An eternal perspective on answered prayer

So, I not-so-randomly opened the Bible to Daniel 9 and read it. His prayer focused on the immediate situation of the Israelites in exile. He was wondering when God would restore Jerusalem. He understood that God was disciplining the nation for its sin and that the exile was done for them to turn back to Him.

The answer God gave Daniel surprised me a lot. God told him about the coming Messiah, the end times, and how Jesus would defeat the Antichrist. If I was Daniel, I would be looking for a type of answer that went like this: "Ok, here's how this works. You'll be in exile until such and such king gives the decree for you to go back, you'll fix up the downtown / business / Temple district by such and such time and get your main sources of commerce up by this time." However, God gave none of those specifics. In essence God said "Daniel, your hope is in Jesus coming back and how He will ultimately restore Israel."

That made me think a lot. When I pray, do I look for immediate or eternal answers? Earlier this week I had somewhat of a breakdown because the immediate answers to prayer seemed to be no due to some limitations I face. However, my Summitview pastor helped me see that my prayers had to be focused on eternal things and not solely on immediate answers. Like Daniel, I could focus on immediate results such as getting a stable job, marriage etc, just like he was focusing on having the nation of Israel back in the land and Jerusalem as the capital re-established. However, God tells both of us that Jesus is the ultimate answer to all our prayers.

God I pray You help me focus on the eternal ultimate answer to my prayers who is Christ and may I ask for You to show Your character in the situation, not just fix the circumstance. Daniel had to wait - actually, I think he lived the rest of his life in Babylon. He didn't get to see the Israelites go back into Jerusalem. But he held onto the knowledge that You would bring your Messiah into the land to ultimately restore Your people. I pray that I focus on how my Messiah can be my ultimate source of security, trust, love, and provision. He, my atonement propitiation for my sins, so that my hope can be going to You and being there in glory. Amen

God as my Guardian

"I don't want money / I don't want silver or gold / I don't want glory/ I don't want things I can't hold / I don't want ashes / and I don't want time / I just want Jesus to hold me close and / be my guardian / be mine be mine ." Jeremy Darling & band in The Rock Church Minneapolis

I cried a lot at Faithwalkers during this song. God is teaching me that He is my guardian, not a husband, not my friends, not my bank accounts, but He is. He is removing the idols, and I am cutting them down when I see them so I can worship Him. He does not treat me as my sins deserve, but treats me with grace. Therefore, I respond in increasing measures of love, trust, and obedience.

Today, this theology got real practical. Mom and I had a yummy lunch at the Olive Garden for her late birthday present :) We started talking about my student loans and Mom was talking about some drastic measures to help me pay them off. God made me realize that Mom was trying to play God and fix all my problems in my life.

I told her that yes I was working hard at finding a job & being wise with money, but ultimately God is my provider and the one I trust for all this. She was like, "God doesn't physically provide. He just provides wisdom & strength." Umm... no, God does provide." She changed the subject, but I thought, "Well, God will change Mom on that once she reads the BIBLE." Anyway, just the fact that I could look her in the face and say, I trust a God for real tangible results is an amazing testament about how God is the author of my faith :)

Anyway, that's really cool how God is using Faithwalkers to change not only my but Mom's life as well in growing in ever increasing trust in God!

An Increasingly Biblically Feminine Reaction to Matt Chandler

Posted on my D-Team blog:

Many leaders at Summitview have been keeping up with the health of Matt Chandler, pastor at The Village. Yesterday Mitch posted this on Twitter: http://fm.thevillagechurch.net/blog/pastors/ Matt Chandler has a malignant tumor in his brain. He will consult with his doctors about treatment.

True to Katie fashion, I cried. True to my new identity in Christ, I praised God because He is good and He will take care of the family no matter what. I could cry for them, but I did not despair completely. I wondered how Mrs. Chandler and the children were doing, but I didn’t say: ”Now where is God, why did He allow this for this family? What will Mrs. Chandler & children do if Matt dies?”

This reaction is definitely fruit of God’s progressive sanctification. Even a month ago, I couldn’t have taken the news that way. If this had happened earlier, I probably would’ve cried, been angry at God, and filled my prayers and mind with doubts about God and His goodness. Yet this is not so.

Today I was listening to Natalie Grant’s song “I will not be moved.” The second verse of this song captures where I have been previous to this: Bitterness has plagued my heart / Many times before / My life has been like broken glass / And I have kept the score / Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed / That I was far too gone My brokenness helped me to see / It’s grace I’m standing on In my head, I have a record of where I thought God had withheld His goodness or had given me cause not to trust Him. In this mindset, I would have added Chandler’s health situation to that tally of keeping score of reasons why God can’t be trusted. His situation reminds me of the time when my uncle got cancer. I was alone in that struggle because I was helping Mom, and I watched as my aunt went from caregiver to widow. This reopened these wounds, and I could nurse bitterness toward God in this situation.

However, I latched onto the truth repeated in the chorus of the song: I will stumble / I will fall down / But I will not be moved / I will make mistakes / I will face heartaches / But I will not be moved / On Christ the Solid Rock I stand / All other ground is sinking sand / I will not be moved [emphasis mine on both parts of the song]. The basis for my trust in God through all this is His character: As Savior, as Lord, as Holy, Good, True, Faithful, Just, Powerful, Provider, etc. The more I learn about and meditate on God’s character, the more I realize I can trust Him. As I choose to replace lies about security from the world with Truth, I more readily default to seeing things in view of who God is. I am not perfect in this, but God is bearing fruit in my faith.

How is this reaction Biblically feminine as the title states? Well, Mitch pulled what Biblical Femininity was from the Bible which is an ever-increasing trust in and submission to God in all areas of our lives. Trusting God with Chandler’s health, Mrs. Chandler and their children’s provision instead of worrying about them is a way I can honor God and see Him as their ultimate Husband / Father. This is something God wants out of all His daughters.

In sum, I still shed tears over hard circumstances in my or others’ lives. I still ache for women that loose husbands and children that loose fathers. However, God is changing my worry over the situation to worship of Him because He can be trusted. Though I will not achieve perfection in this area while on earth, I am reacting less like the world and more like a woman who knows her eternal Father and Husband can be trusted through anything.

Understanding Faith & Fear and then Walking in Truth

Thanks to Mitch Majeski's "What Biblical Femininity is Not" talk, I am renewed in thinking about whether I do things out of fear or faith. So often, I have done things out of fear: If I don't do this, such-and-such will happen or If I do this, it will keep such and such from happening. This mindset came from the notions I had grown up seeing modeled and thus picked up into my own world-view that God is there but He is not really close, He sporadically gives good things and often with-holds without reason. I grew up thinking God could not be depended upon for practicals in life. I also grew up with a parent that struggled with insecurity and anxiety, thus that has manifested itself in worry and underlying anxiety. I had thought this was a normal way to live for a long time.

All that changed after I accepted Christ and began (and continue) learning about His character. Now I have the Word to listen to, His promises off of which to base decisions. I can choose to be anxious or trust God. As I learn more about my Creator who is my good Father and perfect Husband, I begin to trust Him more.

This is a good start to walking in faith, however, I can listen to my old worries / fears while simultaneously listening to Truth. This pulls me to a standstill. Both mindsets can't be right; they in fact contradict each other. Trust God or not believe He is good?Rely on myself first or rely on my sovereign Father? Believe what God has called me to do and walk in it or forsake that and do the most practical thing for myself instead?

This conflict came to a head when God wanted me to make some phone calls regarding jobs. I had to make one particular call about a job I had applied to quite a few months ago which I haven't heard back from. Would I live in fear and assume the job had been taken and not call, or would I make the call and trust that God will have the job for me if it is His will? Was I making the job an idol? If so, would God withhold it because I had? Had God abandoned me, or does He have something for me that I have yet to see? I put all these questions to rest by re-reading Philippians 4:6-7 and praying about all these things. In the peace of Christ, I made the call. I chose to put my faith in God instead of let fear take over. I had to leave a message, but I indicated my interest in the position and for someone to let me know if it was filled or not.

Whether I get the position or not is honestly secondary when I think of this phone call. This call stands as God's victory over my fears, and I know that will resonate into eternity. That is what ultimately matters.

A Post for a Snowy Day

Sigh.... it's snowing :) Not the sigh of "Dang. It's snowing." Ok, there are some downsides such as being cold and having snow come up to your knees at points being a mere 5 feet tall... Anyway I'm learning to enjoy God's blessings of whatever He throws at me, be it a sunny day or a snowy one. I really like what CS Lewis said: That kids like Weather, and adults are the ones grumbling at the rain, but the kids love to jump in puddles. They learn to hate rain etc. from the adults. I just finished reading "That Hideous Strength" by CS Lewis which is basically his rendition of academia attempting to take over the world and then the higher powers that be intervening in CRAZY WAYS! YEAH! Heads most definitely roll.

New Developments in life:

I have a part time job (WOOT!) It's at a phone bank. Sometimes it's discouraging, but it is definitely an exercise of not taking circumstances (people hanging up on you, etc.) personally, which is something I need to grow in greatly. I am still trusting God for a job at CSU since that is the thing that still seems to have not closed yet. I had a French Toast with the girls in the Quad and that was way fun :) I enjoy the time God is giving me to hang out with my fellow sisters :)

Lessons God is teaching me

I can't predict mine or other people's life. I'll leave it at that for now. God is also teaching me about Him being my Father and getting to the bottom of my heart for raising a Christian family. Sometimes I can be tempted to take that on as a fig leaf to hide my past, but more and more, my motives are purer, more God focused. I am putting Him first rather than any future husband or children first, because sometimes I say, "I want to be a helpmate and help someone to greatness for the Lord." or "I want to be a Godly mother to raise kids who are crazy for Jesus." Well, those are good motives, but if that's where it ends, it is for these unnamed people's glory. My hope is in them. Not in God. If I say, "If it is for God's will and purpose that I should do this." then I am not crushed if He never allows me to have this family I pray about.

He is rewarding me for putting Him first in my mind and heart, and I know I stumble, and He is gracious when I repent :) I am praying the more I let Him capture mind & heart, the more it is manifested to encourage the believers around me and to show Christ to nonbelievers :) Because it is God's work that does that in me and how He shows Himself to others. I do not do this on my own strength.

Random thoughts from That Hideous Strength (THS)

So, one crazy thing I noticed the second time around reading THS is the protagonista... I so made that up, but female protagonist has some pretty serious misconceptions of marriage and femininity. She wants to be married, but she wants to keep herself too. She doesn't understand servant-helpmateship and her husband doesn't understand servant-leadership. This is why they get into the issues they do, and why they begin thinking more about themselves than about each other. I was really amused when the mythical character of awesomeness (sorry for any reader who has read THS, I'm trying not give anything away) wants to beat the protagonista and her husband down for not being fruitful & multiplying. He is basically like, "Dude! That's the whole point of you two getting married! What the..."

So that made me think: What in this world am I still not believing about femininity? What lies do I have to guard against if God does have me enter academia for a full time job? I have to trust that He will go before and behind me, but I have to use Him as the Rock. Sometimes I want someone else to help me fight these lies, but again, I have to realize my God is enough! That's what happened to the protagonista in the story. She had no protector in her circumstances for a while, but God provided the leader of their little "Let's stop certain people in academia from destroying the world" movement to teach her truth, and ultimately, she had to embrace God's truths on her own. That is what I must do as well, and keep doing until my faith becomes sight.

Learning the Impossible

I am learning the impossible. That is, to have joy even though I do not have full-time work.

This morning I was reminded how easy it is to be derailed. I was doing well for a while to place my joy in Christ during this time, but I had a stressing-out attack last night which resulted in me feeling crappy this morning which resulted in me not being able to hang out with some little Summitview people whom I'm getting to know and like :)

I just had an interview. Did forget to read the job description prior to coming (WHOOPS!) and I looked back at the CSU jobs I have applied for, and one starts in November. I am somewhat qualified and could probably do it, but I know that there are others who could do a better job. Another is my mystery job. As in, I have not gotten a call and they were still looking through things a month ago.

I was tempted to start focusing on job stuff right after my interview, but God wanted me to take time and write my thoughts, lest I get all pent up and have another stressing-out moment. Headaches remind me that a job is not worth getting an aneurysm over it.

Here are my thoughts:
If I do not believe God is good and perfectly sovereign, I can think He is holding out on me, I am somehow being punished by being without a full-time job, and I think that He made a mistake by having me stay in Fort Collins.

If I do believe He is sovereign and good, I know He has a job out there somewhere for me. I know He will use my gifts in the arena He chooses. I know this waiting time is for a purpose of growing closer to Him. I know that every interview, even if it fails, is for a purpose. I know He rewards my faith, I know that this life is not the end, and any disappointment I experience through this pales in comparison to the glory of seeing Him and having Him tell this story from His end in heaven.

Where do I choose? If God is not good it manifests in my staying up and can't sleep, getting irritated, stressed out, and moody. If I believe God is good, I feel peace. The trick is coming close to God first when I deal with my job stuff.

I know that. Theologically. I know that. However, I have 23 years of someone else and the world teaching me otherwise. God undoes all that slowly. Every time I come to Him, I feel more peace, less anxious. God began this in El Paso, and I do believe He wants to see this until completion. When I can truly say 'This job is not my god because I trust fully in God as my God and provider.' God has victory and I have victory over this fear. Theologically, and now in my heart, I can say that is worth it. I pray that it continues, because only He can make this state of my heart continue.l

Babies = EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

My friend just had a BABY EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! I got a chance to see her today at the hospital!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) It was a long time coming and I got to watch my friend's process of waiting on God and her faith that He is good and His plan is the best one! Today as I looked at her chubby-cheeked daughter, I was renewed in my own faith in waiting on God for things I have asked Him for, and praised Him for His amazing creation. When a child is born, he/she recognizes the parents' voices & is ready for reacting to the world with a set of reflexes. My friend's daughter's brain is still in the process of maturing and there is an amazing process of laying down sensory pathways as she explores the world around her.

More importantly, God has chosen the place, time, and family that she is born into so He can reach her and show her Himself most fully (Acts 17). She is born into a Christian family so she may have a chance at coming to faith in childhood and being an example of faith to other children she meets as she grows. She has a church body that will help her parents raise her, and display Christ to her in other ways. I know that there are probably other babies that are being born today in very different circumstances than this baby girl. However, I know that they, too, are born in the places and times that God has decided are the best places for them to seek Him also.