Well, I've been away from the blogsphere for a while, but for a
good excuse!
In February, I found out that I was pregnant. I was home from work
due to an epic snowstorm and I thought, "Well, I've been feeling a bit off
lately, I wonder if there's something up with me." So, I took a pregnancy
test and lo and behold, it came back positive.
Bri-Bri was sweet and understanding when I told him even when I
was scared. He reminded me that God was in control. He also was excited
and asked me if I felt excited. Honestly, my first response was that my mom
would worry about us being unprepared for parenthood. Good friends reminded me that no one is really prepared and that made me feel a little better :)
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| Bri-Bri made me smile even on rough days! |
The First Trimester
Growing a human and
riding the light rail don’t always play well together, as in I got motion
sickness the first few times I rode the light rail after eating a normal
breakfast. After I began eating more of my breakfast at work, I wasn’t
disembarking the train and running to the nearest trash can.
Thanks to being nauseous, I didn't eat much, so I slept a lot. Bri-Bri was sweet and would come in an check on me as I burrowed under the covers. Even before I got my visible bump, he was already telling me how strong I was with growing a baby and how proud he was of me taking care of the baby by eating healthy (when I could) and taking my prenatal vitamins.
The
first trimester was also the time I worried a lot. I told my mom that she would
be a grandma and she was a bit worried about how we’d manage with a baby and
with Daniel and living in a 2 bedroom place with no 3 bedroom house or
apartment lined up in the near future. Bri-Bri assured me that we would begin looking for a place and if not, he was already brainstorming on where we could fit a little crib in our room.
So,
basically, I was nauseous, tired, and worried during a lot of my first trimester.
However,
I still had happy moments. Seeing lil’ baby on the eight week ultrasound was
pretty cool! It looked like a little lump, so for about four weeks, it had the
nick-name “baby lump” or “lumpy.” Bri-Bri could see where its little heart was
beating because he saw a flashing dot on our little lump that the nurse pointed
out was a little heart.
Second Trimester
The
nausea went away woo hoo!!! More importantly, we got to see baby at the 12 week
ultrasound! It was moving around a bit and I thought I saw it opening and
closing its little hands. It moved in response to Bri-Bri speaking and that was
super cute! At 16 weeks, we heard the little heart beat!
Also
at 16 weeks, I started to get a “bitty baby bump” which Bri-Bri quickly
nick-named the baby “bip.” He would talk to it when he would kiss my stomach
and that was really sweet!
At
about 20 weeks, I occasionally felt little flutters and thumps happening beneath
my belly-button. Baby was moving and from then on, I have felt more frequent
thumps or wiggles or little movements in there.
At
the 24 week ultrasound, we found out our little baby boy was healthy! The first
thing I said to Bri-Bri when the tech told us that we were having a boy was,
“You’re teaching him to go potty, dear.” Daniel’s face was priceless when we
told him because he was grinning and it was way too cute!
Entering the Third Trimester
Most
notably, our little guy is on the move a lot more. Even as I type this
blog post, I feel him bumping against the edge of my computer which is gently resting on my
(shrinking) lap and his little home. Yesterday we got to hear his heartbeat
again. The obstetrician said both he and I were healthy!
I am
also hungry a lot more. Case in point, I’m snacking on some wheat bread and
peanut butter before dear Hubby warms up some Marie Calendar lasagna. Little
guy needs fuel for his last in utero growth spurt!
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| Bri-Bri, Baby boy bump, and I! |
Hopes and dreams for our little guy!
Obviously, our hope is that he comes to faith in Christ and accepts Christ for his salvation. My hope is that he can come to us and other trusted adults with questions as he gets older and figures out what it means to have a belief system and code of ethics etc.
I hope that he understands the power of resilience. As much as Bri-Bri and I would like to, we can't shield him from the hardships in this world. We hope that he wouldn't have any major catastrophes in childhood or in any stage of life that would impact his development later on, but we can't protect him from everything. Bri-Bri and I can share how our hardships tested our faith in God and gave us an opportunity to see Him work even in the hard times. We can also share how God has used us to help others who were going through similar hard times. We can show him that struggles in life can lead to someone being more empathetic. Of course, if he needs to vent about his situation or just needs a hug, we're there too!
We both hope he sees Daniel as a good big brother and role model as Daniel will be 12 a few months after the baby is born. I also hope that I can maintain my connection with Daniel as his stepmom and reassure him that I don't love him any less even though I didn't carry him in me. During one conversation, I told Daniel that I carried him in my heart in a way once Bri-Bri and I were engaged because I knew he would become my stepson. That "carried in my heart" phrase was borrowed from a sappy adoption related pin on Pinterest, but hey, it's cool!
Of course, as middle class American parents, we want our little guy to get a good education, make wise decisions about college (don't get into crazy student loan debt, choose a course of study that will make you happy and make you an income), and become financially independent. He doesn't have to be making six-figures, but we'd like him to be able to pay his bills, save for retirement, and provide for a family as a primary or equal breadwinner.
Speaking of family, we'd be overjoyed to be at his wedding where he has found the love of his life, but we hope we can convince him to wait on God's timing and to find a spouse that truly loves him for who he is and I know Bri-Bri would want to teach him how to be a good spouse too. If he wanted to date someone who already had kids, I'd have input on how to love the kids of the person you love and how to trust God to grow your heart for their little family.
Trusting God with this little guy's life and being a parent is going to be challenging, but God will give us grace, and all my parent friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents, inlaws, and my mom would all say it is worth it!
