Foundation of Beauty

I am so grateful for my Summitview women who have taught me what beauty means. I think I am in few weeks or so of struggling with it. This is because Mom is struggling with her body image and it's projected on comments about my appearance. 

She told me she ate a lot on her vacay and how she has to walk it off. 

I'm Asian, but I'm not a stereotypical super-skinny Asian. 

Asian Model - Google Images

I have more of a Polynesian  Pacific Island woman's figure and I actually got overweight in junior high. Cross Country helped tone me out :) But anyway, I don't think I'll ever be like stick-thin like a lot of other Asians.

Polynesian Dancers - Google Images

In grad school, God really helped me accept how He created me - both physically and developmentally. I am really glad for that :) Even though I didn't gush about the emotional issues of body image like most women (I would just say, yeah, I know it's correlated to self-esteem and such and I've felt those effects - I'd talk about it in a more academic manner), the emotions are no less real.

When I hear, "Are you getting fat?" I'd immediately feel like I am doing something wrong and feel ugly. Then I remind myself that I am walking nearly every day, and I bought healthy cereal. I have a sweet spot for candy ;) but I generally don't eat a huge mega bag of candy every day. When I exercise, I have to remember that I am exercising this intricately engineered body my Creator designed to get the most effective use of it, and not to prop myself up to say, "Holy crap, I look awesome now!"

The deeper issue is this: When I hear "Are you getting fat?" or "Are you watching what you eat?" I worry, "did Mom love me  / accept me less when I was overweight?" She praises how I look now, but she reminds me a lot not to gain weight. The deeper issue is that I want someone to love the me that I see in the mirror. That sounds so like something in a women's Christian book about body image that has Papyrus font on the front and a flower or something. The more raw way to say this is: When I hear stuff like that, I wish I was happily married to a Prince Charming who would thoroughly enjoy my body and think I'm hot. A sobering thought is I'd probably be one of those girls that the HDFS journals talk about as having risk-taking sexual behavior just because I know I'd be one of those girls that craves love.

That is a sobering thought: Without Christ, I would do maladaptive things to convince myself that I was beautiful. But that is not my reality :) GOD THINKS I'M BEAUTIFUL!!!! :) :)

Bride in Hawaii -

Google Images

My Creator who sequenced my DNA and has all my physical specifications down to a science is happy with how He made me, and because of Christ, I have His love. I can crave it, not because I desperately need but do not have access to it, but I can  crave it as a bride would crave the love of her current husband. It is accessible and she can get more.

That grounds me and so I can look at myself and say, "Don't worry about Mom, God is calling you beautiful." :)