Saturday, August 25, 2012

Meeting a Perfect God even in an Imperfect System

I read a friend's blog post that was about common errors he has seen while being part of several college and youth groups in the past. We were in the same college group, and his post made me think in depth of my time there.

To be honest, when I first think about my college group, I think of all the random moments in Newsom Hall playing board games, watching movies, or chasing each other down the hall as part of an ongoing prank war. I think of giggling in my friends's room and braving the smells of the guys' floor to help my group invite people to the service or to hang out. Sometimes I joke that undergrad was one big Small Group party! :) :)

When I think about it further, I think about praying at Danforth Chapel and then actual services. I remember feeling comfortable with the group so much to share how God has helped me in a sensitive area of my life, and I remember the ladies in the group giving me hugs :) and then me giving them hugs in return. I remember a team retreat where all the guys jumped into a frozen lake.

Reading my friend's post made me think of some of the times where I had pain that may have been caused by the structure of the group. I remember being a graduate student and feeling behind because I was old and I wasn't a leader. I remember getting into a disagreement with a leader apprentice who didn't like that I missed some events to prep for the MCAT when I was premed. To his credit, he asked for an apology, and I forgave him :) I also had trouble when a friend became an accountability partner and had to correct me on some things. I nearly ended our friendship because I didn't like someone younger than me in age and in the faith "bossing me around." We patched our differences and we remain really good friends :) :) :) :) :)  One time, I was reading a pamphlet about godly dating relationships and realized that all the examples were written by students and former students who had a leadership role. My blog friend and I actually were joking that there was no input from the "peasant class." I think we even went around one evening like, "We represent the peasant class!" It was meant to be a joke, but it was sort of serious. Basically, when I saw my friends and I not as equals in the faith, but in some sort of hierachy with the leaders at the top (closer to God or more successful in their Christian walk) than me, it made me feel like I was doing something wrong. It made me feel  like I would be less worthy and able for God to bless me with a job or a young man who would pursue me with the intent to marry. When I felt that way, I would be sadder and I wouldn't feel as close to my friends.

Yet, nothing in this world isn't completely good and completely bad. My experiences in The Rock were not completely good or completely bad. Looking back, even in an imperfect system, I saw glimpses of a perfect God. Even when I was impatient with my dear friend for being my accountability buddy, she never got mad at me for going off on her. When I would cry and say, "I don't know if we can be friends." She was the one hugging me. I saw how God does not give up on pursuing us. When I was upset that I wasn't a leader on paper, I would cry to God and He would remind me through verses I would read about how we were all equal in Him. Paul's letters talk about comparison and 2 Corinthians is all about how Christ is the one who gives us strength and wisdom to build each other up. Not some role in our local church community.

There were some things I truly loved about The Rock. I loved how one of the pastors was so into praising God as Creator!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew every Chris Tomlin song where God as Creator was a main theme!!!!! And I would sing it really loud and I would eek! I loved how we prayed for campus when I looked around and saw how many people in the academic community deny the existence of God. I can truly say I love my sisters in Christ because they've helped me handle issues I've had based on my past and some have helped me handle my recent diagnosis of my autism spectrum disorder. I also enjoyed how a small group became like a miniature family. For someone coming from a family with a mild amount of emotional back-issues, the verse of God placing the lonely in families was clear when I felt at home with my group.

I appreciated how clear the social rules were in how we as women were to interact with the young men. For a young lady on the autism spectrum who grew up without a father or brothers, this was a tremendous social tool I used. Conversely, I was amazed the chivalry was not dead in the men. Even though there was the temptation to use these rules to say, "Well, such and such is more committed because he/she follows these rules better." the heart behind the guidelines is noble.

One of the most important things that happened to me was spending my summer after my Freshman year at home instead of being on a group mission trip or in Fort Collins where I could participate in the activities there. I was encouraged even then to participate with the group even when school was not in session. My first week at home, I called my mentor Christy nearly every day because I needed encouragement or I needed prayer. I would cry because I missed my small group and I missed her helping me. She emphasized that maybe God had me step away from the group so I could learn how to connect with God on my own. And I did. I learned how to pray and I learned how to read the Bible on a regular basis without someone reminding me. Seeing God's little smiles in seeing a cute flower or a pretty sunset encouraged me to keep a geniuine connection to Him.

Therefore, when I went back to school and back to The Rock, I had the community I was familiar with as well as the experience of communicating with God on my own. I could feel comfortable talking to God before a class as well as during a prayer meeting. God taught me things while I walked through The Oval as well as when I attended a service.

Looking back, the lesson here is that God is not bound by a system. All church systems are run by imperfect people. The first church spanned the middle east and the entire European continent and then needed the Reformation to set things straight. The protestant church emerged and over the years has formed different regional and doctrinal denominations. Nondenominational churches have their own culture with their unique strengths and faults. Yet people in and out of these systems have found God. They have embraced Him as their Savior, and they have drawn close to Him in personal prayer, reading the Word, and through community activities. Why do we need Christ? Because we will always fail. Why do the pastors need prayer? Because they need Christ to help them lead their people.

When I look back on my time in my Fort Collins church and as I participate in the life of my church in Denver, I must always realize this lesson: The system will always be imperfect, and the system is not what I need to pursue. God is perfect and I need to pursue Him.

No comments: