At some point recently I stumbled across a ministry called Boundless which is a young adults' ministry run by Focus on the Family. It has articles both for people in the Symbio and Rock demographics. A lot of the articles are about dating and preparing for marriage. Luckily there are also articles on college and career choices as well.
When skimming the site, I realized that I'm probably an outlier when it comes to the single world.
On this graph, I'd probably be in one of the end (light purple arrowed) categories. Boundless and even Symbio are probably geared toward the average and out to 1 standard deviation (within the orange arrows). Average being the average person in their mid 20's - mid 30's. Meaning, probably the average person has 4-5 years of post-secondary education, has had in 3-5 years of Summitview or church ministry involvement, and stands I'd say about a 70% chance of getting married before age 35.
Going by those statistics, I'd fall within 1 standard deviation.
But if the statistics were this: Average Symbio female has desired dating or DWAPing for 3-5 years, hopes to marry within 2 years of joining Symbio, and 30% have been in a previous relationship, than I'd be more of an outlier. If the statistics for both male and female were: 90% of the population has frequently prayed for a spouse within the past 6 months, than I'd DEFINITELY be an outlier.
*Note, these statistics were completely made up without me doing a formal study haha.*
I think I've finally settled that for now I've chosen singleness and honestly is really is because I'm on the autism spectrum. It's not because I feel less worthy than my neurotypical peers, but because I honestly don't think I could handle dealing with another person's emotions 24/7. Was seeing Dr. Grandin's path of life right after I got diagnosed a factor? Yup. But it wasn't the only factor. I've been thinking about it a lot.
So going back to the outlier thing, what am I to do when I realize that ministries like Boundless and to a lesser extent Symbio is geared toward the average population? One thing I remember is God does not treat me as if I'm outside of the statistical norm. He works with everyone individually - those within the average and those on the far sides of the bell curve. And the statistical norm isn't inherently better. It's just what it is. I have to remember that.
And finally, maybe I can find some other outlying friends, which I actually have. There are other people who are content with being single and aren't planning on getting married any time soon or agonizing over it. We can support each other and see how God wants us to work with and fit in to the rest of our local church family.
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing this! A lot of times I feel like I'm on the opposite end of the bell curve (though my nerdiness generally extends into areas other than mathematics, so I wouldn't have this analogy if I hadn't stolen it from you). I feel like marriage is definitely what God is calling me to--and considering it much more of a calling, a life mission, than a fun extra. Singleness is an equally valid calling, and without outliers on both sides fulfilling God's vision for their lives the work of the Kingdom could not continue and Christianity would soon be extinct.
My dearest friend, a man my age who has ASD and who lives in my home as a tenant, is a man I would marry...if he wanted marriage. But since he chooses not to go that direction, I will choose to be the best friend I can and simply enjoy his presence for as long as he chooses to live here.
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