catching up with hub's day, keeping up on social media (mostly during my morning and evening commutes), and doing other random stuff such as writing in the baby book and doing errands. Hubs and I run errands together if he's home, or if I am able, I take the bus and light rail with my little guy if we're only getting a few things from the store.

The second reason I didn't blog much is because I didn't have time, and still don't really have time to blog. Right now, I  have dishes soaking in the sink, bottles soaking in the second bathroom sink, and the baby clothes / towels / burp cloths / bibs / items baby has spat up on laundry basket is full.

Yet, when I take a step back from all that, I realize my life now is an answered prayer to all the prayers my college student and young college grad self prayed during the lonely nights in the dorms and various apartments.

I wanted a husband, but I thought I was too messed up, not loving God enough, and not being obedient enough to earn the blessing of a Christian man pursuing a relationship with me.

I thought having or adopting kids would be a neat experience, but again, I needed a husband to do that and I also didn't know if I was healed enough from my past to take on the emotional responsibility of raising kids. Sure, I worked with kids in a volunteer capacity at my church, but raising them is so different.

Yet, God did His thing and here I am as a stepmom to a 12 year old boy and a mom to an 8 month old. I'm also a "working parent." At some point, I did want to be a stay at home mom, but I was raised to believe that being a mom who worked outside the home was just fine, and actually couldn't be avoided. I still like my job and my paycheck is necessary at this point. Maybe my house isn't as tidy as the homes of my friends and family members who don't work outside the home, but I've co see that we all love our kids equally.

I also realize that God really does give each of us more energy than we thought we had on our own. Sometimes I'm tired from work and want to snooze, but God gives me the energy to play with and crawl after my baby. Most mornings, I walk into work tired, but Praise Jesus for the law firm's coffee machine! God gives me the brain power to be coherent, especially that first hour at my desk.

When I take a step back from the day in and day out of my life, I am reminded that so many others want my life. I still have friends who are waiting for husbands and married friends who are waiting to conceive or adopt children. Realizing that my life is a gift is a reminder to pray for my friends who are waiting for these things. Prayer is not just "Oh, I hope someday they get these things and be happy." but prayer is asking God, on my friend's behalf, for His power to come into her life to either help her draw close to Him while she waits and, if it's His will, to provide my friend the blessing she's asked for in His timing and for His purposes.

Thinking about my life in that more complete perspective reminds me that my husband and I dedicated Matthew at church in February and promised to raise him to know Christ so that one day, by God's grace, he would accept Jesus as his savior and live out the Great Commission: Love God, Love People for Christ. Even at the crawling, bottles, burping, and diapers stage of Matthew's life, I can pray for him and the act of loving him will make him familiar with love so he will more fully understand God's true love.

All these things make the seemingly mundane tasks of chores, caring for a baby, and other tasks of being a working mom significant and yes, even blog post worthy.

The Question that made me go "huh."

Last Friday, the boys, hubs, and I were at the Kids' Night of Worship (NOW) at Southeast. We thought Daniel would enjoy it since it was geared more toward kids. Matthew enjoyed looking at all the lights in the room, the kids and stage crew dancing, and the music. Daniel did more watching than participating, but that's his style. I've learned that Daniel does participate by observation even if he isn't actively involved.

Anyway, the youth pastor asked the kids if they could fill in the blank. "The one thing God wants us to do is ________." Daniel looked at me and I asked him if he knew it. He shrugged, but my mind filled in the blank with "Obey and know the Truth."

The pastor followed up by saying, "The one thing God wants us to do is believe."

What? Daniel was still thinking about the answer, but my answer wasn't what the pastor had said. Granted, the sermon was geared toward kids ages 5 - 14, but still, he had to boil theology down to the very basics, and God wanting us to believe is a very basic piece of theology.

"Jesus answered, 'The work of God is this: to believe in the one He has sent." John 6:29 (NIV)

Well, there ya go. But that makes sense. We believe in God and then we worship in spirit and in Truth because Christ is the way, the Truth and the Light. We also obey because we believe and are connected to Christ who transforms us (John 15:5, Romans 12:1-2).

So, if belief is the core component of theology, why did I automatically think of "truth" and "obey" as the things God wants the most from us? Or, the Hermione Granger part of my brain asks, "Why did I get the question only partially right, or at the very worst, wrong?"

And why does it matter? It matters because of the little guy that was my arms and the little guy young middle schooler standing next to me that evening. As Matthew's mom and as Daniel's stepmom, I have an influence on their faith and they look to me for spiritual guidance (Ok, Daniel does. Matthew just likes snuggles in church for now). If I want to guide them down the right path, I have to have a solid foundation myself.

Why is it easier to say God wants us to obey and know Truth than it is to say that God wants us to believe? Well, there are rewards for obedience and the Hermione Granger in us enjoys the recognition that comes with knowing something well. Obedience can be measured: I was patient the last three times I waited in line. My co-worker jabbered my ear off again and I didn't snap at her. Knowledge is measurable: I memorized half a chapter today. Belief is less measurable. You either believe that Christ died for our salvation and rose from the dead to give us new life, or you don't. Belief can be demonstrated in outward signs such as baptism, character growth, and good works, but it is definitely harder to grasp.

I think from a developmental standpoint, it's easier to explain to kids that God wants us to be kind, so share your toys, God made the world in six days and on the seventh He rested. These are easier for kids with less abstract thought to digest. I think that's why we start with these. Those aren't wrong, but I could see why a kid would see "obey" and "know Truth" as foundational if they were introduced to those ideas first and then salvation by grace as a gift of God's love as an added bit of truth. I think I was raised in a church that leaned a bit more toward obedience and knowledge as a means to come to God and His grace was less emphasized.

As a parent, I must remind both boys that Jesus loves them and always start there.

Daniel has accepted the basic premise of salvation and chose to be baptized a few weeks ago as a symbol that he accepted Christ's death on the cross for his sins and has been brought to new life in His resurrection. Daniel will understand this truth and all its implications as he develops greater abstract thought, learns more about his faith, and connects with God in deeper ways. I want to facilitate this connection as much as I want to give him little nuggets of theology to learn, and again, that starts with reminding Daniel that Jesus loves him.

Little Matthew's church experience is purely sensory: the lights from the stage, the music, hearing different people talk, but I whisper to him that Jesus loves him. My hope is that some of his early memories, among those of a warm loving home, are those of his parents telling him that God loves him and that will plant the seeds for him to seek out and accept God's love as he gets older.

Lord, help me to grow deeper in knowing Your love and Your grace so that I may grow closer to You. Please use me to draw the boys closer to You as that is my prayer for their lives.

Three Months Raising a Baby

 

Well on September 7, 2016, Matthew was born! Since then, he keeps me busy with his feedings, diaper changes, and play or snuggle time.

My maternity leave was four weeks long, but I have been able to work at home two days a week for these past two months, so I am very grateful to my employer for that! I'm also thankful for my baby slings that my friends gave me for a baby shower because little Matthew can snuggle against me while I sit at my laptop and work.

Everyone asks me how I like being a mom. Well, I've been a stepmom for two years and I like that, but I think being a full time mom to Matthew is nice too. I will be glad when I can sleep through the night because he has outgrown the need for midnight snacks, I like holding him and recently I've been treated to his little smiles after meals or when I talk to him. Do I enjoy that? Oh yes, I do!

Daniel is a really good big brother! He pushes Matthew in his stroller when all my guys and I go on outings and he keeps Matthew company in the back seat of the car. I make sure to chat with Daniel specifically about his life and that's easy when Matthew is dozing in my arms. I can just sit on the couch or in the living room and chat with my stepson.

Is life perfect with Matthew? Nope. Sometimes he fusses when we put him in his bassinet because he'd rather be held, and sometimes he spits up or wets or soils an outfit that I just put him in. Thankfully, he has not had bouts of colic or anything where he cries for hours. He just fusses when he's hungry or when Bri-Bri or I must put him down to sleep or to attend to something.

Anyway, that's my update!

6 months of growing a human!

Well, I've been away from the blogsphere for a while, but for a good excuse! 

In February, I found out that I was pregnant. I was home from work due to an epic snowstorm and I thought, "Well, I've been feeling a bit off lately, I wonder if there's something up with me." So, I took a pregnancy test and lo and behold, it came back positive. 

Bri-Bri was sweet and understanding when I told him even when I was scared. He reminded me that God was in control. He also was excited and asked me if I felt excited. Honestly, my first response was that my mom would worry about us being unprepared for parenthood. Good friends reminded me that no one is really prepared and that made me feel a little better :)  

Bri-Bri made me smile even on rough days!

The First Trimester

Growing a human and riding the light rail don’t always play well together, as in I got motion sickness the first few times I rode the light rail after eating a normal breakfast. After I began eating more of my breakfast at work, I wasn’t disembarking the train and running to the nearest trash can.

Thanks to being nauseous, I didn't eat much, so I slept a lot. Bri-Bri was sweet and would come in an check on me as I burrowed under the covers. Even before I got my visible bump, he was already telling me how strong I was with growing a baby and how proud he was of me taking care of the baby by eating healthy (when I could) and taking my prenatal vitamins.

The first trimester was also the time I worried a lot. I told my mom that she would be a grandma and she was a bit worried about how we’d manage with a baby and with Daniel and living in a 2 bedroom place with no 3 bedroom house or apartment lined up in  the near future. Bri-Bri assured me that we would begin looking for a place and if not, he was already brainstorming on where we could fit a little crib in our room. 

So, basically, I was nauseous, tired, and worried during a lot of my first trimester.

However, I still had happy moments. Seeing lil’ baby on the eight week ultrasound was pretty cool! It looked like a little lump, so for about four weeks, it had the nick-name “baby lump” or “lumpy.” Bri-Bri could see where its little heart was beating because he saw a flashing dot on our little lump that the nurse pointed out was a little heart.

Second Trimester

The nausea went away woo hoo!!! More importantly, we got to see baby at the 12 week ultrasound! It was moving around a bit and I thought I saw it opening and closing its little hands. It moved in response to Bri-Bri speaking and that was super cute! At 16 weeks, we heard the little heart beat!

Also at 16 weeks, I started to get a “bitty baby bump” which Bri-Bri quickly nick-named the baby “bip.” He would talk to it when he would kiss my stomach and that was really sweet!

At about 20 weeks, I occasionally felt little flutters and thumps happening beneath my belly-button. Baby was moving and from then on, I have felt more frequent thumps or wiggles or little movements in there.

At the 24 week ultrasound, we found out our little baby boy was healthy! The first thing I said to Bri-Bri when the tech told us that we were having a boy was, “You’re teaching him to go potty, dear.” Daniel’s face was priceless when we told him because he was grinning and it was way too cute!

Entering the Third Trimester

Most notably, our little guy is on the move a lot more. Even as I type this blog post, I feel him bumping against the edge of my  computer which is gently resting on my (shrinking) lap and his little home. Yesterday we got to hear his heartbeat again. The obstetrician said both he and I were healthy!

I am also hungry a lot more. Case in point, I’m snacking on some wheat bread and peanut butter before dear Hubby warms up some Marie Calendar lasagna. Little guy needs fuel for his last in utero growth spurt!

Bri-Bri, Baby boy bump, and I!

Hopes and dreams for our little guy! 

Obviously, our hope is that he comes to faith in Christ and accepts Christ for his salvation. My hope is that he can come to us and other trusted adults with questions as he gets older and figures out what it means to have a belief system and code of ethics etc. 

I hope that he understands the power of resilience. As much as Bri-Bri and I would like to, we can't shield him from the hardships in this world. We hope that he wouldn't have any major catastrophes in childhood or in any stage of life that would impact his development later on, but we can't protect him from everything. Bri-Bri and I can share how our hardships tested our faith in God and gave us an opportunity to see Him work even in the hard times. We can also share how God has used us to help others who were going through similar hard times. We can show him that struggles in life can lead to someone being more empathetic. Of course, if he needs to vent about his situation or just needs a hug, we're there too! 

We both hope he sees Daniel as a good big brother and role model as Daniel will be 12 a few months after the baby is born. I also hope that I can maintain my connection with Daniel as his stepmom and reassure him that I don't love him any less even though I didn't carry him in me. During one conversation, I told Daniel that I carried him in my heart in a way once Bri-Bri and I were engaged because I knew he would become my stepson. That "carried in my heart" phrase was borrowed from a sappy adoption related pin on Pinterest, but hey, it's cool! 

Of course, as middle class American parents, we want our little guy to get a good education, make wise decisions about college (don't get into crazy student loan debt, choose a course of study that will make you happy and make you an income), and become financially independent. He doesn't have to be making six-figures, but we'd like him to be able to pay his bills, save for retirement, and provide for a family as a primary or equal breadwinner. 

Speaking of family, we'd be overjoyed to be at his wedding where he has found the love of his life, but we hope we can convince him to wait on God's timing and to find a spouse that truly loves him for who he is and I know Bri-Bri would want to teach him how to be a good spouse too. If he wanted to date someone who already had kids, I'd have input on how to love the kids of the person you love and how to trust God to grow your heart for their little family. 

Trusting God with this little guy's life and being a parent is going to be challenging, but God will give us grace, and all my parent friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents, inlaws, and my mom would all say it is worth it! 

Psalm 1

Hubs and I are both starting our Psalm Journals: reflections on the Psalms and about how King David brought his feelings before the throne room of God. 

I had been looking for a way to journal them, and now here it is! I can update my content and do my quiet time all at once YAY! 

Ahem..

Psalm 1:

Psalm 1 reads more like an instruction list or advice column instead of one pouring out his heart to God. However, when I think about it, emotions are behind one's motivation to give instructions. 

When I instruct Daniel about social skills or when I help him solve a problem on his Wii or while doing his homework, I feel the need to share an important nugget of truth to make Daniel's life better. King David probably felt that sense of responsibility. Especially if he wrote Psalm 1 for his son, he would express love by instructing his son on how to live. True leaders that give the nation advice during an inaugural address or State of the Union feel a responsibility and love of sorts to their citizens; they wish to lead them on a path that will enrich their lives.

David urged his son (if he was writing to Solomon), and his constituents (being a King after all) to follow God. He wanted his son to see that as utmost importance. Therefore, he felt this sense of urgency to tell him to keep God at the center of his life and look to His word for guidance. 

A few weeks ago, I felt a deep longing for Daniel to know God. I was standing near Daniel during worship at Southeast while singing "Jesus Loves Me" by Chris Tomlin. I wanted Daniel to know that Jesus loved him just like Bri-Bri and I were proclaiming that He loved us. I sang, "Jesus, He loves you, He loves you, He is for you." and put my hand on Daniel's heart while giving him a hug. Sweet Bri-Bri did the same :) :) Together we felt this deep longing for Daniel to know this Truth, and I believe David wanted his people and his children to understand the importance of Yahweh being central in their lives. 

How did David bring this to God? Well, he recognizes God as "Lord" the more personal name for God, and he probably prayed for his people and his children to know God and walk with Him. 

In that same way, we can bring our longing for others to know Christ to God as well. We can pray for their salvation and we can listen to God's prompting as He uses us to speak truth into others' lives. 

For sweet Bri-Bri and I, we can lift Daniel up in prayer that he would know God, and we could listen for God's wisdom in how to speak to his young heart that his Creator, his Savior - the ultimate Superhero loves him and laid down His life so that he may live and love God.  

Before the Throne

Tonight I fixed dinner for my stepson and I while my Bri-Bri was in class. This wasn't my first time getting a meal together for Daniel and I because I have spent the day or evening with him while Bri-Bri did his internship last fall.

Anyway, as I sat down with my dinner, Daniel held out his hands for us to pray. I prayed for our dinner and thanked God for the day and added a little prayer request for my mom since she was recovering from a minor illnesss.

As we ate, we talked about random things. Afer Daniel ate, he played on his Wii.  I watched him while doing dishes and I thought more about his gesture for us to pray together. Being the observant 10 year old  he is, he probably notices that I like it when my Bri-Bri prays for us and we hold hands.

Maybe Daniel wanted us to pray because that was the normal thing we all did before dinner.

Maybe he wanted to because he knew that I enjoyed praying and holding his and Bri-Bri's hand.

Maybe he wanted to connect with God.

Of course, his reasons could be a mix of all three.  Even if he sees prayer as routine or as something that makes his stepmom smile, he still willingly joins Bri-Bri and/or I as we approach God in prayer.

The song "Before the Throne of God Above" came to my head, specifically the version from Shane and Shanes "Pages".  As I thought about it, I smiled. Daniel, like his namesake, comes before the throne room of God. Even though he tells us that sometimes he doesn't think God is real and that is why he finds church a bit boring, he sees that we value praying. And I believe that God is tugging on his soul even if he is unaware of it. As one doesn't simply walk into Mordor, one cannot simply walk into the throne room of God and not be afffected.

Daniel's gesture tonight of wanting me to pray for our meal encouraged me to continue praying that God would reveal Himself more and more to Daniel. I pray that each time Daniel approaches God in prayer - from simple mealtimme prayers to prayers about his family to his own wondering about God - that God becoomes more real. I pray that Daniel sees God as the Magnificent Savior and Creator on His Throne, and that he knows he can approach that throne with grace and mercy because that King sympathizes with us and gives us grace in our weaknesses.

I pray that Daniel will one day approach the throne of God and declare that Christ is his Savior.

Before the throne of God above
I hae a strong and perfect plea
A great high priest who's name is love
Who ever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on his hands
My name is written on his heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart

Hallelujah Halleujah
Praise the One
Risen Son of God

Proverbs 5 Just Got Real

Today's reading in the Southeast reading guide was Proverbs 5 where Solomon was instructing his son to listen to wisdom. Before I became a stepmom, I would read this and know the importance of wisdom. 

Today, as I read the words, "My son..." I looked over at my step-son who was knocking out bad guys with The Hulk on his Wii-U. I thought of Solomon writing these words as he watched his son and suddenly Proverbs 5 took on a whole other meaning. 

My guys ready to save the day on Halloween! 

If Daniel values wisdom, he will make good choices as he grows up. He will listen to God, the source of wisdom. He will not waste his time and money on things that do not matter. 

I paused as I read the bit about adultery and thought about how teenage boys can be enticed by seeing bad things on the internet and even hypersexualized TV and movies. Daniel is a sweet stepson, kind to his cousins who are girls, and likes making his baby sister at his mom's house giggle. I prayed Daniel would keep that kindness and respect for women as he gets older and not see them only as objects. My sweet Bri-Bri is teaching him how to be a good man, and that is something I am very thankful that Daniel has in his life. 

When reading the bit where Solomon instructs his son to love the wife of his youth, I prayed that Daniel would find a wife that would love him for who he is and be his helpmate. 

Proverbs isn't a list of wise things to note. Proverbs is a letter from a father to a son. Solomon loved his son and wanted the best for him, so he wrote Proverbs to instruct him. I love Daniel and want him to know God and follow Him. That is why I prayed the words of Proverbs 5 over him today. 

Mentor

I just got home from a day at the zoo with Boaz and his son Bobby*. Boaz has Bobby for Spring Break before he goes back to Pennsylvania. Boaz sees Bobby over the summers and school breaks. This is the same boy who may get tested for Asperger Syndrome later. 

*Name changed for purposes of this blog.

As I was preparing to meet Bobby, I did some research on how people come into the role of step-parent. This might become a reality in my life if/when Boaz and I get married. I asked God what He would want for me as a step-parent of a kid with Asperger Syndrome. I knew from my HDFS classes that I wold come alongside Boaz and continue to allow him be the primary parent as far as rule-setting and such. 

One thought that kept coming to me was one word: Mentor 

Image from Google Images

I could be a mentor to Bobby as a) someone who loves Boaz and wants to support him in his parenting and b) as a significant adult in Bobby's life who also happens to have an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I know somewhat about where Bobby is coming from. Of course, I need to know him as a person first, and that will come over time. But even today, I would notice that he really liked this gravel pit with large pebbles. I said, "That feels really cool on your hands, huh?" Because I knew it was a sensory thing. I also asked him, "You can't stop thinking about those chair-lifts, can you?" Because he had a pretty strong one-track mind about that until Boaz took him and I on the chair-lifts over the zoo. 

Bobby let me hold his hand to get off of the chair-lift and let me help him with his ice-cream. He asked Boaz if I was going to be around tomorrow, and Boaz explained that I would be celebrating Easter with my family and they would celebrate with theirs. 

Tonight, I was hit with the reality that God had been preparing my heart to be this eight year old boy's mentor for a long time. I was a nanny to some kids for two summers a while back and I've learned how to bond with kids that were not biologically or legally mine. Finally, I've had a longing to be an example to others on the Autism Spectrum ever since I got my diagnosis and went to two of Temple Grandin's lectures. 

God works in mysterious but awesome ways. I continue to pray that as I grow closer to Boaz and Bobby, that God would continue preparing my heart for the most important mentoring job I will probably have: Helping the man I love parent and show Christ to his son, and show this boy that God allows us to triumph over challenges He has allowed in our lives. 

Just a little bit of history repeating

I know of an elementary school aged boy who has recently had a diagnosis of an attention deficit disorder (ADD or ADHD), but one of his caregivers believes he has something on the autism spectrum. When I heard of his tentative diagnosis, I thought about how I wasn't diagnosed with my autism spectrum disorder (ASD) until age 27, and I felt sad that this little guy might travel down the same path. 

Right now he stands at a crossroads if he indeed has an autism spectrum disorder. 

His educators and other caregivers could evaluate how he does with  interventions geared toward individuals with attention deficits, see if he still needs to be evaluated for other learning disabilities, and refer him to a specialist to test him for ASD. If he indeed has an ASD, he could then receive interventions for that and learn how to adapt to his world. He could have a better quality of life than I did at his age because he would have caregivers and teachers that understood the workings of his brain and use that understanding to him thrive in the world. 

On the other hand, he could get the attention deficit diagnosis, but the intervention might not work because the ASD was missed. He could go through school wondering why he isn't achieving to the level that his intelligence would indicate. He could spend much of his life wondering what he was doing wrong and why he isn't able to act normal. A mentor could help him develop his talents, but he might not get the help he needs if his ASD isn't recognized. This path is harder and he would be more vulnerable to emotional wounds inflicted by caregivers, peers, and teachers that don't understand him. He could self inflict his wounds by constantly telling himself that he is not good enough, he can 'never get it together,' and that he should know better every time he runs into a social mishap. I have walked this path, and I pray desperately that he will not have to. 

However, I do not think he will not walk my same path. Teachers are more aware of Asperger Syndrome and high functioning autism and may pick up that he has it sooner or later. If he indeed has an ASD, hopefully it will be picked up before he enters college. More importantly, this boy has a loving father that loves God. Even though he lives across the country from this child, this father  shares God's love and hope with this child every chance he gets. This boy has heard God's truth and has people praying for him that he doesn't even know. If this child sees God as real in his life and knows God is the one who made him and knows that God is the Creator who made him just the way he is, this boy will not go down my path. This boy's path may still be challenging. However, because of God's grace, this boy's path may be filled with hope. 

It can all be lost in a generation

In 2nd Chronicles 10-12, Rehoboam is king over Judah and has a very different reign than Solomon. Jeroboam is king over Israel and the David / Solomon's kingdom is divided into Israel and Judah. Rehoboam institutes harsh laws regarding forced labor causing the Israelites to rebel against him. He nearly went to war against Israel, but God had told him not to. So he settled in the regions of Judah and Benjamin. Rehoboam still maintained the Levitical religious practices and so the Levites came to Jerusalem and continued practicing there. They walked in the ways of David and Solomon (Ch 11:16-17).  Unfortunately, the king of Egypt attacks Jerusalem and takes all the gold and treasure that Solomon had built up through his reign. 

When I read that the gold and treasure had been taken in that one raid only a generation after Solomon's reign, I was struck at how in one generation, nearly everything can be lost. Of course, this could be speaking financially because the economy of Judah probably took a hit (oh no! RECESSION!!), but spiritually, the country was not what it was. The people  of Judah probably had a harsh view of the king due to his laws on forced labor, and they probably thought he was weak in terms of foreign policy as Egypt invaded their land. This is so different from how they viewed David and Solomon where they praised God because of their reigns. In one generation, nearly everything spiritually was lost. Rehaboam may have outwardly kept the Levitical practices, but he did not truly follow God because in Chapter 12 verse 5, a prophet tells Rehaboam, “This is what the Lord says, ‘You have abandoned me; therefore, I now abandon you to Shishak [King of Egypt].’”

Me being me, when I think about generations, I think about kids. A parents' strong faith is not necessarily passed down to the children. A closer look at Solomon reveals that he was slipping a bit. Rehaboam's mother was an Ammorite, and in 1 Kings 11:12, God states: “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Solomon had epic amounts of wives, which is weird. Anyway, David walked with God and he messed up, but he passed down enough to Solomon that Solomon didn't completely mess up. Children's faith is positively correlated with their parents' faith usually. We talked about it at Hope Crossing this last Sunday as a matter of fact. They haven't got the message up yet, but they talked about it. 

It goes back to childhood socialization principles. Kids see how their parents live out their worldview and they copy it first in behavior and then internalize the philosphy of the parents once they are capable of abstract thought. 

Something I think about is that if I have kids, I must guard my faith while praying and encouraging Prince Charming to guard his so he can lead the household in the ways of God. We would not ultimately save our kids - that is Jesus' job, but we will play a vital role in showing what faith looks like to the future generation. We must always pray that God in His mercy passes down the faith to the next generation. 

Hurting for a Little Person

Yesterday at church, I turned into a GIANT TEARDROP when I was talking to this girl Emily who's a nurse at University of Colorado Hospital. I asked her if the pediatric oncology program was comparable to the adult oncology in terms of their research. When she asked why I said, "Well because.... [insert me as a giant tear drop] this little girl at Summitview needs to go to Children's to be treated for cancer. [more of me being a giant tear drop]" Thankfully Emily said that the pediatric cancer program is very rigorous in their research and the whole oncology program is very good and works together well. That gave me hope for this little lady.  

Yeah. I read on my friend's blog post about it. That made me very very very VERY (did I say very) sad because I've been a Sunday school teacher for this little girl's older sisters, and my friends know the family very well. I've been to their house several times, and this little girl has been at my friends' weddings, bridal showers, and other events. I've had moments this week and last week when I would cry :( :( :( Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that something like this would happen to the family my friends and I (and all of Summitview) absolutely adores. 

:'''''''''''''''''( 

Yet what is super-encouraging about all this is how this little girl's mother is dealing with it. Even though her daughter has recently been diagnosed with cancer, 

She continually points to the sovereignty, goodness, and sustaining grace of their Creator Savior, and God. 

This is a gift. This little girl will see her mother's faith as they endure her sickness. I believe this little girl will pray with her mother when she is ill and her mother will remind her of the promises of her Savior through it all. 

This is an incredible gift at such a young age. For a little person to be made aware of the reality of who her God is during a health-crisis will continue to affect her development profoundly as she grows. 

Even though I'm a giant tear drop because I wish this little girl didn't have to endure a major medical crisis - cancer - and all that comes along with it, I realize how incredibly blessed she is to have a family that will love her and continually point her to Christ during this time. 

A Legit Career Path

One thing about being in Symbio, is almost everyone is asking, "Ok, what do I want to do when I grow up?" Yes, many of us have bachelor degrees and several years of work experience under our belts. But the question we are asking is this: What do we want our resume to look like long term given our education, experience, and things we're passionate about? 


One of my friends asked the Facebook world what she should be when she grows up. The overwhelming response was missionary and/or mother. At first when I looked at her question, I thought, "What career path would suit my friend the most?" But then I thought, "I think she should be a mom because a) she's wanted to be one since she could stand independently, and b) caregiving and supporting parents is something she is very passionate about. So, why not just give her a bunch of kids to mother and lead to Jesus?" 


Her question made me see that I'm seeing motherhood as having the same validity as a vocation as something such as paralegal, occupational therapist, engineer, scientist, teacher, etc. No, it's not listed in the Occupational Outlook Handbook that the Bureau of Labor Statistics publishes, but when I think about it, one could write a very detailed job description for a full-time parent, specifically a stay-at-home mother. Note, fathers also provide care and guidance in their way, but  the vocation of a stay at home mother is examined here. 

Cute picture thanks to Google Images!! 

Job Title: Caregiver / Teacher / Minister to Children / Home Manager. Job title often consolidated to Wife and Mother. Stay At Home Mother (SAHM) is also an appropriate title. 

Essential Duties: 
*Provide developmentally appropriate care to children of various ages within a home and community setting. 
*Model and instruct children in knowing the Truth of the Bible and the Person of Jesus
*Provide developmentally appropriate instruction in living skills, social skills, and provide developmentally appropriate educational opportunities. This may include homeschooling. 
*Perform appropriate home management tasks such as maintaining a budget, purchasing groceries, and developing meal plans. 
*Perform household chores including cleaning and cooking and instruct children in performing chores appropriate to their developmental level
*Engage children emotionally and cognitively in creative activities in the home and community
*Discpline children using developmentally appropriate and Biblical principles 
*Assess and monitor children's health and respond to routine and/or emergency situations accordingly. 
*Support spouse in his working role and his role of spiritual leader of the household 


Minimum Education: Formal training in consumer/family sciences courses at high school or college level recommended, Informal training including prior caregiving experience with children and/or Bibically based parenting course offered within a faith community strongly encouraged and recommended


*Note: even if minimum educational requirements are met, continuing education in informal and formal settings  is mandatory for the success of this position. 


Minimum Qualifications:
*Possess a willingness to learn principles of caregiving and child-development from observation and/or traditional teaching methods. 
*Actively be pursuing a growing relationship and dependence on God to complete the duties of this position in His strength. 
*Must be willing to accept correction from peers and spouse for duration of position. 
*Maintaining and improving consistency in reading the Bible and applying Biblical practices to daily job duties


Right. This was written from the perspective of a Human Development and Family Studies graduate, hence the emphasis on child development throughout. 


But yeah. It looks nearly like a job description on job boards. And it is certainly as complex as many paying vocations. The position of Wife and Mother of course falls within the human services sector. It also has aspects of management, clerical, educational, health-care and service sector positions. That means there are a TON of transferable skills that someone could gain in paid work before transitioning into the role of full-time mother. 


So is it a legit vocation? TOTALLY!!!!!!!! 


What does that mean for those of us that are not parents (yet?) This means, we can support current parents in prayer and by babysitting children if families ask us. This also means, we should think about how to do this job description. Note, in all things, we should rely on God's strength, but developing these practical skills would be helpful too. And lastly, we can encourage the parents around us and thank them for being the example we can follow if God indeed does lead us into full-time parenting as a vocation :) 

When a Desire Resurfaces

I'm in the house of Summitview nerdlings (children of parents who are both enginerds) watching them for an evening.  We ended the evening of Lego robot demonstrations and Star Wars Wii with a Bible study.  I won't lie,  it felt weird teaching a passage to kids outside of a classroom setting and in a different age group than what I'm used to. 


But when I was done,  I felt an odd feeling: the desire to be a Christian parent.  Yup.  You read right!! The spectrumite who until recently assumed she would neeeeeever marry because a certain famous spectrumite never did is rethinking all that.

Here are my feelings on all this:

Why do I want to get married all of a sudden?  Because what if God really DOES have an earthly man who gets me enough to want to tie the knot?  It would make me happy.  The adjustment would take getting used to, but I would be less scared knowing said guy would be there to help too!  Plus nerdlings are so cute!!!!  God, if I with copious COPIOUS amounts of Your help raise a future scientist, doctor,  or professor who wants to reach academia for Jesus, that would be SOOOOOO COOOOOOL!  And even if I pop out super-nerdlings (spectrumites) I'd understand them and they'd understand me and that would be cool!!!! 
I still want a career and I'm not ready to rely fully on a guy to support myself + progeny.  I like the idea of me relying on myself (somewhat since God ultimately provides) putting money in the bank.  I also like the single life: roommate dinners, eating ice cream for dinner and leftovers for breakfast (sometimes). But I am opening up again to see that I still think it would be cool to raise the next generation of. Christians. Not as the ultimate HDFS badge of "you made it!!!!!!" But if that is how God wants to show His power through limited people :):)

Obedience through the generations (Jeremiah 35)

God is impressing upon me that my obedience now and trust in Him now affects not just me but the next generations. This often makes me go "!?!?!" in my head because so often I think of my own life and relationships in the present and do not have a long-term outlook on generations after me. That seems odd for someone involved in Children's Ministry, but mankind is still egocentric in varying degrees after the fall (Romans 3:23) I am no exception.


A while back I read Psalm 48. It is about God's protection over Zion. Verses 12 - 14 really hit me:Walk about Zion, go around her, number her towers, consider well her ramparts, go through her citadels, that you may tell the next generation that this is God, our God forever and ever. He will guide us forever.

God gave me that verse to remind me that as I trust Him for provision and continued protection, this lays the foundation for me to tell the next generation - my children if that is God's will, or children He places in my care at Summitview or elsewhere - that God is real. Allowing God to use me to instill trust in Him as provider in their little hearts will keep them trusting in Christ no matter what happens. It will be easier for them to face trials because they would know in Whom they trust, they will not be like me who is still prone to going to deep despair. Will they doubt or worry? Sure. It's human nature, but I pray they will be prone to doing that less often as I have. Furthermore, they will have confidence not in circumstance or even in parents or other supportive adults as much as they will have trust in the Everlasting God.


I was reminded of that yet again in Jeremiah 35. The Rechabites helped turn a temple of Baal into a toilet (not kidding check out 2 Kings 10:18-25. I laughed super-hard when I read that.) Their descendants were nomads outside Jerusalem and came into the city when they were threatened by the Babylonian army. Jeremiah used them as an example of a people who were loyal to God generation after generation. Therefore he told them that God promised that someone from their line would always be in the service of God. Wow. That's like God promising Spurgeon that someone in the next generation would always be in ministry or be a pastor forever and ever and ever and... etc. That also struck me like, "What!?! That's sooooooooo coooooooool!!!!!!!!"

"... to the house of the Rechabites Jeremiah said, “Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: Because you have obeyed the command of Jonadab your father and kept all his precepts and done all that he commanded you, therefore thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: Jonadab the son of Rechab shall never lack a man to stand before me.” Jeremiah 35:18-19 God saves by grace alone and what I firstly have to do is pray for God to grow my children / the future generations' faith so that they accept Christ since it is by faith alone that they are saved (Ephesians 2:8-9). God also reminded me that one way He would grow the next generation is by the example of the current one.

Lord help me obey You. Complete the good work in which You started. Help me remain in You so that You can bear much fruit and be an example to the next generation. I can't do it myself, but Your spirit can. Thank You for grace when I can't obey and the sure reward for when I do. Thank You for giving me a heart for the next generation to praise Your name so that they would be under Your protection for more of their development.

The hardest parenting class ever

In undergrad, I slacked off during my HDFS parenting class in because I had the MCAT to study for. In graduate school, I took classes on parenting interventions and learned how parents (and society) can screw things up for kids, and how us interventionists were sent to fix them. Then during Infusion, I learned from amazing Christian parents how Christ can be their perfect interventionist so He flows out of their parenting in an imperfect world.

God decided that He would add a lab component to my "parenting classes." One of the single parents at church needed a nanny for 2 weeks before her two children (boy & girl, 6 & 5) went to school. My HDFS side began to start labelling them by socioeconimic status (SES), high or low risk, and began looking for possible defecits in the kids. This isn't necessarily wrong, but God reminded me to look at more than what my HDFS side could see, and view them not as 'cases' but as children in need of His care.

Thus has followed nearly 2 weeks of being their stand-in mom. I know I'm not perfect. More importantly, it's showing me how far my degree can go, and how much I need God's grace to cover the rest. For instance, today, the kids were tired and they wante to swim, and I wanted to wait until it was warmer outside. Thus tantruming more than usual ensued, and somewhat 'climaxed' into both kids getting sent to their room. I asked God what was the deal. What did He want to teach the kids and myself, and was I being power-hungry or really in the kids' best interest for not giving in. God revealed that they were learning patience and I was learning that even though I had to discipline and seemed mean, I could then give grace and repair the relationship. God gave me the verse from Hosea 6:1-2 where it basically says that God does tear down and injure temporarily, but in love because He is love (1 John 4:8) and that He repairs the relationship when His children come back. That is what happened. After the kids were done with time-out, I was able, through Christ, to love these kids and enjoy their company. I then prayed that the relationship was repaired.

However, the most important thing I have learned was that, unlike what the HDFS department teaches, I am not above the moms I serve. In fact, I still have a lot to learn. Just by serving me even though she can't pay for my services is teaching me about being creative with gratitude. And she has taught me that it's ok to be transparent about not having life or the Christian walk together, because it shows that God is truly active at the present. God has used the conversations before and after my hours to encourage me, and I pray to encourage her.

From this, I'm learning that parenting is rough. Laying in bed knowing another day is ahead of me, making the choice to parent in my flesh and HDFS knowledge or in Christ is one of the roughest decisions to make. However, God has shown me that loving the children through the love and grace He has first lavished on me and wishes to show these children is the best way. His love and grace will cover any of my mistakes, their times of disobedience, and hurts these children may experience in this world.

Power of a Pledge

This is a copy of an email that I sent to the AWANA leader and I wanted to post it because it's an amazing story that gives glory to God! :)

Subject: The power of the a pledge

Hi [Awana Leader] ! I had to tell you this story because it's amazing! Usually I don't think too much about the two pledges we say during flag time. However, last night, I realized that children really do learn the words, and I believe God can teach them even through this little ceremony. After flag time, we always have someone pray. Sometimes it's a teacher, sometimes it's one of the Cubbies. Yesterday, one of our little guys prayed and he kind of paused after 'Thank You for tonight and my mommy and my teachers...' he looked up and then said, "...teach boys and girls the Gospel of Christ and train them to serve Him. Amen."

I knew he got that directly from the AWANA pledge. My graduate student side of my brain knew he was echoing something he had inadvertently memorized. Yet, I know that the Holy Spirit helps us pray (Romans 8). And I truly believe that God led
this little boy to pray for all the children, including himself to learn the Gospel more and learn the Lord's way more. It was so amazing! I could've cried in happiness! They hear us pledge and they themselves obedience to God's Word each week, and I see that it truly grows a seed of faith that they know His ways are important and His Gospel is important.

Praise God for the foundation He is laying in their lives, even at
such a young age!

Childhood Obesssion

So, of course I had to post a blog about the Octuplets. There is more of an analysis of her story here. Something that struck me was that she wanted to have a large family to show these children love and support that she never had. Her mother had said that she had an obsession with children and wanting to care for many children.

That struck me, because, in a way, I am the same. Instead of taking in 14 children as my own, I have cared for many in the nursery, Sunday school, and various other church programs. I also really enjoyed my time at the Early Childhood Center at CSU. Part of the reason I am involved in working with children is to give them the love and care that I didn't have for the 1st two years of my life in an orphanage. For example, when I feed a baby (even when he spits up all over me!) I am grateful he gets this attention, because I know myself, and many other children from institutions were fed from bottles propped up on blankets, instead of being held.

Yet, this mother and I differ on one very important way. I ran to God and washed myself in His Word for healing. I turned to Him as my Husband. And I know that the children in my care are truly His. It is for His kingdom that I work and tell these children about Him. I am not firstly there for my needs, though my background influenced me to work with children. I am there because all children - all people need God as a Savior. I come to these children "in my brokenness complete" (Starfield - Unashamed). These children do not complete my brokenness. This is our difference, and I pray that God can do the same for this woman and her children what He did for me.

Little Feet Dancing on The Rock

I think I've brought this up in my blog before, but if not here goes: on Thursday nights, I leave the ivery tower of masters / PhD level HDFS musings and go into the trenches where I deal with 10-12 three and four year old children for two hours in a church program called AWANA. AWANA stands for Approved Workman Not Ashamed. It's a Bible memory program for children 2-18. Our church has the program for 3-12 year old children. My room is called the Cubbie room. These kids memorize 1 verse a week, and the verse is simplified to 4-10 words.

Last Thursday during story / teaching time, the lesson was on prayer. Two Thursdays before this, one of our Cubbies wasn't there due to several broken vertebre (his spinal cord remained intact). We had prayed for this little guy while he was away. Last Thursday, he was still absent, but his mother told me he was doing better. I asked my kids if they prayed. Most did. I asked them, "How many of you think prayer works." Some did, some didn't. I explained that God does answer prayer because their classmate was improving. They really liked that. I went over the Lord's prayer and explained line by line what it all meant.

Later, we were doing crafts and one girl drew a cross with Jesus on it. I asked her, "Why is Jesus on the cross?" She said, "Because He takes away our sins." I had to try really hard not to cry tears of happiness. Several other children imitated her and also drew a cross. Their answers were similar when I asked them what they were drawing.

As I go through my Thursday nights with these precious little children whether I am playing with them, correcting them (firmly but gently), teaching them, helping them with snack, bandaging or examining any 'boo-boos', wiping teary faces or runny noses, or singing with them I realize this: God is building a foundation for their lives which is Himself. He is putting their little feet on the Rock of His Son so that they can stand firm through whatever happens in their life if they choose to accept Him as Savior. When they are happy or sad, they can run to Him. Many of them are also in families that want to serve and grow in God, and that is such an amazing protective factor because God is the source of Truth and Love and will guide these little children and their parents.

The years before 1st grade are so crucial to development that I am always humbled that God is using me to affect these children for His kingdom at this critical stage in their lives. God and I were talking about this, and He has truly put me in an early interventionist role. Teaching them the Gospel through my words and how I treat them is the most benificial thing for the rest of their development.

God, I pray You be with these little children for the rest of their lives and grow them into strong adults who live to follow You every day! Amen :)