Joy in a dark day

This is an excerpt from a Google Document that I created around 12:30pm. 


I woke up at 5:18. Mom woke me up telling me about a shooting at a movie theater. I lay back down because I didn’t want to get up right away. I guess I was in shock. Or dazed. I wanted to believe it was a dream, but I heard the news commentator on TV and I knew it wasn’t a dream. So I got up. And watched the news. For a while. Then I went back to bed. I rationally knew it wasn’t a dream, yet I knew that I wanted it to be.

I could forget about it going to my renal ultrasound. But the lady behind me and Mom started talking about the Columbine shooting. I wanted to put my hands over my ears, but I had to check in. I wasn’t really interested much in the magazine I was looking at. I guess thinking about the scan and then the news.


Inside the quiet room, I could have time to pray. I heard the whooshing of my own blood in my arteries. The reality that for 14 people, their hearts were stopped, for others, they lost blood, it brought it home to me. I want to cry. I might cry even though I’m meeting with Abra. She’ll understand. I think we will have fun. I’m grateful for her being there and coming to Denver today. I won’t have to stay at home and watch the news. And it will be less bad.

I don’t like thinking about all the other bad stuff I’ve hard about. This brings those back. But God has healed me from that. With that knowledge, I sincerely pray for those in Aurora affected by the trauma both at risk for primary and secondary PTSD. I know God can heal them even though it takes a lot of pain and crying and revisiting the event over and over. He can heal them because I know He has healed me.

Later on today I indeed met with my friend Abra for lunch and an afternoon of hanging out.

Yay for Abra and I :)

We walked around shops and a park filled with flowers and did lots of giggling and hugging while we caught up on life. We played some games in the library to keep cool and even got to hug a giant caterpillar! 


 I liked that part of the day. Even then, there were times when the sadness of the movie theater shooting entered my head. Yet with my friend giggling next to me and reminiscing about fun times we had when we were both part of Summitview kept me in a good mood. 


The sadness hit me again when I went with my mom to dinner. As I sat down with my salad, I realized that tonight, 12 people would not be sitting down to eat as we were. I wanted to cry, but we were in a restaurant. 


Whenever I'd get sad throughout the day, I would pray for the people more directly affected by the shooting. Currently I'm listening to some Stephen Curtis Chapman. The music is relaxing, and the Truth of a God who is merciful and in control is comforting. 


I realized that God was teaching a lesson to have me experience giggles as well as sadness all in one day. 
God is the giver of Joy. He gives friends, He smiles when we smile. His love is shown when His people fellowship (and act silly). He Himself as Christ has also been wounded by this broken world. God will redeem the broken world. And God holds us when we cry when the world makes us hurt. I experienced both joy and sadness today. In both, I saw and acknowledged God.