Cracks in the Dream Castle

As a little girl, I enjoyed reading books about princess and stuff. I never had a princess castle cake, but the idea of finding a prince charming and living happily ever after was appealing to me. 

Oh my gosh.... cute little Asian girl and cute cake!!! 

I think the longing was stronger for me because I wanted a father-figure and just want to feel the love of a man who would be my rescuer and my - well, my everything. 

Well, my prince charming came and proposed and I said yes :) 

Recently, I have been seeing the cracks in the 'dream castle.' I know all relationships are not perfect, but I think when I worry if my prince charming has forgotten about me, I feel forgotten and that hurt may be stronger for me because I had attachment problems when I came over from the Philippines. I failed the attachment assessment when I had my comprehensive developmental evaluation at 18 months old. 

Realizing my insecurities can affect how I think about my relationship is jarring to my feelings but makes perfect sense to my HDFS mind. Well, yeah. I read about how one's development can affect marriage and relationships. It's just different to actually feel it. To have my emotions crying while my HDFS text part of my brain shows me where my crying is coming from. 

So what? What do I do to repair the cracks in the prince and princess castle of my dreams? Well, I think continued therapy is always good and I will need to discuss with my prince charming. The most important thing I should do is to always go to Christ and let His truth that He is enough and He has overcome the world sink in. In this life, I will never have a perfect princess castle with my prince charming Boaz. But in the next life, we all will have a perfect world with Christ as our King! I pray to God to help me keep that as my true hope. 

2013 Year in Review May - December

May 

I continued my internship with Metro Volunteer Lawyers. That was pretty cool because I became more comfortable with working with clients. May was also the month where I began my Estate Planning and Probate class: my last elective of my paralegal program. I sat next to a girl who worked at an estate planning law firm near Cherry Creek. We became friends and we would giggle together during class breaks and stuff. 

May was also the month my Boaz had his little guy full time for the summer. We began a routine where they would meet me at Park Meadows or Lincoln Station. The three of us would eat at the food court or at Boaz's house. While my sweet Boaz was cooking, I talked to little guy and we bonded over stuff like his superhero figures he carried around and the video games he liked to play. He was particularly good at a Spderman game. 

June - July

After my Probate and Estates class ended, I began looking for a paralegal job in earnest. I was looking before, but now I had some time between that last class and the upcoming fall class to really hit the ground running. 

I knew God would provide for me, but I began to feel the same worries of, "What if it turns out like the job search in 2009 where I can't find a job in my field of study?" Mom was supportive, but she was also worried about me. Her worry made me worry, but I couldn't show it. Luckily I could tell Boaz when we were in the car and his little guy was playing a game or watching a DVD in the back seat in his own world. The reassurances he gave me, the reminders that he was praying, his warm heart, and warm massive hands that wiped away my tears really helped me continue to trust God and persevere. 

In late July, I got a temporary job at Ross! I could get clothes and random household items for even CHEAPER! My job duties were split between being a cashier, helping in the fitting rooms, and straightening merchandise in the store. I was happy for the small paycheck, but obviously I was trusting God for more. 

August

Four weeks into working at Ross, I was perusing the paralegal job openings, and saw an opening for a legal assistant at an estate planning law firm on Craigslist. Deducing the firm's website address from the contact person's email address where I should direct my resume, I researched the firm to see if I would be a good fit. In doing so, I realized that my friend from my estate planning class worked there. We emailed back and forth with her personal email she had given me to exchange notes in class, and she encouraged me to apply. 

That is how I found myself taking an elevator up to the 16th floor of an office building in Glendale, Colorado to have an interview. The attorneys were very warm yet professional, and my friend was also present at the interview. A few days later, I was called back to take a typing and computer-based assessment at the office. As I was taking the bus back from that appointment to my job at Ross, I received a call from the firm. They offered me the job, and I accepted. 

That began the four-day whirlwind of telling my managers at Ross that I had accepted another position. As a seasonal employee, they knew my employment status could change at any time, and they wished me luck. While eating out with my grandma and my mother, I showed them the email string where I had accepted the law firm's job offer. Of course, after I told my Boaz, he congratulated me with a warm hug and warm kisses :D 

September - November 

September was a bittersweet month for my Boaz and I. Little guy headed back to Pennsyvania, and I found myself fighting back tears as I gave him a hug and wished him well for the fall. God had answered my prayer of growing my heart for him. Boaz and I both missed his sweet little eight year-old, but we knew that we would have more time together. He celebrated by taking me to Elitches :) 

Yes, he is an EPIC boyfriend :) I bought him the shirt heeee heeeeeee!

October was a blur because I was getting used to my new job, and saving up for moving out.  I quite enjoyed reminding my mom that I had about six months at home before I flew the coup. The fall also brought my last paralegal class EVER! Legal Research was my evening class that I took in addition to having my new job. The fall was a blur because I was balancing school and work. That balance gave me an appreciation for my classmates who completed their entire paralegal program while working full time. It also gave me an appreciation for my Boaz who is also going to school, working full time, squeezing in time to romance his girlfriend, and invest in the development of his son. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! 

December 

I FLEW THE COUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Yup, I moved into an apartment right across the street from where I work! My commute shrank from an hour and a half bus ride to a 3 minute walk. 

I had an air mattress, some storage bins, some kitchen stuff, and enough for a deposit and a few month's rent, but I was freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! 

Actually, it was a whirlwind for both my mom and I. I had been looking at places in the area and I had applied to this particular complex after seeing their model unit. My application was accepted sooner than I had expected, and suddenly Mom and I were looking at my unit where I would move if I signed the lease, and my Boaz drove around the complex one evening when he was on that side of town to make sure the lighting was adequate in the evening. 

My mom worried. A lot. I didn't have a full set of furniture to move in, but I was content to sit on my little stool in my small kitchen island to eat, cook in my wok and use my little plates and bowls until I could get more stuff. I just wanted to be free. Oh, and closer to work. 

Enter my Boaz! He brought light to my move. Literally. 

He took me to Target to get an air mattress and I got this lamp that he assembled. He also hung my shower curtain since he is tall and I am decidedly not. More importantly, he reassured my mom that I would be fine, God was providing a job, and I had made the decision to sign the lease after making a budget like we had learned in the Dave Ramsey class we took in..... sometime earlier. 

He encouraged me that I couldn't let Mom's worries dictate my major decisions, and he would support me as I made my way knowing I was a competent adult. Many tears were shed as he held me in his arms as I prepared to move out. 

Christmas was soon approaching and on December 23, he brought little guy over to see my new place. He also brought me my Christmas present since both of us would be with our respective families. 

If you read the previous posts, you already know what my early present was, but just for giggles.....

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Heee heee! See the post on that :D 

Oh yes, and I also passed my last paralegal class ever, meaning my diploma should be coming soon to.... my new address!!!!! :D 

Yeah. 

2013 was epic! Not because I did anything special, but because GOD IS AWESOME! And the cool thing is, even if none of the awesome life events had taken place in my life this last year..... GOD WOULD STILL MANIFEST HIS AWESOMENESS! :D 

Spiritual Family of Origin

Cuuuuute little cup!!!!!

I found this cuuuuuuuuuute little cup today when I was going through even more of my apartment stuff. No idea why it wasn't in my kitchen stuff, but oh well... It was the only little cup in the set left because the other little cups were in an unfortunate collision with the sidewalk.... Twas a sad day for little me and little them :(

Anyway, I squeaked when I saw that cup because I thought of a good Fort Collins friend who volunteered at AWANA with me :) She gave me the little cups and she was like a big sister because she was married and we had many conversations about me waiting for The One God had for me :) She was one of my many "Proverbs 31 Mentors." Meaning, she was part of a group of ladies I looked up to and who I wanted to emulate if God ever called a guy to pursue me and to put a RING ON IT!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK! 

Thinking about her also got me thinking about Women's Coffeehouse at Summitview. When we did the series Biblical Femininity, I sorta thought of it as Proverbs 31 or Wife Training School. The premise of that series was to obey Titus 2 which instructs older women to teach younger women. Married and single women came to the teachings, and women who had been married a long time spoke. 

As I begin preparing for the wedding ceremony and preparing for life being married to my Boaz - SQUEAK!!!! I find myself thinking about my spiritual family of origin. My peeps at Summitview Community Church in Fort Collins. 

There's an HDFS concept that we have two families: Family of Origin which consists of your parents, siblings, and people who raised you, and Family of Procreation which consists of your spouse/partner and children raised within that relationship. The family of origin of both adults influences their marriage/relationship and how they raise their children. 

I was spiritually raised in Summitview and I will probably begin my married life at Southeast Christian Church in Parker :) The way I connect to my new church home and the way I connect with my sweet Boaz will be influenced partly by how I was raised at Summitview. 

This isn't necessarily an all good or all bad thing. Like all local churches, Summitview had its own unique strengths and weaknesses. An obvious strength of Summitview is the Gospel as the core of one's being and one's identity, and the laser-beam focus on reaching the world for Jesus. The literal interpretation of Genesis combined with an epic biology nerd as a pastor made for some really nerdy and awesome seminars and teachings :) Recently, some friends of mine pointed out a weakness: The Rock (college group) had a very strict stance of: Guys, don't pursue a lady if you're not 100% sure you're going to marry her, and ladies, don't let your heart fall for a guy because what if he's not The One? Gender-relations wise, this made life... interesting. For an Aspie college student, it helped me establish rules on how to act around those students that were sometimes grungy, a little strange, and had a Y chromosome. 

Couples who also began their Christian life at Summitview and continued attending the church after marriage often had very set gender roles: Dude goes to work, Bride pops kids, raises them, and homeschools them. Again, I saw really awesome examples of these families, and what I saw beyond their completely countercultural way of doing gender roles was how they sought to permeate their family life with Christ and their desire to teach their children about their Savior. That warmed my heart, and I treasured my time there as a Sunday school helper and teacher seeing kids grow developmentally and grow in learning about the God that made them and saved them.... .aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! :) Oh, and the cuteness overload working with preschoolers was awesome too! 

So... all that will play a role in what I expect out of marriage and how I relate to Boaz as my fiance. Knowing that not every church does stuff like Summitview makes me willing to allow Boaz to lead us in the way he sees God leading us :)

The emphasis on the male as the spiritual leader of the household has helped me encourage my Boaz in praying for us and he has told me how that has empowered him and challenged him in his walk with God :) My response was : "Good, that was my evil plan :D" But seriously, that's cool! Yet I know that I can't fall into leaning solely on my Boaz's leadership for my spiritual development. I need to have my own relationship with God. 

Also, I also have to remember that my life might not look like those ladies that spoke at 'Wife School.' My Boaz is still in school, so I might not be able to stop working. Plus, I like my job and it's going well, so I would like to stay with my law firm for a while. Knowing that my Boaz comes from a church that has more of an emphasis on, "Read your Bible and then ask God what He wants you to do" rather than, "Read your Bible, listen to this teaching, and ask your pastor or spiritual mentor what to do." I have to remind myself that it's ok not to have a life that looks like other people who are further along in the faith as long as Christ is at the center. 

My spiritual family of origin has really helped me shape how I interact with little guy. I pray for his salvation, and I have told Boaz that I want to know how I can support him to lead his son to Christ. I will probably volunteer in Sunday School again - maybe in the same room as my Boaz, and I look forward to the day where both of us can be in the same classroom as little guy or our future children :) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! 

Thinking about my spiritual family of origin has made me appreciate the gems of wisdom God brought me while part of that church. I look forward to growing in the faith with a Gospel-centered identity, a desire to reach the world for Christ, and a desire to support my Boaz as we grow together in our faith and in our relationship :) I also know that my spiritual family of origin won't completely define my path in this new phase of life. God, who is above all our childhood families of origin, is above our spiritual families of origin as well. He will guide both my sweet Boaz and I, and He will be our ultimate guide :)

RING!

SQUEAK!!!!!!!!! ......EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

My sweet Boaz proposed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Yeah, I couldn't wait to put it in Part 2 of Year in Review, so I just went with it! 

Our engagement date is 12/23/13! 

Place: My livingroom 

Sweet Boaz texted me asking if he could come over and show little guy my new place. I, of course, said yes :) He came over and I gave the guys a 2 minute grand tour. My Boaz gave me my Christmas card since he and little guy would be with his family for Christmas and I would be with mine. The card was soooooooooo sweet and so pretty and SPARKLY and sweet! It was a prayer of thankfulness of how God brought us together :) and he had written: I love you. Are you ready? 

"Am I ready?" I asked confused. Turning around, my sweet Boaz was on one knee with a shiny sparkly metal ..... RING IN HIS MASSIVE HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I managed to hold my squeaks back so he could tell me how much he loved me and how grateful he was for God to bring him into my life and such and he asked if I would marry him. 

Then..... 

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak! Giggles! squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak! EEEK! Giggles! Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak! 

He slid the ring on my finger and more giggling ensued. 

Then..... WE KISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Then, Boaz said, "Well, you know, you never actually answered my question." 

"Huh?" I asked grinning and staring at the new sparkly on my finger. 

"Will you marry me?" 

"Yes! Of course, dork!" Smooooooooooooooooooch! 

At this point, little guy was like, "Gross!" Like any 9 year old boy, he had hit gushiness overload and ran into my room and hid. His giggles gave him away as I checked under the bed and then the closet. 

My comeback: "Dude, you know you hid from kissing in a closet full of girl clothes!" We all hung out at my place and the dudes played with my exercise ball by bouncing it around or spinning it on their fingers (Boaz) or sitting and bouncing on it (little guy). They played with my beanbag chair by wearing it on their heads. Dorks. But they are my dorks and I love them! 

Yup! And that is how I got engaged!!! :D 

Close up of riiiiiiiiiiiiiing! 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! Us earlier in the year :) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! 

2013 Year in Review Jan - May

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwg!!!!!!!!!!! I missed you!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're still friends!!!!!!!!! I promise!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Ok, now that's out of the way :) 

We begin: Katie's Year in Review! 

January was a great month! One crisp Saturday morning, I boarded the southbound D line of Light Rail to meet a handsome dorky man who was my Boaz! :) After two months of talking with him online, we would meet in person :) at the Starbucks by Aspen Grove! 

 

During a walk on a nearby trail, he took my small hands in his warm massive hands and told me how much he liked me and he saw my heart for God and stuff and asked me to be his girlfriend! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW! 

A short time later, he used his warm massive fingers to wipe tears away from my eyes when I began crying confessing that I didn't know how Mom would react to me having a boyfriend who was - um - 14 years older - yet I believed God had a plan for our relationship. After a nice talk, a hug, and a kiss on the forehead, I felt confident that this was the man God was calling to pursue me :) 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! 

That January also began: My WORST PARALEGAL CLASS EVER! :O My classmates and I struggled with the instructor's teaching style resulting in 90% of us failing our first several assignments. Worst of all, I couldn't tell my mom because she would FREAK OUT!!

Enter Boaz: I texted him (or maybe I called him when my mom wasn't home.... I can't remember) and cried about my class. One Tuesday afternoon, while waiting for an evening class to start, who should appear but my sweet Boaz? Poking his head in the doorway, he asked for me and I squeaked! Then I hurried into his arms where he gave me a hug and kiss in the hallway while encouraging me that he was praying for me and that class :) :) 

Well, I was all smiles for the rest of the evening :) 

February was my first Valentine's Day with a boyfriend! :) 

My sweet Boaz took me to the Olive Garden!! :) for Valentine's Day!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW! 

The beginning of February was also great! I got to meet the clan of my sweet Boaz!!!! :) :) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! His 4 nieces are SOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE and they love him to pieces! His parents are great too :) 

March

I bid adeu to the Worst Paralegal Class Ever (along with over 95% of the class). My stress level went down and my tuition was reimbursed! Yay! That 'free period' was replaced by more hours volunteering at Colorado Legal Services and I began looking for an internship. 

Outside of school, I met the cutest eight year old! :) Boaz, his son, and I spent the day before Easter at Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. Little guy was great and pointed out the animals in their environments as well as their droppings. He found the rhinoceros droppings rather impressive... Oh, eight year old kids! We all tried our hand at climbing a climbing wall and little guy got pretty far! My spry Boaz even tried and he climbed as high as his son! I tried and well... my feet didn't touch for a bit :) We rode the ski-lifts and got an arial view of the zoo and ended the day with dippin' dots! 

I'll ask Boaz if he would mind if pictures of his little guy appeared on my blog, but for now, here's a picture of Boaz and the massive giraffe! :) 

Sweet Boaz took a picture of me feeding the giraffes, and well, you can see the fence, the giraffe, and.... oh, I guess that really is little me! 

April

I began my Paralegal internship at Metro Volunteer Lawyers :) It's in the same office as Colorado Legal Services, and I worked in the Family Law Court Program where we did the court filings and kept track of pleadings that clients who were technically pro se completed. The paralegals and interns helped clients fill out the forms, but they didn't get full representation. However, we were able to help a lot of people with simple divorce or custody cases navigate the court system. 

The Boston Bombing happened on April 15 and Boaz and I prayed for the victims involved. We prayed that people would seek God and see His goodness even in the midst of that event. 

My Boaz took me to PF Changs for my birthday :) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!!!!!! 

and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! 

May

May featured THE MOST EPIC CHRIS TOMLIN CONCERT AT RED ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup! My Boaz treated me to the concert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK! 

I have a blog post devoted to it too :) 

May was also when my best friend EVER graduated with her degree in Marketing!!!!! :) Boaz and I went to her party and celebrated her well deserved accomplishment!!!! :) :)